Nice guys finish last?

marshbaboon

I'm starting to think OP was being sexist, and trying to push every single woman into the same bracket :P.

You can't put everyone into the same demographic. It's very much a case of different strokes for different folks. I always find it's more a question of compatibility. I'd definitely consider myself a nice guy, I'd genuinely rather be single than act like a dick to attract a girl with probable low self confidence.

I've turned down the advances of girls, and they've turned me down. I couldn't possibly claim I know what's going on in their brains, or they mine, so it simply comes down to compatibility & personal circumstances at the time. I don't know about anyone else, but I rarely meet two girls with the same personality.

kfallon

marshbaboon wrote: »

I'm starting to think OP was being sexist, and trying to push every single woman into the same bracket :P.

You can't put everyone into the same demographic. It's very much a case of different strokes for different folks. I always find it's more a question of compatibility. I'd definitely consider myself a nice guy, I'd genuinely rather be single than act like a dick to attract a girl with probable low self confidence.

I've turned down the advances of girls, and they've turned me down. I couldn't possibly claim I know what's going on in their brains, or they mine, so it simply comes down to compatibility & personal circumstances at the time. I don't know about anyone else, but I rarely meet two girls with the same personality.

*snigger*

Grayson

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

Funnily enough, she was the same as me in a way. She's a good judge of character and never actually let herself get involved with arseholes so I feel lucky to be the one that she opened her arms to.

Its a good feeling

Yeah. Her arms

marshbaboon

kfallon wrote: »

*snigger*

GOD... you're so immature... I was being cereal.

Defiler Of The Coffin

doovdela wrote: »

Why do you think women are fussy? Some women aren't and they still end up with the 'bad boys'!? Is it because they are open to going out with anyone is there much of a difference or is there a major difference in women's tastes then?

People aren't always attracted to or click with everyone or the same type of people. Some are just genuinely friendly and be friends with everyone but some are just fussy who they mix with too.

Which is better someone who is open to going out with anyone or someone who is fussy if it means having certain standards met?

You can't control who you fall for!? There still has to be something there some kind of spark and gel with that person!

Maybe some women are too fussy and pass-up the opportunity to go out with someone just because they don't fit the ideal they have in their mind about what they want in a partner? We've all heard of people who didn't have a huge attraction to their partners at the start but got to know them better and are happy now.

True you cannot control who you fall for but you can open about meeting people you might! It can all come down to a numbers game. There is a lot of variables, two people who on the face of it are similar personality and looks-wise mightn't attract the same kind of people at all.

'Tis hard to know...

Wibbs

Defiler Of The Coffin wrote: »

Maybe some women are too fussy and pass-up the opportunity to go out with someone just because they don't fit the ideal they have in their mind about what they want in a partner?

Maybe, I've known a couple of women like this in my time and I'd add in personal experience of some men with faces like a baboons arse and a personality to match who were holding out for swimwear models.

marshbaboon

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe, I've known a couple of women like this in my time and I'd add in personal experience of some men with faces like a baboons arse and a personality to match who were holding out for swimwear models.

What's wrong with my arse

Borat_Sagdiyev

Nice guys definitely finish last.

You need to have cojones and be able to stand up for yourself before women ( before ANYONE ) will have respect for you.

I was at a party a while back and I was kissing this girl. We went upstairs in to bed and she stopped it and said "I can't do this". I asked why - her response was "You're too nice."

So I pulled away from her and said "Oh for f***s sake don't give me that f***ing sh*t."

Guess what ? We then had sex.

I was too nice in her head, I told her to cop on, showing her that I was able to stand up for myself and not just go along with whatever it was she had decided.

Like the snickers ad, GET SOME NUTS !

St.Spodo

Being nice and being assertive/bold aren't mutually exclusive. Anyone who isn't and can't be both won't really get anywhere in the long run.

starlit

Defiler Of The Coffin wrote: »

There is a lot of variables, two people who on the face of it are similar personality and looks-wise mightn't attract the same kind of people at all.

'Tis hard to know...

Ok, interesting point there!

Dwellingdweller

Personally, I've always been a nice/passive guy. As lots of people have said being that type of person is usually a symptom of low self-esteem/self worth which nobody is obliged to find attractive. Looking back, I never became infatuated with girls who had low self-esteem ( although I did become infatuated a lot, sadly :P ), so why should the reverse apply to women? I don't worry about what others think of me now. I just work on developing myself and my own self confidence. You can't love someone if you don't love yourself first

Also, I'm at an interesting dilemma right now. I recently converted to Buddhism and it emphasis that there is no "self" - that our notion of a self or ego is constructed based on our experiences. However, becoming "egoless" entails, at first glance, a loss of self-confidence (although, with the cessation of the ego, one also becomes fully confident because their past experiences don't hold them back). The challenge I'm facing is integrating the noble qualities of kindness, goodwill, acceptance, and support with the qualities of the confident and successful person I'd like to be. They seem to be at conflict sometimes, but I hope to combine them and become a great person

miamee

marshbaboon wrote: »

I'm starting to think OP was being sexist, and trying to push every single woman into the same bracket :P.

You can't put everyone into the same demographic. It's very much a case of different strokes for different folks. I always find it's more a question of compatibility. I'd definitely consider myself a nice guy, I'd genuinely rather be single than act like a dick to attract a girl with probable low self confidence.

I've turned down the advances of girls, and they've turned me down. I couldn't possibly claim I know what's going on in their brains, or they mine, so it simply comes down to compatibility & personal circumstances at the time. I don't know about anyone else, but I rarely meet two girls with the same personality.

Ditto to this - some women would also rather stay single than go out with a string of guys who they have little or no interest in just to see what/who is out there.

