Nice guys finish last?

Bad Panda

This thread should be renamed 'Passive guys finish last'.

You can be assertive and nice too ya know!

pablohoney87

Bad Panda wrote: »

This thread should be renamed 'Passive guys finish last'.

You can be assertive and nice too ya know!

The only guy ive seen bein assertively nice is sponge bob. I bet he gets all the girls :P

DudeBoy

leggo wrote: »

It has nothing to do with being 'nice', and being 'nice' has nothing to do with the seduction process. The same way that being nice has nothing to do with being a good footballer or not.

What many (not all) women don't like is passive guys who are insecure and, thus, afraid to show their true selves. So they present this nice guy image instead, which is approachable as it's nice to have someone who'll always be kind to you around, but it doesn't necessarily mean you want to bang them.

None of us are 100% nice, in the same way that none of us are 100% arseholes. But I can see why a woman would be more attracted to a guy who was unafraid to be an arsehole around her than a guy who was clearly hiding it away under layers of insecurity, only for it to be revealed when it's too late. What we take to mean as 'nice' is, more often than not, just a lick arse who's afraid to be themselves.

I hate 'nice' girls too. There's nothing worse than a girl licking your arse, having learned from experience that you'll have to deal with a bunch of stuff that you didn't sign up for, as the layers peel off down the line.

Might sound harsh, but it's the truth.

god, thats exactly whats wrong with me, well put!! down with that sort of thing! well said man!

Miss Lockhart

I agree with those saying it is passive guys who finish last - and not just with women. Being assertive doesn't make you a bad guy and being passive doesn't make you nice.

pablohoney87 wrote: »

I find how badly you got F*cked over by an ex molds it

I think how you were moulded as a child and teenager will determine how you deal with being treated badly in a relationship.

AnonoBoy

Bad Panda wrote: »

This thread should be renamed 'Passive guys finish last'.

You can be assertive and nice too ya know!

The f*ck you can.


Oh wait.... you're right.


Sorry.

(GOD DAMN IT!!!!) There I go again apologising.


F*ck this. F*ckin' bullsh*t f*cking ***asfer*** until the handle breaks off. I just can't win can I? :mad:

_Melon_Juice

I think nice lads finish last because they are too shy [some are] to go for what they want or make the first move with a girl

Nothing irritates me more than when a guy I fancy doesnt make it obvious to me that he likes me, then a year later I finally cop on and its too late

But that being said, girls like me should stop complaining and make the first move ourselves :P

Red21

What do people nmean by finishing last? are people saying that those with ugly girlfriends/boyfriends and working in a dead in job are nice, cos this is not the case.

Miss Lockhart

I would say finishing last means not getting what you want - whether that be the job you want or the woman you want.

Hardonraging

I'd always finish last when it comes to the ladies, nothing worse than word of mouth ...

mauzo

Hardonraging wrote: »

I'd always finish last when it comes to the ladies, nothing worse than word of mouth ...

You just have to work on the being nice bit so..

Feisar

Who the hell wants a grand "nice" BF or GF. It's easy to be nice. It doesn't stand out.

pablohoney87

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4Ye1JwhiAU

Gotta keep it low profile sometimes

Feisar

I'd say being described as nice is one step away from being called harmless. And that's the worst insult ever!

Festy

It has nothing to do with being nice or not.I think it mostly comes down to what social group you're part off and job etc.

barry711

Sorry but I'd rather "finish last" than have a string of convictions follow me around with a vain, shallow, superfluous woman hanging out of me, riding my mates behind my back and spending all my money.

dizzywizlw

barry711 wrote: »

Sorry but I'd rather "finish last" than have a string of convictions follow me around with a vain, shallow, superfluous woman hanging out of me, riding my mates behind my back and spending all my money.

Hmm, I'm not a nice guy and have a nice girl...


I guess I'd rather finish first, well at least in some ways.

D1stant

Feisar wrote: »

Who the hell wants a grand "nice" BF or GF. It's easy to be nice. It doesn't stand out.

