Adults living with their parents...

ToddyDoody

tylercheribini wrote: »

It will never be paid back, we have just about managed to service the interest on it.

Its a bit like the small time gambler who ended up at the big boys table.

Wanderer78

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Its a bit like the small time gambler who ended up at the big boys table.

and the big boys walked off with all the money, and took none of the risk and none of the blame, even though they were paid well for their so called risk in generous interest rates. our national debt and public expenditure was just fine prior to the crash, as we were regularly running surpluses

ToddyDoody

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Its a bit like the small time gambler who ended up at the big boys table.

While playing with money that was given to them by one of the big players.
And lost!

zell12

The State recognises they are 'forcing' adult offspring to live with parents in Budget 2020.

The Department [Social Protection] provides a household benefits package which includes a gas or electricity allowance and a free television licence. For people under 70 years of age, they may not receive these benefits because another adult – usually an adult child – resides under their roof. I am removing this condition in Budget 2020. By doing this, we are recognising and supporting the role played by these families in providing a home to other adults, usually adult children. It provides additional support to vulnerable, multi-generational households at a time of high housing costs.

tylercheribini

zell12 wrote: »

The State recognises they are 'forcing' adult offspring to live with parents in Budget 2020.

Adult children?Oxymoron?Yes they are pulling on the green jersey and all that.

lainey_d_123

emilymemily wrote: »

Can I just ask, your child that went to live and study in the UK in her late teens, was she funding that all by herself or where you helping her?
Your other child that moved with her boyfriend, what sort of job did she get and was getting any financial help from you or the boyfriend she moved with?

Why do some people find it so hard to believe that others can actually act like grown adults and sort their own lives out?

I didn't get financial help from my parents after I moved out at 18 for college (and was having to pay for stuff like bus fares and school lunches long before that). I took out loans for college costs and accommodation and also worked part time.

Graduated right into the recession, so took a really crappy call centre job in Dublin while living in an overcrowded, freezing cold, manky flatshare until I had saved up enough to move abroad to teach English for a while. It was far from ideal but I thought a life overseas experiencing new things and saving up money was far superior to sitting at home on the dole or doing minimum wage work.

I'm 34 now and still paying off my student loan but have worked and lived all over the world, slowly gaining skills and experience and am now doing alright. I'm not privileged, I'm not any more fortunate than you. I've actually had some pretty crappy health physical and mental issues and am on the autism spectrum. I just knew that if I wanted to have a decent future, it wouldn't happen if I stayed at the family home whining about them like a child.

I really resent that people like you look at those who are actually being adults and assume they've had some kind of help you haven't had. Chances are, they're just way more resilient. Do you think anyone was helping me when I got really ill, aged 22, having just moved to Antwerp for work and not speaking a word of Dutch? I knew literally nobody and this was before smartphones and Google Maps. Had to just figure it out myself and get myself to hospital and deal with all the medical terms and insurance paperwork in a foreign language. It was one of the saddest loneliest weeks of my life, but I got through it. It's called character building. So many people this generation just don't seem to have any resilience at all - it's weird.

If you're 30 and living at home and thinking that anyone not in your position has had financial help, you're wrong. The economy isn't the issue - you are.

LirW

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

If you're 30 and living at home and thinking that anyone not in your position has had financial help, you're wrong. The economy isn't the issue - you are.

Fair play to you.
And while I really don't want to take away from your success, the whole spiel just goes the other way around. People aren't any worse for living at home and making it work and picking up on an offer from their own parents.

I recently returned to college as a mature learner and I have seen the schedule of the full time course. It is insane and there aren't many jobs out there that would cater to such a schedule. Even less of you have a long commute to college. A few people from my course dropped out already because they can't combine their jobs with a college schedule.

Another thing is that afterwards not everyone can live in houseshares because their circumstances, be it health or other commitments, don't allow this. I had a child by the time I was 20, it is impossible to find a houseshare with a baby, especially in this market.

And last but not least: you have shown great resilience for the share of sh*t life has thrown at you and you made it. There are others that won't be able to do it because the pressure is simply too much. That doesn't make them worse people. I dropped out of college after 18 months because I couldn't manage my job, college work, feeding a child and going through a bad stretch of mental health in my early 20s.

Everyone wants their child so succeed despite their immense pressure. This whole "character building" stuff I cannot really agree with though. We somehow accepted in society it's totally cool to impose ridiculous workloads and financial hardship on school leavers for this so-called character building. Judging by the lastest mental health statistics it might not be the way to go because this is the first generation that had to go through education and formative work years with the requirement of being mentally available 24/7, being ultra flexible, juggling the college work load while jobs catering a full-time education are increasingly rare and are then called weak snowflakes if they really struggle with it while older generations had different standards in pretty much everything.

