How would you improve the human body ( if you were "the maker" )

dd972

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeUtCxe-xDg

Colmustard

ScumLord wrote: »

Gills have a specific function though, it would be like telling dewalt that they should make they're power drills cameras because they're the designers.

We actually are equipped with a diving reflex.

bobin fudge

bigger poop chute so I could do more ****s at the one time and not have to go so much

Colmustard

A neural lace that would connect me directly to the net.

who_me

Hmmm....

Bigger bladder, so I can go on an entire night out and not need any toilet breaks.
Longer fingers, so I can carry more than 4 pints back from the bar at a time (see also: sexual benefits of this) On the negative side, bigger hands would make my willy look smaller.. tough call..
The ability to choose where hair grows. You hit a certain age, then BAM! It stops where you want it and starts growing where you don't.

I thought about asking for boobs, but after the first 3 or 4 weeks of fun, it would probably just look weird.

NegativeCreep

who_me wrote: »

Hmmm....

Bigger bladder, so I can go on an entire night out and not need any toilet breaks.
Longer fingers, so I can carry more than 4 pints back from the bar at a time (see also: sexual benefits of this) On the negative side, bigger hands would make my willy look smaller.. tough call..
The ability to choose where hair grows. You hit a certain age, then BAM! It stops where you want it and starts growing where you don't.

I thought about asking for boobs, but after the first 3 or 4 weeks of fun, it would probably just look weird.

You're the maker remember? Make it bigger!

Jimoslimos

crazy cabbage wrote: »

what stupid idiot puts a waste pipe through a recreational zone

Actually it's a pretty good design feature for something to have multiple functions for a single device. Cuts down on needless parts (more things to breakdown). Plus the fact that you are highly unlikely to be utilising both functions, waste disposal and pleasure, at the same time........or maybe not:eek:

af_thefragile

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Actually it's a pretty good design feature for something to have multiple functions for a single device. Cuts down on needless parts (more things to breakdown). Plus the fact that you are highly unlikely to be utilising both functions, waste disposal and pleasure, at the same time ........or maybe not:eek:

From what I've seen many do...:pac:

greenbicycle

I would like some claws as big as cups, four ears, two for listening and two sort of back-up ears. might put these on the inside of the head though, We should have a retractable leg so we can leap at things better. We could have a tail with magnets on it so if we want to grab things made out of metal, we can attach ourselves to the metal thing.We should be able to light up at night. This may result in a tremendous fear of stamps however. When we yawn we should sound like Liam Neeson chasing a load of hens around inside a barrel.and we dont need a mouth, but instead we should have four arses.
Oh, and we only need eyebrows on Saturdays.

Perfect!

Wibbs

Better knee joints. More organ redundancy like the kidneys and lungs. Two livers, two hearts(come on down Dr Who). More robust backs. Even though we've been walking upright for at least 5 odd million years it's still a weak point. Longer telemeres. Better insulin management. Extension of vitality beyond the first flush of youth. Ability of both sexes to prevent conception internally.

opinion guy wrote:

Well interesting - is ageing in our genes or is it environmental?

While environmental stress will speed up the process, aging is broadly genetic and biological. We have a built in upper limit. For longevity at the extreme it appears to be 120, but after 70 the systems start to break down. Before 70 with effort the body can be made remarkably "young". We're basically programmed to die. Some animals may not be. Certainly some animals age in very different ways. Birds for example. They don't go grey or obviously age compared to mammals. They keep on going and then they just die. Whales may be similar.

Certain animals like Box turtles don't appear to age at all after maturity. Their blood and other biological markers look the same in a 30 year old one as they do in a 100 year old one. It seems they basically die due to accident disease or predation. One might theoretically live to a 1000. I read of one that wandered into someone's garden in Florida IIRC and they started to feed it. They noticed very faint scars on it's carapace and when they looked closer they found two names. Man and womans and a date in the 1700's. They checked the parish records and found that this couple got married in the 1700s and apparently for a time it was a local custom to carve lovers names on turtles because of their longevity. Rather than diamonds are forever it was turtles are forever. Not such a ring to it. Obviously there's no way to prove this little guys true age, but it's intriguing.

