'support meetings'

DM addict

my manager pulled me out of my job last week and told me that the 'tone of voice I used with my colleagues was affecting morale' and that I would have to have weekly support meetings with manager and HR bod to work on this.

Complete bolt from the blue, which I was quite upset by. When at the meeting with HR today I asked my manager to give me some context/explanation for what exactly she meant by tone of voice - i.e. sarcastic, caustic, rude, aggressive.

Got absolutely no useful feedback whatsoever. Just that the 'overall tone' was a problem.

Asked if there had been a complaint or an issue raised and told no, this was just something my manager had noticed.

Asked why I hadn't been informally told about this before - e.g. after an encounter with a colleague that my manager thought was innappropriate - got a shrug of the shoulders.

Feel quite bewildered by all of this - any advice?

Sarah**

Perhaps request for this all to be confirmed in writing first and foremost and ask if you are entitled to representation at these "support" meetings. I have never heard of "support" meetings. Have they said how many you will have and what their end goal is and what the consequences are should the goal not be reached?

Have they permitted you to speak with the colleague in which you had the "unacceptable tone" towards? I would request the feedback to all questions in writing from your manager.

Has there been issues with your boss before or any of your colleagues? Do you feel this to be infringing on your right to dignity at work? Bullying in otherwords?

DM addict

I received a letter saying that I would be required to attend these meetings; a lot of jargon but not a lot of content. Will dig it out and summarise contents. There will be six meetings - the goals set out at today are that I am more mindful of the level and tone of my voice, how this impacts my interpersonal relationships with my colleagues and how this impacts my professionalism generally. Very little more specific than that has been said.

I have asked if I can have a colleague present and was told it wasn't necessary as it wasn't disciplinary - I stated that I would like a representative nevertheless and was told that this was unusual and that it might not be possible for a colleague to be free (not enough cover). I asked if I could have a representative from outside the company and was told that HR would have to check on this.

I've asked what the consequences are and I got a roll of the eyes type look - apparently I'm misunderstanding the process and that this is to support me to develop not to punish, although none of it felt like that.

I've asked if this is in relation to a specific colleague and my manager said no, this is something I've noticed and so it must be affecting the other girls.

I've mentioned to a couple of the girls that I've had to go to these meetings and why and they're as nonplussed as I am.

There were notes taken at the meeting today and I've asked for a copy. I think I will write a letter to HR stating the questions I would like answered in writing.

I've not had any issues with my boss or colleauges before, even though my manager says this has been a constant issue for a number of months - although this has not been mentioned to me!

To be honest I am not at all looking forward to work tomorrow - dreading the thought of seeing/talking to my manager - I don't know about infringing on my dignity but the whole thing makes me feel about 2 inches tall.

Sarah**

If this is about professional development then great but why is your manager present? I find this bizarre. I think the point you need to make in all of your correspondance is the fact that you feel uncomfortable with this and how this subject has not been brought to your attention prior to the meeting request.

I would say that despite it not having disciplinary consequences that you feel having a colleague or union rep present may facilitate the meetings having a relaxed environment as at present you are not comfortable.

I would also put in writing that this has had an effect on your morale and motivation. Also request to see policies and proceedures in which this has happened before or that this is standard practice or even custom and practice.

Also make clear that you are fully wiiling to accept criticism and learn from it and progress but that you are finding this situation slightly uncomfortable.

Let me know how you get on. Nothing worse than having to experience a situation like this.

Mrs OBumble

DM addict wrote: »

Asked why I hadn't been informally told about this before - e.g. after an encounter with a colleague that my manager thought was innappropriate - got a shrug of the shoulders.

Feel quite bewildered by all of this - any advice?

OP, you are being told informally - this is it.

When it becomes formal, it will be in the context of a disciplinary with specific instances including behavioiurs, dates and times.

Your call, really, whether you want to make use of this personal development opportunity, or whether you want to escalate it into a formal employment issue.

I don't find it strange that your manager is going to be there: it's their job to coach you to perform your job better. I do find it strange that the HR person will be there - it implies that either your manager doesn't feel confident in their ability to coach you, or that HR don't believe your manager is up to the job.

One possibility is that your manager needs to do this as a development exercise for them ("coach a difficult employee to improve their teamwork performance") - and that you've unlucky enough to have been chosen as the guinea pig. Even if this is the case ... like I said, you can make the best of the worst of it, and it's really your call whether the experience generates a lot of paperwork on your HR file or not.

DM addict

JustMary, I see what you mean but this doesn't feel informal. Notes are being taken at these meetings to be signed by all present and kept in my file, so a lot of paperwork is padding my file as we speak.

Again, if it was informal, why drag someone out from head office every week? Especially because I am not being told specifics or being given SMART goals, just told to 'improve my general tone', it feels quite... unfair I suppose.

Also I *sincerely* hope that this is not being done as a training exercise as I am getting married in four weeks and the last thing I need is to be a guinea pig.

krd

DM addict wrote: »

Got absolutely no useful feedback whatsoever. Just that the 'overall tone' was a problem.

What you may have done, could be, and in all likelihood purely exists just in the imagination of your manager.

The average person, though high functioning, and exhibiting superficial signs of intelligence, is actually an emotional cripple and not that bright. These people find their way into management and human resources. They can talk, but they're not really any better than those little dogs that yap like crazy over nothing, and communicate with other dogs by sniffing their bottoms.

What you've done - and possibly you haven't done anything - is break an unwritten social rule - and the rule can't be spoken. So, "You're suppose to know!!!!". You see it would be breaking a social rule to tell you the precise unwritten rule you've broken.

Your manager may be uncomfortable with you as a person. May not like your lifestyle. May not think you're "normal". Lot's of people get sacked for this stuff all the time. For just not being the right fit for the job.