Mr Benevolent

I've always been 'nice' and I don't find it a problem at all. The women still come.

pablohoney87

Confab wrote: »

I've always been 'nice' and I don't find it a problem at all. The women still come.

Giggity

Feisar

Dwellingdweller wrote: »

Personally, I've always been a nice/passive guy. As lots of people have said being that type of person is usually a symptom of low self-esteem/self worth which nobody is obliged to find attractive. Looking back, I never became infatuated with girls who had low self-esteem ( although I did become infatuated a lot, sadly :P ), so why should the reverse apply to women? I don't worry about what others think of me now. I just work on developing myself and my own self confidence. You can't love someone if you don't love yourself first

Also, I'm at an interesting dilemma right now. I recently converted to Buddhism and it emphasis that there is no "self" - that our notion of a self or ego is constructed based on our experiences. However, becoming "egoless" entails, at first glance, a loss of self-confidence (although, with the cessation of the ego, one also becomes fully confident because their past experiences don't hold them back). The challenge I'm facing is integrating the noble qualities of kindness, goodwill, acceptance, and support with the qualities of the confident and successful person I'd like to be. They seem to be at conflict sometimes, but I hope to combine them and become a great person

I know nothing about Buddhism. However on the ego issue. I used to practice Karate at a high level. So as a black belt sparring/fighting junior grades used to mess me up as the ego got in the way. I'd think I had to win anything else was embarrassing. Solution? I let myself loose loads, for months. Now while doing this I worked on specific elements of my game so I was learning but nevertheless I was loosing repeatedly. No one thought I was any good. The pressure to perform and the ego and crap that goes with it melted away.

Ego is a bad thing but confidence is different. If you know yourself inside out then saying you'll look after whatever be it in work or wherever isn't an ego trip it's simply a statement of fact.

Feisar

OK, what have all these nice people got going for them? Like if someone is described as nice I think it's fair to say they're probably fairly bland. Or at least are not showing their qualities.

marshbaboon

Feisar wrote: »

OK, what have all these nice people got going for them? Like if someone is described as nice I think it's fair to say they're probably fairly bland. Or at least are not showing their qualities.

Or possibly, just maybe, they're a nice individual.

L.Jenkins

Just a quick one though, define nice. Every time I think of nice, I think of Prince Charles or Phillip and it makes me shudder.

Dwellingdweller

Feisar wrote: »

I know nothing about Buddhism. However on the ego issue. I used to practice Karate at a high level. So as a black belt sparring/fighting junior grades used to mess me up as the ego got in the way. I'd think I had to win anything else was embarrassing. Solution? I let myself loose loads, for months. Now while doing this I worked on specific elements of my game so I was learning but nevertheless I was loosing repeatedly. No one thought I was any good. The pressure to perform and the ego and crap that goes with it melted away.

Ego is a bad thing but confidence is different. If you know yourself inside out then saying you'll look after whatever be it in work or wherever isn't an ego trip it's simply a statement of fact.

Oh definitely Discipline is one of the greatest traits I think someone can have. As you said having no ego simply allows the body and mind to do what it has to do without undue psychological pressure And other things besides. I think/hope that my confidence will continue to fluorish as I work on minimizing the influence of my ego, as I won't have any psychological b.s getting in the way of me doing a good job whatever I'm doing

Sea Filly

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Just find a woman who appreciates a nice man. There are some out there. You shouldn't have to change yourself to appear more attractive to the opposite sex. Feck that! Life's too short. There's nothing worse than a nice guy trying to be a cocky arsehole after reading some PUA material, thinking it will impress the birds. It's too fake.

Exactly, trying to pull of the alpha male thing when you're clearly not one is cringeworthy. Just be relaxed and happy in yourself, many of us are turned off by the alpha male types. Gimme a beta type any day. :pac:

Feeona

I dunno...Powell finished last in the 100m the other night, he seems to be a bit of an arsicle

Feisar

marshbaboon wrote: »

Or possibly, just maybe, they're a nice individual.

Oh it's grand but hardly noteworthy.

kfallon

Feeona wrote: »

I dunno...Powell finished last in the 100m the other night, he seems to be a bit of an arsicle

He shouldn't even have been in the final

foxyboxer

Feeona wrote: »

I dunno...Powell finished last in the 100m the other night, he seems to be a bit of an arsicle

He can wipe away those tears with his Gold from Beijing

Feeona

foxyboxer wrote: »

He can wipe away those tears with his Gold from Beijing

If he doesn't throw a strop in the next race, he just might be able to redeem himself!

1ZRed

Feeona wrote: »

I dunno...Powell finished last in the 100m the other night, he seems to be a bit of an arsicle

In fairness Bolt won and he's the most arrogant guy going. He is class though

foxyboxer

1ZRed wrote: »

In fairness Bolt won and he's the most arrogant guy going. He is class though

Nah that Greg Rutherford long jumper outdoes Bolt for sheer cockiness. At least Bolt is likeable.

1ZRed

foxyboxer wrote: »

Nah that Greg Rutherford long jumper outdoes Bolt for sheer cockiness. At least Bolt is likeable.

I was actually kind of taken aback by how up themselves a lot of the athletes are. Even the more useless ones.

I agree though, Bolt maybe a bit of a dick but he is funny. The other Jamaican is more or less the same and I had to laugh as the commentators were calling them 'real show men' as they took their medals.

Scanlas The 2nd

marshbaboon wrote: »

Feisar wrote: »

OK, what have all these nice people got going for them? Like if someone is described as nice I think it's fair to say they're probably fairly bland. Or at least are not showing their qualities.

Or possibly, just maybe, they're a nice individual.

If you were to look into anyone's head you'd probably no one is really " nice", they just don't have the self acceptance to say what they think which would be edgy.

W.Shakes-Beer

Grayson wrote: »

Yeah. Her arms

Wehaaay