Hilarious misconceptions you or your friends had

When we were young, one of my friends thought that you had to put the balls in as well during sex. We never did correct him and wondered if his first time was as hilarious as we all thought it would have been.

I have come up with this imaginary dialogue that would have taken place if he had actually done it, I have enlisted the help of E. L. James for this bit of writing:

Ms Unfortunate: "Is it all the way in?" Her inner goddess is eating a large cheesecake topped with lemon bonbons, drinking Rosé while watching re-runs of Sex and the City.

Robbie: "Yup, just about now" he panics when he realises he's soft and hard all at once, then distracts himself by trying comprehend what he's just thought.

Ms Unfortunate: "Great!" she said, as her inner goddess becomes that girl in the hen party that smacks passing randomn men with a giant inflatable penis.

Robbie: "Now let me just pop the balls in....." he says as he follows with two sharp thrusts, and he freezes, popping his balls into her as he finds his release. Then begins twirling them around in an attempt to imitate some of the more impressive variants of rampant rabbit vibrators.







Hmmmm.... Now that I think of it, maybe if the first time my friend had with a girl was her first time too and the balls in technique went by without complaint (lets assume for this argument he had very little balls). So the next guy she was with didn't put the balls in and she was all disappointed!?


OR so far he has only had sex with virgins by some fluke and none of them noticed his tiny balls technique was actually hilariously misguided.


ANYWAY, I used to think Germany was an Island, for longer than I'd care to admit...

So what are misconceptions you can remember you or your friends had?

Diamond Dust

I thought midges were called "midgets "

crazy cabbage

hahaha this tread just brought back a memmory that i had forgotten. When in primary school, must have been 4th class becouse the convo was with a lad 2 years ahead of me, and we were talking about blowjobs.

6th class lad: Do you know what a blow job is?
Me: YEA course i do. Everyone knows that?
6th class lad: no you dont. I bet you dont.
Me: yea i do. It is when you get out of the shower and you all wet and someone comes along and blows air on you till you are dry.
A few people nod in agrement
6th class lad: haha no you are wrong.
Me: No i am not. Look will even someone 'abc123' who agreed with me

ooooo i miss the innocence of youth

Eathrin

I thought for years Midges were called Midgets. The looks I got...

Edit: I'm not alone :eek:

robman60

I always thought the phrase was "Play it by year" as opposed to "play it by ear".

callaway92

Sacramento wrote: »

When we were young, one of my friends thought that you had to put the balls in as well during sex. We never did correct him and wondered if his first time was as hilarious as we all thought it would have been.

I have come up with this imaginary dialogue that would have taken place if he had actually done it, I have enlisted the help of E. L. James for this bit of writing:

Ms Unfortunate: "Is it all the way in?" Her inner goddess is eating a large cheesecake topped with lemon bonbons, drinking Rosé while watching re-runs of Sex and the City.

Robbie: "Yup, just about now" he panics when he realises he's soft and hard all at once, then distracts himself by trying comprehend what he's just thought.

Ms Unfortunate: "Great!" she said, as her inner goddess becomes that girl in the hen party that smacks passing randomn men with a giant inflatable penis.

Robbie: "Now let me just pop the balls in....." he says as he follows with two sharp thrusts, and he freezes, popping his balls into her as he finds his release. Then begins twirling them around in an attempt to imitate some of the more impressive variants of rampant rabbit vibrators.







Hmmmm.... Now that I think of it, maybe if the first time my friend had with a girl was her first time too and the balls in technique went by without complaint (lets assume for this argument he had very little balls). So the next guy she was with didn't put the balls in and she was all disappointed!?


OR so far he has only had sex with virgins by some fluke and none of them noticed his tiny balls technique was actually hilariously misguided.


ANYWAY, I used to think Germany was an Island, for longer than I'd care to admit...

So what are misconceptions you can remember you or your friends had?

wat

BOHtox

Awaits hilarious misconception

hardCopy

I thought that weeks were named after days, as in Tuesday Week, Wednesday Week etc.

Prompted by my parents referring to some event a week from Wednesday as "Wednesday Week".

