Stingy Wedding Presents & None at All

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 4:43pm

I've lost track, El Danger are you having the "cookie cutter" wedding or not?

El_Dangeroso · 26-08-2012 4:45pm

amdublin wrote: »

I really get the sense you feel quite superior about what you are doing though.

Nope, just can't stand the hypocrisy of whinging about present expectations while at the same time going along with the whole thing.

My one and only point before this got dragged down to a personal level by Quarom, was that complaining about weddings in Ireland changes nothing.

What will change things is when 250 are invited and then maybe 50 go, then weddings will become what you complain they are not now.

I know some people who get married abroad just to whitle it down to the true people they want there. Of course ye'd all still say half of them didn't want to go anyway.

Madam_X · 26-08-2012 4:50pm

People don't have to go to weddings just because their partners are going - if they have no choice though, then they could try to make the best of attending a happy occasion with nice food, drink, new people... instead of being negative about it. I'd bet the vast majority of people who get married don't invite people simply to make up numbers, despite the conspiracy theory that they do. Often people getting married feel *obliged* to invite partners etc too - but it is up to the latter to politely decline the invite.
I definitely do think though that it's unreasonable of people (usually women it seems) to drag their partner whom they're not even seeing that long to a wedding where the partner knows nobody and the guest knows plenty - just to show everyone they have a partner. I think the partner has the right to put the foot down in those instances if they really don't want to go.

Personally though, I always enjoy weddings, any kind, and even of those I don't know well - and I'm atheist and don't like the Grease Megamix, Abba etc or the dancing. But there's plenty of other things about a wedding to enjoy. I absolutely love the weddings of close friends/family.

amdublin · 26-08-2012 4:51pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

I've lost track, El Danger are you having the "cookie cutter" wedding or not?

I've lost track of both El Dangerous' wedding and their argument!

Quorum · 26-08-2012 4:53pm

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

My one and only point before this got dragged down to a personal level by Quarom, was that complaining about weddings in Ireland changes nothing.

Nah, you got WAY more personal. My comment was just based on the observation that whatever the wedding, lots of people don't like them.

RED PASSION · 26-08-2012 4:56pm

OP, speak to your friends/ colleagues in work about what you are telling us, this will put it to bed for yourself for once and for all, this is still bugging you a YEAR later, so you are hurting inside, there might be a simple reason for no gift or they may not believe in giving gifts etc etc, but you will know then for certain, a million posts on this forum will mean nothing to you at the end of the day, although the replies i have read are honest and very helpful, i feel a person like you will still be thinking in 20 yrs time about receiving no presents, unless you speak to them have it out in the open and then you will know for sure.

El_Dangeroso · 26-08-2012 4:57pm

Quorum wrote: »

Nah, you got WAY more personal. My comment was just based on the observation that whatever the wedding, lots of people don't like them.

Eh, that was not your comment. I'll just leave this here:

Quorum wrote: »

But oh, when you have your wedding, everyone will definitely want to be there and not be bored at all. Definitely.

Maybe read your own posts first?

Quorum · 26-08-2012 5:01pm

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

Eh, that was not your comment. I'll just leave this here:

Maybe read your own posts first?

That ties in. There is a very high chance there'll be someone at your wedding who doesn't really enjoy them and will be a bit bored.

You'll never know this, of course. Two-faced bastards!

El_Dangeroso · 26-08-2012 5:05pm

Quorum wrote: »

That ties in. There is a very high chance there'll be someone at your wedding who doesn't really enjoy them and will be a bit bored.

You'll never know this, of course. Two-faced bastards!

Do you not realise this is very personal thing to say to someone you don't know anything about? I merely applied the exact logic of people not wanting to go to your day to demonstrate to you how personal a comment that was. The fact that you took offence to this proves that you should not have said something so bitchy in the first place.

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 5:09pm

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

Do you not realise this is very personal thing to say to someone you don't know anything about? I merely applied the exact logic of people not wanting to go to your day to demonstrate to you how personal a comment that was. The fact that you took offence to this proves that you should not have said something so bitchy in the first place.

It was not a bitchy comment - it was the truth. You even admitted yourself that you have not invited +1's because you know that they never want to go anyway.

El_Dangeroso · 26-08-2012 5:12pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

It was not a bitchy comment - it was the truth. You even admitted yourself that you have not invited +1's because you know that they never want to go anyway.

Why was it necessary to be applied to my wedding? THAT is what made it a bitchy, sarky, wholly unnecessary comment IMHO.

amdublin · 26-08-2012 5:12pm

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

Why was it necessary to be applied to my wedding? THAT is what made it a bitchy, sarky, wholly unnecessary comment IMHO.

