peace be with you

cena

I hate when I hear this come during mass. Just I hate not knowing where peoples hands have been.

Biggins

cena wrote: »

I hate when I hear this come during mass. Just I hate not knowing where peoples hands have been.

Could be worse, others might be wondering where you have been!

girl2

They've stopped doing this in a lot of the masses that I have been to - over the last couple of years…they used bird flu as the excuse.

Nodin

cena wrote: »

I hate when I hear this come during mass. Just I hate not knowing where peoples hands have been.

...but you know where they've been - wiping their ass, scratching their balls, seeing what fluid is being ejected from their lady parts....

seven_eleven

cena wrote: »

I hate when I hear this come during mass. Just I hate not knowing where peoples hands have been.

Just ignore everyone. Stare into nothingness and leave them hanging. :pac:

Aenaes

Give yourself an aul' scratch before Mass. Then you're ahead of the posse.

Kylo Ren

I just pretend to have no hands.

mattjack

girl2 wrote: »

They've stopped doing this in a lot of the masses that I have been to - over the last couple of years…they used bird flu as the excuse.

Birds don't have hands.Do they ?

Onesimus

I take it a Holiday in france would not be your thing then? :P

admiralofthefleet

could be a lot worse. you could be catholic

Mr Benevolent

Peace be with you

and also with yore ma you.

whatdoicare

Stop going to mass - problem solved.

Biggins

There's a simple solution.

Have something in your hand so they can't shake it.
Hold a bottle of beer or a condom. That should work!

tayto lover

girl2 wrote: »

They've stopped doing this in a lot of the masses that I have been to - over the last couple of years…they used bird flu as the excuse.

Yes they don't know what kind of birds you've been handling.

I slip on a pair of latex gloves....

seven_eleven

Or just place your erect penis in their hands when they turn around. They wont see that one coming.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I think mass in general is ridiculous not just wishing complete strangers peace simply because a priest tells you too. The whole rigmarole of mass is outdated and absurd and for that reason I refuse to go.

fasttalkerchat

I prefer to say "pleased to meet you". No one notices the difference and its much less awkward.

Jimoslimos

Sniff their fingers first, give them a little lick if you're still unsure.

My name is URL

Fist bumps ftw

Biggins

seven_eleven wrote: »

Or just place your erect penis in their hands when they turn around. They wont see that one coming.

They just might! :eek:

krudler

"and may the force be with you" do it for bewilderment lulz.

holystungun9

Anyone else's fingers burn when they put it in the holy water?

Biggins

holystungun9 wrote: »

Anyone else's fingers burn when they put it in the holy water?

Thats nothing - my son Damien can't even make his way into the church!

frozenfrozen

fist bumps are the future. you can't have a limp fist bump, you can hold a phone or similar while fist bumping, sweaty hands aren't a problem, and the problem of hygiene in general isn't as bad.

Fisting is great

the keen edge

Turn to them and say "Sorry, me no speaky english". Might somehow work to your advantage?

gerryo777

frozenfrozen wrote: »

Fisting is great

LMAO:D

hmmm

It's the only bit of mass I liked, seemed very pleasant. All the rigmarole hopping up and down for various bits was ridiculous however, it was basically line dancing for 80 year olds.

Biggins

the keen edge wrote: »

Turn to them and say "Next stop, Syphilis clinic". Might somehow work better to your advantage?

Corrected that!

Owen_S

I thought that everybody disinfects their hands with holy water upon entering the church?

fasttalkerchat

hmmm wrote: »

It's the only bit of mass I liked, seemed very pleasant. All the rigmarole hopping up and down for various bits was ridiculous however, it was basically line dancing for 80 year olds.

Skipping the communion queue so you could queue up again.

At one family christening my cousin managed to get 3 communions before his mother noticed.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Is this just a mass thing, OP, or general?

Craebear

People still go to mass in 2012?

****in' hell

mickgotsick

Peace be with you

https://us.v-cdn.net/6034073/uploads/attachments/86323/217550.jpg

Vicar in a tutu

seven_eleven wrote: »

Just ignore everyone. Stare into nothingness and leave them hanging. :pac:

This! it's not because im worried about where their hands have been, It's just really awkward shaking hands in church, I never know where to look:pac: Always end up staring ahead:pac:

cena

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Is this just a mass thing, OP, or general?

More mass time than general

kerry4sam

Vicar in a tutu wrote: »

This! it's not because im worried about where their hands have been, It's just really awkward shaking hands in church, I never know where to look:pac: Always end up staring ahead:pac:

Imagine what they're thinking when looking at a Vicar in a tutu though

Cienciano

I've been to an Anglican church in england where they hug. Weird.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

cena wrote: »

More mass time than general

Interesting. I would have thought the other way round - after all, cleanliness is next to godliness.

Son Of A Vidic

cena wrote: »

I hate when I hear this come during mass. Just I hate not knowing where peoples hands have been.

I find not going at all works well for me.

Sulla Felix

One of the least objectionable parts of mass imo. It's a nice sentiment. Btw OP, there's a good chance that your toothbrush would test positive for fecal matter. Shaking hands with your neighbours once a week is the least of your worries.

fussyonion

Did you ever notice that if you hold out your wrist to someone and say "Smell this", they will, but if you hold out two fingers and say "Smell this", they back away?
Problem solved-rub your two fingers on your wrist and get them to smell.
Jimeoin at his finest but oh so true!

latte2010

Owen_S wrote: »

I thought that everybody disinfects their hands with holy water upon entering the church?

Sure god only knows whats in that holy water. All the bums/alcos hang around outside the church in my town. Definitely would'nt be relying on that water to disinfect my hands.:D

Damit

latte2010 wrote: »

Sure god only knows whats in that holy water. All the bums/alcos hang around outside the church in my town. Definitely would'nt be relying on that water to disinfect my hands.:D

They've stopped filling the fonts in some churches with holy water because the Junkies have been known to clean their needles in it .....

mauzo

I love the shaky hands bit! Give a big smile and a shake Nice and friendly

I try see how many I get can get, then try beat it the next week.

DEFTLEFTHAND

A removal at a funeral home is the worst. Shaking hands with countless dirty feckers.:pac:

aujopimur

Me ma hated the hand shaking bit after one of the feckers dipped her handbag and stole her purse.

ejmaztec

Nodin wrote: »

...but you know where they've been - wiping their ass, scratching their balls, seeing what fluid is being ejected from their lady parts....

.. mixed with a quick dip of holy water and a hint of snot.

babymanval

cena wrote: »

I hate not knowing

'Never bothered you before!

Fr.Buzz

Was at mass this Easter where a dirty auld fella spat on himself twice!!..No lie.. 2 big dirty greeners...He then continued to rub them into his trousers using his hands!!...Nearly pissed myself not trying to laugh:D...Then it occurred to me I had to shake hands with this dirty auld fella!!:eek:..

southsiderosie

I find the shaking hands part much less gross than the 'thirty people drink wine out of the same cup' part. :eek: