Immaculate deception: 'I don't regret tricking my boyfriend into having kids'

Wacker The Attacker

If you are trapped into having kids you're probably an idiot.

cruiser178

Sounds like a fairy tale story from her side of things, i'd like to hear David's point of view or was he even allowed have one, but then again, if shes allowing him to be happy, each to their own

Electric Sheep

Back in the 80s that was practically the norm where I lived. Get pregnant "accidentally", get married, immediately get pregnant again to qualify for council house. That was the life script of most of the girls in the village. Some are even still together, but many are not. I've never thought oops was a good reason to have a baby.

strobe

This is as bad or worse than rape in my opinion, and in cases such as this one, where the act could be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, I believe the same potential legal penalty as a rape conviction, and also imposed permanent forfeiture of any legal rights to the child, should be what awaits the mother, should the father wish to pursue the matter through the legal system.

Boombastic

Selfish women, neither cares about the child or her partner

Wibbs

le la rat wrote: »

Its bad but at least she was going out with him years. Id think of her as an awful b if she was only with him a short time

I suppose. I do know a few longterm couples where she got magically pregnant when he was against it. They forced the issue as it were All had kids already but she wanted one more kinda thing. I knew one dodgy one where she was "infertile" but again became tres fertile within two months of yer man coming into serious cash from an inheritance. The "best" was one where she fell pregnant and he wasn't happy at first, but came to accept even look forward to it. Then he discovers he was infertile due to a medical condition. Kid gets born, gets checked out and guess what it wasn't his. He scraped her off in double quick time. Way back I knew another guy in a short term fling and again the woman got pregnant. Bit of a problem as he had 2 kids from a previous relationship and had gotten the snip.

I have known a subset of women who had very healthy, full and wide ranging sex lives in their 20's with nary a "scare", then out of the blue get pregnant in their mid 30's when by most standards their fertility would be running lower.

Sometimes too it's a subconscious thing with some women, especially in their 30's if they feel times running out kinda thing. It's not a deliberate "I'm gonna get preggers", more a "did I take my pill today or not..." kinda thing. On this point I have noted when the male pill is mooted you will get women suggesting they'd not trust a man to take it, which may be a reflection of this in some way.

It certainly happens and more than some may believe, but happens less than others may believe. I'd not be mad paranoid about it anyway. In any event if you're male and worried, wear a blobby on your knobby. Sorted.

candy-gal1

I never get the actual point why girls/women do this tbh :eek:
Do they think "oh il just get pregnant by him then hell never leave me and il have a great life cos hell have to pay for the baby/child etc etc" ??!!

Its a cruel and callous thing to do, to both the child and their partner, imho.
If it happens actually by accident while your using some form of contraception, fine, you discuss it between the two of you and see what you want to do! But making the decision that "im having a baby by him and thats it, he gets no say on the matter of being a dad and thats it"
Thats just s*** imho!

kylith

Wibbs wrote: »

Wear a blobby on your knobby. Sorted.

What a fantastic slogan!

kowloon

neil_hosey wrote: »

baltimore?

Awww Shit.

hatrickpatrick

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

This kind of stuff seems to happen so often it doesn't shock me a bit anymore.
Simple solution, when the hell are we going to get a male contraception jab or pill so we don't have to trust someone else to do it?

To be honest, the part of the article which really annoyed me was her friend going along with it. Her friend is the cow who suggested tricking him in the first place.

Have you ever heard of condoms? If you're so worried about 'trusting' someone else to sort out contraception, use those. I'm sick of men complaining about unplanned pregnancies. It takes two. Yes, sometimes the woman deliberately tricks the man, but hormonal contraception is not infallible. All it takes is a dodgy tummy, forgetting to take the pill one time or it plain not working. If you really don't want a child, use condoms as well as hormonal methods.

Ectoplasm

Chimpokomon wrote: »

Many men still act the man-child in their 30s nowadays, with it never once crossing their minds that their partner doesn't have the same luxury of time that they do (if they're the same age). Not justifying it, but if a woman is in her 30s, and he is still giving her the 'someday' spiel, you can see how it might happen.

I really really can NOT see how it might happen. I'm a woman in my thirties and I think that doing this is an utterly selfish and cowardly act. This is a case of forcing your* will upon someone else and deciding that you know what is best for them. The sheer arrogance of that is breathtaking.

