So, you're on an airplane...

JupiterKid

...and you are enjoying your glass of prosecco at 35,000 feet and a view of Copenhagen and the Oresund below your window when suddenly, the airplane banks to the left and violent turbulence shakes the cabin around like a rag doll.

People are screaming and many are crying. After the worst of the turbulence is over, the captain comes on the intercom in a grave tone:

"ladies and gentlemen, we have lost almost all our power and part of the tail and rudder has sheared off. It would be grossly irresponsible of me to pretend that we aren't in a very grave situation. So grave in fact, that we are all going to probably be dead within about 20 minutes."

Upon hearing this news - what do you do?

mauzo

Die 20 minutes later

Sauve

Fcuk all really. What can you do sure?

EoghanIRL

Get more prosecco

tvercetti

Try not spill my drink

Thoie

Not much - I'd probably either freeze in terror, close my eyes and wait for it to be over or maybe turn my phone on and see if there's any signal.

ShamoBuc

Laugh my ass off before kissing it goodbye!

Ghandee

Swap the prosecco for a beer, cos I'm not ghey.

TIMEisMONEY

try and mend the plane

padma

Relax, smile and surrender

Sauve

"You have used three inches of sticky tape. God bless you."

Oranage2

Surely you can't be serious?

Syllabus

grab a load of lifevests. inflate them and secure them to myself, do the same with a load of them head pillows they give you, open a door, wait til the plane is 20ft from the ground and jump

Mr.Crinklewood

Pour Redbull into the fuselage.

kfallon

Hope to Jaysus MacGyver is down the back of the plane with a screwdriver, some cardboard toilet rolls, 4 paper clips and sticky tape!

Tho knowing that fooking eejit he'll prob go and build a tank :rolleyes:

notnumber

Go back on the glue and the crack cocaine...picked the wrong week to give up!

Boombastic

Say Mass?

IvySlayer

I'll ask if I can fly the plane for a bit

my my my

Ar n-athair atá ar neamh, go naofa d-aimn, go dtagadh do riacht,



sééée do bheatha mhuire atá lan de ghrá, tán tiarna leata, '

maglite

Post on After hours looking for suggestions of course.

kowloon

JupiterKid wrote: »

Upon hearing this news - what do you do?

One of the cabin crew?

bfocusd

Break out the skydiving kit I always carry as my on board luggage and cross my fingers, a life jacket aint worth a fook at 35k feet!!!!
While taking a jump out the door take a look at the f*cked people and laugh at their stupidity!!

(note be sure to jump out the door BEHIND the engines or it could get messy and a quicker drop to earth.. With them laughing amused at my cocky attitude)

hefferboi

tactical ****

N17er

Fcuk that amatuer out of the flight deck and land that puppy myself. A rudder? Sur thats only a secondary control.

Laika1986

hefferboi wrote: »

tactical ****

Using tears as lube I presume?

alphabeat

did you write this on a Oujapad ?

Joekers

Press the emergency button father !

tayto lover

The roof of the plane blows off and Mick turns to Pat and says " if the plane turns upside down, will we fall out?" Pat says "Jaysus Mick don't worry, whatever happens we'll always be friends".

buyer95

Yell "Bomb!" always wanted to yell bomb on an airplane, but always chicken out... Crew " You can't yell bomb on an airplane and I'M like YOLO

dermiek

Boombastic wrote: »

Say Mass?

Well, I'm sure some oul wan will break into a decade of the rosary.

If she's sitting near me, I'll shut her up with my fists.

Knex*

Prenders the shit outta it.

bluecode

"ladies and gentlemen, we have lost almost all our power and part of the tail and rudder has sheared off. It would be grossly irresponsible of me to pretend that we aren't in a very grave situation. So grave in fact, that we are all going to probably be dead within about 20 minutes."

No pilot would say 'we are all going to probably be dead within about twenty minutes.' He would be a bit more diplomatic about it.

If it's as bad at that he'll be too busy to trying to save everyone's asses rather than scaring the life out of them by telling them they're all going to die and in any case it'll take about two minutes to spiral down and explode in downtown Copenhagen. Only enough time to see your life flash before you five or six times.

Me, I'd just tighten my seatbelt, eye up the nearest emergency exit and say to myself: 'I picked a bad day to give up smoking pot'.

frag420

Looks like we are too late, 20 mins are up!!

Godspeed jupiterkid!!

RIP

Mr.Crinklewood

OP posted @ 2350, its now 0011 and he is still online.

Reckon he is a wum.

EPointer=Birdss

Use the 20 mins to join the 35,000 feet high & dropping club.

dodderangler

Your up 35,000 feet in the air in a plane that weighs tons and your tellin me it'll take 20mins to crash
Id go in the cock pit and batter the pilot for lying to me

my my my

dermiek wrote: »

Well, I'm sure some oul wan will break into a decade of the rosary.

If she's sitting near me, I'll shut her up with my fists.

unless its my granny then she'll warp your back with her walkin stick:pac:

kowloon

hefferboi wrote: »

tactical ****

The plane doesn't even need to be crashing for that. You can blame it on the painkillers and drink afterwards.

JupiterKid

bluecode wrote: »

No pilot would say 'we are all going to probably be dead within about twenty minutes.' He would be a bit more diplomatic about it.

If it's as bad at that he'll be too busy to trying to save everyone's asses rather than scaring the life out of them by telling them they're all going to die and in any case it'll take about two minutes to spiral down and explode in downtown Copenhagen. Only enough time to see your life flash before you five or six times.

Me, I'd just tighten my seatbelt, eye up the nearest emergency exit and say to myself: 'I picked a bad day to give up smoking pot'.

That may be, but the captain on this flight is insane. He is relishing the prospect of crashing in a fireball of twisted metal and smoke and is grinning an insane skull-like grin. The co-pilot is already dead.

I wonder will someone post on Facebook as their status?


Ronald Spunkfelcher
Is about to die in an air crash :pac:

SdoowSirhc

I'll get the only 2 parachutes on the plane. i will attach one to myself and the other to the beverage cart and save myself with the drinks

LETS BE AVN IT

You have used 2 inches of sticky tape

paddy kerins

I'd just like to tell the pilots good luck, we're all counting on them

Lapin

maglite wrote: »

Post on After hours looking for suggestions of course.

FAIL

You should have gone here instead.

They know about this stuff.

the_syco

Have a smoke, and have a piss; there's no relief in hell :pac:

RikkFlair

Is this a Ryanair flight? If so, please pay the instant-painful-death charge before you die. Thank you.

dodderangler

SdoowSirhc wrote: »

I'll get the only 2 parachutes on the plane. i will attach one to myself and the other to the beverage cart and save myself with the drinks

Father JACK?
Is that you?

Scortho

I'd join the Mile High Club!

mattser

When I was a kid we used to call it an Aeroplane. Not being a smartarse, but when did it change to Airplane ?

Lapin

^^^^

When you hit puberty.

Jammy Donut

Walk upto the hottest stewardess and ask her fancy a last ****....

Then I'd pick her up , slide down her skirt while caressing her body, and I'd make sweet sweet love to her.


Then go into the cockpit and thank the pilot for doing me the favour of announcing we're gonna die and buy him a beer when we land.

CodyJarrett

Grab the screaming person beside me and say:

Now is not the time for fear. That comes later.