So, you're on an airplane...

Washington Irving

mattser wrote: »

When I was a kid we used to call it an Aeroplane. Not being a smartarse, but when did it change to Airplane ?

It didn't, both have always been acceptable

I have a flight in a few hours, cheers OP

jiltloop

Jammy Donut wrote: »

Walk upto the hottest stewardess and ask her fancy a last ****....

Then I'd pick her up , slide down her skirt while caressing her body, and I'd make sweet sweet love to her.


Then go into the cockpit and thank the pilot for doing me the favour of announcing we're gonna die and buy him a beer when we land.

I find you're better off hoisting up a skirt rather than sliding it down. A bit off topic but I felt strongly enough to post it.

HazDanz

Honest answer, I would probable stick on my mp3 player and make a 20 minutes to death playlist. Might as well do something I like for twenty minutes rather than letting myself start wondering into sentimental thoughts.

SweetCaliber

Bang one of the flight attendants

JupiterKid

lee3155 wrote: »

Bang one of the flight attendants

Male or female? Or both?

TheGoldenAges

Think what would MacGyver do...

my my my

Saul-Goode9 wrote: »

It didn't, both have always been acceptable

I have a flight in a hours, cheers OP

check all the rivets as you are boarding

SweetCaliber

JupiterKid wrote: »

Male or female? Or both?

Should have stated that Female! :pac:

BillyMitchel

Is blasting everyone with piss acceptable on this one?!

fasttalkerchat

my my my wrote: »

check all the rivets as you are boarding

And phalangies.

Sinfonia

Ride everyone.

And have a smoke afterwards.

my my my

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

And phalangies.

yes, the pilotess' name is regina phalangie:eek:

Sinfonia

But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it lands safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.

Skid

mattser wrote: »

When I was a kid we used to call it an Aeroplane. Not being a smartarse, but when did it change to Airplane ?

Probably when Airplane was released.

And don't call me Shirley.

WatchWolf

Oxygen masks are there for the illusion of safety. They get you high so you don't panic.

I'd start sucking the **** out of the goddamn oxygen mask.

aidan24326

[QUOTE=JupiterKid;80011070"ladies and gentlemen, we have lost almost all our power and part of the tail and rudder has sheared off. It would be grossly irresponsible of me to pretend that we aren't in a very grave situation. So grave in fact, that we are all going to probably be dead within about 20 minutes."


Upon hearing this news - what do you do?[/QUOTE]


The captain would never say that. Because in most cases he won't believe it anyway and will be fighting to save the plane right to the end. And if the plane is completely fcuked and plummeting out of control towards the ground the passengers don't need the captain to tell them it's game over.

WatchWolf wrote: »

Oxygen masks are there for the illusion of safety. They get you high so you don't panic.

I'd start sucking the **** out of the goddamn oxygen mask.

No they aren't. Up at 30,000 feet with a loss of cabin pressure you'll lose consciousness pretty quickly without them, from hypoxia.

They keep you alive and conscious while the pilots descend to a much lower altitude where passengers can breathe normally.

donegal_road

Sinfonia wrote: »

But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it lands safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.

such a bunch of w**kers

my my my

welcome sunset-people, take the late-night-flight

Chuck Stone

20 mins over that particular area is more than enough to make a successful emergency landing at a well equipped airport.

Yours.

Buzz Killington.

my my my

Chuck Stone wrote: »

20 mins over that particular area is more than enough to make a successful emergency landing at a well equipped airport.

Yours.

Buzz Killington.

i agree, anybody who didn't make suggestions within 20 mins of the opening post is talkin rawmayjj

Chuck Stone

my my my wrote: »

rawmayjj

I googled that and it didn't have an explanation...

Ah_Yeah

Go chill out in First Class.

We're always made walk through there before/after a long distance flight and I really want to see what it's like without being herded through to economy

N17er

No they aren't. Up at 30,000 feet with a loss of cabin pressure you'll lose consciousness pretty quickly without them, from hypoxia.

They keep you alive and conscious while the pilots descend to a much lower altitude where passengers can breathe normally.[/Quote]






they are just for show. most of them don't even fall out when selected.

my my my

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I googled that and it didn't have an explanation...

let me google that for you

rawmeej

talkin sh 1 t



serious answer, don't fly, drive, or take the eurolines express bus in association with berlin express bus

Paddycrumlinman

At this point your time is more than likely up, spend the next 20 minutes taking care of folks in their last moments, no point in panicking, time is up just spend the time you have left doing good for others, not much more you can do. You may come across a nice looking chick and get one last ride, a good deed never goes undone and all that!

kizzabel

I would find the drugs mule and hope the journey to "I dont give a fook" only involves them vomiting.

JupiterKid

I would accept one of the cyanide pills being handed out by the stewardesses as people all around me are weeping and ****ting their pants.:(

patmustard2

I think I should have a life jacket because I'm great, in fact I think I should get both life jackets in case one doesn't work


A few episodes of Fr. Ted solves all life's possible problems.:rolleyes:

Thoie

my my my wrote: »

i agree, anybody who didn't make suggestions within 20 mins of the opening post is talkin rawmayjj

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I googled that and it didn't have an explanation...

Try googling Ráméis, rawmaysh, raumaish or rawmaish instead.

A polite translation would be "talking rubbish".

Jay D

Scream - why the fúck do they not have parachutes in this bleedin' thing!? I always said that... Followed by love making to the female cabin crew, cha ching

danniemcq

sit as far back in the plane that i could.

simple science and stats really the back of the plane gives you the best chance for survival.

that or try and get one of thise wee seats staff use that make you sit backwards.

and remember these days you won't have to remove your shoes before sliding down the slides!

