First date cock ups

mauzo

Went out with a guy last night, went back to his after. I went to roll over in bed and I let out the loudest fart you can imagine.

I could not get out of there quick enough!!!!!!

Topper Harley

retroactive wrote: »

First date - went to see 'Blue Valentine' in IFI. Advice - watching the disintegration of a marraige through a series of flashbacks is not a romantic date.

Second date - Went to see 'Black Swan'. We fight each other for the arm rest and playfully mess about. She bites my neck and I mentally say "Fucckit" and go for the kiss. She says no and I spend the rest of the movie facing thee screen, rooted to the spot, dying inside.

After the movie, I ask why and she looks confused so I went in for it again. An amazing kiss ad an amazing ad confusing relationship. Still can't watch Black Swan though.

Bitches be crazy, yo!

sam34

who_me wrote: »

My favourite 'first date' story though is a friend who - to break the tension on a first date - did the old 'Say Ah' trick. i.e. you say "Say Ahhh" as a dentist might, then - say - touch the person's hand with a hot spoon and they exclaim "Aaah!" and much hilarity ensues.

what? how does that lead to 'much hilarity'?

MrStuffins

syndeyfife wrote: »

I had a 4 year relationship and managed to never fart around him, yet I fart on the first date with this one.

You were with this guy for 4 years and STILL weren't comfortable enough to fart around him?

later12

smeghead01 wrote: »

i remember on another first date of mine, id say i was about 15, the guy picked me up in his car and we went for a drive.. at one point i asked could i change the CD in his car and he told me what one to put on, one with "good dance tunes". so i put it on and we start t chat which kind of stops and trails off as the song playing was "girls just wanna have fun"..! mortified yer man scrambles t turn it off sayin, "thats the wrong CD, that ones my sisters!" Hmmm.

anyway it was a tad awkward as we didnt really know eachother so we didnt know what to say to eachother, and in a desperate attempt to kill the awkward silence he grabs my hand and holds it and then says...

"you dont paint your nails?"

"Er,. no"

"Really? Never?"

"Em,. nah i never paint my nails..."

"My sister always paints her nails a red-ish kina colour..."

Cue even more awkward silence! It was just very weird!! Needless to say i didnt go out with him again, just ignored the txts till he got the message

The emboldened part... that really isn't so needless to say! Doesn't sound like there was anything wrong with him; he just sounds slightly nervous.

This isn't directly related to the above but I do think some people are extraordinarily quick to dismiss prospective partners as 'weird'; reminds me of this clip from about 4:17

mauzo

MrStuffins wrote: »

You were with this guy for 4 years and STILL weren't comfortable enough to fart around him?

Theres some things you just dont do around your partner!!

Farting around them is a big no no for me. I dont mind if he does it but I just think its not a thing a woman should do.

I have loads of these mad little relationship rules, im a wee bit crazy

trinz23

Met a guy out in a nightclub, this is going back about 7 years ago. Cue to the shifting and swapping of numbers. We met on a few nights out after that. Eventually he asked me out on a date, dinner and drinks. He really did wine and dine me and was the perfect gentleman. Things were going great, the wine was flowing and so was the conversation. While on route from one bar to the other, mid sentence I excused myself, ran over to the wall and started puking. He held my hair for about 10mins, made sure I got home safely and even text me the following day to see if I was ok and would I like to meet up again....was just way too mortified to see him again!

Ash.J.Williams

trinz23 wrote: »

Met a guy out in a nightclub, this is going back about 7 years ago. Cue to the shifting and swapping of numbers. We met on a few nights out after that. Eventually he asked me out on a date, dinner and drinks. He really did wine and dine me and was the perfect gentleman. Things were going great, the wine was flowing and so was the conversation. While on route from one bar to the other, mid sentence I excused myself, ran over to the wall and started puking. He held my hair for about 10mins, made sure I got home safely and even text me the following day to see if I was ok and would I like to meet up again....was just way too mortified to see him again!

That's mean!

Choochtown

ringadingding wrote: »

I was working with a few Croatian guys in Dublin, and they always had a gaggle of hot Croatian girls at parties etc..
I arranged a date with one of them, met her but had forgotten her name, she was in my phone as 'hot Croat girl'

Anyway things going well enough, she went to the bar, I texted my mate ' I'm gonna hammer the ****e into her, she's gagging for cock' and of course, as ****ing cliched as they come, sent it to her.

