No guys out there for me?

1ZRed

My example of 100 people is based off a sample of 100 guys I know. I do not know anyone personally that is a straight acting gay guy. It's not an assumption. It is a fact.

I wouldn't trust your facts if you don't even try to meet and seek out straight acting gay men and instead just see the obvious camp ones.

I don't know where you're getting that from. If I didn't "accept my homosexuality" would I ever have met up with other guys? No. I think a more accurate statement is that I am not embracing the camp side of homosexuality!

I accept my sexuality fully and I'm becoming more and more open about it (eventhough I'm going through a lot right now, I still plan on being out before I'm 19) so does that mean I'm becoming more and more camp?
Fuck no! That was never me. I can't embrace something I never was nor will be.

Blank profile? No. I have more on my profile than most. Something more inventive than most others profiles. And if you mean a photo, I have a photo, but not of my face. Actually, if someone messages me and they have a face pic on their profile I will more than likely not talk to them. May sound harsh, but my God, it's very foolish to put a photo on a seedy website like that.

You are doing everything backwards! And those 'seedy sites' are the only thing you actually want to use to find a guy. Find that a bit hypocritical and deluded?
This is just ridiculous.
I really think you have some serious issues going on here. I wouldn't give guys like you the time of day because I wouldn't talk to a wall so why would I talk to a blank profile or a guy not open at a level to my liking.
You think it's foolish but I think it's the mature thing to do if you want to met guys like a normal person and have something more substantial than a hook up. Would you go into a bar with a mask on and expect to find someone?
Same thing applies. I get that more people could see you from the sites but you're totally just limiting yourself when you protest you have a limited amount of guys to choose from because you're gay in the first place and you even turn them away if they have the maturity to have a face pic.

Sort out your self esteem issues and view this from other guys perspectives. You want to meet guys and you're not open about yourself on a website yet you still think you can complain you haven't found anyone? If I posted something this ridiculous I'd be taken for a troll.
If you can't find anyone it's a mixture of luck and your own fault for limiting your options.

Oh no, I wouldn't lie. I'd just skip the question. Avoid it. The same goes for a lot of things in my life. I'm not entirely open about everything to everyone. Some people in my life know I'm a metal fan, others don't. I don't think full disclosure is necessarily the best option in every situation.

Go on, do what you like, avoid your problems and watch them stack up until they finally run you into the ground. You'll be guaranteed of that much I assure you.

The gay thing aside, I think you're way to untrusting and unreasonably conservative. It's ok to let your guard down and share your interests with people.

Who said I was confident? And my mates don't do the whole wing man thing. And even if they did, I wouldn't push the whole gay thing onto them. Maybe they're not comfortable with it, I don't know. I don't want to overstep my bounds, especially if I asked them to help me score some dude. Anyways, I don't really chat about the whole gay thing with them. I remember trying to test the waters by making a couple of gay jokes to test the waters and I just got awkward laughs so I didn't try any further.

Well then, your mates don't seem much like mates to me if you can't even be comfortable around them. Overstep your bounds? What are you beneath them
or something? I take it you're also not very close to them either. Friends don't treat each other like that, at least good ones that actually have a significant place for you don't anyway. Well at the end of the day it is you who sets the tone for your friends. If you came out and weren't completely happy and confident about it and your friends weren't exactly pro-gay, then of course their views would have remained relatively unaltered.
You can change how they see gay people and make them see that the stereotypes aren't true (you would be proof of that to them) but you see them as real so your 'friends' must also. I dunno man, I wouldn't be long getting rid of people who didn't make me feel welcome or made me repress myself and were supposed to be my mates.

No, I didn't say that. Keep twisting. I said I feel alone. That doesn't mean I'm the only one. It just means I haven't encountered anyone like myself.

OK I get that but why must you limit yourself so much? You are asking for a lot yet cast very short nets. You are trying to find yourself. It's impossible and can't be done. Ffs how many years was Barney the fuckin dinosaur trying to hammer home the point that everyone is unique. And it's true so you might as well be looking for the holy grail while you're at it. I love to meet people who are different to me and learn about them and their interests and our shared similarities and differences. It's interesting and just a fact of life, no one of us are alike but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's actually a big plus in my book.

