Your OH and email access?

Duggy747

No way, a person is allowed to their own privacy. If your OH has trust issues then it's her problem, you shouldn't have to drag yourself down by giving up everything about yourself like your her child.

On top of that, it's the privacy of those who contact you too that you're giving her access to.

I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of setting up a dummy account.

IrishExpat wrote: »

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

If that was my GF she'd be out the door so goddamn fast, why would I put myself through such bullshìt with another person?

Mr Benevolent

OP, unless you have dubious stuff in your email that she's already seen, I'd change your password if I were you.

Odysseus

IrishExpat wrote: »

Not even a hint of it.

That's interesting, yes moving into together generally signifies moving the relationship on, but this is just wrong.

Have you asked her where she is getting this from? She may have some fcuked up idea that this is the way it should be, or be getting advice from someone else, based upon their own experiences.

I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think, though it could turn into a gangfcuk. If she has trust issues that strong she needs to talk to someone, the question for you is do you hang around while she sorts it out.

_feedback_

Odysseus wrote: »

I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think, though it could turn into a gangfcuk.

Don't do that OP - she'll delete all the wimmins from boards.

HPT

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

:eek:

GET OUT NOW!! before the bunny gets it....

IrishExpat

Odysseus wrote: »

I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think ...

Best option is to explain the responses.
Google Translator mightn´t make a good job of it (we speak in Hungarian)

Honestly tho, I´m probably going to call it a day - I´ve just given two examples of what I´m putting up with these last few weeks.

KKkitty

Ficheall wrote: »

KKkitty wrote: »

Emails are boring so why would she want to see them.

Ah now. You're clearly on the wrong mailing lists. PM me your email address.

It's myob@hotmail.com OP I don't know your OH but she seems like she's verging on bunny boiler territory. If you were to give her that personal information who's to say she wouldn't stop at that. Deleting contacts off your phone is worrying too.

CruelCoin

Dump her. plain as.

I don't snoop into the private life of my GF, and she stays out of mine.
We trust each other, and any decent relationship is built on that.

If you allow her access now it'll set a precedent and you'll never have anything which can be considered totally private.

Either she understands the phrase "**** off" or chuck her out.

Ficheall

KKkitty wrote: »

It's myob@hotmail.com

*adds to chess mailing list *

holystungun9

Jaxxy wrote: »

Absolutely not. Your OH has a few issues is nuts!

fyp. Only one word for a request like that - fuk off!

stevenmu

This is all well and good, but the sh1t will really hit the fan now when she checks your boards.ie history and sees that you posted this.

MagicRon

She's going about it all wrong. She should install a key logger

SusieBlue

You should be allowed your privacy and still have trust in the relationship. She sounds extremely insecure, I imagine she'd drive herself crazy, constantly checking your inbox and reading into the meaning of very detail if you share your passwords with her.

Dangerous Man

Kick her ass out the door. Seriously.

Tombi!

Not so often you hear about the situation you're in, OP. Usually it's reversed, the woman is the victim. And yes, it is abuse at this stage to me.

Leave her before it gets worse.

It's really simple to explain: she has you move in, she changes instantly and wants to isolate you from women since they'd more than likely tell you to tell her to fúck off. I'd imagine next after the contacts being deleted is going to me "but if you really care about me, you won't need to see them, just make business with men" and then it'll go onto "but you can work all from home if you really loved me" and eventually you won't be posting on internet websites, talking to your friends or family.

Or she could just be naive and think it's how a relationship works. If it's the former, leave fast. If it's the latter, then sit her down and explain carefully about how relationships work. Not in a condescending way or agressive way. Just calmly tell her and discuss with her.

Vicar in a tutu

WhiteRoses wrote: »

You should be allowed your privacy and still have trust in the relationship. She sounds extremely insecure, I imagine she'd drive herself crazy, constantly checking your inbox and reading into the meaning of very detail if you share your passwords with her.

This, and perhaps even start blowing tiny things out of proportion..such as mailing a female friend etc, Just be firm and say no, your entitled to your privacy.

Roadend

Just punch her in the face and tell her she'll get one each time she asks for your password. She'll soon stop asking for it.

mod: banned

AnonoBoy

Roadend wrote: »

Just punch her in the face and tell her she'll get one each time she asks for your password. She'll soon stop asking for it.

