YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.....

Lyssa

You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.

The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.

Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.

Ya can't get married to your sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

You celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of taking the wheels off his doublewide.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".

Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'.

Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree.

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You've ever yelled "Rock the house Bubba!" during a piano recital.

You were taught to put your underwear on yellow in front, brown behind.

You buy two CB radios so you can talk to yourself.

FANTAPANTS

You might be a redneck if you have to much time on your hands to post this dirt :D:D

Lyssa

FANTAPANTS wrote: »

You might be a redneck if you have to much time on your hands to post this dirt :D:D

Thats me told off then..... :P

It was a copy and paste job, only took a minute

FANTAPANTS

joking missy but some good ones their :D:D

bonzodog2

One of your close relatives last words were "Hey guys, watch this !"

Bootup

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if.....people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

You Know Your Church is a Redneck Church if....when the Pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Five guys and two women stand up.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if....opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if....a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if....in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if....Baptism is referred to as branding".

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if...high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if...people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if....the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if...the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if...the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if...instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if...the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if..."Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if...the final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now!! Ya Hear".

smacl

You might be a redneck if your family tree doesn't branch!

Renegade Mechanic

Ha! Love these!
You mow your lawn and find a CAR.

Your front porch collapses and eight dogs are killed.

Your prom (debs?) has a creche..

You earnestly believe animal noises are attractive..

mathepac

FANTAPANTS wrote: »

joking missy but some good ones their :D:D

Ya'll might be a redneck iffen ya'll cain't spell thar

ex6

Few more:

You Might Be In A Redneck Volunteer Fire Department If ...

* Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
* You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
* Your firehouse has wheels.
* You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
* Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
* You've ever been toned out on an outhouse fire.
* That outhouse fire was with entrapment.
* You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
* At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
* Your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
* You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
* You've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
* Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
* Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
* Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
* Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
* The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
* You've ever referred to a light bar as sexy.
* Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
* You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
* Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
* Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
* The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.

Got them from: http://www.joke5.co.uk/joke/You_Might_Be_In_A_Redneck_Volunteer_Fire_Department_If_...