I thought it for ages until one day I asked my Mam what week we were in.

dermiek

crazy cabbage wrote: »

hahaha this tread just brought back a memmory that i had forgotten. When in primary school, must have been 4th class becouse the convo was with a lad 2 years ahead of me, and we were talking about blowjobs.

6th class lad: Do you know what a blow job is?
Me: YEA course i do. Everyone knows that?
6th class lad: no you dont. I bet you dont.
Me: yea i do. It is when you get out of the shower and you all wet and someone comes along and blows air on you till you are dry.
A few people nod in agrement
6th class lad: haha no you are wrong.
Me: No i am not. Look will even someone 'abc123' who agreed with me

ooooo i miss the innocence of youth

Imagine a lad was 2 years older than you and didn't know what a blow job was !!!!!

some random drunk

Sacramento wrote: »

When we were young, one of my friends thought that you had to put the balls in as well during sex.

That reminds me, when I was a young fella of 12 or 13 or so I thought you masturbated by rubbing your balls. I mean just touching your balls, and not your c*ck. Spent many a fruitless hour in my bedroom until I discovered the correct way by accident

PucaMama

my little brother: "sex is when a man and a woman lay down together and the man tells the woman he loves her" Awwwwww

girl in the striped socks

I used to think that if you turned the telly off that the programme you were watching would automatically stop & would start again once you turned the telly back on.
Me & my friends thought that gay people were gay because no one else wanted them so they had to find a girlfriend/ boyfriend of the same sex.
One of my friends convinced us that a blow job was blowing on a mans dick.
That rain was god crying because we were bold.

We were awful fools when I think back.

hardCopy

PucaMama wrote: »

my little brother: "sex is when a man and a woman lay down together and the man tells the woman he loves her" Awwwwww

And then he wees inside her

some random drunk

I remember learing about best before dates and being disgusted that my mam would serve guests wine that was a few years old.

PucaMama

hardCopy wrote: »

And then he wees inside her

overheard that one too from a group of him and his friends when i was keeping an eye on them poor little things

Chazz Michael Michaels

I used to think that the world was all in black & white in the old days, and colour gradually came over time.

girl in the striped socks

some random drunk wrote: »

I remember learing about best before dates and being disgusted that my mam would serve guests wine that was a few years old.

Ooh look at you with your aged wine for your guests
The first time I had wine was in a Chinese for my 18th birthday & it was an old flame that brought me.
We thought we were so grown up, eating out & drinking wine that wanted to make us wretch!

NegativeCreep

I used to think that your balls literally dropped one day during puberty. I thought you could just be walking along and suddenly they'd drop down really far down out of nowhere

mauzo

My friend thought that blow jobs meant you literally blow into the penis like a balloon.

When we were about 8 she thought sex was called sets, I still slag her to this day....did you do sets with him?! :P

Sleepy

That the two I can think of are related to sex are a good indication of the quality of the sex education I received in school:

• On first hearing about condoms I pictured them as test tubes and was left with that notion until I saw one blown up and tossed around the classroom.
• When even younger, having seen a pack of pornographic playing cards, I got the notion that a woman must have two entrances to her vagina to allow for the pictures of what I now know to be doggy-style!

aaabbbb

Probably up until the age of about 14 I didn't know what the term "the ride " or "riding" was so when I would hear people around school saying thing like ,"oh yeah shes constantly walking sideways etc. cos shes forever riding soandso" I was utterly bewildered and then reasoned it had to be sex of the anal variety!! come to actually think of it I may not have even copped on until I was 16 proved many an awkward conversation anyhow!! :P

nice_very

until I was 17 I thought phlegm was spelt flem

Ah_Yeah

In mass, I thought you were supposed to say "Pleased to meet you", not "Peace be with you"

Capt'n Midnight

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

I used to think that the world was all in black & white in the old days, and colour gradually came over time.

Calvin's dad explains it.
http://i.imgur.com/3mdNu.gif

michellie

In Dublin zoo last month my 4 year old daughter points at 2 pigeons(one was flapping around standing on top of the other) and shouts to us " look there having a ride!".

