How to get rid of a body?

MadYaker

Whats the best way to do it. This is best way i think. First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don’t reommend that disposal method, I’m just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.

Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it’s in the tub.

If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it’s easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave.
That is the one thing you can’t do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It’s also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it’s an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It’s also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It’s not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn’t want to go. Anyway it’s wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.

Don’t return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You’ll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you’ll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.

Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you’re get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don’t try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don’t over-use it, or power drills or saws. They’re noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It’s better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you’re not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.

kfallon

Code red, I repeat we got a code red!

token101

You've thought about this in a disturbing amount of detail.

Rabies

You are truly sick and twisted.




We all know its easier to use the body as pet food and the bones can be dried out and then ground to a powder and easily disposed of in the sea.

JohnMarston

why are you sharing this?

--Kaiser--

That thing in Breaking Bad with the barrels of hydrofloric acid

.ak

Yakult

Pigs.

Jesus Shaves

Rule Number 1: Don't post your plans on the internet.

Run_to_da_hills

Sick, I hope your IP is red flagged.

Duggy747

Put the body in a wheelie bin, fill with Hydrochloric acid, wait a few days, and then pour your victim down the drain.

Or you could put the body in a barrel, fill with cement, let it dry, and then bury it deep underground.

Or just eat the damn body, plenty of sandwiches out of it.

Ghandee

Done deal.

My Da says 'if you can't get rid of something on done deal, your fûcked!'

nibtrix

Yakult wrote: »

Pigs.

"They go through bone like butter"

Crooked Jack

Is the thing about pigs devouring human bodies true or just an urban legend?

bren2001

As my old Chemistry teacher said, you need to put it in a bath of acid then dispose of the teeth separately.

Snowie

Feed them to the pigs Herald!

FatherLen

this is a really weird thread.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Lime pit.

Dancor

Thats some great copy and pasting MadYaker.

JohnMarston

Brick Top from Snatch just sprung to mind

As did Dexter Morgan, Patrick Bateman and the bathtub segment from the first season of Breaking Bad

MadYaker

Hydrofluoric acid is great stuff. However its quite expensive and difficult to acquire high concentrations in large quantities without arousing suspicion. Also no material is completely resistant to it, high density polyethylene is quite resistant to it, but it will still degrade over time.

stovelid

Have kids.

KTRIC

Did you ask Siri ?

Custardpi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48vuCkE8x-Y

There, think that pretty much covers it. Hard luck if you don't have access to "heavy duty bone saws" though. Woodies hardly ever have them in stock

super_furry

http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv350/FudgeSociety/copypasta.jpg

Micky Dolenz

Eat less, exercise more.

liamhana

We're assuming a premeditated murder here - in which case the acid bath can be planned months in advance (allowing u to build up the supply of hydrochloric acid without suspicion). Similarly how many people have access to pigs?
But getting rid of a body at short notice? Thats gonna take some calm thinking!
Option 1 - full body dump; moutain/forest/bog hole. Power hose the body first, wrap in bin bags, lime & deep hole .
+ quick, less likely to leave dna/blood etc
- driving somewhere with a full body, bog hole drying out etc

Option 2 - bath, saw, body in pieces, teeth removed (and dumped seperately) etc. Body parts dumped in numerous locations far apart
+ reasonably quick, pieces easier to transport & dump
- blood, everywhere, takes a few days to dump far apart, risk of search/questions high


ps I love everyone & have no plans!

Hande hoche!

Wear their skin as a suit.

MadYaker

liamhana wrote: »

We're assuming a premeditated murder here - in which case the acid bath can be planned months in advance (allowing u to build up the supply of hydrochloric acid without suspicion). Similarly how many people have access to pigs?
But getting rid of a body at short notice? Thats gonna take some calm thinking!
Option 1 - full body dump; moutain/forest/bog hole. Power hose the body first, wrap in bin bags, lime & deep hole .
+ quick, less likely to leave dna/blood etc
- driving somewhere with a full body, bog hole drying out etc

Option 2 - bath, saw, body in pieces, teeth removed (and dumped seperately) etc. Body parts dumped in numerous locations far apart
+ reasonably quick, pieces easier to transport & dump
- blood, everywhere, takes a few days to dump far apart, risk of search/questions high


ps I love everyone & have no plans!