I didn't realise this was a competition. And whats wrong with having certain turn-offs? I'm sure there are certain things that you come across when you meet a guy that may irritate you.

I made the point that my masculinity didn't matter but you said you we're so repulsed by camp men and could never find a straight acting one, well here I am buddy. You've found one. But other guys here have said that and you don't even believe them so I have to state it for myself.
And what do you even consider camp? Anything that isn't your type of music, tv/movies, games is it? If you can't find 'normal' guys like you as you say, then I think you consider camp as being more than just a stereotypical flamer.

Well I have been members of clubs. Did I meet any gay guys? No. Well maybe I did. Maybe they were all gay and straight acting. But how was I to know. Maybe I should have borrowed your magical gaydar.

Hahaha be a man, make eye contact and go up and ask them. If you were straight would you expect all women to come up to you? or how would you even know if they liked you without sending signals back and forth?
I don't have magical gaydar, I have balls and I make the effort and try. So I wouldn't complain you're not finding anyone if you're not even going to try.

I just honestly don't see that as an option. I well believe you that you are able to pick up gay guys at a "straight" club, but me? Nope. Maybe if they were waving a rainbow flag and making out with a dude I might be able to, but even that's a stretch.

Well stop presuming things and go for it. It's the same for straight people too, if they don't make an effort then they wouldn't find anyone either. They don't have it much easier. If you want to sit at the bar and have a guy come up to you like what happens in straight clubs with girls/guys, then go to a gay bar. At least then it's actually likely to happen so you don't have to approach them. It would ease the pressure off you a bit.

Well if I didn't feel alone earlier on, I certainly do now! I don't think anyone shares my views on any of the matters raised. A bit disheartening.

Look man, it was never my intention to make you feel bad, I'm not that kind of guy and I'm not a dick for no reason. I honestly have your best intentions at heart but I'm pretty tough about these things if I feel like the person needs a good kick or wake up call to see sense and get on with achieving what they want. You aren't alone but you need to put yourself out there and learn for yourself that having a slight difference in opinions is both interesting and refreshing.
I think you need to work out your views on being gay and actually accept yourself and the whole concept of being gay. At least then, you'll be able to learn that everything is actually different to how you perceive it to be in your head. That's a normal learning curve and it's what you do before you grow comfortable and confident in yourself for being gay. It's actually what you should have done before you told anybody.

Anyway, this has become very long winded and very much back and forth with little progress but you should be able to see that we want to help you out. I don't go to this amount of trouble for everyone you know so give me something back;)

ongarboy

OP - no one wants you to feel even more alone now than when you started this thread. Is there any chance you could compromise and even try one of the many suggestions offered by other posters here. They are all talking from experience. I don't think everything that has been said is not applicable to you. A lot of the advice given is actually applicable to us all but you seem to challenge or dispute almost every piece of advice been given which I find quite startling.

Personally, I think you should park the notion of finding other guys right now and prioritise coming to terms with yourself and addressing your self esteem. You come across in your posts as someone who has a hang up about your sexuality and your attitude on how relationships are formed or should work comes across as very flawed. I think if you were more comfortable within your own skin about who you are, your sexuality and your esteem, then your approach to relationships and ability to select, choose and be with the right person would be a lot different and far more successful.

i mentioned wet'n'wild in an earlier post. Participating in activities like that club will allow you to enter the real world of fellow gay guys (and girls) and see what they are like and understand that, wow, they all don't go around with feather boas, limp wrists and singing "I am what I am". Seeing other normal, well adjusted people who just happen to be gay may help you to respect yourself and the concept of being gay a little more. The relationship seeking and forming can evolve a lot more healthily and successfully from there then.

eaglach

Okay, I'm not even going to reply to any comments in particular because I want to get something cleared up.

Why does everyone keep spouting this bull that I have trouble accepting my sexuality? Seriously, I don't get it. It seems to be this vague comment that is floating around with no real explanation. Is it something people just say? Has it become a new expression that I've somehow missed?

I don't know how I can accept being gay anymore than I already am. It's pretty black and white. Do I accept being gay? Yes. Solved! I am really confused at the point that you guys are trying to make.

