Minor leaving abusive home

LegacyUser

I am writing this from a place of crisis, so apologies if I ramble!

I am the second eldest of five children. My younger brother has Asperger's syndrome. From when he was born, my parents got him everything he could possibly need. By the time he was eleven, he was a generally normal, happy child and was transferred to a mainstream class as the special needs unit was not challenging him.

On the advice of his psychologist, he was told of his disability at the age of twelve, just before he went to secondary school. He quickly began to regress in terms of behaviour. This greatly affected his learning in school, which in turn lowered his self-esteem and caused him to behave even worse.

Currently, I am living under a constant torrent of abuse. He resents my elder brother and I because academic learning has always come very easily to us. He feels as if he is not good enough, even though he is showered with attention and love.

He began to be physically abusive to us (as well as verbally) two years ago. We were told not to challenge his behaviour, in the hopes that a conflict would not escalate in to violence if he was given his own way. However, that approach only made him continue to push until the conflict became a physical altercation.

We are all jaded. My parents do not do anything when he begins to abuse me as they can see no point in it. I have a history of depression and no matter what I do, I can't help being dragged down again and again. There is no limit to what my brother will say.

We receive respite from two different services, but he will not go away overnight and him leaving for a few hours brings little comfort.

My home isn't safe for me anymore, but my parents refuse to send my brother away. If I continue living there, he will either kill me or cause me to kill myself.

I am seventeen years old. What kind of support could I receive (outside of the state care system) to help me leave my home? My parents have already made it clear that if I leave, they will not help with rent or other bills, except for education costs. I do not want to get a job, as I am entering sixth year and planning on studying medicine.

Apologies for the length and thanks for reading!

blatantrereg

You won't get any government support to leave home because of a bratty sibling, history of depression or not.

Getting physical with a younger child is never going to win you any favours either, regardless of provocation. Neither will talking about how he is going to kill you, or push you to suicide. That comes across as melodramatics, which undermines you.

Your problem is that you are aiming to do very well in the leaving and your issues with your brother might impede that. If you put that forward as your problem. it's more likely to get your parents to engage and help, as it sounds rational and reasonable, rather than melodramatic and annoying teenagerish.
Boarding school would seem like the obvious solution to your problem. I dont know if it is too close to the start of term to look at that. Suggesting this to your parents is again more likely to open a meaningful dialogue in any case, since it is a realistic sounding solution. Moving out to rented accommodation doesn't sound realistic really. Student accommodation very frequently comes with various distractions just so you know, many of which are likely to be more severe than a bratty sibling. Nevermind the need to do your own housekeeping and pay bills etc.

On an aside, I know people with Aspergers, of varying ages, and they do well in school, or are accomplished academically. Also none of them behave very badly. It isn't a good idea to use the condition as a cop-out when it comes to acceptable behaviour or schoolwork. Your parents might want to look at why his schoolwork and behaviour has regressed.

Outside of these things, parents of Aspergers kids can avail of a yearly grant to take the kid on holiday. Timely use of this coming up to your exams might be intelligent.

If your home situation doesn't change, just don't fixate on it and concentrate on your own stuff. Find a library or somewhere outside of your home where you can study. Whatever you do, realise you are the older one here, and stop rising to a younger kid needling you.

LegacyUser

blatantrereg wrote: »

You won't get any government support to leave home because of a bratty sibling, history of depression or not.
Getting physical with a younger child is never going to win you any favours either, regardless of provocation. Neither will talking about how he is going to kill you, or push you to suicide. That comes across as melodramatics, which undermines you.
Your problem is that you are aiming to do very well in the leaving and your issues with your brother might impede that. If you put that forward as your problem. it's more likely to get your parents to engage and help, as it sounds rational and reasonable, rather than melodramatic and annoying teenagerish.
Boarding school would seem like the obvious solution to your problem. I dont know if it is too close to the start of term to look at that. Suggesting this to your parents is again more likely to open a meaningful dialogue in any case, since it is a realistic sounding solution. Moving out to rented accommodation doesn't sound realistic really. Student accommodation very frequently comes with various distractions just so you know, many of which are likely to be more severe than a bratty sibling. Nevermind the need to do your own housekeeping and pay bills etc.
On an aside, I know people with Aspergers, of varying ages, and they do well in school, or are accomplished academically. Also none of them behave very badly. It isn't a good idea to use the condition as a cop-out when it comes to acceptable behaviour or schoolwork. Your parents might want to look at why his schoolwork and behaviour has regressed.
Outside of these things, parents of Aspergers kids can avail of a yearly grant to take the kid on holiday. Timely use of this coming up to your exams might be intelligent.
If your home situation doesn't change, just don't fixate on it and concentrate on your own stuff. Find a library or somewhere outside of your home where you can study. Whatever you do, realise you are the older one here, and stop rising to a younger kid needling you.