She read it, and was nice enough to pretend it didn't happen, but nope. I didn't get the lay.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mAG18UUDPPI

RoundBox11

smeghead01 wrote: »

i remember on another first date of mine, id say i was about 15, the guy picked me up in his car and we went for a drive.. at one point i asked could i change the CD in his car and he told me what one to put on, one with "good dance tunes". so i put it on and we start t chat which kind of stops and trails off as the song playing was "girls just wanna have fun"..! mortified yer man scrambles t turn it off sayin, "thats the wrong CD, that ones my sisters!" Hmmm.

anyway it was a tad awkward as we didnt really know eachother so we didnt know what to say to eachother, and in a desperate attempt to kill the awkward silence he grabs my hand and holds it and then says...

"you dont paint your nails?"

"Er,. no"

"Really? Never?"

"Em,. nah i never paint my nails..."

"My sister always paints her nails a red-ish kina colour..."

Cue even more awkward silence! It was just very weird!! Needless to say i didnt go out with him again, just ignored the txts till he got the message

Bit young to be driving at 15 no? :rolleyes:

Paddy Cow

RoundBox11 wrote: »

Bit young to be driving at 15 no? :rolleyes:

She wasn't the one driving

trinz23

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

That's mean!

I know but he is still as much of a gentleman as ever. I see him from time to time and we chat and laugh about it.

face1990

smeghead01 wrote: »

haha, no!! has "smeg" ever been used to describe a guys crotch?!

Well this is awkward...
smeg (apart from being a brand of fridge) is short for smegma. Look it up, just not when you're in work.

mauzo

face1990 wrote: »

Well this is awkward...
smeg (apart from being a brand of fridge) is short for smegma. Look it up, just not when you're in work.

And do not click images!!!!

kfallon

face1990 wrote: »

Well this is awkward...
smeg (apart from being a brand of fridge) is short for smegma. Look it up, just not when you're in work.

Just think Cottage Cheese :pac:

le la rat

Should really be the king of the birds. Fu wren

BillyMitchel

Living in Asia and she said she'd take me to a traditional restaurant. So in we go sitting on the ground and all the little dishes come out of god knows what.

I was only in Korea a few weeks so chopstick skills were not the best, everything kept falling and I looked a tool and she tought it was hilarious.

She had to sit beside me and actually feed me and everyone in the restaurant was laughing at me

She obviously didn't mind because ended up seeing her for awhile and she ended up eating my own chopstick.

RUCKING FETARD

lol, it was like a Bawwww post until the last 4 words.

Topper Harley

RUCKING FETARD wrote: »

lol, it was like a Bawwww post until the last 4 words.

Careful now, I actually read your post first and then read just the last four words of Billy's post.

BillyMitchel wrote: »

eating my own chopstick.

:eek:

I've since read the whole post which clarified things nicely.

EoghanIRL

Was going to meet my girlfriend at the cinema for the first date. Turned up at the wrong cinema... Ooops. It still worked out though

Goat the dote

syndeyfife wrote: »

MrStuffins wrote: »

You were with this guy for 4 years and STILL weren't comfortable enough to fart around him?

Theres some things you just dont do around your partner!!

Farting around them is a big no no for me. I dont mind if he does it but I just think its not a thing a woman should do.

I have loads of these mad little relationship rules, im a wee bit crazy

Four years though??? Would you not get chronic tummy pains?!

I was with my husband about a week when after an intimate time in the car we were driving off and he farted. No apology or anything. I had been holding mine in giving me a stomach ache so I said to myself "f*ck this" and relaxed. We got engaged and married so he mustn't mind my stinky farting

mauzo

Goat the dote wrote: »

syndeyfife wrote: »

MrStuffins wrote: »

You were with this guy for 4 years and STILL weren't comfortable enough to fart around him?

Theres some things you just dont do around your partner!!

Farting around them is a big no no for me. I dont mind if he does it but I just think its not a thing a woman should do.

I have loads of these mad little relationship rules, im a wee bit crazy

Four years though??? Would you not get chronic tummy pains?!