Wildly Boaring

Wildly Boaring wrote: »

Looked at Lucan there on Daft.
Talking 400 to 600 for house share.

You'd surely be giving the parents min 100 a week? So 420 or 430 a month?

Why would you pay rent to live at home? Crazy concept imo that I’ve only ever heard about on boards. My parents would laugh at the idea and transfer the money back if I even attempted to pay rent to them.

Tony EH

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

The economy isn't the issue - you are.

No. The economy IS the issue.

It shouldn't cost so much to get basic living necessities.

tylercheribini

Tony EH wrote: »

No. The economy IS the issue.

It shouldn't cost so much to get basic living necessities.

Yeah there is a real hyperindividualism-Thatcherite-pull yourself up by your bootstraps bang off some of the comments. "Struggling to climb the social ladder? Then its entirely your fault."

c68zapdsm5i1ru

LirW wrote: »

Fair play to you.
And while I really don't want to take away from your success, the whole spiel just goes the other way around. People aren't any worse for living at home and making it work and picking up on an offer from their own parents.

I recently returned to college as a mature learner and I have seen the schedule of the full time course. It is insane and there aren't many jobs out there that would cater to such a schedule. Even less of you have a long commute to college. A few people from my course dropped out already because they can't combine their jobs with a college schedule.

Another thing is that afterwards not everyone can live in houseshares because their circumstances, be it health or other commitments, don't allow this. I had a child by the time I was 20, it is impossible to find a houseshare with a baby, especially in this market.

And last but not least: you have shown great resilience for the share of sh*t life has thrown at you and you made it. There are others that won't be able to do it because the pressure is simply too much. That doesn't make them worse people. I dropped out of college after 18 months because I couldn't manage my job, college work, feeding a child and going through a bad stretch of mental health in my early 20s.

Everyone wants their child so succeed despite their immense pressure. This whole "character building" stuff I cannot really agree with though. We somehow accepted in society it's totally cool to impose ridiculous workloads and financial hardship on school leavers for this so-called character building. Judging by the lastest mental health statistics it might not be the way to go because this is the first generation that had to go through education and formative work years with the requirement of being mentally available 24/7, being ultra flexible, juggling the college work load while jobs catering a full-time education are increasingly rare and are then called weak snowflakes if they really struggle with it while older generations had different standards in pretty much everything.

Yes, in many ways I don't envy young people nowadays. They have a lot more choice, career wise, than my generation did but also incredible pressure to 'succeed', while being bombarded with images on social media of beautiful people leading glamorous lives (much of it photoshopped and heavily edited falsehoods). They are also, in many cases, expected to be available to employers 24/7 via email and mobile phones while also put under huge pressure to work above and beyond their contracted hours for no extra renumeration.

When I started working, the working day generally finished between 5 and half 5 for most people, commutes were short, and places like Rathmines and Ranelagh were full of flats and bedsits easily affordable to young people in their first job. It was perfectly normal for a couple to get married in their early twenties and be able to buy a house, within commuting distance of their job, on two very ordinary salaries and for one parent to either give up work, or go part time, after they had children.

And no, I'm not a hundred years old. A lot has changed in relatively recent times and you can't really compare what it was like for a previous generation to what it's like for people starting out nowadays.

ToddyDoody

tylercheribini wrote: »

Yeah there is a real hyperindividualism-Thatcherite-pull yourself up by your bootstraps bang off some of the comments. "Struggling to climb the social ladder? Then its entirely your fault."

It never ceases to amaze me at how useless the right wing can be at dealing with problems associated with being human.

tylercheribini

ToddyDoody wrote: »

It never ceases to amaze me at how useless the right wing can be at dealing with problems associated with being human.

Establishment c**nts born into wealth and privilege, generally only concerned with feathering their own nests by looking after their private interest backers.

Tony EH

Braelyn Fat Toe wrote: »

When I started working, the working day generally finished between 5 and half 5 for most people, commutes were short, and places like Rathmines and Ranelagh were full of flats and bedsits easily affordable to young people in their first job. It was perfectly normal for a couple to get married in their early twenties and be able to buy a house, within commuting distance of their job, on two very ordinary salaries and for one parent to either give up work, or go part time, after they had children.

This is a pipe dream for most young people in this country these days. There are folk on decent salaries whose bulk of their wages go on simply paying rent in a rental "market" that is a fucking farce, to be polite about it, where long term renting isn't an option and some literally have no idea where they'll be or what they'll be paying every 12 months.

For too many people, the idea of eventually owning a house is simply out of their league and if they do manage to spend YEARS scrimping together a ridiculous deposit cost, they'll be looking at getting hocked into debt until they are of pensionable age...and that's assuming that they'll have 40 years of work lined up to facilitate that, which a lot of people won't.

And if you're single, you can completely forget it, unless you have a ton of money to bolster you from whatever source.

