Strange toilet behaviours

charlemont

bogwalrus wrote: »

sitting on the toilet facing the cistern. you need to try it before you debunk it. Nice ledge to lean on. You can even nap for a bit.

Hm, Think I'll try it out..:p

Doesn't look like anybody mentioned smoking and reading a paper on the bog yet..

mauzo

bogwalrus wrote: »

sitting on the toilet facing the cistern. you need to try it before you debunk it. Nice ledge to lean on. You can even nap for a bit.

You mean AC Slatering??
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ac%20slatering

areyawell

Before I take a dump I have to do a couple of things. I light scented candles in the bathroom, I then take some bog roll and iron it. Around three metres usually suffices. Unless I get dangleberries I need more, there some pain. I then turn on the stereo and listen to Eminem till I collapse. It give me the motivation to get that plop in the toilet. Before I sit on the toilet I lick the seat clean to ensure I dont get a disease off the toilet lid. I then get stark naked and sit on the toilet seat waving my arms around in a circle while trying to lick my ear. I then take my poo out the toliet and dress it up with a sock and cut a ping pong ball in half to use as eyes for it. I then use my freshly ironed toilet paper and clean my ass unless I have Dangleberries. there some pain. Me and my poo then watch T.V together. My poo is my best friend. Will post up some pictures of me and them on holidays soon. I see my poo as my children and not too be flushed down the toilet. Thats just mean!!

kfallon

syndeyfife wrote: »

You mean AC Slatering??
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ac%20slatering

Very interesting, a frontal pebbledash, might have to try this out

KTRIC

areyawell wrote: »

Before I take a dump I have to do a couple of things. I light scented candles in the bathroom, I then take some bog roll and iron it. Around three metres usually suffices. Unless I get dangleberries I need more, there some pain. I then turn on the stereo and listen to Eminem till I collapse. It give me the motivation to get that plop in the toilet. Before I sit on the toilet I lick the seat clean to ensure I dont get a disease off the toilet lid. I then get stark naked and sit on the toilet seat waving my arms around in a circle while trying to lick my ear. I then take my poo out the toliet and dress it up with a sock and cut a ping pong ball in half to use as eyes for it. I then use my freshly ironed toilet paper and clean my ass unless I have Dangleberries. there some pain. Me and my poo then watch T.V together. My poo is my best friend. Will post up some pictures of me and them on holidays soon. I see my poo as my children and not too be flushed down the toilet. Thats just mean!!

Riiiiiiiiiight :rolleyes:

Sam Kade

I was in a pub once where some dirty b@stard sh1t on the floor beside the urinals.

Max Power1

2.5 words

Sh!t n' Surf....

kfallon

Sam Kade wrote: »

I was in a pub once where some dirty b@stard sh1t on the floor beside the urinals.

Sorry, I got caught short

Aglomerado

:pac:

areyawell wrote: »

Before I take a dump I have to do a couple of things. I light scented candles in the bathroom, I then take some bog roll and iron it. Around three metres usually suffices. Unless I get dangleberries I need more, there some pain. I then turn on the stereo and listen to Eminem till I collapse. It give me the motivation to get that plop in the toilet. Before I sit on the toilet I lick the seat clean to ensure I dont get a disease off the toilet lid. I then get stark naked and sit on the toilet seat waving my arms around in a circle while trying to lick my ear. I then take my poo out the toliet and dress it up with a sock and cut a ping pong ball in half to use as eyes for it. I then use my freshly ironed toilet paper and clean my ass unless I have Dangleberries. there some pain. Me and my poo then watch T.V together. My poo is my best friend. Will post up some pictures of me and them on holidays soon. I see my poo as my children and not too be flushed down the toilet. Thats just mean!!

Is that you, Mr Hankey? :pac:

Ben Elton did a great stand up routine about public toilets back in the 1980s.
Piss-lakes, "whirly-splatter" and the embarrassment about the attendant noises.

It's on youtube, but I can't access that right now.

Tiroskan

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

Nope i couldnt bring myself to do it! Too paranoid someone would here me :pac:

That's what MP3 players were invented for :P

Doyler92

Do people purposely bring markers into the cubicle or is it just coincidence they have them?

littlelulu

i don't get when there are numerous girls in a cubicle having a chat and taking it in turns to go to do their business.. have they got seperation anxiety or what!!

I hate when people deliberately remove the key from the bathroom door in case they get locked in.....

and people that don't flush the toilet.... grrrrrr!!! it takes 2 seconds... :mad:

rant over!

admiralofthefleet

kfallon wrote: »

Very interesting, a frontal pebbledash, might have to try this out

if you do it in the morning you can balance your cereal/toast/fry up on the cistern while dropping the kids off. saves time in your morning routine

kfallon

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

if you do it in the morning you can balance your cereal/toast/fry up on the cistern while dropping the kids off. saves time in your morning routine

I have breakfast at my desk in work so can't do it there....especially after the last time

westendgirlie

If there is someone at home when I need to do a poop, I have to run the tap whilst doin' me business.