It's true about yours and everyone elses wedding.

El_Dangeroso · 26-08-2012 5:15pm

amdublin wrote: »

It's true about yours and everyone elses wedding.

It's still a personal bitchy comment, truth or no. It's so funny that people can muster telling people 'the truth' on the internet but cannot muster the cajones to not go to a wedding they don't want to go to.

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 5:16pm

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

Why was it necessary to be applied to my wedding? THAT is what made it a bitchy, sarky, wholly unnecessary comment IMHO.

What!

You have admitted it is true and you aren't inviting +1's in order to prevent it.

But yet when someone says it in relation to your wedding you say it is is bitchy.

Sorry but it is not bitchy, just a fact (which you even acknowledge yourself!!!)

Are you being bitchy to yourself???!!!

dr.bollocko · 26-08-2012 5:18pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

What!

You have admitted it is true and you aren't inviting +1's in order to prevent it.

But yet when someone says it in relation to your wedding you say it is is bitchy.

Sorry but it is not bitchy, just a fact (which you even acknowledge yourself!!!)

Are you being bitchy to yourself???!!!

It was a bitchy and personal comment. It was unnecessary.

amdublin · 26-08-2012 5:18pm

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

It's still a personal bitchy comment, truth or no. It's so funny that people can muster telling people 'the truth' on the internet but cannot muster the cajones to not go to a wedding they don't want to go to.

I don't think it's personal or bitchy. I think you'd be a bit delusional to think that all people love weddings (weddings in general, not yours alone).

Quorum · 26-08-2012 5:23pm

dr.bollocko wrote: »

It was a bitchy and personal comment. It was unnecessary.

It wasn't. It was a response to El Dangeroso's certainty that people who don't like weddings don't go to them.

And do you think her response was personal and bitchy? It was about me, the individual, whereas mine was based on the amount of people I've known who don't like weddings. I know nothing about her wedding celebrations. I know lots of people who find them a chore, whatever the wedding.

ABajaninCork · 26-08-2012 5:27pm

This thread has predictably descended into chaos. Bitchiness and nastiness given free rein as usual...

Why is that??

amdublin · 26-08-2012 5:33pm

Because some brides want more presents.

westies4ever · 26-08-2012 5:46pm

Dear lord will u guys just build a bridge!!!!!!

pwurple · 26-08-2012 5:58pm

I think the My Wedding is so Cooler than Yours stuff in here is fairly repugnant.

Get over yerselves. Some people like to party, and they have a big party. Some people like small, and they have small. Being offensive about either is unpleasant. Especially in this forum.

Quorum · 26-08-2012 6:01pm

ABajaninCork wrote: »

This thread has predictably descended into chaos. Bitchiness and nastiness given free rein as usual...

Why is that??

Bitchiness from various angles too.

amdublin · 26-08-2012 6:05pm

pwurple wrote: »

I think the My Wedding is so Cooler than Yours stuff in here is fairly repugnant.

I also find the We gave them a Big Gift so they Need to give us a Big One back stuff is fairly repugnant too.

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 6:07pm

Or even more repugnant, the "I've had access to their financials, they can afford a much more expensive present then they gave me" and a year after my wedding I'm still bitter about it.

ABajaninCork · 26-08-2012 6:12pm

Quorum wrote: »

Bitchiness from various angles too.

What are you on about??

Quorum · 26-08-2012 6:18pm

ABajaninCork wrote: »

What are you on about??

That bitchiness is coming from various different people on this thread.

Muckit · 26-08-2012 6:19pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

I don't think you are getting it.

For me if someone arrives to a wedding or an event I am holding without a "gift" (present or money, etc.) I don't see them as arriving empty handed.

I see them as bringing their company as the gift. The gift is having them there celebrating my happy day. The gift is the hug or kiss they give me when they greet me. The gift is the good wishes that they whisper to me as they hug me. For me it is a gift to have my friends and family in good health around me.

Hi Diddler1977

Thanks for explaining things and making them a bit clear for me. I think I'm getting it now.

So when a friend goes/went to your wedding, they do not need to bring a gift because because their presence is their present... but when YOU go to your friends' weddings you need to bring a gift because your presence isn't quite enough of a present and your hug or kiss doesn't quite give the message that you sincerely love and care about them. Gottcha.

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 6:20pm

In fairness, I think the OP started it with their bitchy comments about the guests who didn't give here enough money

Quorum · 26-08-2012 6:21pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

In fairness, I think the OP started it with their bitchy comments about the guests who didn't give here enough money

Yeah, the thread continued as it started. Weddings bring out the worst in so many people. Which is another reason I want to avoid. If that makes me superior, so be it.