Tony EH

ToddyDoody wrote: »

It never ceases to amaze me at how useless the right wing can be at dealing with problems associated with being human.

They tend not to care, unless it's something that directly affects them.

Antares35

OH and me will be moving into my parents' house in the new year. It's not that we can't afford to rent, as we both work, but we can't afford to rent AND save for a deposit simultaneously, especially because we have a babba on the way.

Always had a good relationship with my parents and none of us are the type to be in your face with each other. I could happily sit with my Dad of an evening and natter over a nice bottle of shiraz, and we will enjoy each others' company, or there might be a week where we pass each other like ships in the night because we have our own busy lives. I'm lucky that my OH is a quiet, patient man who gets on very well with them too.

Parents are partitioning their house (single level) into two separate units, with the intention of renting one and using the other to live in. House is too big for them to maintain and they spend a good chunk of time away. So, they'd be renting anyway. They offered us first dibs at it because they would prefer non strangers there in the beginning. We plan to stay for a year and it works for all of us - they will have family living there who can look out for them, do odd jobs etc. Especially some of the heavy lifting that Dad might not be as fit for anymore. We get slightly discounted rent and I have the emotional support system of my parents, Mam in particular, when babba comes along - it will be nice to have someone close by who has done all this before, and I am sure they will be delighted to share in his/ her first 6 months.

Living this way, we will be in a good position to buy our own place in 12-18 months. If we rented, this would probably take us 3-4 years and we do not want that instability, preferring to put down roots while the family is young.

Have lived away from home for years, been a full time student while my parents struggled financially and didn't have a bean to give me. Have also studied while holding down full time jobs. I don't feel bad about moving back in with them. My sibling and I have paid their mortgage for years. And I certainly don't feel like a failure - it just makes financial sense.

I realise that for some people, family dynamics dictate that such a situation would be unworkable, but for some, it does work. I don't think we can just make blanket statements about what people should or shouldn't be doing - every person and every family dynamic is different.

eviltwin

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

Why would you pay rent to live at home? Crazy concept imo that I’ve only ever heard about on boards. My parents would laugh at the idea and transfer the money back if I even attempted to pay rent to them.

Respect for starters. Fairness as well. Why should your folks cover all the expenses out of their salary when you earn a wage.

Rx713B

Currently residing back with rents - no shame - cant afford to rent and currently saving for a mortgage - when you could rent a place in Dublin for 700 quid a month - that gave the best of both worlds - Now its just not feasible

moycullen14

This is a tricky one. Long term living with parents is probably not a good idea but as a stop-gap to give kids a leg-up, it should be fine.

As a parent, I think my job is to 'produce' functioning, independent members of society, part of which has to be standing on your own feet.

In some ways it was easier for us, 2 years out of college we could buy a reasonable house in the south of England (this was the 1980s). It didn't involve years of saving or crucifying ourselves with a mortgage. Not sure you could do that today - In fact, I'm sure you couldn't. That said, we married earlier, had kids younger and were a lot more frugal than today's generation.

Independence is the key. That's what you should be striving for.

lainey_d_123

Tony EH wrote: »

No. The economy IS the issue.

It shouldn't cost so much to get basic living necessities.

I'm with you there, but that doesn't mean that living at home in your thirties is the norm unless you had financial help. Sorry, but that's utter bullsh1t.

I don't think there's anything wrong with living at home as an adult, BTW. If it's mutually beneficial and everyone gets along and everyone pitches in, grand. If my family weren't totally dysfunctional, it'd probably have been better to live with them through my twenties than flatshare with strangers.

What I do have a problem with is people insinuating that it's impossible to move away/abroad without financial help from parents and implying that those of us who could do it were lucky. That's utter delusional sh1te, sorry.

LirW

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm with you there, but that doesn't mean that living at home in your thirties is the norm unless you had financial help. Sorry, but that's utter bullsh1t.

I don't think there's anything wrong with living at home as an adult, BTW. If it's mutually beneficial and everyone gets along and everyone pitches in, grand. If my family weren't totally dysfunctional, it'd probably have been better to live with them through my twenties than flatshare with strangers.

What I do have a problem with is people insinuating that it's impossible to move away/abroad without financial help from parents and implying that those of us who could do it were lucky. That's utter delusional sh1te, sorry.

I get what you mean but try see it from the other side, even if you have a lot of resentment.
There are many young adults out there that have seen 4 years of sharp rises in property and rental prices. If you're going to college it's either impossible to rent if you have to finance it yourself or you'll have a long commute.
So what many students in this situation see are some peers that have a financial headstart that helps immensely to get through formative educational years. And they wonder then how someone "normal" can do it, while already thinking ahead and all they see is a broken housing market that will see them handing half their pay going into rent for a room in proximity to work.
It is an incredibly hostile environment for people that try to get started. Have you ever read these spending diaries on the journal? Some young people there live really miserable lives by pinching pennies and all have this glimmer of hope that the country they were born in will one day welcome them as full members of society where they don't have to constantly struggle anymore.

