Useless projects you'd commission with £21tn

Funglegunk

I'd get nuclear explosions in space legalised.

TheGimp

Build a coliseum in Limerick. Put on a Swedish House Mafia gig for free. When everyone is inside, unleash the Tigers. Then after the Tigers are full, flood the floor and release the crocodiles.

Nothing fancy, you know.

ShooterSF

keano_afc wrote: »

Is there a chance the track would bend?

Not on your life my gooner friend!

My first action would be to heavily subsidise the growing of agave plants in Mexico and hold a competition every year for the best tequila which I will be the judge (see this is a great example of giving to get something back).

Then Id spend loads on debunking supernatural crap like psychics reiki and other con artists.

PseudoFamous

Develop and operate a fusion power station like ITER to power the country, and give free electricity to everyone. Also gigabit internet to my gaff.

c_man

I'd use it to fulfil my life's ambition: detonate as many nukes as possible on Europa.

The Idyll Race

Buy the M3, close it, buy the security guys off Iarnrod Eireann, get them to "persuade" the previous landowners to hand back the money they got off the Irish taxpayer and then convert it into a railway to Navan, Cavan, Enniskillen and Donegal. One carriageway can be an alternative to the old N3. Should be sufficent space on it

dj jarvis

The Idyll Race wrote: »

Buy the M3, close it, buy the security guys off Iarnrod Eireann, get them to "persuade" the previous landowners to hand back the money they got off the Irish taxpayer and then convert it into a railway to Navan, Cavan, Enniskillen and Donegal. One carriageway can be an alternative to the old N3. Should be sufficent space on it

QUICK - someone is making a valid point - GET HIM

GaryIrv93

GaryIrv93 wrote: »

1. A few Skyscapers and more development projects around the country.

2. Invest a good bit more in every part of the Defence Forces. Bigger and more capable Army, Navy and Air Corps. I'd also contribute some cash towards the development of the F-35.

3. My favourite development: A fake mini city somwhere in Dublin solely for Airsofting, and another for Paintballing. Very cheap if not free entry, open all hours + access to everywhere inside it. In it there'd be estates, towers, forts, high rises, streets, no-mans-land areas with trenches, old army and burnt out vehicles... you name it. Throw in a few hundred / thousand players, divide them into teams, let them do what they want or give objectives, scatter them around the place and it would be good to go. Think that'd be great fun and would attract worldwide attention and countless tourist players.

4. Fund an Irish Sea Tunnell to connect Ireland to GB.

5. More investment in renewable energy projects and funding of more oil and gas exploration in Irish coastal waters.

6. Some large car assembling plants, aircraft manufacturing and shipbuilding companies throughout Ireland.

7. Would probably also fund a few billions towards developing Ireland's own Space Programme.

sheesh

buy all the land in northern ireland.

put paddies in space

mine meterorites put an solar power station in space.

use excess electricity to fix green house gases.

buy the amazon jungle to be my own personal carbon sump.

ship water desert regions by airships

plant alot of trees.

create my own currency all the paper money will have flattering pictures of me on them.

fund a research project to discover if there is something better to do with my saturday nights.

finally join a gym

Svetti Arss

A Price Comparison Price Comparison website. And for Irony I'd have it hosted by the LGCSB.

ToddyDoody

Buy land. Maybe put a few trees and livestock / tillage in.

eth0

The Idyll Race wrote: »

Buy the M3, close it, buy the security guys off Iarnrod Eireann, get them to "persuade" the previous landowners to hand back the money they got off the Irish taxpayer and then convert it into a railway to Navan, Cavan, Enniskillen and Donegal. One carriageway can be an alternative to the old N3. Should be sufficent space on it

You could buy a few closed railways as well like waterford-rosslare (soon to be limerick-rosslare) through a front organisation so it's not obvious they're being funded by a trillionaire and have a perfectly good fast train service running on these lines just to make CIE look bad.

foxyboxer

titan18 wrote: »

Buy a few soccer clubs, buy an NFL team, buy an NBA team and use the popularity of those teams to market the country to tourists and foreign companies.

