Are kids really worth all the hassle

OldNotWIse

Rabidlamb wrote: »

I've a spinster sister in her mid 40's who used love her single life & weekend lie ons.
She tells me last weekend that she's now worried she'll have no one to look after her in her old age.
Can't have it both ways love.

Children are not some kind of insurance for your own future you know. What a selfish reason to have them. Offhand I can think of one family member who's eldest son died from a drug overdose two years ago. Another relative went guarantor on his son's mortgage and the son then got himself sent down for a decade - and dad is left paying the mortgage on a house in negative equity - yeah, great way to be looked after in your old age :rolleyes:

dj jarvis

floggg wrote: »

I'm guessing you are in your mid forties judging by the last time you were at a 21st.

If so, a 20 year gap is pretty huge with regars to social issues and attitudes. For example when you were my age homosexuality had only recently been decriminalised. The idea of somebody like me being allowed to have a family at all would be an alien concept. Now I will hopefully soon be allowed to start one with a future husband as two proud fathers! Assuming I choose to do so.

People in their early 20s now are the first generation growing up in a secular Ireland, rather than the traditional catholic Ireland. They have no perception of an Ireland without divorce, condoms, the Internet or sex and the city.

The idea for example of a charachter like Samantha in sex and the city (independent, sexually liberated, no interest in marriage or kids*) would probably have been shocking in the 80's or even early 90's. Women were generally portrayed as needing a man and a baby to complete them.

Now there are loads of strong childless single females, on tv, in politics, in industry etc showing that women don't need any of that to be complete.

So yes, I do think our generation would have different attitudes to it then yours. And I think the next generation will be even more liberal than mine.

* she's probably ruined this point by going off, getting married and having 12 kids in the films.

LOL - you are SO far off the mark its amusing - if that is what you think , then good luck to ya

according to you because i came from the " dark ages " im saddled with all the baggage that came with it !!!
really ???

im exasperated trying to get the point across - obviously your just not getting it - read biggins post - he put it much better than i ever could

and tell ya what, if boards and me are around in 15 years time - get back to me and we will see if im right or not - im betting before the next decade is over 90% of you who have posted here for the no camp will have kids

that is all

the_djoker

I have had 1 kid, I'll be honest here .... he is great ... but it is a lot more then I expected (9 months old now).

Only thing that gets me through it is knowing this phase is passing, I have nephews 2-4 and seems a much better age.

It will also be my last kid ... for sure..

eviltwin

I have two kids, one with special needs and boy its hard work but I love them to bits and wouldn't be without them. We'd love more but sadly money wise its not really an option.

I can totally understand why some people don't want kids though, its not for everyone.

floggg

dj jarvis wrote: »

LOL - you are SO far off the mark its amusing - if that is what you think , then good luck to ya

according to you because i came from the " dark ages " im saddled with all the baggage that came with it !!!
really ???

im exasperated trying to get the point across - obviously your just not getting it - read biggins post - he put it much better than i ever could

and tell ya what, if boards and me are around in 15 years time - get back to me and we will see if im right or not - im betting before the next decade is over 90% of you who have posted here for the no camp will have kids

that is all

How? I get what your point is. That some people will change their mind when they grow older.

My point is that, while some will change their mind, it is quite conceivable that a higher percentage of people who are in their 20's now will stick to their guns and never have kids, given society has a more open minded view about family and gender roles, than would have 20 years ago, when there was a more "rigid" and traditional viewpoint.

And I never said you were saddled with anything.

As a whole however, your generation did however have a more "traditional" viewpoint on these things, and more of your generation tended towards traditional views and family structures than perhaps my generation would have.

That should be evident from an objective analysis of figures for children born out of wedlock, unmarried couples cohabiting, or women in management positions in the workplace.

If you did the same analysis between your generation and your parents you would see the same movement away from traditional roles - in your mother's day or your grandmother's day, they probably stopped working on the day they married (if they ever worked) and immediately started rearing a large family.

Now as society develops, women in particular are not under the same pressure to marry, quit work and have babies. Remove that pressure and people are freer to make their own decisions that work for themselves.

Gooner111

I have two beautiful daughters (9 & 5 years old). Personally I never wanted kids but events worked against me!!

There are always money issues and given I am not in a relationship with either mother it makes for a lot of hassle. If I could go back in time and do things differently I wouldn't as it would mean my little girls wouldn't be in my life. Yes I feel I am missing out on a big social life, doing whatever I want with my money, always having to plan, not having done things I wanted but (for me) them being happy makes me happy and makes up for the things I can't do (money issues!!).

Your opinion might change but if it doesn't your not missing out either. Once your happy with your life then your life will be good.

Important Info!!
1. Actually watch to see they take the morning after pill!
2. If she is on an anti biotic the pill isn't effective during the time she had to take it plus for a while after! Use protections!!
3. Avoid broody women
4. Do all the things you want now before having kids

cynder

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Rabidlamb wrote: »

I've a spinster sister in her mid 40's who used love her single life & weekend lie ons
She tells me last weekend that she's now worried she'll have no one to look after her in her old age.
Can't have it both ways love.