We busted our holes laughing then she said "he(the top one) must think she's a horse".

kincsem

I'm 62. When the Rome Olympics 1960 were on we didn't yet have a television. The lad living across from us had a television so we were invited in to watch. i remember the 100 metres sprints. When the runners were on their blocks the starter appeared in a small box in the upper right of the screen and fired his gun to start the race. We had no idea it was picture in picture. We had lengthy discussion on how the starter got up there. We decided the starter climbed up a ladder into a little wooden box.

For years I thought "first cousin once removed" meant that they were dead.

Jason Todd

I thought women had an extra hole between the 'ahem' other two that was there especially for giving birth :eek::D

Paddy Cow

Deleted User wrote: »

For years I thought "first cousin once removed" meant that they were dead.

I still don't know what "once removed" means

kowloon

I don't remember this very well, but my folks do.

My auld fellah brought home a friend from work and I knew he was different from other people I'd met before. So, being filled in on where he was from I asked him how long he would have to stay in Ireland to change colour.

A little bit older and it would have been considered racism.

le la rat

robman60 wrote: »

I always thought the phrase was "Play it by year" as opposed to "play it by ear".

Fair Plate was my one lol

St.Spodo

I used to think a man impregnated a woman by using his penis to physically push the egg into the womb.

SlyBacon93

One of my classmates didn't know what a w*nk was and his explanation was sticking your fingers up the slit in your p*nis in which you pee out of. I hope he didn't try it!

refusetolose

no fault > your fault

thought everything was my fault

meoklmrk91

My mother loves the beegees so they were always on when we were kids. I was thought the words to the song stayin alive were "ha ha ha stabilise, stabilise.

Where To

I never tried Chinese food as a good because I thought it would all taste like tapioca.

grohlisagod

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

My mother loves the beegees so they were always on when we were kids. I was thought the words to the song stayin alive were "ha ha ha stabilise, stabilise.

Sounds like some sort of recession anthem!

Kylo Ren

France is bacon.

mikemac1

This was the greatest cartoon ever made.
I learned about the functions of organs, viruses, bacteria, how blood works and more

There would be huge battles when a child got sick and the internal defenses had to fight back

Hell, I learned more as a kid then I did in secondary school biology class!

And yeah, I reckoned these boyos lived inside me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d1wn7TizPY

PhlegmyMoses

nice_very wrote: »

until I was 17 I thought phlegm was spelt flem

I forgive you.

When my oldest brother got his first job, I thought he had to pay to go there.. I had very little concept of money and didn't understand why he'd receive money for it.

PirateShampoo

That Aboriginals need a visa to come to Australia.

speedboatchase

I thought that Atheists worshipped the devil. Come to think of it, I'd say plenty of people also believe this

Medusa22

Every time there was an ad on the tv I thought that the people in the ad had to come into the studio to broadcast the ad, over and over again. I also thought that the woman in the surf ad was saying ''if you're not happy leave your brothers give you money back '' and I didn't have a brother so I wondered who would give my money back.

Samhain

I thought that Pat Spillane was called Pats Milan.

I also thought that people in Australia could call Ireland and tell us what was going to happen tomorrow because they were 10 hours ahead of us. I was 4 at the time....

blue note

I used to think that people who died in films actually died and thought it must be difficult to find that many actors that wanted to die.

But the funniest was one my mother told me. My granny told my mum (when she must have been in infants) of a girl that wanted to be a nun. My mum started laughing at the though and said sure "how could someone become a nun?" Granny got it out of mum that mum had seen out the window of her school a nun graveyard with all of the crosses for them. Mum thought that this was a nun field and that they were growing out there!

murpho999

When I was very young I used to think when you heard a song on the radio that the band was in the studio with the DJ.

Didn't discover records for a couple of years.

DesperateDan

Paddy Cow wrote: »

I still don't know what "once removed" means

Until NOW:

Bob and his father's first cousin, Sally, are first cousins once removed to each other. They are one generation removed from the common generational relationship between Bob's father (Bill) and Sally. - Wikipedia

murpho999

DesperateDan wrote: »

Until NOW:

Isn't that not a "second cousin"?

Ush1

I thought the old street light long bulbs were sparkler ice pops and I would try scale the street light to get to the icy delight, alas I was meant never to reach my everest....

gungun

I used to think drink driving meant you can't drink a pint in the car because you can't see around the glass:o