Are kids really worth all the hassle

df1985

as a gay person i can genuinely say I cant wait to be a parent, be it through adoption or whatever blah blah (whole other thread)

dont take it for granted....I want loads

TeddyTedson

2218219 wrote: »

your not insulting at all, your just showing how you miserable you and your parents were.


if that's how you think parenting is then wow mate, you must of not been happy growing up, hey?

I wasn't brought up in the most traditional of circumstances, however, I don't think it has any real impact on my opinion about this. It was also probably a lot happier than most. I remember physically not being able to stop smiling a lot.
Now look what I've become, arguing with a 14 year old child at 3am on a Sunday morning.

Smidge

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I wasn't brought up in the most traditional of circumstances, however, I don't think it has any real impact on my opinion about this. It was also probably a lot happier than most. I remember physically not being able to stop smiling a lot.
Now look what I've become, arguing with a 14 year old child at 3am on a Sunday morning.

Great practice for being a parent

1ZRed

Is it just me or does everyone here who doesn't want kids seem to be real feckin fun people?

ChickenZombie

Ain't it funny how threads start off lovely...
then mush into genocidal tit for tat...

IMO it's different strokes for different folks - and yes, that is a pun
Each to their own - so it's a pointless argument...

"Are kids really worth the hassle" depends on who YOU are and what YOU want... it's totally personal... starting a thread trying to establish a global conclusion strikes me as infantile in itself...

Ask an intelligent question next time :rolleyes:

"my kid is the bestest kid ever" - Hitlers dad
"what a waste of a placenta" - Ghandi's mum

kingtubby

I will not have kids because I care about the environment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkgDhDa4HHo

flowerchild

I think so, yes. It is a lot of work and your life is much more restricted, and it costs way way more than you could ever imagine ...

But it is amazing to see what great people they are now, and are becoming. They encourage me to be a better person because they model what I say and do. They melt my heart with their love and their scent. They think I am beautiful, which is lovely. They force us to notice the everyday beauty around us, simply because they do.

Here is what my five year old says:

I love babies
I love flowers
I love stars
I love butterflies
I love you to the moon and back

They are really fantastic small people who make all the hard work worthwhile. So I would do it again, in a heartbeat.

ixoy

It's not a question I've considered because it's not an option - I can't adopt a kid because my partner would not have appropriate consideration legally.

Not thinking about I think creates a different outlook as does the fact that none of my friends yet have kids or my siblings. It'll be interesting if the attitude changes when they do and whether it would make me wish to be a father and how I'd feel about the various prohibiting circumstances.

ShadowHearth

starbelgrade wrote: »

Not for all the money in the world.

I like how you got less thanks this time!

OldNotWIse

Agree completely with OP on an objective level but for some reason (and it may have something to do with being a28 year old female) my body is practically screaming, "you want a child, you want a child!!!". It's like I have no control over it

cynder

eth0 wrote: »

They turn you into a right softie and prevent you from doing fun stuff

Depends I'm 32 my eldest is 13, we do kickboxing together, shopping, 15a movies, mini marathons, we will be doing canoeing and Rock climbing together, next year we plan to go mountaineering and maybe before she turns 20 and I turn 40 climb Kilimanjaro. We will also be able to go to the pub together now and then.

We went to alton towers and had a blast on the rollercoasters...

My 2 sons are 7 and 5 and I have great fun kicking a football around with them, playing fuseball or the Xbox with them, And Jumping in puddles, not too often you can do that and look sane...

Depends what you call fun, acting like a kid with your own kid is great fun.

HemlockOption

cynder wrote: »

Depends I'm 32 my eldest is 13, we do kickboxing together, shopping, 15a movies, mini marathons, we will be doing canoeing and Rock climbing together, next year we plan to go mountaineering and maybe before she turns 20 and I turn 40 climb Kilimanjaro. We will also be able to go to the pub together now and then.

We went to alton towers and had a blast on the rollercoasters...

My 2 sons are 7 and 5 and I have great fun kicking a football around with them, playing fuseball or the Xbox with them, And Jumping in puddles, not too often you can do that and look sane...

Depends what you call fun, acting like a kid with your own kid is great fun.

what makes you think you look sane? - you are 32 ffs. plus you're probably embarrassing the sh*t out of your children

floggg

ChickenZombie wrote: »

Ain't it funny how threads start off lovely...
then mush into genocidal tit for tat...

IMO it's different strokes for different folks - and yes, that is a pun
Each to their own - so it's a pointless argument...

"Are kids really worth the hassle" depends on who YOU are and what YOU want... it's totally personal... starting a thread trying to establish a global conclusion strikes me as infantile in itself...