Children are not some kind of insurance for your own future you know. What a selfish reason to have them.

s:

Totally agree.

cynder

eth0 wrote: »

cynder wrote: »

Depends I'm 32 my eldest is 13, we do kickboxing together, shopping, 15a movies, mini marathons, we will be doing canoeing and Rock climbing together, next year we plan to go mountaineering and maybe before she turns 20 and I turn 40 climb Kilimanjaro. We will also be able to go to the pub together now and then.

We went to alton towers and had a blast on the rollercoasters...

My 2 sons are 7 and 5 and I have great fun kicking a football around with them, playing fuseball or the Xbox with them, And Jumping in puddles, not too often you can do that and look sane...

Depends what you call fun, acting like a kid with your own kid is great fun.

You're one of the lucky ones for sure. Most people I know with kids aren't that much craic at all

Life is what you make it.

You put the effort in with your kids you reap the rewards, if you sit n watch the tv all the time you miss out.

Cienciano

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Good to hear about people having babies later in life. I think there is so much pressure to have them younger, especially when you marry/settle down. I really want children (preferably 3 but I would delightedly settle for one if I was so blessed) but 3 years of college ahead so in reality, it's going to be around 6 years...that would make me 35, and of course the hospital will refer to me as a"geriatric pregnancy" :eek: lol

At the ante natal classes in NMH most of the people in the class were over 30. Times have changed!

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I know my baby is only six months, but we have spent next to nothing since he was born. Maybe school fees or something are being factored into this?

Creche is expensive. For me it's over €800 a month.

pickarooney

D'oh! I didn't even think of child-minding fees. It makes a lot more sense when you add in 800 euros a month!

Daisy M

Gooner111 wrote: »

I have two beautiful daughters (9 & 5 years old). Personally I never wanted kids but events worked against me!!

There are always money issues and given I am not in a relationship with either mother it makes for a lot of hassle. If I could go back in time and do things differently I wouldn't as it would mean my little girls wouldn't be in my life. Yes I feel I am missing out on a big social life, doing whatever I want with my money, always having to plan, not having done things I wanted but (for me) them being happy makes me happy and makes up for the things I can't do (money issues!!).

Your opinion might change but if it doesn't your not missing out either. Once your happy with your life then your life will be good.

Important Info!!
1. Actually watch to see they take the morning after pill!
2. If she is on an anti biotic the pill isn't effective during the time she had to take it plus for a while after! Use protections!!
3. Avoid broody women
4. Do all the things you want now before having kids

How about actually taking full responsibility for contraceptive yourself?

Cienciano

pickarooney wrote: »

D'oh! I didn't even think of child-minding fees. It makes a lot more sense when you add in 800 euros a month!

And double it when a second child comes along! It's not cheap if you want to keep your job.

Sappa

pickarooney wrote: »

D'oh! I didn't even think of child-minding fees. It makes a lot more sense when you add in 800 euros a month!

That plus your looking at university fees of 20k per year in the next 18 years,an ever Increasing world population,lack of natural resources,a short supply of fossil fuels if not total extinction of some of them.
It actually freaks me out thinking of the future for the nxt generations and almost thankful I was born in 1980.

Reindeer

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Christ on a bike - the cost of having children scares the fcuk out of me. I couldn't even afford a pint after stacking it all up.

Which is, I guess, just as well I'm still wild and untameable at 43. Mid-life crisis notwithstanding.

There's ways around this. They have fertility pills that can have your wan pumpin 3-6 children out of her koosh pipe at a time. Though the initial costs are high, these costs can be curtailed over a short time easily via a middle man in Mexico that can help adopt the surplus of unwanted children via gray-market adoption clinics. The current rate is approximately 40-50K per adoption. You can further amortize the costs involved if you were to take a life insurance policy out on the adopted children and claim a terrible boating accident shortly after their adoption, and invest these proceedings into German stocks and bonds.

Biggins

the_djoker wrote: »

...It will also be my last kid ... for sure..

My wife said that too.

Four times!

cynder

Biggins wrote: »

the_djoker wrote: »

...It will also be my last kid ... for sure..

My wife said that too.

Four times!

I'm saying it at the moment I have 3 and daddy is somewhat broody, I keep telling him no, however if a surprise came along I would be happy. I'm not trying for any surprises though.

c_man

Do they have those robot kids from AI yet? I'd like to try raising a child BUT also have the option of leaving him in the woods for robot gigolos to teach the ways of the world to.

daigo75

Motorist wrote: »

Ive spoken to many parents who say having kids is absolute $hit. They long all day for 9pm when they get to spend a miserable two hours in peace.

They can't do anything, they are broke financially because of the kids, they have no lives anymore.

You have talked to crappy parents.

bad2dabone

I've 2 small kids, one just gone 2 and one 9 months.

Totally Worth it.

daigo75

floggg wrote: »

being a parent looks like a load of ****e!