Yes, as a woman in my thirties I'm aware that if I want to have kids I need to do it in the next few years. Given that I am inclined towards having kids I've already looked into how to have a child by myself and you know what - it's not that complicated. Accidents do happen but there is NO excuse for doing something like this deliberately.

*generic you

theg81der

Absolutely hate this kind of thing gives all women a bad name imo. My hubby wasn`t sure if he wanted another kid as he has a 13 year old who he was tricked into having by his ex.

We`re together 11 years now, so I gave him time and space to decide and he did - we`re expecting our very wanted baby this week and I love that it was a decision we made together and I would never have had it any other way.

I do believe that men should take more responsibility to know their partners well and to use precautions if they feel strongly that they`re not ready for children.

I have seen this so much thou with women - "oh I didn`t know the pill didn`t work if you had diarrhea/flu/vomiting woopsy!" I`m thinking - BS I know you knew that/you didn`t have that/you would have had to take it for that to be the case.

People will jump down my throats for saying accidents are bs but they really are mostly.

Boombastic

I wonder about all the 'accidents' when the woman swears blind that she was using contraception.

le la rat

kylith wrote: »

What a fantastic slogan!

Brilliant alright

girl in the striped socks

Boombastic wrote: »

I wonder about all the 'accidents' when the woman swears blind that she was using contraception.

It does happen. The pill isn't 100% safe.
Not all women who happen to fall pregnant while on the pill planned it as some elaborate plan to trap a man or have a baby that they want.
But there's plenty of nut jobs who do go down the route of deliberately getting pregnant whilst pretending to be on the pill.

theg81der

theg81der wrote: »

I have seen this so much thou with women - "oh I didn`t know the pill didn`t work if you had diarrhea/flu/vomiting woopsy!" I`m thinking - BS I know you knew that/you didn`t have that/you would have had to take it for that to be the case.

People will jump down my throats for saying accidents are bs but they really are mostly.

It's amazing how skipping/missing the pill for a single day makes women ultra-fertile.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

It's amazing how skipping/missing the pill for a single day makes women ultra-fertile.

Do you understand how the pill works? Missing one pill can be enough to let you ovulate.

Leia Thankful Skirmish

Leia Thankful Skirmish wrote: »

Do you understand how the pill works? Missing one pill can be enough to let you ovulate.

Yeah and every ovulation apparently leads to pregnancy.

Millicent

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah and every ovulation apparently leads to pregnancy.

I know a few Turkish tummy babies. I have also spoken with quite a few people who were unaware and not advised by their doctor that taking a certain medication could totally prevent their pill from working.

Both partners need to take responsibility for contraception so a condom is always a good idea, if even to protect against STDs.

Millicent

Millicent wrote: »

I know a few Turkish tummy babies. I have also spoken with quite a few people who were unaware and not advised by their doctor that taking a certain medication could totally prevent their pill from working.

Both partners need to take responsibility for contraception so a condom is always a good idea, if even to protect against STDs.

Don't worry, I'd never be stupid enough to ever trust a woman who claimed she was on the pill and didn't want me to use a condom.

theg81der

The pill failure rate is 0.2% per year - says it all.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah and every ovulation apparently leads to pregnancy.

The chances of a pregnancy occurring from unprotected sex are very high. It doesn't matter whether you missed one pill or whether you never bother with contraception. If you ovulate, you can get pregnant. I don't understand why you think it's so unlikely. It really isn't.

For those quoting statistics - when the pill is taken perfectly, it's very effective. If you miss one or a few (or it interacts with medication or you have a stomach bug), it's next to useless.

Leia Thankful Skirmish

Leia Thankful Skirmish wrote: »

The chances of a pregnancy occurring from unprotected sex are very high. It doesn't matter whether you missed one pill or whether you never bother with contraception. If you ovulate, you can get pregnant. I don't understand why you think it's so unlikely. It really isn't.

It's not as likely as 100%. Though I know if someone was having trouble conceiving my first advice would be to go on the pill for a few weeks, skip a day and bang, 100% success rate.

Boombastic

Are the pill and condoms the only type of contraception available in Ireland?:pac:

Considering the high rate of pill 'failure' shouldn't we be looking at more effective contraceptions?

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

It's not as likely as 100%. Though I know if someone was having trouble conceiving my first advice would be to go on the pill for a few weeks, skip a day and bang, 100% success rate.