So you put yourself through college by taking out loans and that's fair play. But financing your third level education is still not the norm in Europe and because it gets increasingly difficult to combine full time college with work, students don't see this as an option because they have no source of income and a summer job won't cover their expenses for the year. And I get this fear.
So all they see is how hopeless it is to make it work because it all doesn't go together, the market is in bits and if they ever want to have a slight hope of living independently in a country that still doesn't have a viable long term rental sector, is to save for a deposit straight away.
You made it work because you had to and you were fully aware that you'll be paying for your educational debt for a long time after college. But this concept is somewhat foreign to Europe and since third level costs are very high in Ireland and many other countries have lower cost of living and no college fees I understand the resistance to accept that you'll start your working live with a pile of debt.

I'm sure many of the ones wondering how people make it don't mean any harm, they genuinely don't see how they're supposed to make it work, especially if relocating to other countries isn't an option.

lainey_d_123

LirW wrote: »

I get what you mean but try see it from the other side, even if you have a lot of resentment.
There are many young adults out there that have seen 4 years of sharp rises in property and rental prices. If you're going to college it's either impossible to rent if you have to finance it yourself or you'll have a long commute.
So what many students in this situation see are some peers that have a financial headstart that helps immensely to get through formative educational years. And they wonder then how someone "normal" can do it, while already thinking ahead and all they see is a broken housing market that will see them handing half their pay going into rent for a room in proximity to work.
It is an incredibly hostile environment for people that try to get started. Have you ever read these spending diaries on the journal? Some young people there live really miserable lives by pinching pennies and all have this glimmer of hope that the country they were born in will one day welcome them as full members of society where they don't have to constantly struggle anymore.

So you put yourself through college by taking out loans and that's fair play. But financing your third level education is still not the norm in Europe and because it gets increasingly difficult to combine full time college with work, students don't see this as an option because they have no source of income and a summer job won't cover their expenses for the year. And I get this fear.
So all they see is how hopeless it is to make it work because it all doesn't go together, the market is in bits and if they ever want to have a slight hope of living independently in a country that still doesn't have a viable long term rental sector, is to save for a deposit straight away.
You made it work because you had to and you were fully aware that you'll be paying for your educational debt for a long time after college. But this concept is somewhat foreign to Europe and since third level costs are very high in Ireland and many other countries have lower cost of living and no college fees I understand the resistance to accept that you'll start your working live with a pile of debt.

I'm sure many of the ones wondering how people make it don't mean any harm, they genuinely don't see how they're supposed to make it work, especially if relocating to other countries isn't an option.

I 100% understand all of this. I graduated at just about the worst possible time and have struggled my entire adult life.

The problem is these people who look at people like me and assume we've had help don't actually realise that *they* are the ones who have it easier. You know why I ended up taking any job I could get and heading abroad to work? Because I had no fcking option. I didn't have Mammy's free house and home cooked meals. I think this is half the problem - people just get too comfortable and refuse to give up these home comforts and then moan about the 'economy'.

Sorry, but any working adult should be able to afford at least a basic room in a flatshare and to support themselves. The economy is far better than it was in 2008, and I was doing it then. The minimum wage in Ireland is really high and last time I looked, you could still get a room for 500 euro-ish.

I'm looking at possibly accepting a good job offer in Zurich and the jealous comments I've gotten have been pathetic. People saying 'isn't it well for you?' etc. Those same people who bullied me at school for being studious and not hanging around the park smoking and drinking feel entitled to have what I have despite doing absolutely nothing to earn it. One of these people turned down a job because she'd have to take two buses to get there. An absolute joke. I didn't get this offer out of nowhere or because one of my parents pulled strings. It's been years and years of hard work and graft and thankless sh1tty jobs and studying in the evenings after working all day. Many, many tears and feeling like it was all pointless and I'd never get anywhere. Feeling completely isolated and alone with no support from anyone and risking losing the little I had when I decided to go for a big career change at 32. Once I had a job again, spending all my disposable income and my little spare time on going to German classes at night because I'd been told I'd have better opportunities on the continent.

And people look at me and say my parents must have helped me out. It's galling, tbh. If others have no resilience or initiative, fine, but I wish people would stop going on as if everyone who isn't 30 and jobless and living at home is privileged.

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

Respect for starters. Fairness as well. Why should your folks cover all the expenses out of their salary when you earn a wage.

Covering some bills or paying towards food is different (if they accept it, many won’t) but actually paying rent makes zero sense. The mortgage is the same if you live there or not, many won’t even have a mortgage anymore also.

