Things you'd like to say to them

zozo339

To my nan -

dearest nee nee, I let you down, big time...not spending as much time with you towards the end as I should have. I was scared, and I wish I had cherished the time you had left. You were so ill, and I didn't appreciate you missed me and that you probably were hoping everyday for me to come around. I am so so sorry, and my heart aches with sadness that I didn't cherish you as much as I should have. I wish so badly I could go back and see you again, or just hear your voice. I've phoned your answerphone and you never recorded a message, so I can't hear your voice. I haven't been in your bungalow since I've been away from mum and dad as I just can't face it. It makes me sad, and I'll be greaving for such a long time now. It's been nearly 5 months now, and I feel you here sometimes, with me and my cousin. It's amazing, such a comforting feeling. The feeling I used to get when I was in your company. You knew you were my favourite nan, even though I had dads mum. You were the best, you were everything anyone could ever ask for and wish for in a nan. Whenever I tell anyone about you, I still call you Nee Nee. I hope you're there with granddad, and I bet you he's glad he doesn't have to wait any longer to be with you again. Thank you for being the best of the best, the most gorgeous, caring, loving, kind and warm hearted woman.

God bless. I love you. So much, it kills me. </3 My heart broke the day you passed.

zozo339

One for you dad.

We haven't seen each other for nearly 3 months now, and it's tough. Suddenly having my heart ripped out of my chest, away from you and mum. For such bad reasons. We all went through such a hard time. You gave up everything for me while I was growing up, into this woman I am now. I miss you every day, so badly. You were my best friend, and I still think of you all the time. Even though you're still living, only 30 miles away, I feel as if someone has died. Why we had to treat each other so badly, and break each others hearts, I really don't know. I loved you so much, and still do.

And one day, maybe we'll find our way back to each other.

CaraMay

Please help your nephew x

LegacyUser

I miss you so much that i cant even breathe naturally anymore. I have to remind myself to stop holding my breath, remind myself that i have no choice but to breathe. I am so alone without you sis. Nothing seems right everything is wrong. And that is the way it always will be. The pain consumes me and the guilt of being alive is too much. I wish i could have taken your place, i would have given my life for yours. I have known much loss but nothing has ce close to losing you. I miss you, i miss your smile, your fingers, your toes. I miss you, what you were and what you never had a chance to become. And i, i keep going in a world with no meaning. It's lonely grief.

I love you sweet girl, from your big sis xxx

LoonyLovegood

I'm sorry we weren't even in the country when you died.

four year ago this month

Im sorry!

sadie06

It will be 15 years this October since you left us, and I still ache with sadness. Nobody could ever replace that bond we had, and I hated when people told me that my children would fill the void. I love them with all of my heart, but the hole in my life is 'you' shaped, and nothing will ever fill it.

What brought me here today is the little moment of sadness myself and dad shared at the weekend, when out of nowhere, during a vary trivial conversation, he mentioned you in passing, as he often does, but this time he cried.

It is many years since I have seen dad cry over your loss, and as we were on a busy street, there was little I could do to comfort him, and the moment passed.

I miss seeing that beautiful relationship you had with dad, and the total devotion himself and mam had to you. I hope you are proud of the effort they have gone to to extract happiness from life without you.

Most of all, I hope you see yourself in my children, because I do, every day.

I love you and miss you my beautiful sister. x x x x x x

LegacyUser

7 years later..

It's madness how much better I feel 7 years later. That must sound awful, but I really do think I've dealt with it all now. Which is better than how I would have been 4 years ago. I was an emotional wreck every anniversary, unable to cope, unable to stop crying etc.

None of that carry on was going to bring you back anyway. I was so young back then, only 20 years of age and you were 19. It's amazing how so much has changed since. I feel at peace about your death now. You died in such a horrific, traumatic way, I honestly never thought I'd get over it. I had serious OCD for ages after it with all things to do with fire. I've slowly dropped most of those habits. Still a good thing to be though, alert about fires.

