Dad doing day care?

iCosmopolis

I'm back to work on Monday. Husband lost his job (as usual) couple of months ago, my disposable income after bills etc. by itself would be the cost of a creche/minder..so obvious choice, he minds the baby,tries to get a weekend/evening work. I have never been met with such looks of absolute horror and disdain as when anyone asks me "so who's your minder?" "her Dad for now" Now he has a bad rep with money, so tbh he's better off not in ANY control of the finances, and I'll always earn more, but the weirdness people react with-seriously? Is this Bad?

dtipp

You need new friends if you're being met with "absolute horror and disdain".
This is 2012.
There are thousands of stay-at-home dads in the country.
It's so common it's boring.

iCosmopolis

You would think, as a couple of the girls I work with have been in the same situation..It's not my work colleagues so much as, my folks a bit, a couple of my relatives and then his guys more so-don't know if it's a combo of cultural or if his past reputation(in the distant past was party boy,gambling issues etc.) the gambling being the main thing-but there has been a strict rule with money with the lying about it,so it's straightforward minding the baby.

Ms2011

Both myself & my partner were made redundant when I was 2 months pregnant. It was our agreement that once the baby was born that whoever found work first would take it & the other would mind the baby. It just so happened he got a job first but he is just as capable of looking after our son as I am.

pwurple

I know plenty of couples these days where the father is the stay at home parent. The construction industry and its support services collapsed... More men are unemployed than women. It is fairly normal to be honest.

It is fooking annoying that you can't transfer the last month or so of maternity leave, but that's another discussion.

You said this guy is rubbish with money, which may be the actual problem, not his gender. Failing in responsibilities to something like money makes people think he may be generally irresponsible perhaps. A child is obviously another large responsibility. I would be making sure he is discreetly checked up on for the first few months. Have people call in without warning to check how things are.

bdoo

pwurple wrote: »

I know plenty of couples these days where the father is the stay at home parent. The construction industry and its support services collapsed... More men are unemployed than women. It is fairly normal to be honest.

It is fooking annoying that you can't transfer the last month or so of maternity leave, but that's another discussion.

You said this guy is rubbish with money, which may be the actual problem, not his gender. Faili

ng in responsibilities to something like money makes people think he may be generally irresponsible perhaps. A child is obviously another large responsibility. I would be making sure he is discreetly checked up on for the first few months. Have people call in without warning to check how things are.

She's married to him, she obviously trusts him to mind the kid. It's other people's reaction that is out of line, never mind them op.

Pwurple, u think he's gonna wager the kid in a high stakes poker game?

pwurple

bdoo wrote: »

Pwurple, u think he's gonna wager the kid in a high stakes poker game?

Of course not, but I wouldn't blindly trust someone who had a track record of being irresponsible either. He will probably be fine, but no harm in a couple of small checks. If everyone around her is reacting with horror, there might be something they can see that she cannot.

iCosmopolis

Thanks, I reckon a bit of both so-It's probably the bad track record/rep that is putting them off. What I might do is get my mam to take her a couple of afternoons after she's finished work and subtly keep a check on how things are going. I assume you're not allowed bring small children into a bookies

monkeysnapper

We just had a baby boy who is 15 weeks plus a 2.5 yr girl,' my wife has her own business and I was made redundant in march' we agreed if I didn't find a by time our baby was born I'd be a stay at home dad' low and behold I got a job like 4 weeks before due date.

But we've found with my crap wages and scattered hours I'd have been better off staying on the dole.

I know loads of stay at home dads, a couple are my friends, we could quite easly set up a toddler group, it's the time changing folks !!!l

But also to note I know a few people who are lousy with money and like a previous poster has said I'd be checking up on this man ! Just because she's married to this man and loves him doesn't mean she can trust him.

Update.... Oh I see the word bookies, !!!!! The worst kind!!!!! Lots of hard earned cash washed down the drain !!!!!

iCosmopolis

Oh, don't get me started on him and his history of the bookies :mad: I still have to make sure I'm getting the provisions in, as the trust doesn't last long when it comes to money. But it's going ok so far.