The majority of parents won’t accept rent, I bet most never even heard of the concept, I wouldn’t have only for reading about it on boards as I’ve ever seen it discussed or mentioned anywhere else. So saying it’s “respect” or fairness” doesn’t come into it at all.

Antares35

eviltwin wrote: »

Respect for starters. Fairness as well. Why should your folks cover all the expenses out of their salary when you earn a wage.

Agree. I've no intention of freeloading off two pensioners when I have a good job. Parents don't owe their kids free, safe harbour their entire lives!

mr_fegelien

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

Covering some bills or paying towards food is different (if they accept it, many won’t) but actually paying rent makes zero sense. The mortgage is the same if you live there or not, many won’t even have a mortgage anymore also.

The majority of parents won’t accept rent, I bet most never even heard of the concept, I wouldn’t have only for reading about it on boards as I’ve ever seen it discussed or mentioned anywhere else. So saying it’s “respect” or fairness” doesn’t come into it at all.

Is paying rent an American thing? I know one guy in my class (19) who is forced to pay rent but he comes from a pretty strict African family so there's no surprise there.

o1s1n

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

Covering some bills or paying towards food is different (if they accept it, many won’t) but actually paying rent makes zero sense. The mortgage is the same if you live there or not, many won’t even have a mortgage anymore also.

The majority of parents won’t accept rent, I bet most never even heard of the concept, I wouldn’t have only for reading about it on boards as I’ve ever seen it discussed or mentioned anywhere else. So saying it’s “respect” or fairness” doesn’t come into it at all.

I still think it smacks of entitlement tbh. There's no way I could live at home, earn a wage and have my parents pay for everything. I'd be shoving cash into their pockets or transferring money to them directly without their choice in the matter.

Your parents are always going to be your parents, of course. However when you become an adult and earn a wage, you should pay your own way and be self sufficient. Shouldn't be relying on them if you can afford to contribute. Is it not incredibly embarrassing?

Antares35

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

Covering some bills or paying towards food is different (if they accept it, many won’t) but actually paying rent makes zero sense. The mortgage is the same if you live there or not, many won’t even have a mortgage anymore also.

The majority of parents won’t accept rent, I bet most never even heard of the concept, I wouldn’t have only for reading about it on boards as I’ve ever seen it discussed or mentioned anywhere else. So saying it’s “respect” or fairness” doesn’t come into it at all.

If my sibling and I didn't pay the mortgage, my parents could simply sell the house, downsize and pay it off. As would be their prerogative. Just means they'd be leaving us a smaller house in their will. We are on a tracker, and so the majority of what we pay goes off the loan amount itself. I consider it an investment I don't know how long (if ever) it would take me to find and afford a house like that in years to come, so have no interest in letting it go now.

SusanC10

My siblings and I all lived at home at various points for various lengths of time after University. Never paid rent. My Dad would have never accepted that. Mind you, the reasons we were there in the first place were financial in that we were all either broke or saving at the time. And the Parents didn't have a mortgage.

SusieBlue

Yeah, my parents don't ask for a cent but I still hand up a few hundred every month. Its still significantly below the market rate to even rent a room so I'm still saving a lot. They still have a few years left on their mortgage.

My mam had her eye on a lamp in Dunnes for ages so I picked them that up as a treat last month. If I'm getting a takeaway I'll pay for theirs too, I do the lotto for them a few times a month, pick the newspaper up for my dad if I'm passing the shop etc.
Just little things like that, which are no trouble to me but that they're very grateful for to show I appreciate them.

Antares35

SusieBlue wrote: »

Yeah, my parents don't ask for a cent but I still hand up a few hundred every month. Its still significantly below the market rate to even rent a room so I'm still saving a lot. They still have a few years left on their mortgage.

My mam had her eye on a lamp in Dunnes for ages so I picked them that up as a treat last month. If I'm getting a takeaway I'll pay for theirs too, I do the lotto for them a few times a month, pick the newspaper up for my dad if I'm passing the shop etc.
Just little things like that, which are no trouble to me but that they're very grateful for to show I appreciate them.

I hope there is an implied agreement that you can have a share in the winnings!

tylercheribini

Antares35 wrote: »

I hope there is an implied agreement that you can have a share in the winnings!

Families have fallen out over far less.

mr_fegelien

You people seem to have good parents. Any of you ever been kicked out with no where to go or know of anyone?

SusanC10

mr_fegelien wrote: »

You people seem to have good parents. Any of you ever been kicked out with no where to go or know of anyone?

Not personally, No.

LirW

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I 100% understand all of this. I graduated at just about the worst possible time and have struggled my entire adult life.

The problem is these people who look at people like me and assume we've had help don't actually realise that *they* are the ones who have it easier. You know why I ended up taking any job I could get and heading abroad to work? Because I had no fcking option. I didn't have Mammy's free house and home cooked meals. I think this is half the problem - people just get too comfortable and refuse to give up these home comforts and then moan about the 'economy'.