I believe that C helped me to pull my head out of the dark cloud I was under. Yeah, he may have been harsh sometimes with me, asking why I was crying etc. He may be a serious macho bloke, and doesn't really understand women and emotions, but they way he thought kind of turned on a light in my head. What was I playing at? Moping, crying, sobbing, still grief-stricken 5 YEARS later! I really wasn't dealing with it well. I needed someone to help me. Not a counsellor cos they just nod their heads in agreement at everything you say. They were not helpful at all, they never understood TRULY what I was going through, they just repeat all the textbook phrases to make me THINK they knew what was going on in my head. They weren't for me at all. In fact, they made me more angry. But that just goes to show just how badly I was dealing with your death! Rationale didn't even enter my head. It was just what I believed - was gospel.

I still feel so guilty about not visiting your parents. There is NO excuse for it, they live straight across the road. But that's one thing I have to say I dont think I will ever do, step foot in your house again, the smell, the look, everything about it would probably bring it all back, and I've come so far now. I just stay away. I always chat to them on the road and they seem better too. I nearly died when I saw them converting your room into an office. I couldnt let go, they were so strong and brave - much more so than I, and they were your parents. Just goes to show that you do need to move on to cope.

I still miss you of course, goes without saying. But I feel a huge amount of peace now? I have no idea why? I think I just got on with life, got with C, still kept your memories in my head. I must have truly left the bereavement behind. Thankfully because I really feel like I lost out on so much of life because I couldn't accept you were gone. The years I wasted being upset and depressed are years I wont get back. But I can look to the future now Still keep your memory alive always.

Ps... I wish I could hear your thoughts on last weekend most hilarious day ever, and I know you were with me the entire time.

Love you always

R x

LegacyUser

Hi,
I know you've visited me since you left and you wanted me to know you've been around. I got your message. I always knew that if there was life after death you'd want to let me know somehow. Clever of you to contact me in that way considering I dismissed constant chatting on my shoulder as just my mind wandering.
Weird, wasn't it....we didn't speak about it, we avoided it...discussed what was in the news right up until the end, and then the lead up to your death became exhausting. You weren't stupid, you knew this was it...and yet we didn't discuss it, death was a topic to be avoided even though it stood there by your bedside like an unwelcome guest grinning at us both.
You know I love you, that's all that matters. I can't stand the silence, the finality of you going. I wasn't ready, I hope you were, but I wasn't. It doesn't feel real you not being around, you were too young to go in my eyes.
I am managing, you taught me something to get me through this, death is what happened to you not to me. I am alive and I must live...you've proved to me that there is somewhere, something after death therefore I know I will meet you again and spend a lot longer with you than without you...so yes I am smiling again and living life as you would have wanted me to.

honeygirl

You have passed on now and hopefully you are in a place where you are happy. I will never forget you. Love you always xx

Gremlinertia

N, you left us 18 months ago now, i wish i'd seen something, any sort of sign, i wish that i'd made more of an effort to meet up each week.. I wish most of all that you were still here..

I miss you, i love you, keep us a seat,

G

The Princess Bride

My dear C.
I heard Cece Peniston singing "Finally" a while ago on the tv.
That song always reminds me of you.
22 years next month -where did that time go?

I've been incredibly lucky in my life, to have had a few unique and special friends ,who've given me memories to cherish forever.

I'm honoured that you were one of them.
Thank you.

cuana

I think I'm still reeling in shock. Its been nearly two years now lately your constantly in my thoughts, my dreams. I don't think I'm grieving properly or or at least I think I'm just not willing to share my grief yet.

I met up with Liv recently of course she eventually brought your name into conversation. I just couldn't talk about it ironically I had always encouraged her to speak of her loss which I knew she had never dealt with it. I can't hide from her she knows me too well.

I miss you deeply.

Lou.m

Your mother misses you. They all do. I did not know as well as others but you were so fiery so creative the apple of everyone's eye.

You had it all girl. You have it all wherever you are.

I gave your Mom a letter and a picture for you. I know you got it because it blew under her car when I was at your house and i know that was you :-)

You are amazing. I hope i have the confidence to be like that.

YOU REALLY BROUGHT OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

Your friends LOVE you.