Ok, you are seriously underestimating the situation. My younger brother is not "bratty", he is abusive. He's tried to stab my elder brother. The last time he physically assaulted me, he punched me in the back of the head. He used to do boxing, so he ended up giving me a concussion and I was brought to hospital.

As for the verbal abuse, I'll give you a sample. A year ago, I was sexually assaulted by a man I knew, who took advantage of how emotionally vulnerable I was. My brother knows about this, and last night he sat outside my bedroom door telling me that that was all anyone would ever want me for and that I deserved it, that it would happen to me my whole life.

I'm not rising to anyone. I ignore him, whatever he says to me. That doesn't stop him. Nor is anyone using his "condition" as a cop-out. According to the psychologist involved with our family, one in seven children with Asperger's have a particularly bad adolescence, involving violent and abusive tantrums.

This isn't a post by a melodramatic teenager. My parents have exhausted every avenue, short of residential care, trying to find help for my brother. He is being failed by our healthcare system. There is no appropiate school or care facility for him. I have accepted that. Right now, I have to think of my own well-being. Boarding school is not an option as my parents would not allow it or pay for it. Government help is the only possibility left for me.

ShaShaBear

Would have to agree with above post, my brother suffers from Aspergers, was diagnosed with it at 4 years of age, and he did exceptionally well in school, more so than me in fact, with half the effort. He threw tantrums, broke stuff, hit me, called names etc, mostly because he knew he could apologise later and blame it on his illness. I truly believe he should not have been told until he was old enough to handle it, but the child psychiatrist felt he needed to understand, which has only happened in the past two years or so.

You are being melodramatic. He is not going to kill you because he has Aspergers. It simply is not that bad. If you are going to kill yourself, then it is you who needs to speak to someone, his behaviour wouldn't push you to that unless you were so inclined.

I assume you have your own room, and your school offers some sort of after-hours study club. Avail of this.

And stop being so hard on your parents. Dealing with Aspergers is hard, but raising one around other normal children is even harder. The last thing your family needs is you chastising them because they won't get rid of him for you.

LegacyUser

Look, I have tried to explain that there is serious abuse going on in my home. It's not teenage melodramatics. We have had numerous visits from social workers because of the child protection issues. The only reason that we haven't been taken in to care yet is because it is not our parents abusing us.

I've spoken to policemen who told me I could press charges against my brother for assault causing harm, which should detail to you the scale of the abuse I endure on a daily basis. I am completely jaded.

I am not looking for someone to take my brother away. He'll always be my baby brother and though I resent him for what he's doing to me, I will always love him. However, I honestly believe that him being removed from the family environment is what is best for everyone.

I don't need to prove this to anyone. I didn't start this thread looking for people to tell me what was going on in my home when they've never lived there. Every professional who has worked with my brother has told us that this is the most extreme case of adolescent problems associated with asperger's syndrome that they have ever witnessed. All I am looking for in this thread is advice on how to escape this. If you can't offer me that, please don't reply.

tinkerbell

OP, just to let you know - since you are posting as unregistered, sometimes it takes a while for your posts to be approved and displayed on the thread as a moderator has to approve them so ShaShaBear probably didn't see your 2nd post when they were replying.

I completely disagree with the two other posters, you are NOT being melodramatic. And your brother is not a brat, he is physically and emotionally abusive to you. There is a big difference. It is not fair on you to have to suffer through this because your parents couldn't be bothered to help you. I mean you said he tried to stab your brother - WTF! Would it do you any good if you sat down with your parents and got your older sibling there for support? What about your other siblings, what is your younger brother like with them? Are they also terrified of living in their own home? Or can you speak to a relative like grandparents or aunts/uncles and ask them for help?