Sorry, but any working adult should be able to afford at least a basic room in a flatshare and to support themselves. The economy is far better than it was in 2008, and I was doing it then. The minimum wage in Ireland is really high and last time I looked, you could still get a room for 500 euro-ish.

I'm looking at possibly accepting a good job offer in Zurich and the jealous comments I've gotten have been pathetic. People saying 'isn't it well for you?' etc. Those same people who bullied me at school for being studious and not hanging around the park smoking and drinking feel entitled to have what I have despite doing absolutely nothing to earn it. One of these people turned down a job because she'd have to take two buses to get there. An absolute joke. I didn't get this offer out of nowhere or because one of my parents pulled strings. It's been years and years of hard work and graft and thankless sh1tty jobs and studying in the evenings after working all day. Many, many tears and feeling like it was all pointless and I'd never get anywhere. Feeling completely isolated and alone with no support from anyone and risking losing the little I had when I decided to go for a big career change at 32. Once I had a job again, spending all my disposable income and my little spare time on going to German classes at night because I'd been told I'd have better opportunities on the continent.

And people look at me and say my parents must have helped me out. It's galling, tbh. If others have no resilience or initiative, fine, but I wish people would stop going on as if everyone who isn't 30 and jobless and living at home is privileged.

I really respect you and wish you well on the continent, you deserve every bit of it.

I see where your resentment comes from a lot better now. I am from the continent where living at home and third level all works differently. Moving to Ireland and seeing very different values was indeed a bit of a culture shock, vastly different to what I grew up with. We were turfed out at the age of 19/20 because living and sharing is a lot cheaper and college degrees don't require constant attendance so it's easier to work but it'll take you 4-5 years to get your ordinary bachelor's degree (Hons don't exist where I come from and my sister just finished her BA after more than 5 years).

As an example: my husband and his peers also graduated right after the crash and all that was waiting for them was the dole queue. One of his best friends though came from a quite wealthy background. While the husband and other peers moved on to normal secondary schools, said friend went to a well known private school in Dublin. Coupled up as teenager with a girl from fairly good background too, they're married now. He went on to college with all expenses paid, graduated and connections got him into a very sweet job and he moved on to one of the big banks, earns really good money.
Now he's a really sound lad and not arrogant in any way but this was his life, himself and the wife bought on a very nice area on the Northside 3 years ago and while they did get a headstart for buying, they were still working hard.
But their peers stayed behind. For my husband it wasn't a flatshare with his friend because he decided to move in with the girlfriend. For him it was a 17k a year desktop support job after college and living at home. He very prone to burning out quickly when stressed.
Besides the one friend everyone struggled. It is now getting better but even statistics have proven that starting a career during an economic disaster will see your income staying behind.

You did the smart thing and went abroad and it was easy for you to do so. People will always be nasty and begrudge hard earned success because they don't see the struggle you went through.
I think the issue is though that there are two separate things at play: you resent people that are entitled pr*cks and hate to see you successful because they couldn't do it for whatever reason. Chances are these people will always, in every run of life be completely useless and hard work.
The other issue is legitimate economic struggle that has little to do with how the economy was 10 years ago since it affects young adults differently. Right now it does make sense for young people to stay at home, otherwise their chances of ever owning a home in a country where renting isn't viable in the long run, is going to be minimised. That does affect young people that decided against going abroad to work and live and it's fair play, not everyone can cope with such a radical change.

Be proud of being the self-made woman you are by fighting for it and f*ck the haters.
But it has little to do with young adults in 2019 trying to get on their feet. In return said adults should understand that success stories from 10-20 years ago aren't relevant for their success because things have been different, in a good and a bad way.

partyguinness

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

Why would you pay rent to live at home? Crazy concept imo that I’ve only ever heard about on boards. My parents would laugh at the idea and transfer the money back if I even attempted to pay rent to them.

Oh I dunno. Paying your way as a responsible adult would be a start. It doesn't have to be market rate by any means but at least something.

Do you not feel even an iota of guilt sponging off your parents? You are not 10.

mr_fegelien

partyguinness wrote: »

Oh I dunno. Paying your way as a responsible adult would be a start. It doesn't have to be market rate by any means but at least something.

Do you not feel even an iota of guilt sponging off your parents? You are not 10.

As I said, it's mostly an American thing. I know of one guy who pays rent in my class and he's 19. He's from a pretty strict African family so no surprises there.

And why should he feel guilt for sponging off his parents? It's hard living in Ireland. Very expensive. Would you say the same for kids from rich parents?

SusieBlue

mr_fegelien wrote: »

As I said, it's mostly an American thing. I know of one guy who pays rent in my class and he's 19. He's from a pretty strict African family so no surprises there.

