Sabotaging myself at work

LegacyUser

I got myself into a lot of trouble at work. I'm a paranoid and anxious person, I don't always think normally, I suffer depression and have been on and off medication. I've broken down in tears at my desk more times than I can count. But theres no excusing what I did. I'm actually a horrible untrustworthy person.

I am constantly in fear of losing my job. I always think people are out to get me and that the worst is going to happen,I'm always dwelling on the negative and complaining.

I did a dishonest thing by browsing my office network and reading my bosses recent documents a number of times. I did this as I am paranoid, I was worried he was writing documents in order to get me sacked and I wanted to know if I needed to look for a new job.


I am going to a meeting in a couple of days time for misconduct over it but I want to know if I could be brought to court for this and if I ever have any hope of getting another job.

I'm really angry with my own self sabotage. How can I move on from this? How soon could I end up unemployed?

ABajaninCork

horriblepersonshouldjustkillmyselfnow wrote: »

I got myself into a lot of trouble at work. I'm a paranoid and anxious person, I don't always think normally, I suffer depression and have been on and off medication. I've broken down in tears at my desk more times than I can count. But theres no excusing what I did. I'm actually a horrible untrustworthy person.

I am constantly in fear of losing my job. I always think people are out to get me and that the worst is going to happen,I'm always dwelling on the negative and complaining.

I did a dishonest thing by browsing my office network and reading my bosses recent documents a number of times. I did this as I am paranoid, I was worried he was writing documents in order to get me sacked and I wanted to know if I needed to look for a new job.


I am going to a meeting in a couple of days time for misconduct over it but I want to know if I could be brought to court for this and if I ever have any hope of getting another job.

I'm really angry with my own self sabotage. How can I move on from this? How soon could I end up unemployed?

I think you need to seek some sort of advice and quickly!

You also need help to examine your own behaviour. I know times are tough, and anyone in employment is always looking over their shoulder even though they might be brilliant at their job. But you need to find out WHY you did what you did even though you knew it was wrong. Now your paranoia has become self-fulfilling.

The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is to go into your meeting. Be prepared for the mother of all bollockings, apologise profusely and try to move on. I doubt you'll be sacked, but the possibility of a written or a final warning is a very real one.

But you need to seek help and fast. Get on to your GP (perhaps any meds you're taking might need to be changed or adjusted) and find a good counsellor to help you deal with your issues.

Good luck to you!

Mrs OBumble

horriblepersonshouldjustkillmyselfnow wrote: »

I did a dishonest thing by browsing my office network and reading my bosses recent documents a number of times. I did this as I am paranoid, I was worried he was writing documents in order to get me sacked and I wanted to know if I needed to look for a new job.

I assume that you needed to get into some sort of secure area to see these documents: what you did to acheive this will probably determine how bad the consequences are. Most employers won't take you to court (because it makes them look bad), they're more likely to fire you or agree some sore of settlement. But really you need a solicitor or union to advise you on this.

Also, you should seek advice from whatever professional (GP, psychiatrist, etc) is assisting you with managing your health issues - it's possible that you could defend yourself based on disability.

gozunda

horriblepersonshouldjustkillmyselfnow wrote: »

I got myself into a lot of trouble at work. I'm a paranoid and anxious person, I don't always think normally, I suffer depression and have been on and off medication. I've broken down in tears at my desk more times than I can count. But theres no excusing what I did. I'm actually a horrible untrustworthy person.

I am constantly in fear of losing my job. I always think people are out to get me and that the worst is going to happen,I'm always dwelling on the negative and complaining.

I did a dishonest thing by browsing my office network and reading my bosses recent documents a number of times. I did this as I am paranoid, I was worried he was writing documents in order to get me sacked and I wanted to know if I needed to look for a new job.


I am going to a meeting in a couple of days time for misconduct over it but I want to know if I could be brought to court for this and if I ever have any hope of getting another job.

I'm really angry with my own self sabotage. How can I move on from this? How soon could I end up unemployed?

First get some professional advice

Second if you have a legitimate medical condition and this is documented your company could be seen to be discrimating against you if they aware of your condition

Thirdly you said you 'browsed' the company network - if these documents were open to browsing by employers then again someone in the company is not doing their job and not managing privacy / security issues

Yes you should not have done this BUT if their were no provisions to stop this - then you can claim otherwise

Btw did you find evidence that your boss was trying to get rid of you?

If you believe bullying is going on - keep a diary and make an official report . Just because you believe yourself to be paranoid does not mean that someone is not got it in for you.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thanks for replies for far.

Yes the documents were on an open location on the network.. but this was on the bosses personal work computer...But anyone else in the company could have done it.. there was no measures in place to stop anyone. I did stress that it wasnt malicious I didnt place any files/virus etc or copy or delete anything I just felt insecure about my own position. I made no reference to having seen others do this on others people pcs!

I just get the genuine feeling that he is against me... he has refused me payment or time off that I should have gotten under the contract for extra work I did... I could pull out emails where I have felt intimidated or harassed.

I have explained to them that I have dreaded coming into work every day even before the investigation that I would not sleep well at night, I would have trouble even getting up to face work because I thought anyday I could lose my job but despite this I never rang in sick and always came in to do work.


I've been in fear of ending up homeless and wageless for weeks. Too afraid to go to doctor as I have to save every penny. I want to back to counselling to sort my head out but I just can't give myself the luxury if I don't have a steady income. But I do need to get my head sorted to stop me ever going off the rails again.

