Can you have a relationship with somebody without being physically attracted to them?

smash · 25-07-2012 2:34pm

charlietheminxx wrote: »

I don't know, I think for the most part you know within hours if there's chemistry between you and someone else. Course there are the exceptional times where it creeps up on you.

That all sounds like a bad rom com to me... guy or girl swoons over someone and after months of giving them relationship advice, they actually fall for that person in the end. M'eh

25-07-2012 2:41pm

smash wrote: »

That all sounds like a bad rom com to me... guy or girl swoons over someone and after months of giving them relationship advice, they actually fall for that person in the end. M'eh

I think that's the exact opposite of what Charlie said!!

Someone doesn't need to be good looking for there to be chemistry but you generally feel that chemistry pretty quickly!

smash · 25-07-2012 2:42pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I think that's the exact opposite of what Charlie said!!

Someone doesn't need to be good looking for there to be chemistry but you generally feel that chemistry pretty quickly!

Yea but then it takes ages, and a string of bad dates before you find them good looking.

Abi · 25-07-2012 2:45pm

smash wrote: »

charlietheminxx wrote: »

That was exactly my point! You can have chemistry with someone and fancy the pants off them even if they aren't technically good looking.

Can take a while to get to that point though.

And that's pretty much the divide here. The OP's friend was in a relationship and felt no attraction. If you're talking ONS's, then men / women can afford to be a bit shallower, ie not really arsed about their personality, or may even be aware of the fact that they are boring the hole off them. It doesn't really matter in that case.

If you're not really into the ONS scene, then you are going to be looking at the personality side of things. It's said so often, but it's true for me, it's a similar sense of humour, mutual respect, and having each others backs. A foundation of a good friendship will last the distance every time. I think this goes hand in hand in hand with attraction, they grow together.

smash · 25-07-2012 2:47pm

Abi wrote: »

If you're talking ONS's, then men / women can afford to be a bit shallower, ie not really arsed about their personality, or may even be aware of the fact that they are boring the hole off them.

Abi · 25-07-2012 2:47pm

smash wrote: »

Abi wrote: »

If you're talking ONS's, then men / women can afford to be a bit shallower, ie not really arsed about their personality, or may even be aware of the fact that they are boring the hole off them.

I give up with you!!

smash · 25-07-2012 2:49pm

Abi wrote: »

I give up with you!!

Well I appreciate the fact that you tried in the first place :pac:

MarthaMyDear · 25-07-2012 3:01pm

Sorry should have stuck a poll on this thread!!! I think the case with my friend is she knows he's not physically attractive but he's a nice guy so she feels like the personality should be enough. It really doesn't seem like it is though if they don't even have sex

. She said herself she's not sure if their in love or just have friend love..

smash · 25-07-2012 3:04pm

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Sorry should have stuck a poll on this thread!!! I think the case with my friend is she knows he's not physically attractive but he's a nice guy so she feels like the personality should be enough. It really doesn't seem like it is though if they don't even have sex . She said herself she's not sure if their in love or just have friend love..

Sounds like she's just settling for things. Big mistake!

charlietheminxx · 25-07-2012 3:08pm

I agree. She isn't in love with him.

Sad but it happens..... she should end it soon though. She's not being fair to either of them.

Abi · 25-07-2012 3:12pm

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Sorry should have stuck a poll on this thread!!! I think the case with my friend is she knows he's not physically attractive but he's a nice guy so she feels like the personality should be enough. It really doesn't seem like it is though if they don't even have sex . She said herself she's not sure if their in love or just have friend love..

That is a friendship. If they're not intimate I can only assume he is also settling for a companionship, and they are content with the arrangement.

bluecode · 25-07-2012 3:19pm

smash wrote: »

that's one hell of a generalisation...

Not every marriage obviously. :rolleyes:

But it was Hugh Hefner who when asked 'Were you ever celibate?' Said 'Sure I've been :pmarried.'

Plazaman · 25-07-2012 3:32pm

Can you have a relationship with somebody without being physically attracted to them?

Fraid not. It's an evolutionary thing thats out of our hands I'm afraid, especially for us men. Not our fault, goes back to the hunter/gatherer days when we used to go out and ride big wooly mammoths before killing them and bringing them home (of course this was back in the day when beastiality was all the rage).

But down through the years John Q Caveman started to notice Jane as an alternative source of romance and pleasure (that and the fact that many of his friends were being sat on and crushed by said mammoths whilst in the middle of Coitus). Jane was less hairy and the boobage was easier to get at as well as other sensitive areas and the big plus - she didn't have tusks.

Skip along a couple of thousand years and man still scans potential mates with regards to their physical appearance be it breastages, leggery or the facial features. The initial spark has to be there to get the conversation going. True, with the advancement of alcoholic beverages, there are those who will jump anything with a pulse (these lads were confined to the swamp back in the day) but these are usually the one night stands or quick shag outside the back of the nightclub.

No in order to start a proper bone fide relationship Henry Homosapien's brain is hard wired to recognise an attractor (that is an attractive feature and nothing to do with Massey Fergusons). Fear not ladies, it does not necessarily mean boobs or bum but could be something as simple as a smile, nice teeth, good ears etc.