I don't see it as rent. I see it as a contribution towards the costs of running the home I live in. It doesn't matter that I don't own the home.

I am using a bedroom, using the water/electricity/internet, etc. Why would I not pay towards those bills as a working adult?

mr_fegelien

SusieBlue wrote: »

I don't see it as rent. I see it as a contribution towards the costs of running the home I live in. It doesn't matter that I don't own the home.

I am using a bedroom, using the water/electricity/internet, etc. Why would I not pay towards those bills as a working adult?

What if you have autism and can't get a job?

partyguinness

mr_fegelien wrote: »

As I said, it's mostly an American thing. I know of one guy who pays rent in my class and he's 19. He's from a pretty strict African family so no surprises there.

I know plenty of guys back in Cork who paid toward their upkeep and a say, €50.00 a week. I now work in England and I know both of the young girls I work with in their 20s pay toward their upkeep.

mr_fegelien wrote: »

And why should he feel guilt for sponging off his parents? It's hard living in Ireland. Very expensive. Would you say the same for kids from rich parents?

Well...because they are sponging off their parents and yes I would say the same about rich kids. I was not raised to sponge or piggyback off anyone- pulling my weight was drilled into me. My parents did not molly coddle me and I look back with gratitude for the values instilled in me but that's just me.

As I said paying say, full market rate would be crazy and I am not pushing that but even €50.00 a week or at least pay the bills.

SusieBlue

mr_fegelien wrote: »

What if you have autism and can't get a job?

But I don't have autism and I do have a job?
Whether its earning a wage or getting social welfare, if you are living at home you should contribute towards the running of the house.
No one should get a free ride, its that simple.

partyguinness

mr_fegelien wrote: »

What if you have autism and can't get a job?

These posts are predicated on the assumption of a working child living with parents.

Bringing up medical issues is just pivoting into a completely different angle.

Trigger Happy

partyguinness wrote: »

These posts are predicated on the assumption of a working child living with parents.

Bringing up medical issues is just pivoting into a completely different angle.

Or just plain trolling.

Antares35

mr_fegelien wrote: »

As I said, it's mostly an American thing. I know of one guy who pays rent in my class and he's 19. He's from a pretty strict African family so no surprises there.

And why should he feel guilt for sponging off his parents? It's hard living in Ireland. Very expensive. Would you say the same for kids from rich parents?

I don't think it is just an American thing. I know lots of people who pay something because they believe it is the right thing to do. My parents would let me live there rent free if I wanted, my old room is always there, but I wouldn't take advantage of them just because they are my parents. They raised me, fed me, put me through education etc. They don't owe me a free existence just because they are my parents... Yes it is hard living in Ireland - it is hard for parents too especially if they are on a pension. It's not cheap running a house, paying utilities, house insurance, home heating etc.

Tony EH

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm with you there, but that doesn't mean that living at home in your thirties is the norm unless you had financial help. Sorry, but that's utter bullsh1t.

I don't think anyone is saying that it's the "norm" or that they are comfortable about the reality of such situations. The vast majority of people would rather not live with their parents when they are in their late 20's and into their 30's. But the fact is that it is extremely difficult to make ends meet, with regards to ones future housing concerns, if you are out pissing away money of exorbitant renting costs.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

What I do have a problem with is people insinuating that it's impossible to move away/abroad without financial help from parents and implying that those of us who could do it were lucky. That's utter delusional sh1te, sorry.

Again, I don't think anyone is saying that it's "impossible", but it is very difficult to do, for most, without help of some kind.

You, because of your unfortunately family situation, were forced to move out and go your own way. But that doesn't mean that others should be happy to follow in your footsteps. Moving out of a family home - one that runs with a certain amount of functionality - and into a crappy renting situation where one wastes a large bulk of their wages (which have been largely stagnant since 2008) will never be a superior move to staying in that family home and trying to save enough money to buy a place of your own.

It used to be easier and make more sense in my day, where you'd move into a rented house in your 20's, with a long term view to buying something more permanent later in life. But in the late 90's property prices were mangled into this nightmarish nonsense of unaffordable dreams and that hasn't really changed in the last 20 years, despite the crash. It's only been made worse, too, by leech landlords upping their rents, because they have a captive audience who cannot afford to buy their own place.

None of the above should be happening and it's very damaging to society in serious ways, as we've seen with grown men and women in their 30's and 40's moving back home with their elderly parents, or never moving out in the first place.

Tony EH

SusieBlue wrote: »

Yeah, my parents don't ask for a cent but I still hand up a few hundred every month. Its still significantly below the market rate to even rent a room so I'm still saving a lot.

I think this is generally the norm for most. Sure, even when I was on the dole after I left college, I'd hand up a few quid to mam every week to help out. When I started working I handed up more, but I was only ever putting across a minimal amount.

The parents never once expected me to pay them rent though.