No, its rare that I actually need to fart. Every few weeks I might, but even then I wouldn't just fart....then it goes away. I burp a lot though, never around a boyfriend. Friends yes, boyfriends no.

Jimoslimos

smeghead01 wrote: »

haha, no!! has "smeg" ever been used to describe a guys crotch?!

face1990 wrote: »

Well this is awkward...
smeg (apart from being a brand of fridge) is short for smegma. Look it up, just not when you're in work.

I'm guessing poster is a Red Dwarf fan.

'Smeghead' wasn't used as a term of endearment for Arnold J Rimmer!

Paddy Cow

syndeyfife wrote: »

No, its rare that I actually need to fart. Every few weeks I might, but even then I wouldn't just fart....then it goes away. I burp a lot though, never around a boyfriend. Friends yes, boyfriends no.

I bet you let rip in your sleep and just aren't aware. Farting is a biological function and no way could you go weeks without doing it!

indioblack

One girl I dated many, many years ago started dropping subtle hints that we might not be together for too long.
1. She said she thought of me as her brother. I'd met her brother so that was no compliment.
2. She said she'd found Jesus - I didn't even know they were looking for him.
3. She emigrated to New Zealand - I began to get the idea that she didn't want to be around me.

RUCKING FETARD

syndeyfife wrote: »

No, its rare that I actually need to fart. Every few weeks I might, but even then I wouldn't just fart....then it goes away. I burp a lot though, never around a boyfriend. Friends yes, boyfriends no.

Paddy Cow wrote: »

I bet you let rip in your sleep and just aren't aware. Farting is a biological function and no way could you go weeks without doing it!

http://scienceray.com/biology/10-things-you-didnt-need-to-know-about-farts/

2. How Often Do We Fart?


Well if you have ever wondered if you fart more or less than the average human person then read on. An average person will produce around half a litre of fart gas per day, which roughly translates as 14 farts a day.

mauzo

RUCKING FETARD wrote: »

http://scienceray.com/biology/10-things-you-didnt-need-to-know-about-farts/

14 farts a day!??? I do about 14 farts a year!!!!!! AT most!!

Ash.J.Williams

Jimoslimos wrote: »

I'm guessing poster is a Red Dwarf fan.

'Smeghead' wasn't used as a term of endearment for Arnold J Rimmer!

there was also an intergalactic band called smeg and the heads!

Ficheall

syndeyfife wrote: »

14 farts a day!??? I do about 14 farts a year!!!!!! AT most!!

They probably don't smell either, do they?

mauzo

Ficheall wrote: »

They probably don't smell either, do they?

Depends what I had to eat :P

kfallon

syndeyfife wrote: »

14 farts a day!??? I do about 14 farts a year!!!!!! AT most!!

My daily Dutch Oven covers my quota before I even get out of bed

Plazaman

syndeyfife wrote: »

14 farts a day!??? I do about 14 farts a year!!!!!! AT most!!

Careful now, that's how people spontaneously combust, by holding in their farts.

mauzo

Plazaman wrote: »

Careful now, that's how people spontaneously combust, by holding in their farts.

Nah I burp at least 14 times a day so I think Im good

Topper Harley

Plazaman wrote: »

Careful now, that's how people spontaneously combust, by holding in their farts.

syndeyfife wrote: »

Nah I burp at least 14 times a day so I think Im good

Down with this sort of thing.

Rabies

syndeyfife wrote: »

14 farts a day!??? I do about 14 farts a year!!!!!! AT most!!

You'll do them when you sleep. If he's awake, he'll feel the bed quake and hear you roar.

smeghead01

The emboldened part... that really isn't so needless to say! Doesn't sound like there was anything wrong with him; he just sounds slightly nervous.

This isn't directly related to the above but I do think some people are extraordinarily quick to dismiss prospective partners as 'weird'

Slightly nervous, I'll give him that. But listening to Cyndi Lauper and having a weird obsession over the fact i dont paint my nails was a turn off for me!! Maybe hes just really in touch with his feminine side, either way it was definitely weird!!

smeghead01

RoundBox11 wrote: »

Bit young to be driving at 15 no? :rolleyes:

i said i was 15! he was 17 or 18

smeghead01

face1990 wrote: »

Well this is awkward...
smeg (apart from being a brand of fridge) is short for smegma. Look it up, just not when you're in work.

bahaha!! that is too funny!! hmm, how do i change my user-name?! :pac:

smeghead01

Jimoslimos wrote: »

I'm guessing poster is a Red Dwarf fan.