Your brother is doing better HE WILL BE OK! INFACT HE WILL BE GREAT! Your parents love you.

See yaxxx HUGS! you Fiery chick! :-) xx

We tell people about you ..the world is still learning about you and from you.

John Mason

Cant believe it is two years. I will never forget that phone call, to say you were gone and all our lives changed forever.

I am sitting here looking at my beautiful, very much wanted son, whom we found out was coming on your day last year.

You would get great craic out of him, he is going to have a his first cousin in a few months there will be 6 months between them, pretty much like us. I hope and pray he has the same connection we have/had and he never has to go through this pain.

I miss you so much, and think about you everyday. I still dont understand and I dont think I ever will. You have missed so much.

Love man, will have a can of dutch gold for you tomorrow.

Look over my wee man

xxx

gumgum1

Nana
i cant belive your not here anymore its only been 8 months and yet sometimes it feel like yesterday.my days are just not the same i felt i had a purpose in life caring for you and i know I prob gave out but it was never about caring for you it was more how the rest of your family left me to it once i moved in with your son. I was so lucky yo have you as my mother in law you gave me and my son a house to live in a place to call home there is not to many women in there seventys would do that . So now i really just want to say sorry sorry you died on your own i know i was in the bedroom beside you but i think i missed some sign when putting you to bed that night sorry i didnt hear you if you called out for me that night sorry if you were frighten. Im also sorry for enjoying life now to be able to go away on holidays oreven days out and not rush home fills me with guilt for enjoying them and i know you would want us to be doing theese things as we never done them while looking after you
Our home is not the same without you your two grandchildren miss you so much your son is devestated that your not here

I never told you but i grew to love you while looking after i was lucky to have you as my mother on law but you always be nana to me
Minds us all from heaven nana as i know you wil
Xxxx

honeygirl

It has been two years now and I just wanted to say that I miss you and love you so much. I miss our little chats in the kitchen. Keep watching over us.xx

Corkgirl210

I would love to be able to say:

To my sisinlaw who only has weeks left to live: "you told me you didn't want to die, you wanted to live because you are the happiest you have ever been and are sooooo happy in love -well you will get your wish, I can give you the time you so desperately want!"

To my brother who is watching the love of his life slip away and know he will never be the same again after this as their relationship is the definition of love in every sense:
"her cancer is cured, your wish is granted, you get to enjoy your greatest love & now you can both enjoy the happy ever!"

If only we had the power of words to change things!!..
Instead we have bereavement.. the extreme pain of loss and this is the part that is always really hard to accept!

Mam & all those in the spirit world "watch over our family, we all need your strength at the min (especially our heartbroken bro)" xxxx

axel rose

I spent my teenage years being such a pain in the ars3-desperately trying to be 'different'. I'd give my right arm to be part of a typical family set up.

I am pretty open with my son, regarding his dad. He's in heaven, he can't come back, he didn't want to go, he loved us but the angels said he had to go, ....etc. I can take most of his questions on the chin these days. I don't do dramatics,he doesn't remember him, he died when he was 15 months old.

However hearing my son have a quiet word with his dad begging him to come back, give him a baby sister, stay with me and mammy, was really sh1tty!

Brother Death- I hate you! I hate what you've done to my family! I hate you for hurting my son!

Blogger50

I love and miss you both so much. You weren't perfect but you were brilliant, fun parents. I loved being yours. I hope you're together and happy wherever you are. Know that your children are happy and are busy making lovely families and grandchildren you would adore and be so proud of. Despite all the positives I have in my life, losing both parents is the loneliest feeling ever. x

Betty Bloggs

Mum and Dad,

Thank You.

For everything, but especially for today. I think ye somehow heard me earlier when I really needed your help.x

ChewChew

It's hard to believe that this time 10 years ago so much was going on including the preparation for the first of your 3 kids weddings. Your first time to walk one of your 3 daughters down the isle, and it also turned out to be your last. We prepared for your 50th birthday and now we are fast approaching your 60th birthday with your tenth anniversary just around the corner.

I had a dream that you were alive and happy and I woke up happy at that thought but reality and set in pretty quickly.