Your parents need a wakeup call, they are digging their heads in the sand. The fact that your brother has Aspergers is no excuse to let him get away with the fact that he tried to stab your older brother! It sounds to me that they are just letting him get away with everything and don't care what effect it has on you. If speaking to them doesn't work, I really would suggest that you get support from grandparents / aunts / uncles. I also would go have a chat with a garda again and ask them to pay a visit to the house. You are clearly at your wits end and OP, I know he's your brother and all, but you have to protect yourself and as a minor, your parents should be protecting YOU! Which they are clearly not doing. If boarding school is definitely not an option, perhaps you could move in with another member of the family instead.

jessiejam

Sorry to hear about what your going through OP. I haven't any experience of Aspergers in teenagers at least so it would be unfair of me to comment in relation to your brothers behaviour. Best left up to the professionals.

As regards your situation, is there any chance you can stay with an aunt or a friend for the rest of the year until you go to college anyway. You sound like you want to do really well in the leaving and your family situation is going to severly impede that.

If you could get a part time job to help you get by then all the better. I don't think its fair that your parents are letting your brother get away with what he is doing, but I can understand your parents not wanting him to send him away.

He's still their son too..

It might be worth speaking to a councellor yourself also, it might make all the difference to you.

blatantrereg

It sounds like you're right that I was seriously underestimating your situation. For one thing, your phrasing suggeted that you were the one getting physical with him, and not that he was a genuine physical threat.

Dont be too shy to speak to the guards. They will probably be receptive if you have already told one about an incident of serious assault. Getting across that his behviour is not ok, or at least that it is not going to be tolerated might be helpful.

Was there ever a second opinion sought on the Asperger's diagnosis?

ShaShaBear

blatantrereg wrote: »

It sounds like you're right that I was seriously underestimating your situation. For one thing, your phrasing suggeted that you were the one getting physical with him, and not that he was a genuine physical threat.

Dont be too shy to speak to the guards. They will probably be receptive if you have already told one about an incident of serious assault. Getting across that his behviour is not ok, or at least that it is not going to be tolerated might be helpful.

Was there ever a second opinion sought on the Asperger's diagnosis?

Agreed, your phrasing pretty much suggested in the first post that you'd rather not deal with it and throwing around phrases like suicide just because your little brother hit you (who has a little brother who didn't punch, hit, or even bite). You should have been more forthcoming with the advice and people like myself with personal experience would not have been so quick to jump in.
My brother is on medication for Asperger's at the minute and he is doing absolutely superb - the fighting is minimal and he no longer gets violent. If you like, I could find out the names of the meds and you could show this post to your parents?
If, like said above, it really is down to Asperger's. It really does sound far too extreme. Violence like hitting and losing a temper, yes. Intentional attempt at stabbing, no. That's too calculated. My brother would flip a table or smash a plate. He'd never have had the gumption of going and getting a knife and making the conscious decision to stab one of us. There is something else askew here.

Sleepy

I think the advice about finding somewhere else you can stay is the best. Talk to your parents about the fact you're worried it's going to pevent you from getting the best Leaving Cert you can. Ask them could they talk to your Aunts and Uncles about staying with them until the LC is over. It may necessitate you having to change schools however.

Unfortunately there's almost certainly nothing in the way of support you can avail of from social services. They're utterly overwhelmed at the moment and have never been as efficient or effective as they should be. That's not likely to change in the time it'll take you to earn the "Dr" you want before your name, however, so there's no point getting hung up on it.

What's your parents reaction to all this? Do they think you should just "suck it up" or are they just not in the financial position to send you to boarding school etc?

ElleEm

OP, I have worked with young people in care so I have a bit of knowledge in this area.

You would not get financial support to live alone in your own place at the age of 17. Your parents would actually have to sign you into the care of the HSE, which would be very difficult for them and would most likely be against the wishes of the social workers involved with your family. Even if your folks did sign you into care, there are NO placements available. You may end up in an emergency hostel somewhere with young people with more problems than your brother.