Conor30

Eaglach - I mean this genuinely. What are you hoping that boards.ie members can say to help you any more than they have? Many people, and I'd wager the majority of gay people, can't find a kindred spirit with whom to have a relationship. They're hard to come by and there's no magic pill. I have never been able to so far and I know a fair few other (good-looking and sound) guys who have been single most or all of the time over the space of 15 years. Some gay men go through their entire lives more or less always single. The only thing people can do is put themselves out there in whatever way they can, via joining clubs, via friends, via going out and via dating sites, etc etc...
There ARE some guys just like you out there. I'd wager that the majority of gay guys are, in fact, "masculine" but you wouldn't see them as much and they don't stand out from the crowd in the way a camp gay guy might. "I know people tell me online that they are not camp and out, but I just find it all hard to belive to be honest." you say, but why don't you give people credit, especially when you haven't even met them yet?? It's not exactly a good start, is it? I sense a certain arrogance on your part, if I must say so. What if everyone thought the same thing about you (that you're probably not actually 'straight-acting')?

1ZRed

eaglach wrote: »

Okay, I'm not even going to reply to any comments in particular because I want to get something cleared up.

Why does everyone keep spouting this bull that I have trouble accepting my sexuality? Seriously, I don't get it. It seems to be this vague comment that is floating around with no real explanation. Is it something people just say? Has it become a new expression that I've somehow missed?

I don't know how I can accept being gay anymore than I already am. It's pretty black and white. Do I accept being gay? Yes. Solved! I am really confused at the point that you guys are trying to make.

Look man my point is clear. Get out there, get joining loads of clubs, go out to clubs/bars gay or straight and get yourself a wing man or supportive friends who will help you out. Try your best and do all you can otherwise stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.

It's all on you and it's only you that can make any decision for yourself and since you won't take anyone else's advice on-board, you might as well just get back online and not come back. I don't know what you want. Every possible answer has been given to you.

1ZRed

Conor30 wrote: »

Eaglach - I mean this genuinely. What are you hoping that boards.ie members can say to help you any more than they have? Many people, and I'd wager the majority of gay people, can't find a kindred spirit with whom to have a relationship. They're hard to come by and there's no magic pill. I have never been able to so far and I know a fair few other (good-looking and sound) guys who have been single most or all of the time over the space of 15 years. Some gay men go through their entire lives more or less always single. The only thing people can do is put themselves out there in whatever way they can, via joining clubs, via friends, via going out and via dating sites, etc etc...
There ARE some guys just like you out there. I'd wager that the majority of gay guys are, in fact, "masculine" but you wouldn't see them as much and they don't stand out from the crowd in the way a camp gay guy might. "I know people tell me online that they are not camp and out, but I just find it all hard to belive to be honest." you say, but why don't you give people credit, especially when you haven't even met them yet?? It's not exactly a good start, is it? I sense a certain arrogance on your part, if I must say so. What if everyone thought the same thing about you (that you're probably not actually 'straight-acting')?

Yeah I noticed that too that's why I made the point that I'd probably be more masculine than him. It annoyed me how he was talking down on so many guys when all they are is assumptions made by a man too fearful to meet men in the flesh and put himself outside of his comfort zone.

OP- All I hear is you picking guys and how they are not enough like you or are too camp for you. You don't want any guy like that. Well did you ever think about it this way, who says those guys you're after would pick you? You seem to think that you're the guy in control and you will be the one to decide everything. Ever care to wonder maybe they look at you and see things they don't like and they are the ones to back away? So I'd stop that mentality because it takes two people to decide to start something not just you calling the shots on what it takes to pass the test to have you in a relationship. It's arrogant and irritating to listen too.