Low metabolic rate seems to help.The lower the rate the longer the life. High metabolic rates cause oxidative damage and the like. That old one about allocated heartbeats in mammals. I can't recall the figure, but whatever it is, once a mammal passes say 20 million heartbeats its on borrowed time. So a pgymy shrew with a heart racing away makes it to a year and an elephant with a very lazy heart rate makes it to 50 years kinda thing. Just a few mammals buck this trend. We're one of them. IIRC we pass this heartbeat marker around our late 20's. Size is another one. Generally the bigger the mammal the longer it lives. Dogs screw with this one as generally it's small dogs who live far longer than big ones. The real odd one are bats. Bats are basically mice with hang gliders. They have an even faster metabolic rate because of the adaptation of flight and are small, yet bats can live well beyond 20 years of age, some hit their 40s. In the wild. Figure out how those little buggers manage it and we'd have a "live to 300 pill".

Good babbie Jeebus that was a tangent... :eek::o:D

opinion guy

Entertaining tangent Wibbsey old boy. Most of that is dogma though -I wouldn't accept alot of that as fact. Edit: Lets put if this way Wibbs, why would there be an inbuilt age limit of 120 years in humans when in no point in history have humans ever lived that long ? There has never been any evolutionary pressure to drive such a limit.

Wibbs wrote:

Obviously there's no way to prove this little guys true age, but it's intriguing.

Cut off a leg and count the rings ??:D:p

pbowenroe

internal balls

Ilyana

I'd adapt the body so that the food and drink we like is good for us, and prevents us gaining weight. It'll be the stuff we don't like that makes us fat :pac:

Also, we'd be programmed so that we never get tired. At night we sleep for eight hours, falling asleep and waking at a certain time that we can change at will. Then we can work and play at maximum productivity.

Jimoslimos

opinion guy wrote: »

Entertaining tangent Wibbsey old boy. Most of that is dogma though -I wouldn't accept alot of that as fact. Edit: Lets put if this way Wibbs, why would there be an inbuilt age limit of 120 years in humans when in no point in history have humans ever lived that long ? There has never been any evolutionary pressure to drive such a limit.

A lot of it is sound science though, yes not as simple as a direct link between size/metabolic rate and life expectancy but there is certainly something. One study in particular showed rodents that were fed a calorie-restricted diet lived twice as long as those allowed to feed freely - think it triggered the current diet fads we have today, but as is often the case similar results were not observed in humans.

neumie

support for different types of organs built in. A replacement organ wouldn't necessarily need to be from another human.

re design to be more modular. lose an arm? grand...just attach another arm. Slots right in. Nerves connect up relatively quickly. Same with everything from a leg to a spine.

A built in command console for the body (as a part of the fore arm). So if you are on a diet you could enter a command like "/body/weight/fat -lose 20" and you body will reconfigure itself to stop feeling hungry once certain criteria are made and the craving for bad food will just stop. If your immune system is working against you then it could be shut down for a few days. Emotions getting in the way? /brain/emotions stopffs and problem solved. Don't know what is wrong with your child? Put them into sleep mode and check the logs. Or just put them into sleep mode and leave them there :P.
Er...i would password protect that though :P.

Replace our current teeth with the whole shark teeth system. Lost a tooth? No worries another is on the way. Still grow the different types of teeth we have mind but they could be replaced many times naturally.

--Kaiser--

Wibbs wrote: »

Better knee joints. More organ redundancy like the kidneys and lungs. Two livers, two hearts(come on down Dr Who). More robust backs. Even though we've been walking upright for at least 5 odd million years it's still a weak point. Longer telemeres. Better insulin management. Extension of vitality beyond the first flush of youth. Ability of both sexes to prevent conception internally.