So when are you and Anders Brevik going to announce your engagement?

Mikey1969

'Nice guys finish last'?

That's generally an incorrect assumption.

Why? We hear about single women in their 20's, 30's and 40's..she's fantastic etc, etc, etc...can't believe she hasn't found a man..etc, etc, etc..

It never ceases to amaze me that some of these single women tend to go for guys who are absolute bastards. What's going to happen? Guaranteed to all end in tears. The guy treats her like dirt, sleeps with other women, etc etc...and they expect sympathy?

Take a look at most online dating sites, dating ads in papers...single women looking for a genuinely decent bloke. In other words somebody who doesn't mess her around which generally most bastards do..!

A lot of single women eventually realise (the penny then drops), they end up with a genuinely decent guy, nice guy etc.

Nice guys finish last is a mis-representation.

WumBuster

This guy used to be the nice guy who always finished last with women etc..Now he's not

Mongfinder General

The more attention/respect/affection you give the less you'll get in return. Unless the girl is a complete shipwreck. The ugly ones will do almost anything to get a man.

mauzo

Mongfinder General wrote: »

The more attention/respect/affection you give the less you'll get in return. Unless the girl is a complete shipwreck. The ugly ones will do almost anything to get a man.

Couldnt be more from the truth.

Im no prize pig but dont have to try to get any man. Oddly enough, sometimes it comes down to personality

Daveysil15

Just find a woman who appreciates a nice man. There are some out there. You shouldn't have to change yourself to appear more attractive to the opposite sex. Feck that! Life's too short. There's nothing worse than a nice guy trying to be a cocky arsehole after reading some PUA material, thinking it will impress the birds. It's too fake.

marshbaboon

TBH anyone who has the "I'm a nice guy, why can't I get laid" attitude is generally a whinger. Would you like someone to sleep with you out of pity? I genuinely don't understand.

Grayson

I find there are far too few nice people out there. Sure, there are people who aren't cnuts. But they're not nice. It's very rare you meet someone who is just a nice genuine person, male or female.

Most of the "nice guys" think of themselves as nice because they're not dicks. But really, a lot of them wish they could be.

Women are just as bad in some ways.

BTW, the women who end up with dicks, except for the teen rebel girls, are with the dicks because the dicks are worth more than the nice guys. Or at least it appears so. By worth I don't just mean money. Worth can be anything from being funny, to being nice to well, having money. Every aspect of your character or appearance is all added up and points are given or taken away. The greater the positive number the better your chance.
If the nice guy loses out it's because he's not displaying what he has to offer (No, I don't mean whipping it out in front of the ladies).
Women look at him and see just a nice guy. And that's all they see. There will probably be far more depth to the guy than that, but unless he gets out and makes an effort, they'll never see it. The dick however is great at talking himself up. Think of it like the film "She's all that" You have a nerdy girl who scrubs up and looks great (Although let's face it, Rachel Leigh Cook was hot anyways). The idea is that she changes and displays what she really looks like and what do ya know, She's hot. Guys have to do that but with their personality.
So if you can be funny, then be funny. If you can be nice, then be nice. If you can be smart, then be smart. Just don't be too cocky or arrogant. Just be a person who's fun to be around. And don't be a doormat.

I say this as someone who in their late teens/early twenties was useless with women. But the reason is that I just didn't know how.

Mongfinder General

syndeyfife wrote: »

Couldnt be more from the truth.

Im no prize pig but dont have to try to get any man. Oddly enough, sometimes it comes down to personality

Personality. Unfortunately it's not what registers first. You don't walk into a pub and say he/she looks like a nice person. You've no way of knowing. We all judge by looks initially.

Guys are attracted by what they see. I find that women are attracted by what they hear, after the initial eyeballing. Depending on the gullibility factor, the guy can talk crap and fill his boots if he's any use. Simple fact, most lads aint arsed making the effort. Those that do can clean up.