I think there is a bit of fear of rejection going on here too, but that's life and on the road to finding the right match you will get put out in the open and it might not work out at all but at least that's progress and you would be doing all you could so in years to come you won't have to be plagued by the "what ifs".
And I'm only in a position to tell you this because I've been in your place, with your same opinions and views (I think all young guys start off thinking this way) but I grew out of them slowly, like most guys, by actually starting to experience it with an open mind.
You need to try it with that mentality.
And I'm not even as experienced, comfortable or open minded as some of the guys I've met that are my own age so no excuses.

eaglach

Conor30 wrote: »

Eaglach - I mean this genuinely. What are you hoping that boards.ie members can say to help you any more than they have? Many people, and I'd wager the majority of gay people, can't find a kindred spirit with whom to have a relationship. They're hard to come by and there's no magic pill. I have never been able to so far and I know a fair few other (good-looking and sound) guys who have been single most or all of the time over the space of 15 years. Some gay men go through their entire lives more or less always single. The only thing people can do is put themselves out there in whatever way they can, via joining clubs, via friends, via going out and via dating sites, etc etc...
There ARE some guys just like you out there. I'd wager that the majority of gay guys are, in fact, "masculine" but you wouldn't see them as much and they don't stand out from the crowd in the way a camp gay guy might. "I know people tell me online that they are not camp and out, but I just find it all hard to belive to be honest." you say, but why don't you give people credit, especially when you haven't even met them yet?? It's not exactly a good start, is it? I sense a certain arrogance on your part, if I must say so. What if everyone thought the same thing about you (that you're probably not actually 'straight-acting')?

First time I've ever been called arrogant I must say. I'm far from it. If anything I am quite modest. I guess the internet brings out a different side of me. All I am saying is that from my experience, I have not encountered any guys who I would consider "straight-acting" that is all. I'm sure there are straight acting guys out there, it's just that I haven't encountered them. I've been told by guys that they were not camp and they were, that's why I find it hard to believe. You can't blame me for having a negative outlook in that regard can you?

1ZRed wrote: »

Look man my point is clear. Get out there, get joining loads of clubs, go out to clubs/bars gay or straight and get yourself a wing man or supportive friends who will help you out. Try your best and do all you can otherwise stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.

It's all on you and it's only you that can make any decision for yourself and since you won't take anyone else's advice on-board, you might as well just get back online and not come back. I don't know what you want. Every possible answer has been given to you.

Well all I can do is really what I've been doing up to this point. Joining clubs and socialising. Once again my mates don't do the wing man thing, even for other straight mates.

It's just difficult, you know? Just sitting here, thinking about it all, I realise what a difficult hand I've been dealt, that we all have been dealt. Some are lucky enough to have an outgoing personality that can adapt to it better than others. By the way, this is not me looking for pity.

What you're saying makes sense, but any suggestions you have made are very difficult for me to take on board. I am not that guy. I am not that guy who is able to chat to strangers. I am not that guy who doesn't care what others think. I am not that guy who is easy-going and carefree. And after twenty odd years it's very difficult to change something which is essentially my personality.

I listen to everyones advice here on these forums, and I do try to take it on board, I really do. I may seem very resistant, but that's just me. I think I like to make things difficult.

Enough waffle. I've wasted enough of everyones time.

floggg

OP, this is just some random comments. I had wanted to respond to various points made, but I think at this stage, I'd end up typing an essay, so this is just responding off the dome to a few things.

A lot of people have suggested that you may not be full comfortable with your sexuality, and I picked up on that too. I know you refute this, and you are obviously in a better position to know your own thinking on this. At the same time, sometimes its hard to objectively assess your own thinking.

I think you have accepted the fact that you are gay, yes, but you aren't actually comfortable with that fact. For example, you said something along the lines of you wouldn't be comfortable going on the pull with friends, not wanting to "over step the bounds", and not really talking about "gay stuff" with them. To me, that suggests you feel that they kind of have a right to be put out or not cool with you being gay, or that it would be wrong of you to expect them to fully accept you.

If you were fully comfortable with being gay, you would that there is no reason why you should feel that you should have to spare your friends from having to acknowledge the fact you are gay, or any reason they should feel disturbed. Moreover, you would know that if they are truly your friends, they should have your back and you should be able to come to them with this sort of thing.

I went through that myself - between acknowledging I was gay and accepting that fact - I kind of felt that it was my cross to bear alone and that my friends wouldn't or shouldn't have to be subjected to it.

I realised though that (a) there was nothing to be ashamed about being gay and (b) not only should they "put up" with me being gay in front of them, if they wanted to be my friend, they needed to do more and actually be there for me with this ****. It's hard - as you are finding.

If your friends are friends, they should help you through they tough bits, not expect you to spare them from having to deal with your "gay problems".