And every now and again, the hunter/gatherer genes kick in and he'll bring home a fat bird for a ride just for the sake of the mammoths.

Abi · 25-07-2012 3:37pm

I think the Janes and the mammoths need to get it on.

Jesus Shaves · 25-07-2012 3:58pm

I couldn't but people do it all the time, I think people reach a stage of their lives where they feel they should be in a relationship/get married have kids etc and end up just being with anyone who will have them.

johnjoe7 · 25-07-2012 4:32pm

What drivel. Why aren't you people discussing the INCESSANT centralization of geo-political power and the upcoming global financial crash? You sheeple sicken me..

smash · 25-07-2012 4:33pm

johnjoe7 wrote: »

What drivel. Why aren't you people discussing the INCESSANT centralization of geo-political power and the upcoming global financial crash? You sheeple sicken me..

Why aren't you at the olympics? I thought you were boxing for Ireland...

3ndahalfof6 · 25-07-2012 4:43pm

It don't seem to matter in a gay relationship.

johnjoe7 · 25-07-2012 4:44pm

smash wrote: »

Why aren't you at the olympics? I thought you were boxing for Ireland...

SHEEP ALERT!

The London 2012 olympics is a satanic ritual by the illuminati. There's going to be a false flag event, a staged terror attack or fake invasion to usher in the new world order at either the opening or closing ceremony, mark my words.

smash · 25-07-2012 4:45pm

johnjoe7 wrote: »

SHEEP ALERT!

The London 2012 olympics is a satanic ritual by the illuminati. There's going to be a false flag event, a staged terror attack or fake invasion to usher in the new world order at either the opening or closing ceremony, mark my words.

Well folks, we heard it here first!

/off to paddy power in the hopes I don't get arrested for trying to bet that will happen

kfallon · 25-07-2012 4:50pm

johnjoe7 wrote: »

SHEEP ALERT!

The London 2012 olympics is a satanic ritual by the illuminati. There's going to be a false flag event, a staged terror attack or fake invasion to usher in the new world order at either the opening or closing ceremony, mark my words.

Eh no it's apparently just Dawn French and Russell Brand doing a cover version of The Sex Pistols at the closing ceremony.....unless you consider them the new world order!

johnjoe7 · 25-07-2012 4:54pm

kfallon wrote: »

Eh no it's apparently just Dawn French and Russell Brand doing a cover version of The Sex Pistols at the closing ceremony.....unless you consider them the new world order!

If I ever saw either of those two people I'd punch them in a repeated manor such as that you'd see in a movie i.e. mass sheeple entertainment.

kfallon · 25-07-2012 4:57pm

johnjoe7 wrote: »

If I ever saw either of those two people I'd punch them in a repeated manor such as that you'd see in a movie i.e. mass sheeple entertainment.

Dawn French would prob eat you first!

johnjoe7 · 25-07-2012 4:59pm

kfallon wrote: »

Dawn French would prob eat you first!

More like eat my asshole out by way of force. If it's a girl of course. If it's a man I'd just smash his head in with a brick.

validusername1 · 25-07-2012 5:08pm

I don't think so. If you really like somebody's personality but are not attracted to them as such, that's just a friendship in my opinion. I think liking somebody's personality in combination with finding them attractive is necessary for a relationship.

Though that said, I've met guys who I wasn't physically attracted to at first, but we got to know each other and I ended up really liking them and eventually finding them physically attractive, even though it wasn't there at first. So I do think really liking someone's personality can change your opinion of them and make them attractive to you. But OP with your friend, it seems to stop at just liking his personality - that's still not enough for her to find him attractive. I don't think she ever will at this stage.. Seems like she's just with him for the sake of having a boyfriend rather than anything else

hatrickpatrick · 25-07-2012 5:51pm

I reckon it's pretty selfish to stay with someone if you're not attracted to them. You're keeping them faithful to you based on a lie.

If I wasn't attracted to my girlfriend and I stayed with her, I'd be depriving her of the chance to be with someone who actually IS attracted to her.

MarthaMyDear · 25-07-2012 6:48pm

But do you think the attraction HAS to be physical in some way or can it just be attracted to their personality etc?

Sea Filly · 25-07-2012 6:49pm

You can, but what's the point?

People do it though, I reckon, to avoid being alone. Depressing.

tempura · 25-07-2012 6:54pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Jaysis, how long are you married again?

Indeed, was about to ask the man the same question !

Hope his mrs doesn't read boards !

Manic Moran · 25-07-2012 7:14pm

smash wrote: »

that's one hell of a generalisation...

Approximately one in five couples are in a sexless marriage in the US, no reason to believe it's much different anywhere else.

NTM

jazzzzy · 25-07-2012 7:21pm

I find it hard to believe that it is possible to not be physically attracted to a person you're in a relationship with. If you weren't physically attracted to a person then you wouldn't want to be with them/have to look at them for long spells of time :P You probably find yourself being able to pick out features that you DO find attractive and then tend to focus on that. But as a relationship progresses, I'd say people tend to just become overall encapsulated by their partner and maybe find it hard then to differentiate between physical attractiveness, their personality etc

Can you have a relationship with somebody without being physically attracted to them?

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