Scanlas The 2nd

Mongfinder General wrote: »

The more attention/respect/affection you give the less you'll get in return. Unless the girl is a complete shipwreck. The ugly ones will do almost anything to get a man.

The more unjustified adoration/attention you give the less you get in return.

If the woman sees she has earned your interest you can give interest back and she likes you more.

1ZRed

Overly nice guys don't do so well because there's just no depth to them a lot of the time. I'm a good guy but I have an edge about me and I look for that in other people too. I'm not looking for assholes and I'm not one (entirely) but I like to find someone who can give me a challenge and call me out and me to them so we can take the piss out if each other.

I definitely think there's a good middle ground to be found between being too nice and too much of a prick.

Mongfinder General

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

The more unjustified adoration/attention you give the less you get in return.

If the woman sees she has earned your interest you can give interest back and she likes you more.

Thank you for qualifying that. Spot on.

HalloweenJack

I'd class myself as a shy, nice guy. It's only when I'm in the mood to be more open that I end up getting anywhere with girls.

In my experience, it's more to do with confidence and charm, but if you're a nice guy, you're more than likely charming.

kowloon

Has the guy who talks about pick up methods and 'negging' showed up yet?
Like a fly to ****.

Daveysil15

HalloweenJack wrote: »

In my experience, it's more to do with confidence and charm, but if you're a nice guy, you're more than likely charming.

I think you're right. You can be confident and a nice guy though. I think when girls dismiss the nice guys its not because they're nice, its because they're shy or lack the confidence.

1ZRed

Grayson wrote: »

If the nice guy loses out it's because he's not displaying what he has to offer(No, I don't mean whipping it out in front of the ladies).

Fuck! There goes my chances..I'm ruined!

EdenHazard

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I think you're right. You can be confident and a nice guy though. I think when girls dismiss the nice guys its not because they're nice, its because they're shy or lack the confidence.

That, or they don't find them attractive. IMO if your good looking enough you could be shy and lack confidence and it wouldn't make a difference.

Lone Stone

some hot boards bird should go out with me.

HalloweenJack

EdenHazard wrote: »

That, or they don't find them attractive. IMO if your good looking enough you could be shy and lack confidence and it wouldn't make a difference.

It's possible but that's a very shallow view and don't think I'd be interested in anything long-term with a girl like that.

LETHAL LADY

There is a vas deferens between what men and women want.

aaronjumper

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

There is a vas deferens between what men and women want.

Not all the time but I understand what you're saying. I think.

1ZRed

EdenHazard wrote: »

That, or they don't find them attractive. IMO if your good looking enough you could be shy and lack confidence and it wouldn't make a difference.

Yeah but if you're shy and lack confidence but attract someone more out going how would you ever keep up with them?
I've been with people who were a bit less confident than me and it was a headache if I kept having to reassure their insecurities and having to deal with them being too possessive of me. They just never fully trusted me.
And they were very attractive and in some cases I was the one punching above my weight so I didn't get why they were like that.

I like to be with people with my level of confidence (not arrogantly confident but normal) It's easier in a relationship I find.

Sauve

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

There is a vas deferens between what men and women want.

Not in all cases.

Wompa1

1ZRed wrote: »

Yeah but if you're shy and lack confidence but attract someone more out going how would you ever keep up with them?
I've been with people who were a bit less confident than me and it was a headache if I kept having to reassure their insecurities and having to deal with them being too possessive of me. They just never fully trusted me.
And they were very attractive and in some cases I was the one punching above my weight so I didn't get why they were like that.

I like to be with people with my level of confidence (not arrogantly confident but normal) It's easier in a relationship I find.

Been there!

Username99

Sharpshooter wrote: »

Nice guys do finish last, it's what makes them Nice!

ha. ha, so true...

LETHAL LADY

Sauve wrote: »

Not in all cases.

Do tell?

Sauve

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Do tell?

I was making the point that there isn't necessarily a clear difference between what men and women want.

Defiler Of The Coffin

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

There is a vas deferens between what men and women want.

I got that at first glans!