Ask an intelligent question next time :rolleyes:

"my kid is the bestest kid ever" - Hitlers dad
"what a waste of a placenta" - Ghandi's mum

Judging by the amount of responses generated, I think the question was well worth asking.

Yes, its subjective, but does the fact you will never have a conclusive answer mean you should never ask a question on people's opinions?

And as somebody who was pondering whether I wanted kids, the responses generated gave me a lot to think about from both sides of the argument. Though now I'm genuinely more confused then ever about whether I want them.

sunflower27

Honestly, no. I don't think so.

Reindeer

It depends on you.

If you are stable, like to remain in one area/relationship as much as possible and stay gainfully employed there, it's likely a very good life-style match. Children can be a wonder.

I like to travel, and I do not enjoy being fettered. I get anxious, depressed, and feel trapped in most relationships. I would love kids, and I would love to have a home, but it just hasn't ever worked out in the past. I have lived and worked in a lot of countries. I didn't choose this lifestyle, it chose me. It is what I am. I just stopped fighting it a long time ago. Lately, though, I am starting to slow down and want more stability. We'll see how that turns out.

Mr_Spaceman

Reindeer wrote: »

It depends on you.

If you are stable, like to remain in one area/relationship as much as possible and stay gainfully employed there, it's likely a very good life-style match. Children can be a wonder.

I like to travel, and I do not enjoy being fettered. I get anxious, depressed, and feel trapped in most relationships. I would love kids, and I would love to have a home, but it just hasn't ever worked out in the past. I have lived and worked in a lot of countries. I didn't choose this lifestyle, it chose me. It is what I am. I just stopped fighting it a long time ago. Lately, though, I am starting to slow down and want more stability. We'll see how that turns out.

Good luck Reindeer. I'm in a similar predicament too.

It's all very well wanting to settle and have children but it's hard enough from what I can see, so being in a stable relationship is fundamental to that IMHO.

Finding the "right" person to hopefully have that relationship with, and subsequently, children, is way harder than a lot of people think. It doesn't always happen.

I'm 43, male, and still looking... but hopefully one day.

Micky Dolenz

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Good luck Reindeer. I'm in a similar predicament too.

It's all very well wanting to settle and have children but it's hard enough from what I can see, so being in a stable relationship is fundamental to that IMHO.

Finding the "right" person to hopefully have that relationship with, and subsequently, children, is way harder than a lot of people think. It doesn't always happen.

I'm 43, male, and still looking... but hopefully one day.

A good mate of mines father, meet his 27 year old wife to be when he was 45. They were married and having their first kid by the time he was 49, they went onto have 3 kids.

I think thats the way to do it.

Sappa

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Reindeer wrote: »

It depends on you.

If you are stable, like to remain in one area/relationship as much as possible and stay gainfully employed there, it's likely a very good life-style match. Children can be a wonder.

I like to travel, and I do not enjoy being fettered. I get anxious, depressed, and feel trapped in most relationships. I would love kids, and I would love to have a home, but it just hasn't ever worked out in the past. I have lived and worked in a lot of countries. I didn't choose this lifestyle, it chose me. It is what I am. I just stopped fighting it a long time ago. Lately, though, I am starting to slow down and want more stability. We'll see how that turns out.

Good luck Reindeer. I'm in a similar predicament too.

It's all very well wanting to settle and have children but it's hard enough from what I can see, so being in a stable relationship is fundamental to that IMHO.

Finding the "right" person to hopefully have that relationship with, and subsequently, children, is way harder than a lot of people think. It doesn't always happen.

I'm 43, male, and still looking... but hopefully one day.

Children are not the be all and end all that people think,get yourself a dog unrequented love,loyalty as well as being lower maintenance.

Mr_Spaceman

Sappa wrote: »

Children are not the be all and end all that people think,get yourself a dog unrequented love,loyalty as well as being lower maintenance.

While I don't necessarily think children are the be-all-and-end-all, spending years and years alone does tend to concentrate the mind a little in terms of asking yourself what you want out of life. Especially when you get to the wrong side of 40 (although 40 is the new 30!)

I would like children - but only in the framework of a stable, loving relationship. If it happens, great. If not, I'd be disappointed but I'll live with it and enjoy life nonetheless.

Daisy M

Sappa wrote: »

Children are not the be all and end all that people think,get yourself a dog unrequented love,loyalty as well as being lower maintenance.

I am always amazed how people try to foist their preferences on others. mr-spaceman and reindeer both said they may at one point if everything fits into place like to have children and you who don't want children but have a dog you love tell them "don't bother get a dog". You have made your choice and genuinely good luck to you, it sounds as if you are very happy and in a great placebut its not fair to impose your lifestyle choices on others, its equal to a parent like me saying to these guys, "go on have a child now don't wait until your sure your ready or you're missing out".

