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Daughter won't give bedroom key to owner.

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  • 10-08-2012 1:36pm
    #1
    ukonline
    Registered Users Posts: 199 ✭✭


    -

    Apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

    My sister has moved in with my mum, who normally
    lives alone. She has two other daughters visiting
    over the weekend, has fallen out with the live-in
    daughter, and would like her bedroom for the 2 visitors.

    The daughter has locked her bedroom and refuses
    to give the key back, and is staying away while
    her sisters are visiting.

    Is she technically stealing? Could the police help?

    There is no formal lease or rental payment being
    made, just a contribution to bills.

    I've 'phoned her to ask politely to return the key
    but after a brief chat, she hung up.

    :(

    -


Comments

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    #2
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,339 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    The police won't help as it is a civil dispute.
    Who is the leasee?


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    #3
    ukonline
    Registered Users Posts: 199 ✭✭ukonline


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    The police won't help as it is a civil dispute.
    Who is the leasee?

    -

    The mother is the owner of the house.
    Mortgage is paid in full.

    -


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    #4
    Oink
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 2,159 Mod ✭✭✭✭Oink


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    The police won't help as it is a civil dispute.


    Assuming that's true, does that mean OP is free to deal with it as she pleases? If so, I would suggest to change the locks and pack everything into a box.


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    #5
    Oink
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 2,159 Mod ✭✭✭✭Oink


    And by the way, this does not need to be complicated. It is rather easy to remove a lock. Ask someone to help if needed.The whole unpleasant business could be sorted within an hour.

    Well the lock would be. Your sister on the other hand... Can't help you with that.


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    #6
    ukonline
    Registered Users Posts: 199 ✭✭ukonline


    -

    There is the added complication that the
    daughter is unemployed and claims she
    can't afford to rent a room.

    (Then why is she being so difficult, you
    may ask!).

    Mam would have to be very strong to
    lock her out. But I am now straying
    into different territory.

    She does have a couple of friends that
    she stays with, from time to time, so
    if we changed the locks, etc. I doubt
    she would end up on the streets.

    I and the rest of the family might have
    to do that as she is always causing
    problems for her mother, and we
    all get stressed over her.

    She has a Jeckyl and Hyde type of
    personality.

    -


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    #7
    Oink
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 2,159 Mod ✭✭✭✭Oink


    She is a guest in the house, and she is overstepping the boundaries. Change the locks so that your Mom can regain control of her own house.

    Then if you ever decide that it's safe (and it's a good idea...) for her to live in the house again, it would be perfectly reasonable for the owner of the house to have a spare key. Your sister does not have to like it either.

    As for the emotional issue - I would say that's for another forum, but best of luck anyway...


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    #8
    StillWaters
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,799 ✭✭✭StillWaters


    I can sort of see where the daughter is coming from. It is more her home than the other sisters, as she is staying there full time, contributing to bills etc, so shouldn't really be expected to give up her room for a visitor.
    Having said that, mothers house, mothers rules. Is there no way this can be sorted amicably at this stage? Does your mother want this daughter to move out permanently?


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    #9
    Oink
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 2,159 Mod ✭✭✭✭Oink


    ukonline wrote: »
    ... she being so difficult...
    ... she is always causing problems for her mother...
    ... we all get stressed over her...
    ... She has a Jeckyl and Hyde type of personality.

    @ Stillwaters: Going by what OP is saying, it sounds to me like they're past trying to "sort it amicably".

    I have come across this kind of situation a few times myself, and in previous occasions my main priority was FIRST to get my Mum (and others in the same position) out of an unfair, stressful situation.

    The self-centered/unbalanced family member can be taken care of at a later stage (or asked to take their issues elsewhere, depending).

    My 2 cents. Op is best placed to know what to do.


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    #10
    fasttalkerchat
    Registered Users Posts: 5,652 ✭✭✭fasttalkerchat


    2 words - wooden spoon.

    EDIT: Not literally, but it is a discipline issue and not a legal one.


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    #11
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,285 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    StillWaters wrote: »
    I can sort of see where the daughter is coming from. It is more her home than the other sisters, as she is staying there full time, contributing to bills etc, so shouldn't really be expected to give up her room for a visitor.
    Having said that, mothers house, mothers rules. Is there no way this can be sorted amicably at this stage? Does your mother want this daughter to move out permanently?

    There is no indication that she is contributing to bills etc- and regardless of how she likes to put it- the Irish State is remarkable with its housing for those who are incapable of affording it themselves. It sounds like it suits her to live there, she doesn't give a toss for her siblings, and given the trouble she is causing her mother, she probably doesn't give two hoots about her either.

    When you are living in someone elses' house- you abide by their rules, or you leave, simple as. She sounds like a spoilt teenager who is throwing a temper tantrum tbh- someone has to knock this on the head sooner or later- perhaps the current situation is a convenient pretext to move the situation onwards?


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    #12
    athtrasna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,420 ✭✭✭✭athtrasna


    smccarrick wrote: »
    There is no indication that she is contributing to bills etc
    ukonline wrote: »
    -
    There is no formal lease or rental payment being
    made, just a contribution to bills.
    -

    ;)


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    #13
    ukonline
    Registered Users Posts: 199 ✭✭ukonline


    -

    Thanks for the replies.

    To update, she returned to the house
    and opened her room up for her sisters
    and will be staying away while they are
    there, (they are stressed when she's around!)
    but it could be an issue again in the future.
    Oink wrote: »
    She is a guest in the house, and she is overstepping the boundaries. Change the locks so that your Mom can regain control of her own house.

    Then if you ever decide that it's safe (and it's a good idea...) for her to live in the house again, it would be perfectly reasonable for the owner of the house to have a spare key. Your sister does not have to like it either.

    As for the emotional issue - I would say that's for another forum, but best of luck anyway...

    Thanks, yes we, (my other sisters and I), are considering this.

    smccarrick wrote: »
    There is no indication that she is contributing to bills etc- and regardless of how she likes to put it- the Irish State is remarkable with its housing for those who are incapable of affording it themselves. It sounds like it suits her to live there, she doesn't give a toss for her siblings, and given the trouble she is causing her mother, she probably doesn't give two hoots about her either.

    When you are living in someone elses' house- you abide by their rules, or you leave, simple as. She sounds like a spoilt teenager who is throwing a temper tantrum tbh- someone has to knock this on the head sooner or later- perhaps the current situation is a convenient pretext to move the situation onwards?

    Thanks. Agreed. BTW, she is 45 years of age, would you believe? :)

    -


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    #14
    fasttalkerchat
    Registered Users Posts: 5,652 ✭✭✭fasttalkerchat


    ukonline wrote: »
    Thanks. Agreed. BTW, she is 45 years of age, would you believe? :)

    Ah!
    I assumed it was a moody 14 year old!!


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    #15
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,339 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    ukonline wrote: »
    -

    The mother is the owner of the house.
    Mortgage is paid in full.

    -


    Then change the locks and refuse entry. Not only is this behaviour unacceptable but downright insulting and disrespectful to the mother.

    It's easy to understand how it occurs, those from us as parents will almost put up with anything from our offspring out of love. However the correct thing to do is not put up with this behaviour.


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