Just as well you'll never be faced with such a dilemma, y'know, what with never having a girlfriend and that. :pac:

Lollipops23

I'd never snoop in my OHs emails, and would flip out if I caught him looking at mine.
Privacy is extremely important, she's getting confused between trust and respect.

Giselle

She's not just invading your privacy OP, she's invading the privacy of everyone who mails/texts you.

Its not normal, no matter what she says. Its highly controlling and refusing your right to privacy is in my opinion, quite abusive. Coupled with deleting contacts, which I would consider isolating/controlling, its a very dangerous sign. She has told you that you are guilty unless you prove your innocence by showing you have nothing to hide.

Thats not normal.

Has she ever told you there would be consequences if you resisted this control? Does she manipulate you into doing what she days by her behaviour? Do you think she has a capacity to get physical if you don't acquiesce?

She has huge issues and those are becoming your problem. Get out now, and try encourage her to get the right kind of help or she's in for a life of loneliness.

tmc86

Ah this just shows how much she loves you. She sounds very protective of you and is scared in case it doesn't last, that's love right there, you should feel lucky








Get out now before you wake up one morning chained to the bed

crazy cabbage

Dont give her passwords. Relationships are ment to be build on trust. She doesn't trust you. She need to sort out that problem for herself

No one here know her so we can't say that you should break up with her. It could be that she thinks this is how it is supposed to be...

Why not suggest that you set up a joined email adress. You can keep your own one private and ye can both use the new one.

As for the numbers thing. Crazy. She needs room to sort herself out

Zoria

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

The soonest flight I could find for you is a Ryanair flight back to Dublin has only one seat remaining and is at 7am tomorrow. I suggest you be on it.

Give her a fake password.

If she tells you it's fake, you know she's been trying to log in.

Deank

IrishExpat wrote: »

Not even a hint of it.

Bunny Boiler OP:eek:, run for the hills as fast as you can, that's one dangerous relationship to be in.

Cabaal

Married a few years now, wife doesn't know my e-mail password and I don't know hers. Neither of us have an issue with it

Larbre34

As youre walking out the door due to her behaviour, advise her that this should be a salutory tale for how she might treat her next bloke. And tell her to tell her friends that as well

And then go and find the hottest business contact you have and flirt your ass off with her. Enjoy


Living with someone before marriage should be compulsory. QED.

Knex*

OP, I may be off on this, but it sounds like you have to have a bit more confidence in yourself and trust your instincts here.

It is most certainly not acceptable for her to demand, and expect, your password for your email account. Its absurd.

I don't give any of my passwords out to anyone, nor do I expect anyone to share theirs with me.

Deleting numbers in so ridiculous its almost lolworthy. I would have been fuming if that was me and she'd have been dumped on the spot.

Don't accept any of this **** OP, its not the norm and its far from right. It sounds to me like it can only get worse unless confronted and dealt with now.

If she can't see the errors of her ways, then I'm sorry, that for me would see it completely finished. It's not healthy.

foxyboxer

She might not be the type to take a break up.......well.

If you know what I mean.

Zoria

Larbre34 wrote: »

As youre walking out the door due to her behaviour, advise her that this should be a salutory tale for how she might treat her next bloke. And tell her to tell her friends that as well

And then go and find the hottest business contact you have and flirt your ass off with her. Enjoy

Chances are the email address isn't the one she usually uses either. I'd change her password for her, you're supposed to changed it regularly anyway. Just conveniently forget it. Poo under the mattress before you leave. Actually no, leave the last one for cheaters.

Jesus Shaves

No, I've made the mistake of giving my passwords to an ex, never again
That said we both know each others atm card pins
A relationship needs independence and trust
Dump her

opinion guy

Dump the bunny boiler OP

Deleted User wrote: »

Give her a fake password.

If she tells you it's fake, you know she's been trying to log in.

:eek:

You, Madame, are an evil genius. I must make note never to cross you!

AdMMM

I cannot stress this enough.

Get out now!

Even if you both love each other, get out. For whatever reason, she doesn't trust you. If you try and keep this going, you'll find yourself sacrificing too much all in the name of saving it and you'll just be miserable and unhappy. You know what happens then? It ends.

Just get out.

marienbad

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

In my experience , this kind of jealousy,possessiveness, control freakery is pathological and is impossible to change and stay changed .