Next weekend we will celebrate you. We will go for a family meal, we will get you some balloons and a cake.

Dad, I need a shelf hung in the bathroom and I know I can do it, but I wish I could call you up and tell you and you'd come at the drop of a hat!! I'd make you all the tea and cakes you wanted and we'd have the best chats!!

i didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much but to feel like this is hard, and tough and unbelievably heart breaking. Time is not a healer, that's for sure.

Much love my poppa bear. Much love indeed

xxxx

alias06

I love you Dad forever.

LegacyUser

I don't miss you, not that I'm happy you're gone but life for me and many other people is so much more peaceful since you died. We no longer have to walk on eggshells, the endless drama is over. The abuse is over, life has been so much more peaceful these last three years.

I get that you were subject to some awful things by your parents, no parent should ever treat their child like that, you knew that much but you ultimately chose not to break that cycle, did similar things to your children, and you were a toxic presence for your family and friends, you constantly chose to manufacture disputes with everyone in your life. I repeat; everyone. Eventually you had no one left. Plenty of people tried, and tried and tried to help you but it was always for nothing. You chose the destructive option every time.

You were a great parent for the first half of my life, couldn't have done better. I try to remember that. But you were an absolute nightmare for the second half, that got increasingly worse. And the way you treated me in the last year of your life was unforgivable, to do those things and to spread those vicious lies, unforgivable, particularly difficult to forgive when I know you didn't regret those actions. You claimed to be sorry on a few occasions, but as I pointed out to you, you only ever saw an apology as something to let you off the hook for something you've done wrong. An apology only means something if it is a commitment not to repeat that behaviour again.

I don't think about you that often, for the last two years of your life I despised you, as soon as you died that spite dissolved, and I was numb for a few weeks. Since then, I don't miss you, I don't love you, but I don't despise you, and I don't hate you.

Put simply; I "nothing" you, or I "neutral" you. I guess that's better than what I felt in the last two years of my life.

I'm not stupid, I know that is not a good thing to say about one's mother, and I know anyone reading this must think I'm screwed up, or that I'm in denial. I may be a little screwed up (aren't we all?) but I'm not in denial, I'm not going to block out the bad stuff, I'm not going to try and convince myself she was the best mother in the world like sibling(s) of mine are trying to do, my mother spent years trying to suppress things like that and it backfired spectacularly. Just because someone dies doesn't mean the slate gets wiped clean, I think the notion of "Don't speak ill of the dead" is highly flawed. People regularly complained to me about my mother, called her this and that, hadn't a nice word to say about her. She dies and all of a sudden those very same people can't speak highly enough of her. For the record, I'm not saying they should continue speaking ill of her, just illustrating what I see to be flawed logic.

As I said, you were a great mother for the first half of my life, but the second half was a nightmare. Your father was a disgusting parent, unfortunately you chose not to break that cycle. That cycle stops with me, and hopefully my siblings too. I know you had a lot of pain and inner turmoil, I know you found it almost impossible to deal with, I'm glad that pain was brought to an end but I do wish you could somehow have managed to find peace in life rather than through death.


To those who contribute to this thread; I'm sorry for going against the grain here, I'm happy that almost all of you have positive things to say about the people you are talking about.

December2012

cv2003 wrote: »

.
Just because someone dies doesn't mean the slate gets wiped clean, I think the notion of "Don't speak ill of the dead" is highly flawed.

For what it's worth, I agree with this sentiment entirely. Those who died were still human, some with more flaws than other.

I hope you feel better getting that off your chest - it must be a lot to have as a burden.

TheBeardedLady

It's times like this I'd love to call you up and talk over how I'm feeling. I wouldn't feel like I'm a pain in the arse to you because you were my mam. I can't help but feel envious of people who have that. It's been so long now. Over 23 years and I miss you more now than I ever did.

LegacyUser

I miss you loads nanny.
I wish you could have met your first grandson, you would have really loved him.
I'll make sure to tell him all about you

girl_friday

25 years tomorrow the ache in my heart feels like it was only yesterday. I still miss you and always will.