And get the soccer players to play basketball, the NFL players to play soccer and the NBA team to play American Football.

The Idyll Race

eth0 wrote: »

You could buy a few closed railways as well like waterford-rosslare (soon to be limerick-rosslare) through a front organisation so it's not obvious they're being funded by a trillionaire and have a perfectly good fast train service running on these lines just to make CIE look bad.

I like your style! Love it when a plan comes together..

3DataModem

eth0 wrote: »

5. Build a free cable car between England and Ireland and also an underground tunnel but only people who have been on the cable car would be allowed to use the tunnel

Utter genius.

G.K.

Turn Wales into the footballing superpower of the globe.

foxyboxer

Set up a financial stability mechanism to buy european bank debt.
Set interest rates at 0% for 5 years.

Set up a financial stability mechanism in 2017 to buy european bank debt.
Set interest rates at 0% for 5 years.

Set up a financial stability mechanism in 2022 to buy european bank debt.
Set interest rates at 0% for 5 years.

etc

Capt'n Midnight

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

3000% pay increase for all politicians.

Honest politicians. When they're bought they stay bought.

sheesh

Land bridge to Rockall!!! that would easily kill a trillion!

Capt'n Midnight

Cloning Dinosaurs.


Start off with DNA from Giant sloths , mammoths, and all the other critters we wiped out.



Appoint Joe Duffy as ambassador to Jupiter. And send get him to take up his position ASAP.

Flincher

Replace all trains with roller coasters. Add in a few loops, drops and corkscrews on the tracks. Brighten up the journey a bit.

Scioch

How many penny sweets would that buy ?

Tonyandthewhale

Two chicks at the same time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A939QRRSNV4

Capt'n Midnight

http://i.imgur.com/s9AlI.gif

Thefirestarter

Invest in cloning Nikola Tesla and let him have the remainder of the trillions to use at his disposal for his ideas.

weemcd

1) Build a man made continent right in the middle of the pacific, no people allowed near it. Just fill it full of trees, wildlife, etc. and let it bloom. Would do wonders for the planet. To stop anyone getting near it there would be very, very strict security patrolling by sea and air. I'd have my own island of course but it would be separate, I would also buy an Island for the Wu Tang Clan to live on, any other MC's or Hip Hop acts I approves of would also have access to this island. The only time I'd go to the man made continent would be to impress a bird with helicopters and cameras etc. Worlds best safari.

2) Drive all the gypsies out of Ireland

3) Unite Ireland to a 32 county state and close the doors, you only get in if I say so

4) Legitimately commission an arms research company to make me an Iron Man suit (and a couple for the lads)

5) Start Irelands space program with the sole intention of putting a few bars and take aways in space, we'd just go up there for the lash, and nobody else would be allowed.

6) Legalise cannabis

7) My own airline without the hassle of tedious check ins, long delays, shíte duty free being sold and having to share a cabin with unwashed fake tan bleach hair spide ear ring & shít tatto wearing bottom feeders ever again. I'd also never have to listen to cabin crews talk absolute rubbish over the speakers telling me things I don't need to know. Take off the fúckin plane, then land it. Don't crash. Job done.


This thread is fun...

Next,

8) Scientists hired to make cigarettes that don't kill you and drink that doesn't give you a hangover. Large Hadron collider my hole, this is what the money spent on that project should have went on in the first place.

9) Ban every 12th of july celebration on the island, if you wan't to do it, ye may do it somewhere fúckin else.

10) have knacks castrated

11) Hoverboards

12) Hire Mike Tyson & Mr T as my own personal bodyguards, then hire Liam Neeson as their personal bodyguards, then a team of bodyguards to guard Liam Neeson

13) If you enjoy or regularly watch: Big Bang Theory, Big Brother, Only Way is Essex, Jeordie Shore, or anything similar, you are not allowed to talk to me, you are not allowed to vote, your opinion will be null.