Oh, it's only about 25% likely. Yeah, you're right, that's not a huge risk at all. :rolleyes: I really don't think you understand how the pill works. If you miss one and ovulate and have sex, you might as well have never been on the pill at all. I think some people really have their heads in the sand.

Thwip!

I misread as Immaculate Decepticon, gave me a wholly different expectation of this thread

Millicent

Boombastic wrote: »

Are the pill and condoms the only type of contraception available in Ireland?:pac:

Considering the high rate of pill 'failure' shouldn't we be looking at more effective contraceptions?

There are a number of contraceptives available but sadly all at present (bar condoms) become the responsibility of women -- the coil, the implant, the cap, the injection etc.

What we should see more of is allowing men to have vasectomies without the requirement that they first have children. However, the fail rate for vasectomy is about 2 in every 100 so condoms or some other contraceptive should also be used.

Leia Thankful Skirmish

Leia Thankful Skirmish wrote: »

Oh, it's only about 25% likely. Yeah, you're right, that's not a huge risk at all. :rolleyes: I really don't think you understand how the pill works. If you miss one and ovulate and have sex, you might as well have never been on the pill at all. I think some people really have their heads in the sand.

Still a lot less than the apparent 100%.

Millicent

Deleted User wrote: »

Don't worry, I'd never be stupid enough to ever trust a woman who claimed she was on the pill and didn't want me to use a condom.

Em, she may not know her pill is not working. Quite a few couples choose to go pill only as they prefer sex without condoms. It's not a case of being "stupid enough" to trust a woman; it's about knowing the incumbent risks that come with this and all contraceptives.

Millicent

Millicent wrote: »

Em, she may not know her pill is not working. Quite a few couples choose to go pill only as they prefer sex without condoms. It's not a case of being "stupid enough" to trust a woman; it's about knowing the incumbent risks that come with this and all contraceptives.

It's not that I don't trust women, I don't trust anyone, it just happens that it's quite unlikely that I could partake in an activity with a man that could end up with me paying for a kid I didn't want for the rest of my life and all the other crap that would go along with it.

Boombastic

Millicent wrote: »

There are a number of contraceptives available but sadly all at present (bar condoms) become the responsibility of women -- the coil, the implant, the cap, the injection etc.

What we should see more of is allowing men to have vasectomies without the requirement that they first have children. However, the fail rate for vasectomy is about 2 in every 100 so condoms or some other contraceptive should also be used.

The problem with the pill relies on the woman to take it every day. Condoms should always be used until both are cleared of stds.

Contraceptive implants and injections are long-acting, effective, reversible and progestogen-only methods of contraception. They are over 99% reliable in preventing pregnancy. This means that fewer than 1 in 100 women who use the implant or injection will become pregnant each year. The injection is given every 12 weeks and the implant lasts for 3 years.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Still a lot less than the apparent 100%.

What are you on about? You think 100% of woman who miss a pill get pregnant?

.................................OK.

Just because you reckon that every woman you know who missed a pill got pregnant 'accidentally', that doesn't change the fact that the chance of pregnancy from a missed pill + unprotected sex is very high.

Pills fail. Fact. All it takes is a bad bout of vomiting or diarrhoea, which can even occur after the unprotected sex when it's too late to do anything about it. People who think they're mature enough to have sex should also be mature enough to realise that accidents happen and be prepared to accept things not going their way.

Leia Thankful Skirmish

Leia Thankful Skirmish wrote: »

What are you on about? You think 100% of woman who miss a pill get pregnant?

.................................OK.

Just because you reckon that every woman you know who missed a pill got pregnant 'accidentally', that doesn't change the fact that the chance of pregnancy from a missed pill + unprotected sex is very high.

Pills fail. Fact. All it takes is a bad bout of vomiting or diarrhoea, which can even occur after the unprotected sex when it's too late to do anything about it. People who think they're mature enough to have sex should also be mature enough to realise that accidents happen and be prepared to accept things not going their way.

Yah it's somewhat coloured by what I've come across. I can't think of a girl who had a kid who I or someone close to me would be close enough to get an honest answer from who didn't do it on purpose. The main thing is those who would open up would admit it while those who don't claim the missed pill, amazing how later they'll admit some intent.

Madam_X

Boombastic wrote: »

I wonder about all the 'accidents' when the woman swears blind that she was using contraception.