Similarly, your rigid aversion to camp guys also suggests that you aren't fully comfortable with being gay. Again, i went through that - they reminded me of all the bad things people said about gays and thus reminded that lots of people would say the same things about me just because I was one of those "queers". I used to have all these misconceptions about gay men, gay bars, and the scene and how terrible and camp everything was. i hated going to bars at first but did so out of desparate necessity.

Eventually though, I realised two things - (1) most gay men are ordinary, mundane people who are neither butch bikers or fairies. They are just normal guys. (2) It was my issue not theirs. It was my own insecurity that turned me off by "camp". I still wouldn't necessarily go for a "camp" guy, purely because I wouldn't have anything in common (you don't need to have everything in common, but you do need some common ground). But a camp moment or two wouldn't put me off an otherwise great guy.

While I might not date them, I have no problem with camp guys tho. Indeed, I respect them more for it, as I realise that for all the bull**** about "real men," a guy who grows up "camp" and can still be themselves proudly and in spite of all the **** he probably got in school for it has more stones than 10 straight or straight acting guys put together.


You said that everybody was steering you towards gay bars and clubs - no, not at all. As i said, any of the gay sports or social clubs would be a better place to start for you. Get to know real guys as friends even, it will help you so much. Not just to meet guys, but to socialise and make friends.

Even from the point of view that you feel you can't talk to your straight mates about being gay, it would surely be good for you to have a few gay friends you can feel comfortable talking to?

It helped my loads myself - to start hanging around with confident, proud (in the sense of not being ashamed rather than conceited or brash) gay men helped me to be comfortable with just being myself around others and not feel like I should have to hide who I am to make others feel comfortable.

I'm not telling you that you should learn to be out and open to everybody - I'm just saying you should become comfortable enough to do so if you wanted to. Apart from not wanting to at the minute though, I sense that you just aren't comfortable enough to do it.

As for choosing between work and social life - I agree, you shouldn't have to choose. But with the limitations you are imposing on yourself (not risking setting foot in a gay bar out of fear of somebody in work seeing you etc), you are stacking the odds to far in favour of work in my book.

Again, you don't have to go to gay bars - many gay men don't. But you shouldn't let fear be the reason why you don't, it should be because you just don't like them (though you won't find that out unless you go once or twice).

Finally, you say you "aren't that guy." I wasn't myself, though I am now. A year ago, i had zero confidence, was very introverted and low self esteem. But I got to the point where I realised something had to give, so I pushed myself to take a few first steps - like going to a gay bar, going to a few social events etc. I was completely out of my comfort zone at first, but I perserved and now am a new person. The hardest part was taking the decision not to let other people's opinions of me hold me back - once I did that the rest actually came relatively easily. I knew nothing would chance unless I took a few chances, and with each step i took, the next became a little less daunting.

Hope some of that helps. And I hope you realise nobody is trying to jump on your back - we're just trying to help.

PS - wing maning can be as simple of being in the same club with you, and knowing when to **** off when you get talking to somebody. A lot of the time, it's passive. So unless none of your friends ever score in nightclubs, yes, they probably do do it.

Caiseoipe19

Hey, I won't say much cause most of what I think has been said before in bits and pieces.

I thought about telling you the traits and interests I have that would be considered "masculine" but considering I'm just another person on the internet, you can't believe me. Just off the top of my head though, look at the likes of Dominic Hannigan, Dónal Óg Cusack or Nigel Owens...you couldn't describe them as being camp.
I can understand where people are coming from when questioning whether or not you are fully comfortable with the fact that you're gay. Maybe they're read you're older posts on this site that show you, at one stage at least, had difficulty accepting it. I think it's one thing to say to yourself that you are and another thing to actually be completely comfortable with it. While I've come out to a couple of people, I can't say that I'm fully accepting of it in my own case. I accept it in my head but don't think I'd be comfortable with it being widely known. All that aside, if you say you are I'll take you're word for it because you're the only one that knows what's going on in your head and we've no right to tell you you are or you aren't. All we can do is give our opinions on how we see it, based on the information you give us.

Regarding this thing about getting a "wing-man" and it being "a normal thing to do with friends"...that's just stupid. Some people do it, others don't.

