Can you have a relationship with somebody without being physically attracted to them?

MarthaMyDear

What do you think?

Is it shallow to think you have to be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse? Or do you think there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction for a relationship to work?

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all. I actually don't know what the answer to this is but I'm just curious to hear other people's views!

kfallon

Yeah, a relationship as friends obviously

Maybe the odd ride or two if ye both were in a 'drought'

MarthaMyDear

kfallon wrote: »

Yeah, a relationship as friends obviously

Maybe the odd ride or two if ye both were in a 'drought'

Haha true What about an actual relationship though like seeing each other?

mauzo

No way. You have to have some attraction.

Theres been the odd time ive gone out with someone that I havent found physically attractive, but their personality changed my mind. Id go from thinking they werent my type to thinking they're sex on legs!!! Just by them making me laugh!

MarthaMyDear

Yeah, my friend said she's attracted to her boyfriend's personality and humor. I would usually find funny guys really attractive, but is it enough for a long term relationship?

Bipolar Joe

Yup.

kfallon

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Haha true What about an actual relationship though like seeing each other?

Not sure tbh, I think you can grow to love someone who you weren't initially attracted to but the more you spend time in their company you start to change your mind.

You do hear people say they weren't attracted to their OH initially but over time an attraction grew

Duggy747

Well, it's a good thing my GF loves me for my money.


*checks wallet*




*moth flies out*







shìt

Tallon

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

What do you think?

Is it shallow to think you have to be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse? Or do you think there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction for a relationship to work?

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all. I actually don't know what the answer to this is but I'm just curious to hear other people's views!

It's clear from her signals that she wants you!

MarthaMyDear

kfallon wrote: »

Not sure tbh, I think you can grow to love someone who you weren't initially attracted to but the more you spend time in their company you start to change your mind.

You do hear people say they weren't attracted to their OH initially but over time an attraction grew

Yeah I've heard people say that too actually. Well I said something along the lines of that to my friend because she was saying it's starting to bother her and she was asking me was it shallow. They've been going out over a year now. To be honest I don't think they're very intimate anymore so that's why I'm starting to wonder about it.

I'm single at the moment so don't have anything to go by *tear*

admiralofthefleet

of course you can, its called marriage:)

kfallon

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Yeah I've heard people say that too actually. Well I said something along the lines of that to my friend because she was saying it's starting to bother her and she was asking me was it shallow. They've been going out over a year now. To be honest I don't think they're very intimate anymore so that's why I'm starting to wonder about it.

I'm single at the moment so don't have anything to go by *tear*

They're fucked, tis all over bar the shouting

You'll find a caring loving affectionate chivalrous man here in AH

pebbles21

Dear Martha,
Im not attracted to you any more,your dumped

^^This is a text you got..didnt you Martha?:D

MarthaMyDear

pebbles21 wrote: »

Dear Martha,
Im not attracted to you any more,your dumped

^^This is a text you got..didnt you Martha?:D

All the repressed memories are coming back to me :eek::eek::eek:

kfallon

pebbles21 wrote: »

Dear Martha,
Im not attracted to you any more,your dumped

^^This is a text you got..didnt you Martha?:D

He also sent a picture of his aroused 'appendage' as a memento and to get her thru the tough aftermath......

ArtSmart

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

What do you think?

Is it shallow to think you have to be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse? Or do you think there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction for a relationship to work?

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all. I actually don't know what the answer to this is but I'm just curious to hear other people's views!

if there's no thrust, there's no trust.

simple as.

deandean

Yes you can but it is gonna be bloody boring

Shryke

No. You'll just be weird friends. Great breeding ground for resentment and loathing if that's you're thing. Of course if that was your thing then it would work. Swings and roundabouts.

Novella

Quite simply - no.

CodyJarrett

Level of attractiveness is one of the last things that humans still discriminate against other people for and yet feel no guilt while they do it. You will often hear people slagging others for being ugly with not so much as a hint of shame as they proclaim that to be the case. Which of course is inferring that they themselves are somehow better for not being as ugly themselves.

Humans are shallow - some of us try and pretend we're not, but we are.

OMARS_COMING_

Ive been in this situation the past 18 months so yes.

Culleeo

We have to be honest here, some say looks don't matter but you can't fap about personality.

Personally, I think there has to be attraction there. I couldn't imagine being with someone who I wasn't attracted to, yes, maybe a kiss after a few pints but for a relationship, it would be a no go.

johnwest288

syndeyfife wrote: »

No way. You have to have some attraction.

Theres been the odd time ive gone out with someone that I havent found physically attractive, but their personality changed my mind. Id go from thinking they werent my type to thinking they're sex on legs!!! Just by them making me laugh!

Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.

;););););););):o:o:o:o:o:o:o:

Culleeo

johnwest288 wrote: »

Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.

;););););););):o:o:o:o:o:o:o:

Haha, god loves a trier.

Ms.M

How brief is the "relationship" and how drunk are ya?

--LOS--

In a relationship if I'm attracted to someone, I'm attracted to their personality, looks, everything, if something in their personality changes their looks quickly fade.

Funglegunk

Physical attraction is definitely a big part of it, so no. Unless you're settling.

Hardonraging

johnwest288 wrote: »

Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.

;););););););):o:o:o:o:o:o:o:

This is bad and you should feel bad !!!

charlietheminxx

There has to be an initial reaction. They don't have to be good looking to be attractive though. Some of the sexiest people I've met have been average looking but with great attitudes or sexy laughs or whatever that make them amazingly physically attractive.