Davidth88

You know this actually did happen in Japan in 1985. A Boeing 747 lost it's tail and basically circled out of control until it hit a mountain.

They found many letters to peoples' families among the wreckage

What would I do...... get as hammered as possible .

Mint Sauce

The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.

nbar12

i'd take the biggest sh*t possible and put it on someone's head and call them a sh*thead until we are dead

Mr Benevolent

It depends on the damage. If it was very severe you'd be dead in 2 minutes, not 20. 20 minutes means that the aircraft is still relatively intact and can possibly be flown to a semicontrolled landing. An airport is right below you anyway. You'd be very surprised what punishment an airliner can take - they've been subjected to barrel rolls, high G loops and going supersonic and still survived, albeit badly damaged enough to be written off on arrival. Conversely, the can be brought down by a single missing screw.

nbar12

Confab wrote: »

It depends on the damage. If it was very severe you'd be dead in 2 minutes, not 20. 20 minutes means that the aircraft is still relatively intact and can possibly be flown to a semicontrolled landing. An airport is right below you anyway. You'd be very surprised what punishment an airliner can take - they've been subjected to barrel rolls, high G loops and going supersonic and still survived, albeit badly damaged enough to be written off on arrival. Conversely, the can be brought down by a single missing screw.

k

Fritzl Funderland

JupiterKid wrote: »

...and you are enjoying your glass of prosecco at 35,000 feet and a view of Copenhagen and the Oresund below your window when suddenly, the airplane banks to the left and violent turbulence shakes the cabin around like a rag doll.

People are screaming and many are crying. After the worst of the turbulence is over, the captain comes on the intercom in a grave tone:

"ladies and gentlemen, we have lost almost all our power and part of the tail and rudder has sheared off. It would be grossly irresponsible of me to pretend that we aren't in a very grave situation. So grave in fact, that we are all going to probably be dead within about 20 minutes."

Upon hearing this news - what do you do?

Decide whos important enough to take the parachutes

Wibbs

Confab wrote: »

they've been subjected to barrel rolls, high G loops and going supersonic and still survived, albeit badly damaged enough to be written off on arrival.

Dunno about that. IIRC the last airliner capable of rolling was the 707

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KNbKFMBsQE

(they call it a barrell(sic) roll, but it's not)

As for high G loops in an airliner? Nope. Well outside the flight envelope of modern airliners. Even that 707 roll was a 1 G maneuver. Going supersonic would be an issue too. Overspeed like that could cause serious damage, even structural failure.

Now I'm open to pilots calling me on this, but that would be my understanding anyway.

foxyboxer

Knex. wrote: »

Prenders the shit outta it.

A fantastic, final, farewell fap.

Beefy78

Fritzl Funderland wrote: »

Decide whos important enough to take the parachutes

Decision made - pass me the parachute.

danniemcq

irish-stew wrote: »

The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.

the menu was fish and steak, just as well i had the lasagne

Jammy Donut

jiltloop wrote: »

Jammy Donut wrote: »

Walk upto the hottest stewardess and ask her fancy a last ****....

Then I'd pick her up , slide down her skirt while caressing her body, and I'd make sweet sweet love to her.


Then go into the cockpit and thank the pilot for doing me the favour of announcing we're gonna die and buy him a beer when we land.

I find you're better off hoisting up a skirt rather than sliding it down. A bit off topic but I felt strongly enough to post it.

Mmmm true..... But if I slide it down over her feet and therefore take it off, I would be able spread her legs more to get deeper into her

mauzo

Jammy Donut wrote: »

Mmmm true..... But if I slide it down over her feet and therefore take it off, I would be able spread her legs more to get deeper into her

:eek: Holy moly. A jammy donut just made me horny

I think youll be deep enough in her when the plane goes down....Youll be wearing her like a skirt!

johngalway

Get a second opinion.

Jammy Donut

syndeyfife wrote: »

Jammy Donut wrote: »

Mmmm true..... But if I slide it down over her feet and therefore take it off, I would be able spread her legs more to get deeper into her

:eek: Holy moly. A jammy donut just made me horny

I think youll be deep enough in her when the plane goes down....Youll be wearing her like a skirt!

I have that effect on people


Actually I'm writing a book at the moment, '50 flavours of Jammy donuts'.

mauzo

Jammy Donut wrote: »

I have that effect on people


Actually I'm writing a book at the moment, '50 flavours of Jammy donuts'.

I like it in the toffee

Lord of the Bongs

JupiterKid wrote: »

...and you are enjoying your glass of proseccoat 35,000 feet and a view of Copenhagen and the Oresund below your window when suddenly, the airplane banks to the left and violent turbulence shakes the cabin around like a rag doll.

People are screaming and many are crying. After the worst of the turbulence is over, the captain comes on the intercom in a grave tone:

"ladies and gentlemen, we have lost almost all our power and part of the tail and rudder has sheared off. It would be grossly irresponsible of me to pretend that we aren't in a very grave situation. So grave in fact, that we are all going to probably be dead within about 20 minutes."

Upon hearing this news - what do you do?

Thank god i dont drink cheap champagne and holiday somewhere warm

Jammy Donut

syndeyfife wrote: »

Jammy Donut wrote: »

I have that effect on people


Actually I'm writing a book at the moment, '50 flavours of Jammy donuts'.

I like it in the toffee

Mmmm interesting, yes very interesting....... Would you like to audition for my book?



Disclaimer: I'm not really writing a book, I'm only pretending to for da roide.

faceman

I'd probably scream and cry like baby for 5 minutes in the hope that someone would knock me out and therefore I would die in my sleep.

None of that hardman stuff for me!

Diapason

faceman wrote: »

None of that hardman stuff for me!

Nor I. With 20 minutes left to live, I doubt I could get hard at all.