Why can't you accept most of them are accidents (no quote-marks needed)?

Deleted User wrote: »

It's amazing how skipping/missing the pill for a single day makes women ultra-fertile.

What about all the women who don't get pregnant because of missing a pill? You're only focusing on those who do, as if they're all or most of them.

Seems some folk want it to be the case that accidental pregnancies are not really accidental.
Maybe consider the fact that most rational women don't want an accidental pregnancy either. And as said, maybe the man shouldn't be so reliant on the woman doing all the work regarding contraception.

Millicent

Boombastic wrote: »

The problem with the pill relies on the woman to take it every day. Condoms should always be used until both are cleared of stds.

Contraceptive implants and injections are long-acting, effective, reversible and progestogen-only methods of contraception. They are over 99% reliable in preventing pregnancy. This means that fewer than 1 in 100 women who use the implant or injection will become pregnant each year. The injection is given every 12 weeks and the implant lasts for 3 years.

The injection can be quite dangerous to some women as can the implant. If there is a side effect with the injection, for example, it will remain until the injection is out of the woman's system in two or three months time. No particular contraceptive is suitable for everyone. That said, I think the pill is often the first thing prescribed for whatever reason, whether it suits the woman or not.

I wholeheartedly agree with what you say on condoms though. Even if both partners are cleared for STDs, it's an extra bit of security if you're both dead set on not having kids.

Boombastic

Pregnant because you missed your pill /sick etc?

The morning after pill - if you really didn't intend to get pregnant and it was an honest mistake

@Millicent pill seems to be the most perscribed - I'm not sure why.

Not every type of contraception will suit but there are more reliable methods than pill. Coils etc work for up to 5 years.

Scanlas The 2nd

Chimpokomon wrote: »

Many men still act the man-child in their 30s nowadays, with it never once crossing their minds that their partner doesn't have the same luxury of time that they do (if they're the same age). Not justifying it, but if a woman is in her 30s, and he is still giving her the 'someday' spiel, you can see how it might happen.

Translation you'd do it.

nibtrix

Going back to the linked article, it's fairly shocking that her idea of talking to him about the possibility of them trying to concieve involved sitting him done and saying "I think I'm pregnant".

“I thought if he did want kids then we'd have to talk about it, so one day I sat him down and we talked. I told him my period was late and that I thought I was pregnant. At the end of that conversation, he was gone. He disappeared."

The guy disappears for a year, finally comes back, they never mention having kids again and she decides (with the connivence of her friend) to trick him into impregnating her? Stupid bitch.

Boombastic

Onixx wrote: »

Why can't you accept most of them are accidents (no quote-marks needed)?

Law of averages

Millicent

Boombastic wrote: »

Pregnant because you missed your pill /sick etc?

The morning after pill - if you really didn't intend to get pregnant and it was an honest mistake

@Millicent pill seems to be the most perscribed - I'm not sure why.

Not every type of contraception will suit but there are more reliable methods than pill. Coils etc work for up to 5 years.

Just for the first part of your post and the MAP, some women will not know that the pill is not working so won't know to take emergency contraception. St. John's Wort, for example, caused a bit of a furore a few years back as it was un-prescribed and sold in health shops. It was found to possibly affect the pill. So for those women who were taking it, thinking it's all natural and good, they wouldn't be aware that their contraceptive had failed.

And again, just because something is more reliable doesn't mean it's safer. There are risks to the coil too, not least increased and heavier periods. No thanks!

Madam_X

Boombastic wrote: »

Onixx wrote: »

Why can't you accept most of them are accidents (no quote-marks needed)?

Law of averages

Oh you've stats on this? Or do you personally know lots of women who had accidents?

I don't. I know two women of all the women I know with children (a lot, seeing as I'm in my 30s) whom I suspect MAY have resorted to this (can't say for certain though, and wouldn't be dying for it to be the case just for the drama/opportunity to bitch).
The accidents, no matter how seemingly high they are (and I'd bet they're not that high) are still the minority, seeing as thousands and thousands of people have sex every day after missing a pill.

Toby Take a Bow

Wibbs wrote: »

I have known a subset of women who had very healthy, full and wide ranging sex lives in their 20's with nary a "scare", then out of the blue get pregnant in their mid 30's when by most standards their fertility would be running lower.

It's mental how different people run in different circles. I have yet to know one single woman who, even if I was incredibly paranoid and suspicious, could be suspected of doing anything like this.