Muckit · 26-08-2012 6:23pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

Again you are not getting the point!

What is a "stingy" wedding present?

To me, guests bringing themselves and their good wishes for the bride and groom to a wedding is not a "stingy" present - it is a beautiful gift.

So what (if anything) would constitute a 'stingy' wedding present in your eyes Diddler1977 ?

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 6:24pm

Muckit wrote: »

Hi Diddler1977

Thanks for explaining things and making them a bit clear for me. I think I'm getting it now.

So when a friend goes/went to your wedding, they do not need to bring a gift because because their presence is their present... but when YOU go to your friends' weddings you need to bring a gift because your presence isn't quite enough of a present and your hug or kiss doesn't quite give the message that you sincerely love and care about them. Gottcha.

Yeah that's their issue!

A kiss or a hug is enough of a present for ME!

amdublin · 26-08-2012 6:24pm

Muckit wrote: »

Hi Diddler1977

Thanks for explaining things and making them a bit clear for me. I think I'm getting it now.

So when a friend goes/went to your wedding, they do not need to bring a gift because because their presence is their present... but when YOU go to your friends' weddings you need to bring a gift because your presence isn't quite enough of a present and your hug or kiss doesn't quite give the message that you sincerely love and care about them. Gottcha.

Can't you just take the post as the poster intended rather than rewording it dripping with sarcasm?

Personally for me, while I do give a gift I don't expect one. If someone doesn't give one I don't judge or deride them, it is what it is.

amdublin · 26-08-2012 6:28pm

Muckit wrote: »

So what (if anything) would constitute a 'stingy' wedding present in your eyes Diddler1977 ?

What kind of crazy question is this? From what he/she has described as "not stingy" it's patently obvious that no gift is stingy to them. That whatever a person chooses to give will be accepted graciously.

Muckit · 26-08-2012 6:38pm

ABajaninCork wrote: »

What a nasty, bitter person you are. I was brought up to show good manners. What about you??

Hi ABajaninCork

Thank you for your reply. I cannot figure out why you think I am a nasty and bitter person...? If you read back on my post that you replied to, I asked two questions. I am simply trying to figure out WHY people see it as OK for them to give a present, but that it's OK for others not too. I just don't get it.

Nobody has, as yet, been able to give me an answer.

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 6:41pm

Muckit wrote: »

Hi ABajaninCork

Thank you for your reply. I cannot figure out why you think I am a nasty and bitter person...? If you read back on my post that you replied to, I asked two questions. I am simply trying to figure out WHY people see it as OK for them to give a present, but that it's OK for others not too. I just don't get it.

Nobody has, as yet, been able to give me an answer.

I choose to give presents.

I choose to not judge people who don't give me what constitutes a typical gift.

Not hard to understand.

pwurple · 26-08-2012 6:44pm

Muckit wrote: »

I am simply trying to figure out WHY people see it as OK for them to give a present, but that it's OK for others not too. I just don't get it.

Nobody has, as yet, been able to give me an answer.

Plenty of people have given you the answer. Manners.

amdublin · 26-08-2012 6:49pm

I was brought up that it was polite to give a gift.

I was also brought up that it is polite not to expect a gift.

And also to accept whatever a person gives you or whatever they don't give you graciously.

That someone does not give me a gift means no more or less than the fact that I give them a gift.

It's not difficult muckit.

Madam_X · 26-08-2012 7:10pm

If you gave a friend a gift for their wedding and they gave you absolutely zilch for yours it'd be grand? Sure. It's not about the value or the type of gift, it's the gesture of goodwill and friendship. And god forbid, thanks for the invite to a great day.

Shur why give Christmas, birthday, anniversary presents so?

I hate the bridezilla stuff too - it's sick some of it, but I really can't see how it's ok to go to the wedding of a friend and give nothing at all, ever. That is not the same as demanding an extravagant present to recoup wedding costs.

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 7:11pm

Madam_X wrote: »

If you gave a friend a gift for their wedding and they gave you absolutely zilch for yours it'd be grand? Sure. It's not about the value or the type of gift, it's the gesture of goodwill and friendship.

If they are giving you the gift of friendship they are not giving you zilch.

Madam_X · 26-08-2012 7:21pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

If they are giving you the gift of friendship they are not giving you zilch.

Aren't goodwill gestures part of friendship? Are you saying you'd be cool with a friend never ever reciprocating any nice gesture you've carried out for them. The above comment looks a *tad* obtuse...