Also, would have to be a do or die situation for me to do a poop in any other toilet than my own or my mum and dads.

haribos

I cannot shower if the toilet seat and top are up....i dont know what i think will come up at me but i just cant leave it open. It freaks me out to close my eyes in the shower whilst it is open, I know I have issues!

mauzo

I also run the tap whilst pooping...

Put a few sheets of jacks roll down first so its super quiet stealth poop.

I have no problems doing my business in a public toilet, but there's nothing worse than having a sleepover (one night stand or shag after a date with a relatively new guy ) and you have to poop! Of course as soon as you do it they need to pee!!

Then they know what your poop smells like

kfallon

haribos wrote: »

I cannot shower if the toilet seat and top are up....i dont know what i think will come up at me but i just cant leave it open. It freaks me out to close my eyes in the shower whilst it is open, I know I have issues!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RmBQarrygY

cocoshovel

bogwalrus wrote: »

sitting on the toilet facing the cistern. you need to try it before you debunk it. Nice ledge to lean on. You can even nap for a bit.

Ive heard this is great. You can place your laptop on the cistern!

antodeco

MrStuffins wrote: »

brummytom wrote: »

I prefer to use the cubicles.


I get stage-fright.

I'm the opposite!

Although, sometimes I get weird looks for sh*tting in the urinals!

I just laughed out loudly and scared the sh*te out of my OH who was asleep beside me!

haribos

kfallon wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RmBQarrygY

This my friend, does not help.......... maybe its not such an irractional fear after all !

LoYL

Excellent thread. Names need to be taken. Then a mass ban. I reckon Internet traffic would plummet.

SafeSurfer

My biggest nightmare is air travel. Wondering if you have to take a crap before a flight, thinking no, just until you are boarding, finding a toilet and thinking there is no way I am crapping here. Boarding the flight in "sh1t anxiety mode" because what sort of person takes a dump on a plane? I find that unless lots of alcohol has been involved the night before it is mind over matter. With a lot of alcohol on board anything can happen.

haribos

Are you ever in the cubical and think your alone in the jack, and just let absolute rip, let a few ughh and signs out, and then hear a flush next store !!

antodeco

HalloweenJack wrote: »

I always push my knob downwards when I'm crapping so that any surprise piss goes in the bowl.

I don't know why exactly. My guess is as a kid, I was crapping and peed at the same time and it shot onto the floor or something.

Until the top of your knob touches the bowl and you're convinced you'll get AIDS

cocoshovel

SafeSurfer wrote: »

My biggest nightmare is air travel. Wondering if you have to take a crap before a flight, thinking no, just until you are boarding, finding a toilet and thinking there is no way I am crapping here. Boarding the flight in "sh1t anxiety mode" because what sort of person takes a dump on a plane? I find that unless lots of alcohol has been involved the night before it is mind over matter. With a lot of alcohol on board anything can happen.

You should get that checked out. Although I kind of understand how you feel if its on a smaller aircraft, where there is only like 2 toilets and the queue is spanning quarter of the aisle.

Taking a dump is quite nice on a plane actually. Except for Im always afraid of being dragged into the super loud suction death-toilet.

haribos

Talking to somebody on the phone, then you hear a flush.......eh man, are you talking a sh1t !?

mauzo

When I go to the toilet on a plane I open the door and flush with my foot.

ALmost lost a shoe once

kfallon

haribos wrote: »

Are you ever in the cubical and think your alone in the jack, and just let absolute rip, let a few ughh and signs out, and then hear a flush next store !!

Happened to me the other day

Yer man must have thought I was trying to play Beethoven's 5th thru me sphincter :pac:

W.Shakes-Beer

I like to sit on the can facing back towards the cistern and rest my head on it.

I call it the "AC Slater"

WARNING: Skidmarks face the wrong way and you'll need a fúcking yard brush to shift them.

kfallon

antodeco wrote: »

Until the top of your knob touches the bowl and you're convinced you'll get AIDS

It's not much of a concern for those of us who have it already tbh :pac:

kfallon

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

I like to sit on the can facing back towards the cistern and rest my head on it.

I call it the "AC Slater"

WARNING: Skidmarks face the wrong way and you'll need a fúcking yard brush to shift them.

36 hours ago I'd have laughed and thanked this but someone else got there before you. It's a good one tho

haribos

What is worse than anything is talking a dump in a public toilet and having splash back up on your arse......just horrible !

lorrieq

I like to use my laptop on the toilet... Hypocritically, I would find this weird if someone else did it.