^ after all that I would buy Georgia Salpa, Rachelle Leah & Jessica Alba, they would be my wives. I'd buy Cheryl Cole & Nicole Scherzinger too, but they would never be allowed to sing. I'd buy Nadine Coyle too, but she would never be allowed to talk

golden lane

weemcd wrote: »

1) Build a man made continent right in the middle of the pacific, no people allowed near it. Just fill it full of trees, wildlife, etc. and let it bloom. Would do wonders for the planet. To stop anyone getting near it there would be very, very strict security patrolling by sea and air. I'd have my own island of course but it would be separate, I would also buy an Island for the Wu Tang Clan to live on, any other MC's or Hip Hop acts I approves of would also have access to this island. The only time I'd go to the man made continent would be to impress a bird with helicopters and cameras etc. Worlds best safari.

2) Drive all the gypsies out of Ireland

3) Unite Ireland to a 32 county state and close the doors, you only get in if I say so

4) Legitimately commission an arms research company to make me an Iron Man suit (and a couple for the lads)

5) Start Irelands space program with the sole intention of putting a few bars and take aways in space, we'd just go up there for the lash, and nobody else would be allowed.

6) Legalise cannabis

7) My own airline without the hassle of tedious check ins, long delays, shíte duty free being sold and having to share a cabin with unwashed fake tan bleach hair spide ear ring & shít tatto wearing bottom feeders ever again. I'd also never have to listen to cabin crews talk absolute rubbish over the speakers telling me things I don't need to know. Take off the fúckin plane, then land it. Don't crash. Job done.


This thread is fun...

Next,

8) Scientists hired to make cigarettes that don't kill you and drink that doesn't give you a hangover. Large Hadron collider my hole, this is what the money spent on that project should have went on in the first place.

9) Ban every 12th of july celebration on the island, if you wan't to do it, ye may do it somewhere fúckin else.

10) have knacks castrated

11) Hoverboards

12) Hire Mike Tyson & Mr T as my own personal bodyguards, then hire Liam Neeson as their personal bodyguards, then a team of bodyguards to guard Liam Neeson

13) If you enjoy or regularly watch: Big Bang Theory, Big Brother, Only Way is Essex, Jeordie Shore, or anything similar, you are not allowed to talk to me, you are not allowed to vote, your opinion will be null.

^ after all that I would buy Georgia Salpa, Rachelle Leah & Jessica Alba, they would be my wives. I'd buy Cheryl Cole & Nicole Scherzinger too, but they would never be allowed to sing. I'd buy Nadine Coyle too, but she would never be allowed to talk

hurry up and get rich....friend.

weemcd

golden lane wrote: »

hurry up and get rich....friend.

Who do you want for your wives? Also, what are we gonna call all these islands and continents friend?

squod

weemcd wrote: »

1) Build a man made continent right in the middle of the pacific,

There's one in the atlantic. Just needs some more fishing nets and some peat moss.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Atlantic_Garbage_Patch

golden lane

weemcd wrote: »

Who do you want for your wives? Also, what are we gonna call all these islands and continents friend?

i think the one in the pacific should be called.......yutoopea (an old japanese word for having a slash together......

as my first and number one wife.......mel b.....

as my standy wife......whoever is nearest...

Curly Judge

I'd stay farming until it was all gone!

Curly Judge

On second thoughts, I'd cover the low lying, cutaway bogs in the center of
Ireland with windmills and absolutely refuse any subsidies from government or the consumer.

Conall Cernach

Build a Death Star or a Moon Base and live like a Bond villain.

CruelCoin

A motorway to heaven.

Make a tourist attraction out of it.

Complete with €80 euro entry fee, zillions of Japanese with massive cameras, McDonalds, crappy round-and-round-we-go amusement rides and some angels with glitzy wings posing for pictures.