I also understand that there are instances where it is not favourable to let it be known that you're gay, in the workplace. While I think it's bound to be much better for your state of mind if you didn't have to hide it, the fact that some teachers can lose their jobs because they're gay is proof that some workplaces can still be hostile places for gay people. We don't know the dynamics of your workplace, whether or not colleagues' personal lives are shared with each other or if it's a purely professional relationship between you etc. so you probably know better than us how it would affect you.

brokenice

i don't mean this in a disrespectful way...but you need to get laid...some horizontal folk dancing and you'll be a new man...literally...now off to find some hot man with you!

Annasopra

I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but I personally think "go, get laid" isn't really great advice at all. (As an aside personally I get really irritated as well by phrases like "man up" and "grow a pair" - it's like some sort of macho hypermasculinity telling you what a real man should do)

OP - there is quite a lot in this thread. I think some people while they may have seemed harsh have given very good advice - a few things struck me and I wanted to respond to them;


1 - I don't understand why you don't engage with people who put face photos up on sites. It seems you are not only being a bit too judgemental but also completely missing opportunities.

2 - I don't really understand your fear of someone from work seeing you at a gay bar. If you see them then they see you.

3 - There are lots and lots of groups - lgbt sports clubs and activity groups you could/should consider. Or you could try going to meetings here (or gaire.com or queerid.com)

4 -

eaglach wrote: »

I am not that guy. I am not that guy who is able to chat to strangers. I am not that guy who doesn't care what others think. I am not that guy who is easy-going and carefree. And after twenty odd years it's very difficult to change something which is essentially my personality.

Enough waffle. I've wasted enough of everyones time.

I think this is the nub of the issue. You do things certain ways and you find it difficult to change. It's not impossible though. I recognise lots of people who used to be like that: Myself, Floggg, Paddyc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc. Also I don't think you're wasting anyones time.

Rick_

What'd you say about me, Mango?!

Eaglach, look at some of these threads I started on here and look what was said to me.

Doomed To Be Alone
Where To Meet Decent Guys?
Approaching People / Making The First Move

If you could see the difference in me from then and now you'd think I was two different people and all it took was a little pushing myself out of my comfort zone even though I didn't want to. I knew if I didn't at least try I wouldn't get anywhere, but if I did try, I could end up exactly where I wanted to be.

I'm not the same whiny, paranoid, melodramatic nervous gay guy I was back then. One day you won't be the same as you are now. Make the first steps now and I guarantee you'll feel all the better for it in the near future.

eaglach

I haven't replied because I can't really add anything. I just want to say thanks for all the advice. I guess the thing I have to learn is that I can't really complain about not meeting guys without actually doing something different. As Einstein said about insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

Aurongroove

I'm impressed with your sense. Some of those responses "we" gave were a little bit on the expansive side, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

My prognosis is take some time to digest it all!

RamesesII

Thank God. I'm not the only one!! Man I'm in the same boat as you, I mean no disrespect to anyone but there are a lot of lads who are romantically (and I mean that in the true sense of the word NOT just physical) attracted to other lads but who don't match the stereotype of "gay", the campness, having a lot of "girlfriends" etc. I'm not knocking anyone but everyone has different personalities.

I'm in a similar boat to yourself, I'm a huge Deftones, Tool fan etc. and I read a lot of Sci -fi so yeah I feel like a bit of an alien in certain types of bars.

I'll say this much - I have very few friends straight or otherwise who met the "one" in a bar. Does anybody know of anywhere outside the usual alcohol fueled nonsense where you can have a conversation which might lead to something? I would agree about staying away from the websites too they don't generate real interaction.

Would be nice if someone gave us all a guide book but hey, we have to try and muddle through right?

RamesesII

Also have to dig a man who quotes Einstein

floggg

RamesesII wrote: »

Thank God. I'm not the only one!! Man I'm in the same boat as you, I mean no disrespect to anyone but there are a lot of lads who are romantically (and I mean that in the true sense of the word NOT just physical) attracted to other lads but who don't match the stereotype of "gay", the campness, having a lot of "girlfriends" etc. I'm not knocking anyone but everyone has different personalities.

I'm in a similar boat to yourself, I'm a huge Deftones, Tool fan etc. and I read a lot of Sci -fi so yeah I feel like a bit of an alien in certain types of bars.