There's nothing wrong with human knee joints, what's wrong is humans. Lack of proper diet (not enough collagen and omega 3s, specifically) and using them for what they weren't designed (specifically, running on hard surfaces with modern trainers). Both my knees used to make clicking noises, hell, I could even feel pain in wet weather in one. Changed my diet and starting running barefoot on grass and there hasn't been a peep out of them in years.

Similarly, most back problems probably come down to two things, excess bodyweight (especially in the belly, pulling you forward) and lack of core muscles to support the spine.

Berty

Give women smaller vaginas. Saves on women complaining about penis size.

Also Surrogate human bodies would be good or be a shape shifter.

Wibbs

opinion guy wrote: »

Entertaining tangent Wibbsey old boy. Most of that is dogma though -I wouldn't accept alot of that as fact. Edit: Lets put if this way Wibbs, why would there be an inbuilt age limit of 120 years in humans when in no point in history have humans ever lived that long ? There has never been any evolutionary pressure to drive such a limit.

That's an absolute and very rare limit of the system, not the average. People throughout history (not just a Jewish preacher in the year 30) saw three score and ten as the natural span of a life, with luck and strength maybe you get to four score and this seems to be the case. Medical science has added about ten years to that, by giving the rest of us the "luck and strength" part. We do seem to be programmed to remain useful members of the group up to 70. After that the systems start breaking down.

--Kaiser-- wrote:

There's nothing wrong with human knee joints, what's wrong is humans. Lack of proper diet (not enough collagen and omega 3s, specifically) and using them for what they weren't designed (specifically, running on hard surfaces with modern trainers). Both my knees used to make clicking noises, hell, I could even feel pain in wet weather in one. Changed my diet and starting running barefoot on grass and there hasn't been a peep out of them in years.

Similarly, most back problems probably come down to two things, excess bodyweight (especially in the belly, pulling you forward) and lack of core muscles to support the spine.

Oh I agree, a helluva lot of problems in these areas is self inflicted, however they're still areas that cause more problems than other joints. I'd add hip joints too.

cowzerp

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

This.
Apart from ageing we're a masterpiece of evolution (well, I am anyway)

Eating, drinking and Breathing through the same pipe is the stupidest design ever

No Hairs on your ass would be good-stupidest place to put hairs.

nbar12

there was no such thing as the flu...

--Kaiser--

cowzerp wrote: »

Eating, drinking and Breathing through the same pipe is the stupidest design ever

No Hairs on your ass would be good-stupidest place to put hairs.

No, it's not. We've got an epiglottis to stop us inhaling food or drink. If it was stupid then why would thousands of different creatures all end up with the same design?

Wibbs

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

No, it's not. We've got an epiglottis to stop us inhaling food or drink. If it was stupid then why would thousands of different creatures all end up with the same design?

Actually K ours could be improved as we have pretty crappy one because of the adaptations required for speech. In other mammals the epiglottis makes a more secure seal and they're far less likely to have food "go against your breath".

twinytwo

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Balls inside the body instead of placed between legs that act as a guide for a swinging foot.

Special eyelids for viewing underwater.

Unfortunately they are outside the body for a reason.... also its been proven that a good kick in the nuts is more painfull than child birth. Something to do with the number of pain recepters or something.

twinytwo

Wibbs wrote: »

Better knee joints. More organ redundancy like the kidneys and lungs. Two livers, two hearts(come on down Dr Who). More robust backs. Even though we've been walking upright for at least 5 odd million years it's still a weak point. Longer telemeres. Better insulin management. Extension of vitality beyond the first flush of youth. Ability of both sexes to prevent conception internally.

While environmental stress will speed up the process, aging is broadly genetic and biological. We have a built in upper limit. For longevity at the extreme it appears to be 120, but after 70 the systems start to break down. Before 70 with effort the body can be made remarkably "young". We're basically programmed to die. Some animals may not be. Certainly some animals age in very different ways. Birds for example. They don't go grey or obviously age compared to mammals. They keep on going and then they just die. Whales may be similar.