You need to speak to your parents seriously about your fears as you have here. If your brother is causing the whole family as much distress as you, then your parents really need to think of the welfare of the family as a unit. It sounds like your brother going on longer respite or going into a residential facility would be a huge benefit to you all (him included).

LegacyUser

OP, I am really sorry for what you are going through. This is not easy at all. For one thing you have compassion for your brother and know that he is not well. On the other hand, you need to feel safe and protected in your own home.

I do suggest speaking with your parents and having a heart to heart along with your other siblings. This is not a healthy environment for anyone to be living in. Your brother however does need further support and help. I think the term sending him off to a home is scaring your parents. Your parents may take this as they have failed him and this is why they may not want to send him. Sending him may not be a permanent but only a means to get the further help he needs. I work in the mental health field and I have seen parents trying to be the heroes (I don't like saying this but it's true in many cases) and they forget there are other children living in the home who are at risk as a consequence. The reason we have homes and respite care is to not only to give the family a much needed break but it also allows the child in question to not only have fun and enjoy themselves but to be able to obtain additional care and treatment. People who work in these environments are able to assess if there needs to be adjustments to medications and lifestyle. As for what happened with your other sibling and the stabbing attempt. This alone would make it clear that all sharp objects in the house are to be locked up and out of reach from your brother. Not doing this after the fact is a major safety risk. I know of one family who do not have "proper" china and cutlery in the house. All cutlery, dishes and cups are melamine. All sharp objects and cleaners are locked up. They are doing this not because they have a fear that their child would harm them but harm himself if he gets into contact with the object. Sometimes parents are going through so much when it comes to taking care of an ill child and coping with it that they can no longer see things clearly. Your parents are feeling this way perhaps?

If you speak with your parents about your fears and concerns first. Take it from an angle that you are concerned for your brother's safety and well being and you want him well and better. If they are not willing to look at it this way, is there any hope and chance that you can speak with your brother's GP about this? Does your brother have a case worker you can talk to? If the case worker knows what is really going on in the home he/she can speak with your parents and recommend that your brother be sent to a facility for further assessment and treatment.

If things do not improve or get done at all I honestly suggest speaking with an aunt, uncle or perhaps an older cousin about living with them until you complete your LC. Could you rotate friend's houses for the time being? Study more at the library instead of home?

Contact http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/ for further support and help for you and your family. They are a wonderful resource.

Take care x

up for anything

xena_ wrote: »

My brother knows about this, and last night he sat outside my bedroom door telling me that that was all anyone would ever want me for and that I deserved it, that it would happen to me my whole life.

There isn't much sanctuary for you in your own room if he is allowed to sit outside and abuse you through the door. It would be hard to try and study through that. Perhaps you could fight a small battle and not a big war and ask your parents to stop him from doing things like that. At least then you might have some chance of your room being a haven from him and getting some study done.

ETA: You should also seek some counselling for yourself. Perhaps you could arrange to visit your GP alone and explain the situation and how you currently feel. It's sad and wrong that you should feel that suicide may be a way out.

eternal

This sounds terrible. I have lived with abusive people before and I don't think anyone replying to this thread seems to understand what you're going through. I think you have to get out and you need to talk to a doctor or a nurse about this. I am sure there are possibilites here for you, and I am certain you need to get out of this situation. I think your parents are making excuses for your brother and also you need help for the sexual abuse you have suffered. This is all amounting to too much and there is no way you can carry on further.
The fact that you are academically proficient means that at least you have a future ahead of you. Have you tried looking up help for child services that could assist you? I wouldn't know of any numbers or organisations but surely the social worker could be of some help.

dellas1979

First of all Aspergers is a syndrome on the autism spectrum.

Within the syndrome, it also has its own spectrum.

Some people are mildly affected, maybe just some mild behavioural issues, nothing sinister, and definitely not a threath. Can be very intelligent and play a respective part in the real world. Most inventors and people from varying accomplished backgrounds (including booker prize winners) would have this.

But if your brother is on the other end of the spectrum, just about nothing will get through to him, the understanding isnt there - yet anyways. Whether he gains any understanding of himself as he gets older is another matter. Why doesnt it get through? There is no answer - it just does not filter or process in his brain in the same way. He will not see violence and being violent or see the consequence to his actions. He will see it as a way to get rid of his frustration and his confusion i.e., you (and your other sibling).

Anyways, to deal with this, you need to sit down with your parents calmly and explain the situation. Pour your heart out to them pet. How it is affecting you. Make them listen. Tell them your hopes and your dreams. That you need their support. Dont be scared. It would be very adult of you to stand up and express yourself. You should be prepared to not leave the table until one or both of your parents hears you. Even if you have to, write it down and read it out, or give it to them in a letter.

Prehaps the opening line could be "As I write this in my room, X, my brother, is outside my door shouting abuse at me. I am scared".

LegacyUser

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for responding. Apologies for the late reply, I have been without an internet connection for a few days.

As regards medication, he has been tried on different tablets and solutions, including risperdral and xyprexa. Often, they have just made him worse. Currently, if my mam thinks he is going to have a bad day, she crushes up a valium tablet (prescribed to him) and puts it in hot chocolate for him, as he will not willingly take anything.

We have gotten many opinions on the Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis and the general consensus seems to be that his behaviour is a result of depression and low self-esteem interacting with his Asperger's. Currently, it is untreatable as he sees any help offered as being told that he is not good enough.

Unfortunately, my extended family either live too far away or are not in a position to help me. I do stay with friends or my boyfriend when I feel like a situation is going to get particularly dangerous, but I guess I don't want to involve them too much because I would like a life outside of what happens in my home.

I have been in counselling, both for my depression and for the assault. I've learnt to cope with both of them, so it's not something I'd consider again.

I have tried talking to my parents, taking every approach possible. Their view is that they have always provided him with all he needs. They don't want to put him in to residential care because firstly, it feels to them as if it is the healthcare system that has failed him. They also don't want him in care because his is very impressionable when he is around other young people, and he would potentially be associating with people with a lot more problems than him. I know that they're never going to let him leave the home, no matter how much good it could do for him. I can understand why, but it feels to me like they should still be thinking of my welfare and that of my other siblings.

Has anyone ever heard of a residential school perhaps, that specialises in children with behavioural problems? I think I could convince them to send him to a facility like that.

tricialou

PM me and I will try to help you!

tricialou

xena_ wrote: »

I am writing this from a place of crisis, so apologies if I ramble!

I am the second eldest of five children. My younger brother has Asperger's syndrome. From when he was born, my parents got him everything he could possibly need. By the time he was eleven, he was a generally normal, happy child and was transferred to a mainstream class as the special needs unit was not challenging him.

On the advice of his psychologist, he was told of his disability at the age of twelve, just before he went to secondary school. He quickly began to regress in terms of behaviour. This greatly affected his learning in school, which in turn lowered his self-esteem and caused him to behave even worse.

Currently, I am living under a constant torrent of abuse. He resents my elder brother and I because academic learning has always come very easily to us. He feels as if he is not good enough, even though he is showered with attention and love.

He began to be physically abusive to us (as well as verbally) two years ago. We were told not to challenge his behaviour, in the hopes that a conflict would not escalate in to violence if he was given his own way. However, that approach only made him continue to push until the conflict became a physical altercation.

We are all jaded. My parents do not do anything when he begins to abuse me as they can see no point in it. I have a history of depression and no matter what I do, I can't help being dragged down again and again. There is no limit to what my brother will say.

We receive respite from two different services, but he will not go away overnight and him leaving for a few hours brings little comfort.

My home isn't safe for me anymore, but my parents refuse to send my brother away. If I continue living there, he will either kill me or cause me to kill myself.

I am seventeen years old. What kind of support could I receive (outside of the state care system) to help me leave my home? My parents have already made it clear that if I leave, they will not help with rent or other bills, except for education costs. I do not want to get a job, as I am entering sixth year and planning on studying medicine.

Apologies for the length and thanks for reading!