CruelCoin

squod wrote: »

There's one in the atlantic. Just needs some more fishing nets and some peat moss.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Atlantic_Garbage_Patch

There's a bigger one in the Pacific

foxyboxer

Pay JK Rowling a billion to write a 'racy' Harry Potter followup novel.

Harry undid his trousers and revealed his length.
"Oh my" cooed Ron.


:pac:

Capt'n Midnight

Build a big dam between Spain and Africa and drain the Med and put all the ancient shipwrecks into a big museum


Buy up a load of supertankers and beach then on the Dogger bank, making a new country.



Divert the Ob and other Russian rivers into the Aral Sea. This will also mean the Artic Ocean won't get as much fresh water and so won't freeze. - Create a colony for polar bears on South Georgia and move those penguins to Norway. Also means won't have to worry about icebergs hitting the Bearing Strait Bridge.



Giant mirrors in space so it doesn't get dark here at 5pm in winter.

squod

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Giant mirrors in space so it doesn't get dark here at 5pm in winter.

Win.

Sleepy

Buy every team in the Premiership.

Then liquidate them.

Mr. CooL ICE

Build the world's tallest skyscraper in Leitrim

golden lane

build an island in the pacific......call it pollyfilla, build it halfway between polynesia, and polystyrene....

Zulu

I've been waiting for this thread for a long time - thank you op.

I'd start a small IT development company. I'd offer jobs certain people I work with, paying more than they could refuse. I'd have them developing things within farcical timelines. And once a week, at the project meetings, I'd come in & talk shite for an hour wasting their time - but more importantly, I'd change everything everytime.

"Ok folks, I heard of this "agile" development today, so we're going to do that..."
"Yeah, I'm thinking I want to see clearly the timelines when we are going to deliver a completed product into testing. I don't like this bitty delivery approach, when will the complete product go into test?"
"I like the blue. Lets have more blue. Take out all that functionality."
"Whats our backend? SQL? I think Oracle would be better. I hear Oracle 9i is the bees knees. Also we need to shave a week of the delivery"
"Oracle does what? SQl..., etc. etc."

Sleepy

So, basically, you want to be pointy haired boss from Dilbert? :eek:

Zulu

Exactly, but I'll be wearing a top-hat, cape, monocle, and golden clogs.

CiaranMcDCFC

weemcd wrote: »

1) 5) Start Irelands space program with the sole intention of putting a few bars and take aways in space, we'd just go up there for the lash, and nobody else would be allowed.

You do realise these bars will be rubbish because you know, well, there would be no atmosphere!!

I will just grab my coat now!!

Capt'n Midnight

autogyros for everyone

Tomk1

Thefirestarter wrote: »

Invest in cloning Nikola Tesla and let him have the remainder of the trillions to use at his disposal for his ideas.

He'll probably invert zero-point-energy-modules.
-
A heated suspension motorway to Iceland, so Irish people can at last see the Aurora Borealis.

DavyD_83

Turn a ghost estate into a giant paintball site.
Once a year select 1,000 workers, pay for them to have couple of days off and have a paintball battle royale!

sebastianlieken

1. Develope the technology to locally alter the weather specifically according to preference.
Exams/study?: 10 degrees, rain.
Concert?: Sunshine!
Riot?: -40C Blizzard
Christmas?: Snow!
Weeks holidays abroad?: Pissing rain at home!
Limerick?: Thunderous Lightening Blizzard with Hail stones the size of microwaves!

2. Commision the design of a transparent commercial aircraft.

3. Gather up all knackers and prisoners worldwide, put them all on one giant mass of land (like france). Infect them with ... "the zombie virus". Open to paying customers for team building events, Survival challenge, Races from north coast to south coast etc. (bring your own weapons)

4. Connect all major cities via Vacuum Tubed Maglev trains. (paris to tokyo: 2hrs)

Capt'n Midnight

insert an asteroid into lunar orbit
then nuke it

result - the moon will have pretty rings like Saturn




also giant animal shaped balloons in low earth orbit