I know people who can't piss when there's pressure on them too. Like popping out of the car on the motorway, just ain't happening.

irishbarb

I absolutely hate when I'm near bursting point for a piss, and I go in the toilet and some manky fecker didn't flush down their ****e. I can't pee if someone else's poop is there so I have to flush it first, while waiting for it to go down I am holding onto myself with all my strength and doing a jig because it's like my pee knows when I'm near a toilet and tries it's hardest to come out.

mauzo

I can hold pee for ages, but as soon as I actually see a toilet I'm f*cked!!!

haribos

irishbarb wrote: »

I absolutely hate when I'm near bursting point for a piss, and I go in the toilet and some manky fecker didn't flush down their ****e. I can't pee if someone else's poop is there so I have to flush it first, while waiting for it to go down I am holding onto myself with all my strength and doing a jig because it's like my pee knows when I'm near a toilet and tries it's hardest to come out.

Dirty Fecker:D:p

irishbarb

syndeyfife wrote: »

I can hold pee for ages, but as soon as I actually see a toilet I'm f*cked!!!

When I was going to school, I didn't pee all day long. I didn't even feel the need to pee, but as soon as I was a few feet from my house I would be absolutely bursting. This went on all through secondary school. I'd say I only peed at school a handful of times. Strange habit.

MJ23

I can't piss in the middle urinal. Have tried it before, it just won't come out.
Hate having to dump in someone else's house. I have often made excuses and left peoples houses early so as i didn't have to dump there.

newmug

I was in a public jacks once, replying to a text, and I dropped me feckin phone! I went under the partition into the next cubicle, where somebody else was taking a dump. I didnt know what to do! I decided to finish up, and just wait outside for the other person to come out. They didnt. They just sat there motionless for 10 mins. In the end I just had to stick me hand in and feel around for it, feeling their shoes and trousers. I got it anyway.

Weirdo who wouldnt come out!

johnayo

In buddy's house recently and had to take a dump. No key for the door. Heard someone coming up the stairs while I was in mid-motion, so I had to whistle a tune. I would have sang only I can't sing.:P

kfallon

syndeyfife wrote: »

I can hold pee for ages, but as soon as I actually see a toilet I'm f*cked!!!

It's like dying for a shite, you're grand most of the way but the minute you see the front door Nelson Mandela pops his head out, you need to be unbuckling the belt and getting the keys ready a good 50 yards from the door, practicing the whole 'key in and turn' movement as you walk closer!

iCosmopolis

A friend of my OH without fail disappears into the toilet for a minimum of an hour,sometimes more, whenever he visits us (always late pm too)-I dread to think what he's doing-hopefully napping harmlessly.

poppyvally

iCosmopolis wrote: »

A friend of my OH without fail disappears into the toilet for a minimum of an hour,sometimes more, whenever he visits us (always late pm too)-I dread to think what he's doing-hopefully napping harmlessly.

Jeez! with friends like that....who needs enemies? If he was doing this regularly I'd tell him to F/O

Rabies

Anyone else using iPoo on their phones. Stupid short lived idiotic fun. But suits this thread

TEMPLAR KNIGHT

Our secondary school toilets were in such a bad state they had no locks on the doors so when taking a sh*t we had to sit down on the bowl and out stretch our arms and press our hands up against the door to make sure no one came in, it was aptly dubbed the " superman sh*t "

conor360

I dunno about you's, but I never did a sh*t in school....

Canis Lupus

westendgirlie wrote: »

If there is someone at home when I need to do a poop, I have to run the tap whilst doin' me business.

Also, would have to be a do or die situation for me to do a poop in any other toilet than my own or my mum and dads.

I have serious trouble taking a no2 on a strange toilet although it relates more I think to the fact that you're obviously in someone elses home etc. I think there's nothing worse than trying to be quiet and it ultimately sounding like all the water has just splashed out and everyone in the house just....knowing you've done a big one....

I also went travelling by bike for 7 months. You don't want to know how flipping difficult wild pooping can be.

franer1970

newmug wrote: »

I was in a public jacks once, replying to a text, and I dropped me feckin phone! I went under the partition into the next cubicle, where somebody else was taking a dump. I didnt know what to do! I decided to finish up, and just wait outside for the other person to come out. They didnt. They just sat there motionless for 10 mins. In the end I just had to stick me hand in and feel around for it, feeling their shoes and trousers. I got it anyway.

Weirdo who wouldnt come out!

Probably thought you were shooting a movie on the phone and was just going with it...

Scanlas The 2nd

newmug wrote: »

I was in a public jacks once, replying to a text, and I dropped me feckin phone! I went under the partition into the next cubicle, where somebody else was taking a dump. I didnt know what to do! I decided to finish up, and just wait outside for the other person to come out. They didnt. They just sat there motionless for 10 mins. In the end I just had to stick me hand in and feel around for it, feeling their shoes and trousers. I got it anyway.

Weirdo who wouldnt come out!

Sounds like you are the weirdo for not actually using the power of language to ask for it back, it's not a new invention, been around a few eons at this stage.