Wibbs wrote: »

Sometimes too it's a subconscious thing with some women, especially in their 30's if they feel times running out kinda thing.

How would you know if it's a subconscious thing for some women?

Madam_X

The two women I know whom I suspect of this (with good reason - it's not just a hunch out of thin air) were 19 and 24. So they don't fit into the "tick tick tick desperation" bracket.

Boombastic

Onixx wrote: »

Boombastic wrote: »

Onixx wrote: »

Why can't you accept most of them are accidents (no quote-marks needed)?


Oh you've stats on this? Or do you personally know lots of women who had accidents?

I don't. I know two women of all the women I know with children (a lot, seeing as I'm in my 30s) whom I suspect MAY have resorted to this (can't say for certain though, and wouldn't be dying for it to be the case just for the drama/opportunity to bitch).
The accidents, no matter how seemingly high they are (and I'd bet they're not that high) are still the minority, seeing as thousands and thousands of people have sex every day after missing a pill.

Combined contraceptive pill: over 99% effective if taken correctly. Less than one woman in 100 will get pregnant in a year while taking the combined pill.

Progestogen-only pill: 99% effective if taken correctly. One woman in 100 will get pregnant in a year while taking the progestogen-only pill.


If the number of women getting pregnant is way above this then it is down to user error.

In this day and age, people need to take personal responsibility and reserach for themselves if an additional medication/herb will have side effects on their pill (easily done with internet). Anyone who has even glanced at the information leaflet accompanying the pill will see that sickness effects it. Pill, like most of the other contraceptions, also has lots of side effects that would scare the bejaysis out of you.

PC CDROM

Millicent wrote: »

What a silly cow. That could have totally gone the other way. Fair enough, the chap was apparently delighted when she did get pregnant, but what if he wasn't? A child deserves, as much as possible, two parents who love it, not one who will secretly resent it for the rest of its life.

Selfish wagon. Unfair to both the father and the child.

The fact that he was over the moon shows she knew him better than anyone. She played the odds.

Lets face it if he really, really didn't want kids it would never have happened.

Millicent

PC CDROM wrote: »

The fact that he was over the moon shows she knew him better than anyone. She played the odds.

Lets face it if he really, really didn't want kids it would never have happened.

It wasn't fair to take the choice out of his hands. She shouldn't presume to know his thoughts. If a guy was poking holes in condoms or replacing his girlfriend's pill for sugar pills because he *knew* she'd want to get pregnant, would that be any better? Both scenarios are fucked up, IMO.

Millicent

Millicent wrote: »

It wasn't fair to take the choice out of his hands. She shouldn't presume to know his thoughts. If a guy was poking holes in condoms or replacing his girlfriend's pill for sugar pills because he *knew* she'd want to get pregnant, would that be any better? Both scenarios are fucked up, IMO.

And even then she'd have the choice as to whether or not to have the kid or not.

bnt

May I suggest that some of the "it's OK" commenters go back and read the whole article? It's about a stupid woman who (a) had three kids, which is already one too many and (b) was well over 40, making having another child so much more risky. So now she has a child with Down Syndrome, who's going to need special care for the whole of his short life (well in to her 60s), and will never be a fully productive member of society.

I know that parents love their children. That's not in dispute, it's what we do as human beings. But that doesn't make it OK to procreate when all the signs are pointing to "don't". In this overpopulated, economically faltering, environmentally failing world, love is not enough to make procreation a good idea. In my humble opinion, of course.

Boombastic

Millicent wrote: »

It wasn't fair to take the choice out of his hands. She shouldn't presume to know his thoughts. If a guy was poking holes in condoms or replacing his girlfriend's pill for sugar pills because he *knew* she'd want to get pregnant, would that be any better? Both scenarios are fucked up, IMO.

Good point, if the story was about a man pricking holes in the condoms with pins to decieve her, I bet the comments here would be a lot different

Millicent

Deleted User wrote: »

And even then she'd have the choice as to whether or not to have the kid or not.

As she should. Neither partner should be forced into bring a child into the world that they don't want. That said, both parties are responsible for contraception if both feel so strongly about it.

Boombastic wrote: »

Good point, if the story was about a man pricking holes in the condoms with pins to decieve her, I bet the comments here would be a lot different

I find either scenario horrifying, seriously. It's toying with people's lives for your own selfish desire.