What title do you bestow upon the in-laws?

bytesize

An argument has reemerged between myself and the in-laws. I was at home with my daughter the other day and my wife was at work. Her folks popped around and at one stage I got her dads attention by calling him by his name.

At the time nothing was said but when he left he rang my wife, his daughter, and all hell broke loose. He felt it was disrespectful and showed a complete lack of respect to him by me.

I must point out that I am married to a foreign national and as such this arose in the past as it is usually the done thing within my wife's culture to call her parents 'mam & 'dad'.

I don't feel comfortable doing this and my wife doesn't call my parents by anything other than their names. I have never expected her to and I don't know anyone of our generation that does call the in-laws by those titles.

Anyway, what I am asking is, what do you people of after hours address the in-laws as, and have you ever run into any problems in doing so?

JoeyJJ

Do you live in their country or them in yours?

Either way what a gob****e to call his daughter to give out. I would refuse too, as much as I really get on with the inlaws there is no way I'm calling them mum&dad.

Pherekydes

From now on, only address him as 'Sir' or Mr <surname>.

Under no circumstances call him 'Dad'.

phasers

Maybe you could call him 'Daddy' in a very suggestive manner.

CruelCoin

I don't have any in-laws, not being married, but i call the womans parents by their first names.

Her mother doesn't mind. Her fathers face twitch every time!

Truly smirk-worthy. The whole titles thing is archaic nonsense.

bytesize

I live in theirs. I understand I am in their country and as such should adjust myself to customs of the country I am living in, but at the same time some customs I will just not adhere to. This being one of them.

ceegee

Call him Mummy, mess with his head

crybaby

Out of interest what country are you living in?

I've lived in Thailand now for 5 years and my girlfriend's mother lives with us. I have always called her Yai-Odd which translates into Granny Odd if I called her Odd it would be seen as very disrespectful. I can get away with calling Yai Odd as she is a grandmother. I would have a lot of difficulty calling her Ma-Odd so I can understand your point of view I would stick to your guns. I am sure there is something else you can use to address them a bit more formally.

bytesize

I'm in China. Been here for years now. Th only thing that seems that will suffice is either Dad/Father or Dad/Father-in-law. But I don't feel I should have to bow to his demands, as such. In China, people call you either by;

1. TITLE: Boss, Father/Mother, Uncle/Aunt etc

or

2. NICKNAME

or

3. FULL NAME: John Smith, Jane Smith

That's pretty much it for the most part. So I have a choice of 3. Not comfortable doing No.1, seems I am not allowed do number 2, and I don't think I would get away with doing number 3.

Diddler1977

Given that you are in a different country it is more then just in-laws being fussy. It is obviously cultural and there is a precedence. And perhaps what you called them is quite rude in this country.

I would be uncomfortable address anyone but my parents as "Mum & Dad".

Perhaps you were too informal. How do you address other people of their age? Is there a lot of formality in the workplace?, etc.

Is there a compromise? Would they be happy being called Mr. & Mrs?

I'm sure this can be resolved as obviously they can see there is a cultural differences between you and that you are from somewhere that does things differently to the way they are done in this country.

Diddler1977

bytesize wrote: »

I'm in China. Been here for years now. Th only thing that seems that will suffice is either Dad/Father or Dad/Father-in-law. But I don't feel I should have to bow to his demands, as such. In China, people call you either by;

1. TITLE: Boss, Father/Mother, Uncle/Aunt etc

or

2. NICKNAME

or

3. FULL NAME: John Smith, Jane Smith

That's pretty much it for the most part. So I have a choice of 3. Not comfortable doing No.1, seems I am not allowed do number 2, and I don't think I would get away with doing number 3.

I think it is fair enough to address your Father in law as "Father in law". I would not be able to call my Father in law "Father" or "Dad" though! That's just wierd

Broxi_Bear_Eire

I have two son in laws and a daughter in law. For me its whatever they feel comfortable calling me the two son in laws call me by my first name but the daughter in law calls me dad.
It amazes me a supposed adult would get upset over this sort of thing

Cianos

Bytesize fought the law, and the, law won.

gara

Tell him that in your country he'd be referred to as a gobshyte

hardCopy

Is your father in law Bishop Len Brennan?

bytesize

Diddler1977 wrote: »

Given that you are in a different country it is more then just in-laws being fussy. It is obviously cultural and there is a precedence. And perhaps what you called them is quite rude in this country.

I would be uncomfortable address anyone but my parents as "Mum & Dad".

Perhaps you were too informal. How do you address other people of their age? Is there a lot of formality in the workplace?, etc.

Is there a compromise? Would they be happy being called Mr. & Mrs?

I'm sure this can be resolved as obviously they can see there is a cultural differences between you and that you are from somewhere that does things differently to the way they are done in this country.

I understand about cultural differences, as I have stated above. It isn't that what I address him as is rude, it's just that he wants to be called father. He is not my dad and therefore will not be addressed as such, culture or no culture.

I am trying to work out a compromise, but things are a bit heated at the moment. When this flared up it brought out other problems he seemingly has with us.