January

The bookies don't care who you bring in with you. Lots of men with smallies in my local bookies. Sad to see.

admiralofthefleet

January wrote: »

The bookies don't care who you bring in with you. Lots of men with smallies in my local bookies. Sad to see.

my local ladbrokes has an absolute zero tolerance on children inside, rightly so.

op, me and my wife share our duties with our son. i get up very early with him and spend the morning with him, when my wife gets up i take a break and she takes over.
i was in supervalu the other day and decided to buy a few things for him. the woman on the tills said to me 'you'd better ring the wife to make sure you got the right stuff' i said that she doesnt know im buying this stuff and i dont need to let her know. she was shocked and asked me was i sure i had the right stuff for his age and diet and started questioning me on what he eats and if what ive bought will be suitable for him and ok with my wife. i didnt know wat to say.
then on thursday he was having his 10 month check. we were waiting in the reception and were called into the 'mother and baby' room.
before going in i asked the nurse smartly if its ok for me to go in. she said in a kind of surprised way 'of course, why would you wait outside' to which i said 'well it says mother and baby room, should it not be parent and baby room, im sure if it said father and baby room there would be all sorts of complaints'. she just laughed.
fathers are just as capable as mothers and the stigma has to end

rossit

stay at home da here i like a bet now and then but would NEVER dream of bring kids in to bookies don`t ever have to do a bet that bad . i think its the same for bring kids to a pub its not the place for them a pub is a place for adults not kids.as for the stay at home da thing well women have been the stay at home person for years so it takes people a while to get use to change . i don`t make a big thing of it just get on with it but there is not many da s around i don`t tend to shout it out. usually when some one asks am i busy at work i just say tipping away at bit and pieces .its a tough job being a stay at home da but there my kids i love them and every day i try to be a better da some days i am some days i`m not but sure i`ll keep trying and i think thats what counts. sorry for rambling never posted this thread before all the best to all times to start the dinner

passatman86

@ cosmopolis just reading how much you degrade your partner is a problem in itself

Sappa

iCosmopolis wrote: »

I'm back to work on Monday. Husband lost his job (as usual) couple of months ago, my disposable income after bills etc. by itself would be the cost of a creche/minder..so obvious choice, he minds the baby,tries to get a weekend/evening work. I have never been met with such looks of absolute horror and disdain as when anyone asks me "so who's your minder?" "her Dad for now" Now he has a bad rep with money, so tbh he's better off not in ANY control of the finances, and I'll always earn more, but the weirdness people react with-seriously? Is this Bad?

Op I think you should reflect on your own attitude towards your husband and not be so concerned of strangers opinions about your day care arrangement.
You say he lost his job as usual such a negative attitude.
You clearly have zero faith in him that he can change his past poor judgements,he is not a child and you seem to treat him as such.
That comment at the end that you will always earn more than him,such certainty you have in this it comes across as very arrogant and smug.
I do hope you do not flaunt this attitude openly in your relationship as it will do nothing for your husbands self esteem,which is most likely very low being out of work.

iCosmopolis

Sappa wrote: »

Op I think you should reflect on your own attitude towards your husband and not be so concerned of strangers opinions about your day care arrangement.
You say he lost his job as usual such a negative attitude.
You clearly have zero faith in him that he can change his past poor judgements,he is not a child and you seem to treat him as such.
That comment at the end that you will always earn more than him,such certainty you have in this it comes across as very arrogant and smug.
I do hope you do not flaunt this attitude openly in your relationship as it will do nothing for your husbands self esteem,which is most likely very low being out of work.

Indeed, I wish I hadn't bothered now as it'll be a no win due to my "attitude" , which by the way wasn't intended as arrogant/smug.
As for low self esteem for being out of work, if he hadn't stolen from his employer(s) (or me) he wouldn't have been in the position so my sympathies would be limited. I'm not going to go into any more details about the effects on the relationship, as I'll either be lambasted for staying with him, or accused of imasculating him-so that's the last I'll say on it :rolleyes:

Hannibal Smith

iCosmopolis wrote: »

Sappa wrote: »

Op I think you should reflect on your own attitude towards your husband and not be so concerned of strangers opinions about your day care arrangement.
You say he lost his job as usual such a negative attitude.
You clearly have zero faith in him that he can change his past poor judgements,he is not a child and you seem to treat him as such.
That comment at the end that you will always earn more than him,such certainty you have in this it comes across as very arrogant and smug.
I do hope you do not flaunt this attitude openly in your relationship as it will do nothing for your husbands self esteem,which is most likely very low being out of work.

Indeed, I wish I hadn't bothered now as it'll be a no win due to my "attitude" , which by the way wasn't intended as arrogant/smug.
As for low self esteem for being out of work, if he hadn't stolen from his employer(s) (or me) he wouldn't have been in the position so my sympathies would be limited. I'm not going to go into any more details about the effects on the relationship, as I'll either be lambasted for staying with him, or accused of imasculating him-so that's the last I'll say on it :rolleyes:

Op people are going on your written word on here that's all. They have no insight into your life or what your husband has done, they are only going on what you have put in front of them in the thread.

I hope the new situation is working well for you all and you can move on to the next stage of your lives. Gambling addiction is such a tough one and your worry must be huge. Hope he gets to grips with it.