Mariasofia

When will it stop hurting?

lukesmom

Listen here birthday boy 26 years young! To say I miss you is an understatement. It's great though to be able to finally say I have accepted you no longer being around in your human form. How wonderful it is to know you are here in spirit form. A realisation I have longed for. My little brother the past 3 1/2 years have been a tsunami of grief, confusion, heartache and more. But rock on as you are because you are ever present when I need you. Friendship never dies and we are closer than ever. Oh yes you see me and I don't see you but who cares? Happy birthday Paul give my godson a kiss from me xxxxxxx

Munstermad

Dreading this Winter,your big birthday in November, your 70th, Christmas and New Years without you, your 1st anniversary in Feb. God Dad... I still can't believe you're gone... it still doesn't feel real??? This grief thing seems to be getting worse.... I miss you, I need you and I don't see how I'll ever accept any of this... I love you Dad... X

I met a fisherman on the quays in Dungarvan, his dinner was flopping its way onto the road when I stopped it with my foot, and told hin he should slap its head off the ground to kill it. He showed me how to kill a fish in one simple finger through the gills.

I wanted to phone you Da, I thought about texting you, but I know Ma would have broken down when she read it.

Albertofrog

I wish I could have resuscitated you Ma.
I wish I could have eased your pain Da.

lukesmom

Albertofrog wrote: »

I wish I could have resuscitated you Ma.
I wish I could have eased your pain Da.

I feel your pain I tried to resuscitate my brother and I couldn't bring him back. It's such a terrible feeling but don't beat yourself up about it. You tried as hard as you could but your mam had already passed over.

Lots of hugs

Lukesmom

missjm

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

CaraMay

missjm wrote: »

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

Hope you are ok soon missjm

crazygeryy

missjm wrote: »

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

God that is so sad.i hope you are better soon.

Mam of 4

Also hope you get better soon missjm

cocker5

740 days since I last saw you, held your hand, saw your face, touched your hair and whispered in your ear.
2 years, I can’t believe it’s been two years……people have moved on, life has moved on, but for me it feels like its stood still.

Im still waiting for the phone to ring and it be you, each time I drive home when I pull up to the house I hope you’ll be standing there in the window waving.
When I am at home I can’t bear to go into your room – the door remains shut, exactly as you left it.

When something good happens my first thought is “must ring mum and tell her”… then my heart sinks and get the sick realisation that you’re not there.

When I visit your grave, I look at your headstone and can’t bear to see your name on it, it actually sends a shiver down my spine.

It’s odd I know but I think in my mind I think of you as on “holidays” or something, just not reachable for now… but reachable soon.

Life is not the same, it will never be the same, a piece of me died the day you left and im not sure if it will ever return.

I would give anything just to have one more day with you, I miss you and think of you every day and will always love you.

I adored being your daughter and I always knew how much you loved being my Dad. You never ever tried to make me less fierce and always supported my strength and spirit. You were always proud of me; as I was of you. You were cool, and you always got it - even when you didn't and we clashed - you really were a star. You stunned me with how you handled your illness and death with such grace and dignity. You were a class act and I miss you so, xox.

CaraMay

Please help your little nephew. He needs you x

Mam of 4

Happy Birthday Son .

What to say that you haven't heard me say to you in my head numerous times ?
We love you, always.

Thank you. Thank you for carrying me on your wings on a daily basis,when I haven't the strength to do it myself , because I truly believe that without your help I would not be able to do or get through the hard times in life.

I know you're ok , I know you're with people who love you too and they're the lucky ones getting to spend time with you and seeing the person you've become. We have to wait to see you , but you're forever with us . In my eyes you will always be this perfect little baby, born too soon, one day though we'll meet again.

Until then, continue to be our Guardian Angel, giving us strength and courage and understanding.

xxx

CaraMay

missjm wrote: »

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

How are you feeling missjm?

loubian

Dear baby,

I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to live. Your parents would have and still do love you to the moon and back. You will forever be in their hearts and I'm so sorry you had to suffer.