Certain animals like Box turtles don't appear to age at all after maturity. Their blood and other biological markers look the same in a 30 year old one as they do in a 100 year old one. It seems they basically die due to accident disease or predation. One might theoretically live to a 1000. I read of one that wandered into someone's garden in Florida IIRC and they started to feed it. They noticed very faint scars on it's carapace and when they looked closer they found two names. Man and womans and a date in the 1700's. They checked the parish records and found that this couple got married in the 1700s and apparently for a time it was a local custom to carve lovers names on turtles because of their longevity. Rather than diamonds are forever it was turtles are forever. Not such a ring to it. Obviously there's no way to prove this little guys true age, but it's intriguing.

Low metabolic rate seems to help.The lower the rate the longer the life. High metabolic rates cause oxidative damage and the like. That old one about allocated heartbeats in mammals. I can't recall the figure, but whatever it is, once a mammal passes say 20 million heartbeats its on borrowed time. So a pgymy shrew with a heart racing away makes it to a year and an elephant with a very lazy heart rate makes it to 50 years kinda thing. Just a few mammals buck this trend. We're one of them. IIRC we pass this heartbeat marker around our late 20's. Size is another one. Generally the bigger the mammal the longer it lives. Dogs screw with this one as generally it's small dogs who live far longer than big ones. The real odd one are bats. Bats are basically mice with hang gliders. They have an even faster metabolic rate because of the adaptation of flight and are small, yet bats can live well beyond 20 years of age, some hit their 40s. In the wild. Figure out how those little buggers manage it and we'd have a "live to 300 pill".

Good babbie Jeebus that was a tangent... :eek::o:D

You know the human race has the proportionally biggest and most effective knee joint of any animal on the planet. Our knees are even bigger than an elepants. Even though you wouldnt think it looking at most people today, we are designed to run and thanks to our knees, someone who is peak physical condition can out run every animal on the planet.

--Kaiser--

twinytwo wrote: »

You know the human race has the proportionally biggest and most effective knee joint of any animal on the planet. Our knees are even bigger than an elepants. Even though you wouldnt think it looking at most people today, we are designed to run and thanks to our knees, someone who is peak physical condition can out run every animal on the planet.

The first part is true the second part isn't. We can be beaten at a sprint by a wide variety of animals. Unless you mean endurance running, which isn't much use if your leg's been bitten off

twinytwo

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

The first part is true the second part isn't. We can be beaten at a sprint by a wide variety of animals. Unless you mean endurance running, which isn't much use if your leg's been bitten off

Yes distance, obviousy there is no way we can out sprint the likes of a greyhound or cheetah etc

Wibbs

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

The first part is true the second part isn't. We can be beaten at a sprint by a wide variety of animals. Unless you mean endurance running, which isn't much use if your leg's been bitten off

Even in endurance running there are plenty of animals that will out pace us

neonman

Not sure if it has been mentioned before, but I would have to say all babies born with a full set of teeth.

Wibbs

neonman wrote: »

Not sure if it has been mentioned before, but I would have to say all babies born with a full set of teeth.

If you ever suggest that to nursing mothers I'd stand well back. I'll visit you in hospital. I'll even bring grapes. I'm nice that way.

Wibbs

twinytwo wrote: »

Yes distance, obviousy there is no way we can out sprint the likes of a greyhound or cheetah etc

Actually on that point you could add scores of animals that will outsprint even Usain Bolt, never mind an average human runner. Most of the dog family will get you, both in short and long distance. Mr Bolt would get maybe 50 yards if he was lucky before a wolf would be on him and they can go on to cover 100 miles in a day in a trot over uneven ground. A hare will easily outrun a human, as will most deer/antelope. Your pet cat can max out at 30MPH, so Usain might get the jump on one, but the rest of us wouldn't. Bears will easily catch a human over short distances. Ditto for all the big cats. Hint don't try to outrun a crocodile and if you do, zig zag, they're not great at turning with their throttle fully open. Indeed it might be easier to list the animals we can outrun in a sprint.