A bog?!? Are you mad? The acidic conditions can preserve a body for thousands of years! remember those bog bodies they found in offaly? They were thousands of years old and still had teeth and hair. A bog is the worst place to bury a body.

A while ago I read about some japanese gang that had an "agreement" with a man who ran a crematorium, now that would be ideal.

ComfyKnickers

You need to get out more! And preferably nowhere near me. . .

Micky Dolenz

Jaysus. Why over complicate it. No matter where you live in the country you'll never be more then an hour to the country side. Farmers slurry pit and a few heavy weights. Job done.

TwoShedsJackson

Drive through three states wearing her head as a hat.

castletownman

Roll it up in a carpet and push it off a bridge!

AnonoBoy

Bury them in a graveyard.

Nobody notices a body in a graveyard.

Squ

Which is worse?
Op post, or the fact that i found so many holes in his directions?

ejmaztec

Hang onto it and start a stage career.

"Gottle a geer"

liamhana

MadYaker wrote: »

A bog?!? Are you mad? The acidic conditions can preserve a body for thousands of years! remember those bog bodies they found in offaly? They were thousands of years old and still had teeth and hair. A bog is the worst place to bury a body.

A while ago I read about some japanese gang that had an "agreement" with a man who ran a crematorium, now that would be ideal.

Yeah but if the body isnt found till thousands of years later I'm pretty sure I'll be in the clear.....

Crematorium - yes ideal for premeditated but you'd have to be able to pay off the operator continually. no good for a once off....

...jesus what have I got myself into

Cienciano

Hande hoche! wrote: »

Wear their skin as a suit.

Have the penis on top of the hood, pretend you're a snork.

seamus

Lame repost

http://ask.metafilter.com/7921/If-you-killed-somebody-how-would-you-dispose-of-the-body-without-getting-caught#155715

2/10. Must try harder.

Nulty

liamhana wrote: »

We're assuming a premeditated murder here - in which case the acid bath can be planned months in advance (allowing u to build up the supply of hydrochloric acid without suspicion). Similarly how many people have access to pigs?
But getting rid of a body at short notice? Thats gonna take some calm thinking!
Option 1 - full body dump; moutain/forest/bog hole. Power hose the body first, wrap in bin bags, lime & deep hole .
+ quick, less likely to leave dna/blood etc
- driving somewhere with a full body, bog hole drying out etc

Option 2 - bath, saw, body in pieces, teeth removed (and dumped seperately) etc. Body parts dumped in numerous locations far apart
+ reasonably quick, pieces easier to transport & dump
- blood, everywhere, takes a few days to dump far apart, risk of search/questions high


ps I love everyone & have no plans!

Easier to use pigs than hydrochloric acid surely. Just ask a bogger for a shot of his pigs?

fiacha

seamus wrote: »

Lame repost

http://ask.metafilter.com/7921/If-you-killed-somebody-how-would-you-dispose-of-the-body-without-getting-caught#155715

2/10. Must try harder.

Yup, that one's been around for a long time. Lazy OP, very lazy.

Nulty

I don't ge why people are pointing out with disdain that its a copy and paste, most of the threads here are c&p from news articles anyway...

Son Of A Vidic

So this is who you are OP and now it all makes sense.

Wacker The Attacker

shag it into oblivion

Lawrence1895

Get a stone wall alibi, blame someone else for the killing, buy fake witnesses. Problem solved

BraziliaNZ

It's a recurring dream I have, where I have killed someone and need to hide the body. Then I find myself burying it somewhere... Psycho!

working fool

Yakult wrote: »

Pigs.

Your just askin for trouble there

They would be all over that kinda thing

TeddyTedson

I naively thought this thread was going ti be about losing weight.

hatrickpatrick

In Ireland? To borrow a concept from the Dark Knight, get a blood transfusion kit and pump the body full of alcohol, then just take it to Temple Bar in the middle of the night and dump it in the street. Assuming you strangled the person, it'll be "death by asphyxiation", which coupled with the high blood alcohol content will be assumed that they gagged on their own sick or tongue or something.

Locomotion

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig ****, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

TeddyTedson

I naively thought this thread was going ti be about losing weight.