Be grateful you caught it early on, get out now and stay out.

foxyboxer

opinion guy wrote: »

Dump the bunny boiler OP




:eek:

You, Madame, are an evil genius. I must make note never to cross you!

Or better yet, give her the access. Then set up another account by yourself and initiate an intimate exchange between yourself and you close friend Bruce!!

"Who is this Bruce!!!!!!" :mad:

Zoria

foxyboxer wrote: »

Or better yet, give her the access. Then set up another account by yourself and initiate an intimate exchange between yourself and you close friend Bruce!!

"Who is this Bruce!!!!!!" :mad:

Better again you should meet up with Irishexpat and pose with him for these photos. Oh to be a fly on the wall when she finds those!

PK2008

OP, your in built psycho detector should be going off the charts round about now

the_syco

IrishExpat wrote: »

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

Let her know that her issues may potentially cost you wages in the future.

If she's like this with random numbers, she'll probably delete some work related emails, and leave you up sh|it creek.

Let her know that because she deleted the business contacts from your phone, she won't be allowed near your email.

She does sound like a bunny boiler, so be careful when/if you decide to split up with her!

marshbaboon

There's no reason for wanting to know the password beyond snooping/spying/extreme self conciousness. None.

I've never even had this come up in conversation, and I definitely won't entertain the idea if it does in the future.

King George VI

Thankfully my girlfriend never asked me for my facebook/email/whatever password but if she did I'd tell her to go **** off. I'm not even comfortable with her using my phone for very long. I have nothing to hide but all my life I've never let anyone go through my things. I'd be more comfortable with her knowing my bank details.

Miss Lockhart

No way would I give a boyfriend passwords or pin numbers for phone or email. If I knew a friend's partner read their emails/messages then I wouldn't message them either. Totally unacceptable imo.

dr.bollocko

Roadend wrote: »

Just punch her in the face and tell her she'll get one each time she asks for your password. She'll soon stop asking for it.

banned.

CathyMoran

My husband and I have access to one another's email and phones - it is no big deal as neither of us have anything to hide - do not see the big deal about it.

Chain_reaction

CathyMoran wrote: »

My husband and I have access to one another's email and phones - it is no big deal as neither of us have anything to hide - do not see the big deal about it.

I've a feeling your set-up is a little less paranoid though.

I think my boyfriend knows my email password, nothing worth viewing though.


Op, deleting female contacts?

Run! NOW!!

dharma200

I think (and after talking to partner) , that the fact that this is even an issue is a bad sign. That means an issue either way, that it has been brought up, and not just a given that you have access to stuff like that, but that there is a question wether there should be access, and reluctance to give access.

The fact she wants access also.

Either way if you cant win. You give her access and it pisses you off, or you dont and she is pissed off.

Trigger13222

Hey man your biatch is crazy.

Giselle

CathyMoran wrote: »

My husband and I have access to one another's email and phones - it is no big deal as neither of us have anything to hide - do not see the big deal about it.

The big deal is if I'm emailing you, then I'm emailing YOU.
Not your husband.
If your husband reads my mails to you, its my privacy invaded too.

It wasn't me!

There's also the fact that even perfectly innocent conversations need supporting context, and anyone this demonstrably crazy is definitely going to read total fairy tales into absolutely everything she reads. Even if you did give her access, I guarantee that she will go batshít crazy over completely meaningless crap, then it's your fault, somehow. I'd be out of there like a shot, myself. If I have to explain why privacy is important for everyone, the person is too stupid to date, in my book.

hatrickpatrick

100%, completely, totally, utterly and unconditionally no.
It goes both ways too. I will never, ever ask any girlfriend of mine for her password to anything, nor will I ever give her any grief whatsoever about who she chooses to be friends with, male or female. And I will instantly walk away from a relationship if I receive any such grief from her.

Being in a relationship does not mean you cease to be an individual.

hatrickpatrick

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

Holy SH!T :eek: :eek: :eek:

Reverse the genders here and people would legitimately be calling this abusive. It IS abusive.
This is going to sound harsh since you guys just moved in together, but you need to get the hell out of this relationship ASAP. She's obviously one of those people who equates a relationship getting more serious = having more control over your partner. This will only get worse, and worse, and worse.