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Child Maintenance

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  • 13-08-2012 8:10pm
    #1
    Soft inda Head
    Registered Users Posts: 74 ✭✭


    Im looking for feed back to do with Child Maintenance.

    I sepatated about 10 years ago. When we separated initially we arranged a mediated agreement on visitation and child maintenance which worked well.

    We divorced in 2007 and the details of the mediated agreement was carried over as part of the divorce, with the exception that the amount payed for maintenance was revised down due to the eldest of two leaving home. The ammount was agreed upon and was conditional on annual rises in line with inflation.

    2008 brought a better job and a slight increase in wage, so I made sure that this was passed on to my ex. I continued to raise the payments over the following 3 years way ahead of inflation when the times were good. I now find that i voluntary pay 50% above the agreed rate.

    Just like most people I have had to take a reduction in wages, 10% in 2011 & 5% in 2012, on top of all the increased charges. Im finding it hard to make ends meet and I tried to discuss with the ex a reduction in what I pay her, but she is having none of it.

    My daughter, who starts college in September, recently lambasted me, personally and on social media, for not helping with payments for college, saying that I dont do anything to help. This has had me stressed out for the last few days.

    What should I do? Over the course of the year I have cut back on everything I possibly could to keep my head above water, and had just resigned myself to the fact that I would continue paying maintainence at the present level until my daughter reaches 23.

    I was thinking of reducing the maintenance payment to the inflation linked figure and making a point of saying that the extra that I pay above this figure is to be used for college and such, even sending it as a seperate sum to her account if need be.

    What do people think of this?


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    #2
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    Does she realise how much you pay her mother?
    I think your idea is a good one but make sure there is a paper trail.


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    #3
    ANXIOUS
    Registered Users Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭ANXIOUS


    Thats exactly what I'd do it give the mother the minimum and then give the rest directly to your daughter.


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    #4
    dahamsta
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,659 ✭✭✭✭dahamsta


    Does your daughter know how much you pay in maintenance? Have you totted it up for her, annually and over the course of her life? Might put her in her place.


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    #5
    Soft inda Head
    Registered Users Posts: 74 ✭✭Soft inda Head


    She knows exactly what I give, as her mother had told her. I could be giving €1,000 per month and it still wouldnt be enough. Unfortunately, all the reasons I left my wife I now see in my daughter. She has no intention of loosing an argument, no matter how blatently wrong she might be. She even suggested that I buy a hair clippers to cut my own hair instead of going to a barbers once every 6 weeks so that there would be money for her for college. She wasnt joking.


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    #6
    Klingon Hamlet
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Klingon Hamlet


    Soft inda Head wrote: »
    She knows exactly what I give, as her mother had told her. I could be giving €1,000 per month and it still wouldnt be enough. Unfortunately, all the reasons I left my wife I now see in my daughter. She has no intention of loosing an argument, no matter how blatently wrong she might be. She even suggested that I buy a hair clippers to cut my own hair instead of going to a barbers once every 6 weeks so that there would be money for her for college. She wasnt joking.

    I'd tell her to get a part-time job and lose the attitude. You're her father---don't play victim in all of this. And remember---you said she lambasted you online---now you're starting to do the same.


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    #7
    dahamsta
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,659 ✭✭✭✭dahamsta


    She probably did it on facebook though, which is a lot more public. If you've explained yourself to her, you've done all you can. I wouldn't let it get to you.


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    #8
    Soft inda Head
    Registered Users Posts: 74 ✭✭Soft inda Head


    Klingon Hamlet wrote: »
    I'd tell her to get a part-time job and lose the attitude. You're her father---don't play victim in all of this. And remember---you said she lambasted you online---now you're starting to do the same.

    There is a difference between discussing problems in an anonymous form and calling a parent a fukcing a$$hole on FB.

    She has been a little slow looking for jobs in the past, but has been looking lately, but no joy. There is no way in hell I could actually TELL her to do ANYTHING, shes just that stubborn. The only way I can get her to do anything is to try to get her to believe that it was her idea to do it in the first place. :)


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    #9
    Soft inda Head
    Registered Users Posts: 74 ✭✭Soft inda Head


    dahamsta wrote: »
    She probably did it on facebook though, which is a lot more public. If you've explained yourself to her, you've done all you can. I wouldn't let it get to you.

    Yea, it was FB, and it isnt the first time either. Its a little embarrassing.


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    #10
    dahamsta
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,659 ✭✭✭✭dahamsta


    If it wasn't family, I'd post the total amount I'd contributed over the years on my own Facebook page, and then unfriend her. But since it is, I'd just ignore it -- you can set it it to keep posts from her out of your feed

    Better yet, delete your account. Opinions on Facebook aren't worth a fcuk, and neither is the platform in general. If it wasn't for my business, I wouldn't have one myself.


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    #11
    edellc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭edellc


    OP what you suggested is a great idea so stick with it but do keep the paper trail.

    As for not telling your daughter anything...your the father grow a pair, you are not doing her any favours but letting her get away with her behaviour and attitude, tell her that she has to get a job to substitute college, what planet is she on thinking her parents are going to pay for it all, I worked two jobs in college to pay for it and neither of my parents paid for anything. She needs to learn the value of money and earning her own income, what does she expect you to finance her forever...a reality check is in order I think.

    You have been more than generous to your ex wife and it is wrong of her to bad mouth you to your kids as it seems she may have been doing and it is also wrong for a child to be disrespectful to their parent especially when their parent isnt one of the A-holes we so frequently read about.

    Maybe its time to sit down and have a grown up conversation with your spoilt brat and let her know daddy does care but is not the bank of daddy she thinks he is, and maybe add up the figures and let her see how you have contributed financially but tbh that really is none of her business IMO hopefully she will grow up while in college


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