Children refusing to move abroad - advice needed!

jblack

dark crystal wrote: »

Right folks, I need a bit of advice here.....Basically, my partner and I have decided (after a lot of discussion) to move to the UK next year due to a few reasons - better job opportunities, better living standards, cheaper education, closer to family etc.

I have two daughters, aged 12 and 13, from a previous relationship who are steadfastly against the idea of moving abroad altogether and it's causing an awful lot of stress, upset and anxiety for everyone.

Firstly, they are saying they don't want to leave their dad. I completely understand this, but they only see him every other week-end and even at that, they try to get out of it frequently as he often just palms them off on his mother when it's his time to see them anyway. I've discussed the move with him and he has agreed to it and understands it would mean a better future for the children.

Secondly, they have very close friends living on the street and spend most of their free time with them. They are very upset at the thought of leaving them altogether and don't believe they'll make friends in the UK.

Thirdly, they wouldn't have the best relationship with my partner. When their dad and I split up 9 years ago, it was just them and me for three years until I met my partner, who I've been with now for 6 years. Everything was fine until we had our son 2 and a half years ago and it seemed to go downhill after that. I suspect some jealousy entered the picture then and although my partner has gone out of his way to try and improve the relationship with them, he keeps coming up against a brick wall - the atmosphere is awful at times and they're now blaming the move on him entirely.

They are asking to be allowed to live with their dad instead of moving which just isn't an option. He's really not the most responsible father and besides, this move is happening to benefit them most of all.

Sorry for the long post, but I'm honestly at my wit's end here and am wondering if anyone has experienced this at all and could give me any advice. I don't want to have to drag my daughters kicking and screaming, but at this stage, it's looking like they have no intention of making this move willingly and it's upsetting for all of us.

I could write for ages on this but:

I was five and my folks moved to Australia - then after a visit back here when I was 14 they decided to move back - I went from being on my summer holidays in Aus to being sent to school in some ****hole in the middle of winter. No mates - utterly devastated - six months later loved the place. Still here 20 years later.

My theory - find something there that the girls will enjoy and they will begin to forget (my own passion was sport so my folks signed me up to everything).

Just my two cents - everybody is different.