Fly high baba.

danslevent

Watching you die was so painful. I wish I could've understood your depression better. I love you so much,I'm so sorry you couldn't love yourself.

stop animal cruelty

Grandad,

l really wish you were around, l know you would be there for me, although we only had 3 or 4 years together, l know you would have been. l know you would have been the one l could run to in tough times and comfort me....could do with you now x

DeltaWhite

Mam,

It's been 11 days since you died and I'm still in shock. The waves of emotion have been incredible. My heart feels like it weighs a tonne and I honestly have a physical ache all over. Still cant sleep. Going back to work was a huge mistake because of how the boss has treated me. Huge mistake. I would seriously call it bullying. Telling me to "get over it" when I was only in the door really fcking hurt. Like really really hurt. Coming out with the most patronising comments ever, "life goes on, you have loads of work to do anyway so you'll forget about it" how I didnt slap her one is beyond me.

Then yesterday when I knew I couldnt go through with the day from again only 3 hours sleep, she argued with me for 10 mins and wouldnt let me go home until I snapped at her. Again she came out with awful comments "is this how you're going to be now? Because you cant just go home everytime it gets hard" blah blah blah. Then I snapped and asked her how she would cope on 3 hours sleep max per night for the last 9 days.

She told me that I "better" be in today because I need to man the phones. I've been up since 5am doing up a new CV and I think I may hand in my notice today. You know she's bullied me for years in there and I think this is the final straw now. I cannot put up with this sh!t anymore. Your sudden death just proved to me that I cant waste time being miserable and unhappy. Especially in a place that treats me like sh!t.

I honestly am going through enough without the stress and worry of that place hanging over me. It's actually making me feel worse. I'm crying because I have to go in this morning and listen to more of her condescending idiotic drivel.

I'm so afraid Mam I just wish you could hug me and tell me it will all be ok I know I'm going through grief and shock but I just cannot be a part of that negativity anymore. I've put up with it for 5 years and I've had my fill now.

Help me Mam

Redser87

Delta, couldn't read and not respond, your boss sounds like a wagon and I really hope you find a new job soon. To expect that your shock and sadness will have worn off after 11 days is totally lacking in empathy and decency. So sorry for your loss xx

CaraMay

Delta can you report your boss for bullying?

missjm

DeltaWhite wrote: »

Mam,

It's been 11 days since you died and I'm still in shock. The waves of emotion have been incredible. My heart feels like it weighs a tonne and I honestly have a physical ache all over. Still cant sleep. Going back to work was a huge mistake because of how the boss has treated me. Huge mistake. I would seriously call it bullying. Telling me to "get over it" when I was only in the door really fcking hurt. Like really really hurt. Coming out with the most patronising comments ever, "life goes on, you have loads of work to do anyway so you'll forget about it" how I didnt slap her one is beyond me.

Then yesterday when I knew I couldnt go through with the day from again only 3 hours sleep, she argued with me for 10 mins and wouldnt let me go home until I snapped at her. Again she came out with awful comments "is this how you're going to be now? Because you cant just go home everytime it gets hard" blah blah blah. Then I snapped and asked her how she would cope on 3 hours sleep max per night for the last 9 days.

She told me that I "better" be in today because I need to man the phones. I've been up since 5am doing up a new CV and I think I may hand in my notice today. You know she's bullied me for years in there and I think this is the final straw now. I cannot put up with this sh!t anymore. Your sudden death just proved to me that I cant waste time being miserable and unhappy. Especially in a place that treats me like sh!t.

I honestly am going through enough without the stress and worry of that place hanging over me. It's actually making me feel worse. I'm crying because I have to go in this morning and listen to more of her condescending idiotic drivel.

I'm so afraid Mam I just wish you could hug me and tell me it will all be ok I know I'm going through grief and shock but I just cannot be a part of that negativity anymore. I've put up with it for 5 years and I've had my fill now.

Help me Mam

Delta, I had to respond to this because while I didn't experience this going back to work, I went through a lot of harassment while off work caring for my dying father.

You don't have to put up with this. I also put up with it at the time due to being 'broken down' emotionally. Don't allow this person bully you. Please report them if you can. Stand up to this person, they have no right to speak to you as you outline above. You deserve better and this person is a piece of sh*t