My boyfriend is a bit of a ride though

admiralofthefleet

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

of course you can, its called marriage:)

Jaysis, how long are you married again?

smash

charlietheminxx wrote: »

Some of the sexiest people I've met have been average looking but with great attitudes or sexy laughs or whatever that make them amazingly physically attractive.

Guess it's the difference between men and women, or maybe it's just me. A woman could be sound and have a great laugh etc but if she's not physically attractive then I'd only ever consider her a friend.

smash

smash wrote: »

Guess it's the difference between men and women, or maybe it's just me. A woman could be sound and have a great laugh etc but if she's not physically attractive then I'd only ever consider her a friend.

But I think that someone can become physically attractive to you just by other qualities, and vice versa.

eamonnq

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Yeah I've heard people say that too actually. Well I said something along the lines of that to my friend because she was saying it's starting to bother her and she was asking me was it shallow. They've been going out over a year now. To be honest I don't think they're very intimate anymore so that's why I'm starting to wonder about it.

I'm single at the moment so don't have anything to go by *tear*

I'm fierce funny so I am.

Abi

--LOS-- wrote: »

In a relationship if I'm attracted to someone, I'm attracted to their personality, looks, everything, if something in their personality changes their looks quickly fade.

This makes sense, I'd be the same.

If the personality /sense of humour isn't there I will never be attracted to a guy. If you go for someone based purely on looks alone shallowness will kick you up the arse time and time again.

It's a bit worrying in the OP's friends case, because if personality doesn't invoke an attraction I can't imagine why she is still with him. It can't be for nice reasons any way.

smash

Deleted User wrote: »

But I think that someone can become physically attractive to you just by other qualities, and vice versa.

like boobs and stuff? :pac:

conorhal

I'm going to look like a giant gaping vagina for both admitting I've seen the film (let alone admitting to liking it) and being bothered to quote it, but hey, I think it this line from The Truth About Cats and Dogs nicely sums up my feelings on the subject...

"You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do is be near them."

jester77

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

What do you think?

Is it shallow to think you have to be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse? Or do you think there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction for a relationship to work?

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all. I actually don't know what the answer to this is but I'm just curious to hear other people's views!

That's why alcohol was invented :pac:

mauzo

johnwest288 wrote: »

Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.

;););););););):o:o:o:o:o:

I love jokes

King George VI

I don't think I could start a relationship with someone I don't find attractive but if they have a nice personality I could fall for em quickly. Spend enough time with somebody you enjoy spending time with and you'll eventually start looking at them differently.

flutered

it is just taking the friends with benifits/fcuk buddy thing to a higher level

Conbhar

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

What do you think?

Is it shallow to think you have to be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse? Or do you think there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction for a relationship to work?

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all. I actually don't know what the answer to this is but I'm just curious to hear other people's views!

Defo not. Actually tried that out not so long ago. The girl was really really nice but the more time i spent with her the more i realised i just didnt find her that attractive. Was just better to end it before things got to serious.
Dont think that makes me shallow in the slightest, just honest!

kfallon

St. Jimmy wrote: »

I don't think I could start a relationship with someone I don't find attractive but if they have a nice personality I could fall for em quickly. Spend enough time with somebody you enjoy spending time with and you'll eventually start looking at them differently.

That's it in a nutshell, well played St Jimmy, the patron Saint of Relationships

charlietheminxx

Deleted User wrote: »

But I think that someone can become physically attractive to you just by other qualities, and vice versa.

That was exactly my point! You can have chemistry with someone and fancy the pants off them even if they aren't technically good looking.

kfallon

So the answer is 'Yes' then!

Why didn't we have a poll for this?

charlietheminxx

Because it's not really a straight forward yes or no.

Good looking =/= attractive.

Abi

charlietheminxx wrote: »

Good looking =/= attractive.

That's it in a nut shell tbh.

smash

charlietheminxx wrote: »

That was exactly my point! You can have chemistry with someone and fancy the pants off them even if they aren't technically good looking.

Can take a while to get to that point though.

bluecode

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all.

Usually that happens after marriage, the wife loses interest particularly after children. The husband makes an issue of it and the wife wonders what his problem is. Funnily enough there was a letter on the very topic in one of the Sundays last week. She lost interest and cannot understand why poor husband just cannot accept that.

In the case of your friend, if she isn't physically attracted to her boyfriend then the relationship is effectively doomed unless he is happy without a sexual relationship. There has to be some form of physical attraction at some point in the relationship unless both people are in their eighties.

It might be OK after twenty years together but not at the first stage of a relationship.

smash

bluecode wrote: »

Usually that happens after marriage, the wife loses interest particularly after children. The husband makes an issue of it and the wife wonders what his problem is.

that's one hell of a generalisation...

charlietheminxx

smash wrote: »

Can take a while to get to that point though.

I don't know, I think for the most part you know within hours if there's chemistry between you and someone else. Course there are the exceptional times where it creeps up on you.

Now if you asked can you have a relationship without chemistry, my answer would be no. Even if they were good looking and a cool person. It's either there or it's not.

kfallon

smash wrote: »

Can take a while to get to that point though.

Yeah and then both parties can be afraid of losing the other as a friend and they never 'go for broke'. If a relationship fails they worry they'll lose that other person forever so are happy to just stay close friends.