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Agreed, your phrasing pretty much suggested in the first post that you'd rather not deal with it and throwing around phrases like suicide just because your little brother hit you (who has a little brother who didn't punch, hit, or even bite). You should have been more forthcoming with the advice and people like myself with personal experience would not have been so quick to jump in.
My brother is on medication for Asperger's at the minute and he is doing absolutely superb - the fighting is minimal and he no longer gets violent. If you like, I could find out the names of the meds and you could show this post to your parents?
If, like said above, it really is down to Asperger's. It really does sound far too extreme. Violence like hitting and losing a temper, yes. Intentional attempt at stabbing, no. That's too calculated. My brother would flip a table or smash a plate. He'd never have had the gumption of going and getting a knife and making the conscious decision to stab one of us. There is something else askew here.

the OP is not talking about your brother she is talking about her brother and your advise is very unsympathetic to a girl that is going through so much ! Just because your brother does this and that does not mean that her brother does!

Ickle Magoo

tricialou,

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Muir

I'm really sorry you're going through this. There are similar problems going on in my sisters house with her child, and she has gone through the correct channels such as counselling, the gardai, social services etc. and there just seems to be such little help offered in these situations which I'm disgusted by. I know what it's like to have people think that you're being melodramatic about the situation too.

I'm not really sure about what sort of help is available to you if you were to leave home, but I have a family member who might so I'll ask about it later. I just wanted you to know that someone understands where you're coming from & how serious & scary it can be. I hope you keep yourself safe & look after yourself.

LegacyUser

OP, my comments are italicised unbolded below:

xena_ wrote: »

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for responding. Apologies for the late reply, I have been without an internet connection for a few days.

As regards medication, he has been tried on different tablets and solutions, including risperdral and xyprexa. Often, they have just made him worse. Currently, if my mam thinks he is going to have a bad day, she crushes up a valium tablet (prescribed to him) and puts it in hot chocolate for him, as he will not willingly take anything.

Medications in regards to any mental illness is solely based on trial and error. Your brother needs to be on his meds for an extended period of time for results to show. It is not something you take and just stop UNLESS he is having an allergic reaction or he becomes agitated and violent about 20-30 minutes after the dosage has been consumed. It can be dangerous to have him take the prescribed meds for a period of time to be stopped because your brother no longer wants to take them. Your mother popping valium (irregardless if they are prescribed or not) into his beverage could create additional problems down the line. She is creating a temporary fix to a permanent problem. These meds you mentioned are those that need to be weaned off and not stopped abruptly.

We have gotten many opinions on the Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis and the general consensus seems to be that his behaviour is a result of depression and low self-esteem interacting with his Asperger's. Currently, it is untreatable as he sees any help offered as being told that he is not good enough.

Is he not seeing a counsellor? Someone who specialises in Aspergers Spectrum Disorder? Medication is simply not enough to control this. He also needs counselling to try to combat the depression and work on his low self esteem too.

Unfortunately, my extended family either live too far away or are not in a position to help me. I do stay with friends or my boyfriend when I feel like a situation is going to get particularly dangerous, but I guess I don't want to involve them too much because I would like a life outside of what happens in my home.

I suggest moving away to your aunts or uncles that are in a position to help if need be, especially if your parents are not willing to do more. Your mental health and well being are also important and unfortunate as it is for you and the inconvenience it may cause to move. However, your grades and education are equally as important too. I would rather have you finish successfully with minimal stress and aggravation with hopes that you continue with further educational prospects. I think moving away from home may prevent any possible and future resentment and bitterness towards your parents and maybe your brother. As compassionate as you sound in all of this it is highly possible that you will "snap" out of frustration. I was unfortunately abused by an older brother and my parents did nothing for me. If my brother were to be mentally ill, the moving away would have helped me stay in contact with my parents and brother. But since mental illness was not an issue, I had no compassion and have not spoken to them in YEARS. The best thing I did do for myself was leave and move up north to live with the only uncle willing to help me. There were major adjustments and changes but to be honest they were all worth it. I had piece of mind and felt safe and secure for a change. I finished my studies succesfully and continued on. If I had stayed home, I would honestly say I would have either failed or dropped out. This was not worth the risk. I am only speculating this OP, but you moving away may put your brother's aggression towards your parents and this in turn may help them realise the severity. It seems that he is getting away with his behaviour as he is using you as the designated punching bag. Maybe your departure may give your parents the unfortunate opportunity to experience what you had and hopefully this will turn into a wake up call to them.