Dyr · 26-08-2012 7:25pm

Great thread, handy to remind me why I avoid Irish weddings like the plague

Madam_X · 26-08-2012 7:28pm

The ones with "Cash gifts only, minimum whatever" or the American thing of registering with a store for a gift list... are actually kinda sick IMO. :eek:

amdublin · 26-08-2012 7:35pm

Madam_X wrote: »

Aren't goodwill gestures part of friendship? Are you saying you'd be cool with a friend never ever reciprocating any nice gesture you've carried out for them. The above comment looks a *tad* obtuse...

So I carry out a nice gesture for my friend and in your opininion they have to give me a gift in exchange??

If they do that's nice I accept it graciously. But if they don't, I neither judge nor deride them.

Muckit · 26-08-2012 7:43pm

amdublin wrote: »

What kind of crazy question is this? From what he/she has described as "not stingy" it's patently obvious that no gift is stingy to them. That whatever a person chooses to give will be accepted graciously.

Hi amdublin

I am sorry if you find my question 'crazy'. The tread is called stingy wedding presents and none at all. I wouldn't have asked a question if it was blatantly obvious to me. Certain things that might be blatantly obvious to you, my not be to me (or indeed others).

And it's still not 'blatantly obvious to me' why some people think they must bring a gift to a wedding, yet they find it perfectly acceptable when their guests do not.

Repeating your original post isn't explaining it to me. Usually if a person says that they don't understand something, the other should try and word or phrase things a different way to help the other person understand.

Anyways, I'm going to leave things at that.

I wish all brides and grooms on this thread (and indeed those that are already married

) , many years of good health and happiness together.

Muckit (I'm a groom to be btw

)

amdublin · 26-08-2012 7:48pm

Enjoy your day muckit.

Hopefully you get everything want and we don't see you back here in a year giving out about stingy or no presents

Muckit · 26-08-2012 7:56pm

amdublin wrote: »

Enjoy your day muckit.

Hopefully you get everything want and we don't see you back here in a year giving out about stingy or no presents

Thanks amdublin.

Best wishes to you too on the day (I presume your big day is coming up soon too?)

I have everything I want right here beside me on the couch. Family and friends there on our big day (7 weeks and counting down) will just seal the deal

Then it's back to the Farm and Forestry forum where I usually reside!!

:D I notice there's a few from there on here too!

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 8:05pm

Madam_X wrote: »

Aren't goodwill gestures part of friendship? Are you saying you'd be cool with a friend never ever reciprocating any nice gesture you've carried out for them. The above comment looks a *tad* obtuse...

When you talk about reciprocating are you talking about buying me something??

Of course I don't expect my friends to buy me things when I do nice things for them!!!

Diddler1977 · 26-08-2012 8:07pm

Muckit wrote: »

Hi amdublin

I am sorry if you find my question 'crazy'. The tread is called stingy wedding presents and none at all. I wouldn't have asked a question if it was blatantly obvious to me. Certain things that might be blatantly obvious to you, my not be to me (or indeed others).

And it's still not 'blatantly obvious to me' why some people think they must bring a gift to a wedding, yet they find it perfectly acceptable when their guests do not.

Repeating your original post isn't explaining it to me. Usually if a person says that they don't understand something, the other should try and word or phrase things a different way to help the other person understand.

Anyways, I'm going to leave things at that.

I wish all brides and grooms on this thread (and indeed those that are already married ) , many years of good health and happiness together.

Muckit (I'm a groom to be btw )

I think it has been said a good few times over by many people in this thread that is rude for a host/hostess to expect a present when they put on a party/wedding/event, etc.

milkandsugar · 26-08-2012 10:13pm

To be honest i think that alot of posters are being a bit harsh on here. I am recently married and the most beautiful gifts i have cost next to nothing as our friends made them for us. But i would still notice who didn't give a card. And there is no excuse. Just none for bad manners. I can completely understand being broke ect but who says a gift has to be money. Something small and thoughtful is just as nice and will often last far longer in the house than money.Anyway what i am saying is it is general cop on to leave a card saying thanks for having me as part of you wedding day. And be realistic here if you gave someone a lavish gift and they were tight about it when it came there turn to give you a gift you would remember it and may not be so kind the next time. This isn't about the op being greedy but the hurt that you feel used and someone couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge that fact that you were kind in asking them to your wedding

Madam_X · 26-08-2012 11:19pm

Diddler1977 wrote: »

When you talk about reciprocating are you talking about buying me something??

Of course I don't expect my friends to buy me things when I do nice things for them!!!

Of course that's not what I mean - and I think you and Diddler know it. I am not saying every little gesture from friend to friend should be reciprocated (by buying something or otherwise) I'm just saying it's bad form for a friend to never ever reciprocate gestures of friendship, which is what you and Diddler claim you'd be ok with.

Stingy Wedding Presents & None at All

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