On the endurance front, yea we're better, much better, but where endurance hunting(EG San Bushmen) is practiced it's in hot climates. The prey succumbs to heat stress, where our relatively small surface area presented to the sun and our ability to carry water gives us a serious advantage. Trying to run down say a reindeer in a colder climate and the advantage goes away.

neonman

Just invent little gum shields for them :-) Babies will be happier as will parents, it will mean more zzzzzz for all. That has to be a good thing.

Wibbs wrote: »

If you ever suggest that to nursing mothers I'd stand well back. I'll visit you in hospital. I'll even bring grapes. I'm nice that way.

ScumLord

Wibbs wrote: »

Certain animals like Box turtles don't appear to age at all after maturity. Their blood and other biological markers look the same in a 30 year old one as they do in a 100 year old one.

It's a pity that's not true for sliders. The water turtles have great personalities I have two rescues, Chuck and Obama. They're metabolisms are obviously much higher than the veg heads.

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

No, it's not. We've got an epiglottis to stop us inhaling food or drink. If it was stupid then why would thousands of different creatures all end up with the same design?

Well we did all evolve from the same ancestors and while much of nature may look like good design, most animals are improving on designs that maybe weren't all that good to begin with. Extreme animals like the giraffe..

Dawkins wrote:

In the Tangled Bank, I wrote about how life has to evolve within constraints–constraints of physics, development, and history. One of the examples I used was the laryngeal nerve in giraffes. It travels down the giraffe’s neck, takes a U turn, and then heads back up again. It seems ridiculous, but makes sense if you think about how it was laid down in fish without necks, and was then gradually modified–rather than re-engineered outright–as tetrapods grew necks, and then taken to surreal extremes in the long-necked giraffe.

Wibbs wrote: »

Actually on that point you could add scores of animals that will outsprint even Usain Bolt, never mind an average human runner.

The thing is though we don't really have to outrun them as we're the ones chasing. With the old school traditional hunt where we chase the prey to exhaustion all we need to do is keep in visual contact with them and walk after them. They can run but they can't hide.

Out of all the hunting strategies I've ever heard that's the best one, minimal effort while maximising our limited strengths.

My second favourite is also a human trick where we just take the food from the lions. You just have to love human ingenuity and courage.

Knex*

senorwipesalot wrote: »

Sh1te to come out wrapped in little plastic bags like those posh firelighters.

You'd end up with an arse like the flag of Japan.

Colmustard

A better more controllable memory, one with a delete button so I can forget certain things and not were I left my car keys or car for that matter.

Wibbs

ScumLord wrote: »

It's a pity that's not true for sliders. The water turtles have great personalities I have two rescues, Chuck and Obama. They're metabolisms are obviously much higher than the veg heads.

Yea, they defo have personalities. I had a red eared slider for over 30 years(got him when I was a toddler). Some species of water turtle can out think rats in a maze. They can be more clever than we think of them.

Well we did all evolve from the same ancestors and while much of nature may look like good design, most animals are improving on designs that maybe weren't all that good to begin with. Extreme animals like the giraffe..

+1

My second favourite is also a human trick where we just take the food from the lions. You just have to love human ingenuity and courage.

Yep Very old technique too. The earliest evidence of us eating meat appears to be from existing kills of other animals. Two legged vultures we were One theory has it that Homo Erectus could run faster than modern people because that way they could get to kills faster than competitors. One of our cousins seemed to take a slightly different off shoot of hunting. Neandertals appear to have been explosive ambush predators. They're not really built for speed. All about the power. Hide in wait and when an animal got close jump out and stab and wrestle it to the ground. Nearly every adult male so far found is covered in broken bones. For years they couldn't figure why, until a doctor who used to help out at rodeos in the US had a look at the bones. They looked near identical to injuries rodeo riders suffer. Basically those guys were wrestling and getting thrown off big animals while hunting. Since their genetic map came out I'm growing one in a shed for the next Olympics. Decent haircut and shave the lad and Ireland is gonna win all the golds in the wrestling, judo and weightlifting sections. Ambulances will be provided for the silver medalists.