I'll say this much - I have very few friends straight or otherwise who met the "one" in a bar. Does anybody know of anywhere outside the usual alcohol fueled nonsense where you can have a conversation which might lead to something? I would agree about staying away from the websites too they don't generate real interaction.

Would be nice if someone gave us all a guide book but hey, we have to try and muddle through right?

The responses posted in this thread are as close to a good book as one can get.

Read the thread through from the start as all this has been covered.

calm_bull

eaglach wrote: »

I have for a long time been browsing websites like gaydar and manhunt, looking for guys for possibly a relationship. Friendship at the least. But I just can't find any guys that interest me.

I get the feeling I'm on my own in this whole gay community. I feel like I don't fit in. I am a "straight-acting" guy and really only interested in other non-camp guys. Thats not too strange is it?

Then I look to see if I have anything in common. Problem is that I never do. Ever. I'm into rock and metal music. No gay guys I talk to are ever into this kind of music. I like video games. Same story. Films and TV? I could go on like this with lots of things.

Am I being too picky? I am new to this whole gay thing, and relationships, but isn't having things in common pretty important?

It's bad enough being limited to the small number of gay/bi guys in this world to choose from, but then trying to find one that shares my interests? Impossible.

It seems like a lost cause and I'm forever destined to be alone.

i completely disagree here. i like games, and rock music, rock music not so much, and i am also straight acting. i am single too, however i dont blame this on the fact that there arent people like me out there. i am not part of this so i couldn't give you details but there is a whole network of 'gaymers' as they call themselves, any of the people that i know involved in this are straight acting. you dont have to have everything in common with people either, maybe they can let you in on their lives and show you new experiences.

My favourite music wouldn't be so mainstream so it can be difficult to find someone with my taste in it, and my gaming isn't hardcore enough to be a gaymer, but there would be no reason i couldn't introduce people to my type of music, and have a listen to theirs, there could be plenty of other things you have in common with someone

Aurongroove

And just like that eaglach in no longer the newest "is there such thing as non-camp gay people or am I the only one and will I be alone forever?" to join the board.

brokenice

i was at a party recently and my mate really wanted to introduce me to some guy. he assured me he wasn't camp...when i met him it was like being hit in the face with a bottle of pop...:eek: i think my mate did it on purpose for kicks!

calm_bull

brokenice wrote: »

i was at a party recently and my mate really wanted to introduce me to some guy. he assured me he wasn't camp...when i met him it was like being hit in the face with a bottle of pop...:eek: i think my mate did it on purpose for kicks!

'i have this friend you will absolutely love him, you two would be perfect together...'

'is he camp?'

'yeah... hes fabulous'

Aurongroove

brokenice wrote: »

i was at a party recently and my mate really wanted to introduce me to some guy. he assured me he wasn't camp...when i met him it was like being hit in the face with a bottle of pop...:eek: i think my mate did it on purpose for kicks!

lol. what a ****er

eaglach

Aurongroove wrote: »

And just like that eaglach in no longer the newest "is there such thing as non-camp gay people or am I the only one and will I be alone forever?" to join the board.

Well that wasn't my point. It was that finding guys with similar interests is difficult, that was all.

Aurongroove

Oh I know Eaglach, and sorry; I didn't mean to give the impression that I genuinely misunderstood your point after such a long thread (but rather, for the sake of humour)

You know the way sometimes an old relative or someone might try to cheer you up but they end up grossly insulting or misrepresenting you? and that that winds up being the thing that cheers you up the most? I've taken to sometimes doing that as a joke, but the humour sometimes dosn't survive the writing down process


in a similar complaint I had (over a cup of tea) about needing to go to dublin to have a proper gay night out, where I can actually meet guys and have a conversation (becasue Mayo dosn't have gay venues) my mum said to me once "ahh you're right; there nothing down here for you... except the freaks down at the lake riddled with god knows what" (!!:eek:!!:D)

what was I supposed to say "you're right, mammy. now, would you like another jaffa cake?"
It did make me laugh though. It's nice to know that she had no way of quantifying the difference between trying to find a guy to live with and going around cruising for casual sex every other night but that she was still OK with everything for no other reason then her trust in me to lead a proper life!