Was sent to occupational health assessment during the investigation.... the assessment felt like an interrogation that I was completely unprepared for... I was asked if I even had finished college to get my qualification (of course its on my cv)...asked if I left my job of years ago for being in trouble (nope)... lots of personal questions about family...how often did I visit them... what did I do in my weekends..had I ever been molested or raped...was I on any illegal drugs...was I an alcoholic ...I was quite upset about the whole thing...I was so taken aback as I had thought it was going to be a talk about the work issue.. I didn't know I would be asked to name the date time and place and names of all doctors I ever saw.

Since then I've handed in my notice at work and have another job lined up pending satisfactory references.

However, I am still due to attend a disciplinary hearing this week as their investigation period is over and they do not want to drop the issue despite me handing in resignation.

My concern will be for references now. Will my HR reference say '...resigned under disciplinary proceeding...'?

All I want is to get a neutral reference about dates worked in the place.

However its looking as though a character reference will be asked for, so I will need to give a phone number of someone in there... do you think it will be ok if I get a team lead from another team in IT or other department to give the phone reference for me. or could I give a phone ref of a boss I had there who isn't working there anymore?

fasttalkerchat

Go off on the sick if depression is a serious problem. Which would be worse for you, not getting benefits because you quit or a bad reference because you were sacked?

Mrs OBumble

horriblepersonshouldjustkillmyselfnow wrote: »

My concern will be for references now. Will my HR reference say '...resigned under disciplinary proceeding...'?

If you ask HR for a reference, then that is what they will say.

horriblepersonshouldjustkillmyselfnow wrote: »

All I want is to get a neutral reference about dates worked in the place.

That is not a reference, it's a certificate of service. You should ask HR for that regardless, and get it in writing from them. But be clear that it's not a reference.

horriblepersonshouldjustkillmyselfnow wrote: »

... a character reference will be asked for, so I will need to give a phone number of someone in there... do you think it will be ok if I get a team lead from another team in IT or other department to give the phone reference for me. or could I give a phone ref of a boss I had there who isn't working there anymore?

Your character reference should be someone who will say good things about you. Your current boss clearly won't, so you cannot use them. It's good that you have other options: I think someone who still works for the company is best - or you might give the new job the option of the other previous boss and let them choose.

NB You do need to have a believable-but-not-negative story about why your current boss isn't a referee.

[Jackass]

Aren't virtually all "references" just certificates of service acknowledging your time served? Certainly for bigger companies they don't issue a recommendation as a matter of policy. (for legal reasons)

Regarding your situation OP, I would ask HR for a reference but either ask to collect it in person or have it sent to your home address. They can't refuse you a reference, but at least make sure you get your hands on it rather than them sending it on to a perspective employer by request. Also, if they are going to send it or hand it to you personally, it's possible they may tone down their wording. If not, fu*k em, you're leaving anyway, so dispute the wording, if there's something in it that sounds very negative, ask them to review it, set up a meeting, be shameless basically, because your relationship is over with them and you need to fight for things to protect you in the future.

Also, in relation to a personal reference, I would give a team leaders name and number who you know will say good things, I just wouldn't mention that they weren't your team leader and I would speak to the person before hand to be expecting it and to work around the questions, not lie, but if asked how you preformed on the team, they respond that they have always found you a very efficient member of staff to work with and have never had any issues with any of your work, for example.

OP, I worked in an office before that wasn't entirely distinctive from Auschwitz. I was so miserable in the place that my performance and amounts of sh*ts given did suffer massively and my moral was low. The reference I got was a statement of dates worked and in bold writing FOR INFORMATION PURPOSES ONLY and I have a manager friend who I gave as a contact number, and I didn't have any trouble moving into my next job, where I was infinitely happier in and got a glowing reference, as I also got from my employer before Auschwitz.

Don't worry, just get out of the job, forget about it, learn your lesson and move on, you'll be fine. Also, seeing a GP for a referral to a councilor and a psychologist is an extremely worthwhile investment. As someone who's also suffered from mental health problems, life is unrecognisably better when you are on the correct treatment and no amount of money can put a value on how much it improves your life to be "normal", so please please do make sure that you make that a priority. Trust me, your situation sounds awfully similar to a place I was in at one point in my life, and dealing with my medical issues is the main reason I live such a happy and productive life now.

gozunda

OP. congrats on moving on from this situation - with regards to your current company and the issue of a reference I am of the opinion that your company have been negligent towards you in relation to your state of health.

You have not indicated that they in any way provided you with counselling or support relative to the problems encountered in your workplace and your current state of health

I would suggest that you ask a solicitor about a polite request for a reference in a letter indicating that in the absence of proper support from your company you were obliged to seek an alternative position etc and therefore you will be asking for a good reference for the purposes of pursuing your career - a failure of this basic request could result in you having to pursue the matter further.

I do think whatever your course of action that you do seek some professional advice relative to this as it would appear that this incident had had a serious impact on both you and your chosen career.

Whatever you do - mind your self ok.

Mrs OBumble

[Jackass] wrote: »

Aren't virtually all "references" just certificates of service acknowledging your time served?

No. In many circumstances

A reference in many cases is the contact details of your referee - a person who can be contacted and asked questions.

A written reference is a piece of paper stating whatever it states.

The irony of the big companies who will not give a formal written reference is that they are the ones most likely to be asking for references. I experienced this a couple of years ago: going back to a professional role in a multi-national, the recruiter had to get referees fromme. The most relevant people for the professional role were the manager's I'd worked for previously in the same multi-national. But they weren't officially allowed to give references. So I had to give names/details of other recruiters who'd placed me into temping roles that had absolutely no bearing on the professional role.

OU812

You need to see a doctor now & get signed off sick. with stress & depression. You need to get help for what you did, but this will buy you a little breathing time.

Then get help/ When you've come to terms with it all & are in a position to speak with your boss, bring along a witness & a letter from your doctor.

Depression is a very serious illness. Please get help.