McChubbin

Reproduction by osmosis. No need for a man's imput- just concentrate really hard and split yourself into a seperate entity!

ScumLord

Wibbs wrote: »

They're not really built for speed. All about the power. Hide in wait and when an animal got close jump out and stab and wrestle it to the ground. Nearly every adult male so far found is covered in broken bones.

Which is probably what gave us the advantage, I have a vague recollection hearing that Neanderthals didn't have the same range of motion in their shoulders which prevented them from utilizing throwing weapons to the same extent we could. Then we got the Atlatl which gave us a distinct range and power advantage meaning we didn't risk our lives for food.

Colmustard

Xray eyes because I am a perv.

strong_damo

get rid of farting :pac:

Mod: Re-reg Banned.

areyawell

Alcohol has all the nourishment that the body needs with no hangover.
-
Ability for men to be able to blink at a woman and then they'd shut up, make a sandwich,b*****b ,get ya a beer and afterwards stay in the kitchen while the game is on.

Mr.Crinklewood

Urine would come out solid, and could be stored is a special pocket on the body. It can then simple be disposed of with when convenient ( therefore no running around Galway City looking for a loo ).

Poos would have little flippers. This would negate the requirement to flush the toilet, as the poo could swim down the u bend.

christmas2012

I would make our teeth grow back every ten twenty years so we wouldnt have to go through painful extractions which could even risk our lives..

Martyn1989

The King of Moo wrote: »

I'd also like stronger leg muscles to make running and walking places easier and faster.

You know that will happen if you go outside once in a while

Captain Chaos

christmas2012 wrote: »

I would make our teeth grow back every ten twenty years so we wouldnt have to go through painful extractions which could even risk our lives..

They are painful enough coming in the first time.
Either way they would still have to come out.

Peetrik

Fix whatever on men that causes that wild, unpredictable sprinkler effect for the first trip to the jacks in the morning

Martyn1989

christmas2012 wrote: »

I would make our teeth grow back every ten twenty years so we wouldnt have to go through painful extractions which could even risk our lives..

we get it, you got a tooth out stop putting it on random threads

Azhrei

1. Less need to eat, we need a ridiculous amount every day.

2. Either stop the appendix from bursting or remove it altogether.

3. Let our eyes see much more, and also see properly in the dark so we grow out of our fear of it.

4. Have our nails be stronger so there's no need to replenish them; hence rid the need to have them grow in the first place.

5. Stop that little piece of skin from growing in between your skin and your nails. Annoying bloody thing, surprisingly painful despite it's diminutive size.

6. Much, much stronger teeth. Failing that, no nerves inside!

7. Remove male nipples.

8. Remove irrational fear such as arachnophobia, acrophobia, and the like. Though keep a healthy dose of fear for what is dangerous to you.

9. No more biting the inside of our mouth - I'd add have somewhere for the tongue to rest naturally, but I never seem to have a problem with that...

10. When we think about breathing, manual control shouldn't take over outside our control!

11. Better circulation in our legs.

12. Less hours required for sleep.

13. Remove the desire to have money and the greed to want more.

Actually, being a vampire from Twilight wouldn't be so bad, aside from the immortality. Incredibly fast, incredibly strong, and so invulnerable that diamond can't even scratch their eyes. Plus, if you're lucky, you get an X-Men-like power!

marshbaboon

Azhrei wrote: »

7. Remove male nipples.

What?! NO!

Azhrei

marshbaboon wrote: »

What?! NO!

Well, that's a strong reaction! Why not?

dodderangler

Not get hangovers!