I have always wznted to start a blog/website dipicting the many many stories/arguments/fights/culture clashes that have happened over the years. Some of them are quite amusing while others are just plain annoying. I should have started them as most have been forgotten at this stage. Maybe this will get things going

Cienciano

Calling them "mum and dad" is weird. I sometimes take the piss out of my wife and tell her I'm going to start calling my mother in law "mum" (yeah, I'm hilarious). It's just weird calling them that.
What country is it? Can you explain that it's creepy in our country? Would even Mr. *Surname* be ok? Bit formal, but better than "dad".

kfallon

bytesize wrote: »

I'm in China. Been here for years now. Th only thing that seems that will suffice is either Dad/Father or Dad/Father-in-law. But I don't feel I should have to bow to his demands, as such. In China, people call you either by;

1. TITLE: Boss, Father/Mother, Uncle/Aunt etc

or

2. NICKNAME

or

3. FULL NAME: John Smith, Jane Smith

That's pretty much it for the most part. So I have a choice of 3. Not comfortable doing No.1, seems I am not allowed do number 2, and I don't think I would get away with doing number 3.

Tee hee hee *snigers*

:pac:

hoodwinked

depends, i call his parents by their full first name, but we don't have a close relationship,


on the other hand we get along fantastically with his uncle so i refer to him as uncle *abbreviated first name*.

i wouldn't use his official title, or his full first name, i abbreviate it, aka michael = mike.

Biggins

Cienciano wrote: »

What country is it?

He later mentioned he's in China.

Certain words in Chinese (and Japanese, both I'm learning at the mo') are spelt the same way - but if pronounced different, also have different meanings.
Maybe this complicates things - or maybe eases them?

Call them Dougal and Mrs. Doyle and say they're respectful old Irish titles.

senorwipesalot

Call him "de other bollix".
Explain to them that its Irish for Dad/Father in law.
Before you know it the whole family will refer to him as such.

Diddler1977

bytesize wrote: »

I understand about cultural differences, as I have stated above. It isn't that what I address him as is rude, it's just that he wants to be called father. He is not my dad and therefore will not be addressed as such, culture or no culture.

I am trying to work out a compromise, but things are a bit heated at the moment. When this flared up it brought out other problems he seemingly has with us.

I have always wznted to start a blog/website dipicting the many many stories/arguments/fights/culture clashes that have happened over the years. Some of them are quite amusing while others are just plain annoying. I should have started them as most have been forgotten at this stage. Maybe this will get things going

Maybe it's a case of "When in Rome......"

bytesize

Biggins wrote: »

He later mentioned he's in China.

Certain words in Chinese (and Japanese, both I'm learning at the mo') are spelt the same way - but if pronounced different, also have different meanings.
Maybe this complicates things - or maybe eases them?

The pronunciation of what I was saying was right. It is more the cultural point of respect within the title that annoyed him. I reckon if I want things to ease up, I will end up having to say father-in-law. I'll leave him waiting for the moment as he is annoying me, ha ha.

Off topic, but how are you coming along with the Chinese?

Biggins

bytesize wrote: »

...Off topic, but how are you coming along with the Chinese?

Its a tough cookie!

Between that and the Japanese who like to put things backward sometimes ("Smith Mr" instead of "Mr Smith", simple example) - its a headwrecker! :pac:

kfallon

Biggins wrote: »

He later mentioned he's in China.

Certain words in Chinese (and Japanese, both I'm learning at the mo') are spelt the same way - but if pronounced different, also have different meanings.
Maybe this complicates things - or maybe eases them?

Thinly veiled "I'm an intellect" post :pac:

Biggins

kfallon wrote: »

Thinly veiled "I'm an intellect" post :pac:

More like thinly veiled "I'm a plonker for trying to learn in the first place." post!

kfallon

Biggins wrote: »

More like thinly veiled "I'm a plonker for trying to learn in the first place." post!

The chinese language must be a right turn on for Mrs Biggins in your Louth accent :P

Biggins

kfallon wrote: »

The chinese language must be a right turn on for Mrs Biggins in your Louth accent :P

She tries to think of me as "Mal Renolds" speaking Chinese, of "Firefly/Serenity" fame when we get giggy-giggy.

...Now if I only had his looks!

kfallon

Biggins wrote: »

She tries to think of me as "Mal Renolds" speaking Chinese, of "Firefly/Serenity" fame when we get giggy-giggy.

...Now if I only had his looks!

Could be worse, she could think you look like Albert Reynolds :pac:

Biggins

kfallon wrote: »

Could be worse, she could think you look like Albert Reynolds :pac:

*shudders*

...The horror ...the horror!

:pac:

My Ex M-in-law had the title ' that aul bitch'

as in 'what time is that aul bitch coming over?'

Madam

What title do you bestow upon the in-laws?

The outlaws - John and Rose to their faces;)

humbert

Tbh calling any Asian who's a generation older by their first name is likely to cause trouble.

I don't know about Chinese but I suspect that their word for father connotes a respect that is completely undermined by addressing him by his first name.

Pumpkinseeds

I refer to my in-laws by their first names. Its a little ridiculous for her father to go behind your back to his daughter. Maybe the next time you and your wife are in the same room with him, you could tell him in front of her, that in the future you would prefer it if he were to have the courtesy to speak to you directly if there is a problem, as opposed to causing conflict within your marriage.

Eden3

I'm a self proclaimed EX-IN-LAW .... always included in their family gatherings, more so than he is ....!:). Only have time for them .. defo not for HIMSELF ... funny ol world!

bytesize

Slightly off topic, I say 'slightly'

He was supposed to take care of the little one today while we had some work to do. There would be no sane way of doing said work and taking care of her at the same time.

We didn't bother asking if he was still taking her because all this only kicked off, so we brought her along. Well I tell you he got a new title today. I'll give ye a clue:

It rhymes with Bucking Bunt!!