It's a responsibility, something you can't dump on someone else like you can do at work, or with friends.

floggg wrote:

Seriously, apart from the inexplicable amounts of money they gobble up on you

Much less than you think, if you're responsible with your money.

floggg wrote:

they completely take over your whole life. You can kiss goodbye to a social life, friends, hobbies etc.

Also wrong. If social life is drinking, drinking and more drinking, the sooner you lose it, the better it will be. You true friends will get even closer to you, and the fake one will disappear, which is a good thing. You will have time for your hobbies too, you'll just have to learn managing it better.

floggg wrote:

You will end up spending most of your time working just so you can support the ingrates, and when you do have time off, it will invariably be spent cleaning up after them, or taking them some place etc.

If they will be ingrates, it will be your fault. You will have the wonderful chance of guiding them, their behaviour will be nothing else than a reflection of yours. Cleaning after them is not a big deal, they don't make such a mess. It's like cleaning after ourselves, something that many people never learn. Taking them to some place is also fun, I enjoy going to the playground as much as they do, and their happiness and joy are genuine (unlike the fake smile of grown ups).

floggg wrote:

I'm single and while I am doing ok financially, I'm not exactly flush. But there are plenty of people raising families on my wages. it horrifies me to think what I would have to give up to support another human being or two on my wage. Never mind the socialising and reasonable clothes, i'd be back to my colleg diet of koka noodle sandwiches!

You clearly would have to adjust your finances and improve their management. Considering what you wirte, I agree it would not be the best timing to have kids. Improve your situation, then you'll feel more relaxed about it.

floggg wrote:

So, are they really worth all the crap that goes with them?

There's no "crap", just effort. And it's more than worth it.

floggg wrote:

Is there any parents here with buyer's remorse (or a strong grievance with the condom company)?

If there are, they have only to blame themselves for being incapable of enjoying their children. It's a lack on their side, and they can only blame themselves. Whatever advice they might give, don't listen to them.

Crimbouser

Of course they are. But i feel if you are a bit (or more than a bllody bit tbh!) neurotic yourself, you should refrain from passing that on. Philip larkin's poem summed it up for me. Animals are grand though. Ya can't feic them up so much. And i won't be blamed for my dogs' ADHD, it was his previous owners' fault for sure

Crimbouser

Of course they are. But i feel if you are a bit (or more than a bloody bit tbh!) neurotic yourself, you should refrain from passing that on. Philip larkin's poem summed it up for me. Animals are grand though. Ya can't feic them up so much. And i won't be blamed for my dog's ADHD, it was his previous owners' fault for sure

1ZRed

I'm not having kids. That's definitely for sure because it wouldn't suit me.

But I am really looking forward to being an uncle, whenever that happens.
Kids seem to really like me for some reason and I think I'd like the idea of hanging around with a nephew and playing football and video games would be pretty cool. And then later on in their teens, buying them the odd drink like you do

I feel like if I didn't have my own I could be a very good uncle to them and help them out through life and spend a lot of time with them.
I think if that was the case, I'd be happy enough being an uncle rather than a father.

OldNotWIse

1ZRed wrote: »

I'm not having kids. That's definitely for sure because it wouldn't suit me.

But I am really looking forward to being an uncle, whenever that happens.
Kids seem to really like me for some reason and I think I'd like the idea of hanging around with a nephew and playing football and video games would be pretty cool. And then later on in their teens, buying them the odd drink like you do

I feel like if I didn't have my own I could be a very good uncle to them and help them out through life and spend a lot of time with them.
I think if that was the case, I'd be happy enough being an uncle rather than a father.

When I have my baby, will you be godfather?!

haulagebasher

AnonoBoy wrote: »

If you don't have kids where else are you doing to get kidneys from when you're old?

Shure with all the money you saved by not having the sprogs you will have enough saved up to pay for a Ukrainian Gang to abduct, kill and harvest the organs of some poor eastern european sod who has the same blood type as you. You would then fly out to some backstreet surgery in Krasnoperekopsk for the transplant. Sounds like a drab old Soviet city full of tractor factorys and numbered polytechnics.

Kwiecien

Back in the 80's when I was a kid we were put outside, told to feck off for the day (which we did willingly) on the bikes or down the fields, only returning to be fed, washed and bed.

But now its all helicopter parenting! hovering over them all the time, knowing their every movement (yes even bowel) and generally a life takeover, ie kids=your life (get feckin used to it cos you cant let them outside)

Thats why we have fat, spoilt, ill mannnered little f**kers shuffling (they arent even allowed to run in some schools :eek:) playing on the x-box, playstation etc.

So parenthood of the 1980's easy-peasy - kick em out for the day they'll be grand.... sure who would take the little feckers anyway.

Parenthood of the 2010's - you're a cash-cow helicopter with no life who knows how many times your kid had a shi*e in the past week.

Tis sad!

I dont want kids, no feckin way!

1ZRed

OldNotWIse wrote: »

When I have my baby, will you be godfather?!

Ah sure why not