TheIrishGrover

mr_fegelien wrote: »

As I said, it's mostly an American thing. I know of one guy who pays rent in my class and he's 19. He's from a pretty strict African family so no surprises there.

And why should he feel guilt for sponging off his parents? It's hard living in Ireland. Very expensive. Would you say the same for kids from rich parents?

It is also hard and expensive for parents. When I moved back home in my early 20's I had a job but not enough to live away from home so of course I paid rent. Thankfully I was only there for about 18 months but I paid rent. Did I pay the going rate? No: I paid about half.

You shouldn't think of this as paying parents rent. You should think of this as getting a good deal on rent which you would otherwise have to pay elsewhere.

I do find the sense of entitlement shocking and disappointing. Parents are under no obligation to let their adult children stay at home. Let's face it, staying at home probably means meals, laundry and other benefits so not paying rent when able to smacks of not only entitlement but predatory greed.

DebDynamite

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I 100% understand all of this. I graduated at just about the worst possible time and have struggled my entire adult life.

The problem is these people who look at people like me and assume we've had help don't actually realise that *they* are the ones who have it easier. You know why I ended up taking any job I could get and heading abroad to work? Because I had no fcking option. I didn't have Mammy's free house and home cooked meals. I think this is half the problem - people just get too comfortable and refuse to give up these home comforts and then moan about the 'economy'.

Sorry, but any working adult should be able to afford at least a basic room in a flatshare and to support themselves. The economy is far better than it was in 2008, and I was doing it then. The minimum wage in Ireland is really high and last time I looked, you could still get a room for 500 euro-ish.

I'm looking at possibly accepting a good job offer in Zurich and the jealous comments I've gotten have been pathetic. People saying 'isn't it well for you?' etc. Those same people who bullied me at school for being studious and not hanging around the park smoking and drinking feel entitled to have what I have despite doing absolutely nothing to earn it. One of these people turned down a job because she'd have to take two buses to get there. An absolute joke. I didn't get this offer out of nowhere or because one of my parents pulled strings. It's been years and years of hard work and graft and thankless sh1tty jobs and studying in the evenings after working all day. Many, many tears and feeling like it was all pointless and I'd never get anywhere. Feeling completely isolated and alone with no support from anyone and risking losing the little I had when I decided to go for a big career change at 32. Once I had a job again, spending all my disposable income and my little spare time on going to German classes at night because I'd been told I'd have better opportunities on the continent.

And people look at me and say my parents must have helped me out. It's galling, tbh. If others have no resilience or initiative, fine, but I wish people would stop going on as if everyone who isn't 30 and jobless and living at home is privileged.

I completely agree with you. I think it’s a great idea for someone to live with their parents for a few years while they save for a deposit. Not everyone is that lucky to be able to do so. That wasn't an option for me. I’m from the country and left home at 17 to move to Dublin for college/work, so all my adult life I’ve always had to pay rent in Dublin. Through saving and sacrificing many things, I was able to buy a house with my partner at that time, which wasn’t that long ago either.

I know people in their 30s from Dublin who have only ever lived at home, but they’re out every weekend and haven’t a pot to piss in. Anyone in that position should have a huge chunk of money put aside. Granted the price of property right now is pretty high, and it’s difficult to buy a place on your own, but they haven’t even near a deposit ready to put towards a house during the next dip in prices, or if they meet a partner whom they could buy a place with.

partyguinness

partyguinness wrote: »

Oh I dunno. Paying your way as a responsible adult would be a start. It doesn't have to be market rate by any means but at least something.

Do you not feel even an iota of guilt sponging off your parents? You are not 10.

The only person who considers it sponging is you and a few others, most would find it unusual to be paying rent to live in their own home. Many parents don’t want or need the money and some may even take offense and their children tying to pay them. If I tried to pay rent (which I wouldn’t as it’s a crazy concept) I’d find the money transferred back into my account, probably rounded up to a higher amount.

I pay one or two of the bills most of the time (I say most as sometimes they remember I’m paying them and give me money to cover them). But paying rent to sleep in my own bedroom that I’ve had for 34 years, couldn’t get my head around that.

Trigger Happy

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

The only person who considers it sponging is you and a few others, most would find it unusual to be paying rent to live in their own home. Many parents don’t want or need the money and some may even take offense and their children tying to pay them. If I tried to pay rent (which I wouldn’t as it’s a crazy concept) I’d find the money transferred back into my account, probably rounded up to a higher amount.

But do you not find it a bit demasculating having your parents still look after you long in to adulthood? Like when do the apron strings get cut?

hynesie08

Trigger Happy wrote: »

But do you not find it a bit demasculating having your parents still look after you long in to adulthood? Like when do the apron strings get cut?

Until he got married, noxy still brought his washing back home to mammy, those strings are fairly long.....