LETHAL LADY

Sauve wrote: »

I was making the point that there isn't necessarily a clear difference between what men and women want.

And sophistication goes out the window.

jobeenfitz

nice is just another way of saying boring.

blacklilly

Mongfinder General wrote: »

The more attention/respect/affection you give the less you'll get in return. Unless the girl is a complete shipwreck. The ugly ones will do almost anything to get a man.

IMO this is totally false, what it insinuates is that if you treat a girl like a piece of sh*t she'll love you.
I'm far from ugly and I've absolutely no time for a man that doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I once went out with a d*ckhead who treated me like a piece of crap, the only reason I stayed with him was because my confidence was shot.
I've since been in relationships with what would be considered nice guys and those relationships were more fulfilling, emotionally stable and loving due to the fact I was treated with respect.
Any girl who dismisses a nice guy is doing so because they are afraid of truely positive and loving emotions and believe they aren't worth that.
Life is far too short to waste time with a d*ckhead who is incapable of loving anyone
but himself.

SharpshooterTom

I`m 26 and I`ve never had a girlfriend, but I`ve accepted the reasons why and its called social darwinism.

I`ve never even asked a girl out either, never kissed one simply because I believe my genes are too weak and no girl would ever want me anyway, I`m doing them a favour by having them avoiding me. I have considered suicide many times in the past, I believe suicide is the justification for social darwinism and erradicating freaks and weak people like me previously. I`m ok now though on anti depressants and getting therapy shortly.

But the realisation that I will never get a girlfriend due to natural selection performing in its most ruthless form does hurt like hell.:(

Heck I`ve never had a friends before in my adult life because I believe nobody wants me and its incredibly painful. I walk around town and see loads of couples holding hands and know I can never be like that and its incredibley painful like I say. I`m simply a social freak of nature, damn right it hurts me.

PK2008

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I`m 26 and I`ve never had a girlfriend, but I`ve accepted the reasons why and its called social darwinism.

I`ve never even asked a girl out either, never kissed one....

How can you expect to get a girlfriend if you never ask a girl out?

Your problem has nothing to do with 'Social Darwinsim', you just need to start building up your confidence and taking a few risks.

1ZRed

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I`m 26 and I`ve never had a girlfriend, but I`ve accepted the reasons why and its called social darwinism.

I`ve never even asked a girl out either, never kissed one simply because I believe my genes are too weak and no girl would ever want me anyway, I`m doing them a favour by having them avoiding me. I have considered suicide many times in the past, I believe suicide is the justification for social darwinism and erradicating freaks and weak people like me previously. I`m ok now though on anti depressants and getting therapy shortly.

But the realisation that I will never get a girlfriend due to natural selection performing in its most ruthless form does hurt like hell.:(

Heck I`ve never had a friends before in my adult life because I believe nobody wants me and its incredibly painful. I walk around town and see loads of couples holding hands and know I can never be like that and its incredibley painful like I say. I`m simply a social freak of nature, damn right it hurts me.

I think that's a bad way to look at it. I'm gay (play around either way mostly guys) and I see myself ending up with a guy. If you look at it from a strictly natural route, there's my genes completely eradicated with no generation to come after me. I know I could have options and all that but I accept it's a possiblity and I used to think about it but I now I don't care. They are the cards I've been given and I can't waste my time wishing for a better hand. I need to make the most of them and that can be a hard realisation to come to, but you've got to learn to accept and love yourself in order to get there. It's worth it not being your own worst enemy all the time

The world doesn't revolve around who has the best and most suited genes to it's environment anymore. We've progressed too much for that. You're genes are more deservant than a lot of guys who pass them on and leave, or worse.
I know it's probably hard to hear what I'm saying when you're against yourself so much but I've told you before once you get all the help and support you need, you will have what you want and you'll look back and laugh at how you thought otherwise.

Ffs, you're a good guy and it'll work out for you. Just focus on ironing out some issues, set all those wants aside and once you look after and love yourself, you'll be able to love some girl and you'll be happier and doing just fine