'Smeghead' wasn't used as a term of endearment for Arnold J Rimmer!

actually not a fan, never watched it! or heard of it, had to google it to see what it was! i just thought it was a funny word! oops :rolleyes:

miamee

I took a chance last week and gave my number to someone who asked for it. A total stranger. He called a few days later, turns out he lives near-ish to me so we arranged to go for a drink locally.
We met, we chatted, it was somewhat awkward as we knew nothing about each other but we were both willing to give it a try anyway. During the course of the evening he insisted on showing me his teeth as he'd just had them whitened (think "cheese" smile that a child does for a photo).
I asked him all about himself, his family, his work, his friends...no such interest in me though. Asked him what he usually did in the evenings after work, he said "nothing". Turns out he meant it literally.

Eventually I decided it was time to leave, glad I had taken a chance but thinking not for me. He insisted on walking me part of the way home which I suppose was gentlemanly enough but I just wanted to get home. However he made sure to grab me for a goodnight kiss which was the worst I've had, possibly ever, I pulled away after a second or two and said I have to go home to which he asked "Can I come with you?". Cue fast exit from me while he's still shouting after me can he see me on Saturday...

Not a major disaster but definitely a cock up - I never want to see him again!

retroactive

I have a first date coming up in *checks time* 5 hours.

I've posted on this thread before but it keeps popping up in my notifications, reminding me of things that can go wrong. Out of morbid curiousity or sadomasochistic tendencies I check back.

Obligatory story - In addition to the cinema story I posted before

The night before we were going to meet up, I rang to sort out the details (time, where etc). We flirted and messed a little and I jokingly slagged her for picking out her clothes in advance and said it wasn't a date. Que banter and that fun tension.

So the following day rolls around and we meet up at Trinity. Her wearing ripped jeans and converse, while I wore a blazer, casual t-shirt and shoes. Heart sank. Did she now think this wasn't a date?

On a subsequent date, I was informed me that because of my little joke, she decided against the dress and heels - opting instead for converse.. just to piss me off.

The whole relationship went like this - tit for tat chemistry.

Menas

I hooked up with a girl in a nightclub back in the day. We ended up going back to hers.
While we were getting warmed up on the couch the light comes on and in comes her mother. Damn it!
Her mum then comes in and sits down and starts chatting. After a while she sends her daughter to make a cup of tea.
Then her mum says to me "you know that she has three kids dont you?".
Yes, I reply - she told me earlier.
"Well" says her mum "if you play your cards right we will say the last one is yours".

I made my excuses!

AnonoBoy

retroactive wrote: »

So the following day rolls around and we meet up at Trinity. Her wearing ripped jeans and converse, while I wore a blazer, casual t-shirt and shoes. Heart sank. Did she now think this wasn't a date?

I wish more girls would wear ripped jeans and converse.

mauzo

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I wish more girls would wear ripped jeans and converse.

I went on a date a few weeks back, wore a blazer, jeans and converse! He told me he hated my blazer

krustydoyle

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I wish more girls would wear ripped jeans and converse.

I'm seeing a girl at the moment and she always wears jeans and converse (looks really hot in them too) nothing wrong with it if you ask me.

Ficheall

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I wish more girls would wear ripped jeans and converse.

All you ever want to do is talk

Gummy Panda

syndeyfife wrote: »

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I wish more girls would wear ripped jeans and converse.

I went on a date a few weeks back, wore a blazer, jeans and converse! He told me he hated my blazer

Was he gay?

AnonoBoy

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Was he gay?

Possibly. Or else just a moron. Who tells a girl he hates something she's wearing on a first date?

Or ever?

AnonoBoy

Ficheall wrote: »

All you ever want to do is talk

You're a woman?

mauzo

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Possibly. Or else just a moron. Who tells a girl he hates something she's wearing on a first date?

Or ever?

No hes not gay. Yes hes a moron

He told me after, not on the actual date! As a tip for the next one like...