I have been in counselling, both for my depression and for the assault. I've learnt to cope with both of them, so it's not something I'd consider again.

I would consider going back to counselling and talk more about this. I would go back to to vent about what is happening now in the household as this is not a healthy situation to be in. Your counsellor will become your biggest advocate and ally in all of this.

I have tried talking to my parents, taking every approach possible. Their view is that they have always provided him with all he needs. They don't want to put him in to residential care because firstly, it feels to them as if it is the healthcare system that has failed him. They also don't want him in care because his is very impressionable when he is around other young people, and he would potentially be associating with people with a lot more problems than him. I know that they're never going to let him leave the home, no matter how much good it could do for him. I can understand why, but it feels to me like they should still be thinking of my welfare and that of my other siblings.

This is the hero syndrome I mentioned. Unfortunately with medications it is all based on trial and error. The fact that he refuses to take medicine now is not going to help him, and his mental health and well being will suffer. Taking him into a facility will help all of this. Firstly, he will get 24/7 care and attention with proper supervision and analysis of his situation. His diet plays a major role too and this would be adjusted. You would be surprised by parents' reactions when they come visit and see how calm and better functioning their child is. Parents get too tired and frustrated that they give in into the child's demands and this hinders all progress and does nothing for them at all. Diet, exercise and proper supervision and medications work wonders. Most kids return home a different and more functioning person. A facility is not going to be permanent. Also a GP and a psychiatrist can only make second guesses. But in a facility with round the clock care, supervision and analysis from specialists and experienced clinicians will make a huge difference and impact towards your brother's recovery and treatment. A visit to the psychiatrist or GP at their office will not. Why not call some of these facilities and ask if you can speak with the parents who sent their child there for testimonials and feedback of the treatment and care? All the facilities have to do is contact the parents themselves and ask for their permission for you to speak with them first or they can have the parents who agree call and speak directly to your parents? They can tell them about the benefits, progress and successes of their child at the mentioned facility in which maybe your parents may finally consider taking your brother there for treatment? By the way are your parents attending support groups with other parents? This would be helpful and beneficial too. Other parents in the same predicament with very similar issues. Sometimes listening to other parents talk about this is not only therapeutic but resourceful as well.

Has anyone ever heard of a residential school perhaps, that specialises in children with behavioural problems? I think I could convince them to send him to a facility like that.

I am sorry to say schools like these would not accept your brother considering his state and condition. Boarding schools with special needs curriculum would only accept students that are properly medicated and controlled. These schools tend to be very expensive and for the independently wealthy as they are more elite institutions. I don't think there are any in Ireland to be honest. The closest to Ireland would most likely be in England and Scotland. However the residential facilities here would have tutoring and mentoring programmes.

Contact http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/ or http://www.autismsupport.ie/partners/aspire/ as they are both an invaluable resource that can lead you towards the right direction.

Muir

I asked someone for you. They suggested you get yourself a Social Worker. There's also a place on the South Circular Road (though not sure where you're from) called Cead Ceim. It's a place that helps young women in particular, they might be able to offer you advice at least.

LegacyUser

Ffdkfd, all counselling and help that he received from the Mater CAMHS had been stopped because he refused to go to any appointments. He has seen a new psychologist twice with a lot of coercion, but that is for a new complete assessment of his condition rather than counselling.

Believe me, I have begged my parents to send him to a facility that can help him, but to no avail. They had a bad experience last year when he got a place in a facility (not sure on rules about posting names?) where they wanted him to be out of contact with us for three months. Of course my parents couldn't accept that, and stayed in phone contact with him. Throughout his stay (he came home after one month) my parents found the staff very unhelpful and didn't think they understood his condition. Personally, I think that they exaggerated small incidences with staff members because they felt guilty about sending him away, but either way they are using that experience as an excuse to keep him in the house; they think he will be mistreated elsewhere. At this stage, almost everyone involved in the case is saying that he can't live in the house anymore, but my parents just won't listen.

I think I will end up having to move to my aunty's house. The only reason I was hoping to be able to live in my own place was because then I could keep my two younger sisters with me if my brother was having a bad night.

Muir, do you have any more information on this Cead Ceim place? I couldn't find anything online and it's definitely something I'd like to have a look at!