Sappa

I see your point,I was speaking with a close friend at the wknd who at present is devastated because they cannot have children.
He was not pushed at first but his wife is super keen as her friends,colleagues ate all either pregnant or have children and she really wants to be a mum.
He now feels that their life will not be complete or manageable without kids,I have spoken to him that life does not end and they are considering a dog to fill the void and look into adopting a child from overseas going forward if that is possible.
He does not get how carefree we are without children or our lack of desire to have children.

Dyr

cynder wrote: »

Depends I'm 32 my eldest is 13, we do kickboxing together, shopping, 15a movies, mini marathons, we will be doing canoeing and Rock climbing together, next year we plan to go mountaineering and maybe before she turns 20 and I turn 40 climb Kilimanjaro. We will also be able to go to the pub together now and then.

We went to alton towers and had a blast on the rollercoasters...

My 2 sons are 7 and 5 and I have great fun kicking a football around with them, playing fuseball or the Xbox with them, And Jumping in puddles, not too often you can do that and look sane...

Depends what you call fun, acting like a kid with your own kid is great fun.

You can rent kids out offa your relatives for all that though..

2218219

I think its good that people can express their opinions ( of course).

its good that we all don't have kids but if your lucky enough to have kids it can be the best. it makes life such a purpose.
you have a family and you guard over them, you care for your family.

not that, that can always be the cause I think but I think having a family is great.
been a parent is great, it gives life such a purpose. it lasts forever, how you raise your kids = their kids and it goes on and on.

my opinion been a parent must be great. I can't wait to grow up and marry and have kids.

guys, family in life is the way to go. (sure single can work out too of course) but really.

you could have all the money and everything else in the world but that does not last forever. (the money would,etc but the fun of having that.


family = way to live life mostly.

all good,happy and enjoying

keith16

Bambi wrote: »

You can rent kids out offa your relatives for all that though..

ah it's not the same though, your nephew or niece for example is more of chore and they can act the mick a bit more with you. Much better having a laugh with your own kids

billyhead

I think kids are a blessing and would love to have at least 2 myself, but have not met the right woman yet to share that dream so the search goes on.

keith16

billyhead wrote: »

I think kids are a blessing and would love to have at least 2 myself, but have not met the right woman yet to share that dream so the search goes on.

Keep fighting the good fight billyhead!

I'm sure some day there will be a little 'billyneck' and 'billytorso' running around wrecking the gaff :pac:

monkeysnapper

billyhead wrote: »

I think kids are a blessing and would love to have at least 2 myself, but have not met the right woman yet to share that dream so the search goes on.

as John bon jovi said:D

Keep the faith!!

I totally believe that most kids have a heart of gold and its beauty shines into the lucky parents, its just the wicked world we live in that changes that sooner than later with its commercialism and greed:mad:

Dyr

keith16 wrote: »

ah it's not the same though, your nephew or niece for example is more of chore and they can act the mick a bit more with you. Much better having a laugh with your own kids

Nonsense, once the child begins to malfunction it can be returned to its parents for maintenance

keith16

Bambi wrote: »

keith16 wrote: »

ah it's not the same though, your nephew or niece for example is more of chore and they can act the mick a bit more with you. Much better having a laugh with your own kids

Nonsense, once the child begins to malfunction it can be returned to its parents for maintenance

Then they blame you for said malfunctioning!!

dj jarvis

krudler wrote: »

I'm nearly 31 and male and dont really want kids, doubt I ever will tbh. I like my freedom, and not having to devote the years of my life to them until they're adults. I may change my mind at some stage or if I was at a place in my life where I'd felt I'd seen enough of the world and was at a place where I was content in myself, but right now that's nowhere close. I like minding my nephew, hes great craic but I get to give him back at the end of a day lol. one of my friends has a 2 year old and they're super cute for like an hour then they're just dribbling and making a mess everywhere and you have to watch them like a hawk, no thanks.

you most likely will - i was single as a 31 year old , having a ball on my motorbike ,drinking and riding like a playboy - money bal bla bla

then i met a woman - not a girl but a woman , and age has little to do with this, but if you meet one you will know , and a new era of relationships will be upon you - and then it will happen

hardest thing in my life is my kids - and also the most rewarding without a doubt - im 40 plus and i tell ya the lack of sleep and the worry that they bring is like a form of torture - but the joy they bring just wipes it all away

you worry when they are born that you can do this and do it right , but most people can and do

as people have said , kids are not for everyone ( thank god ) but i think sub 30 year old giving it the " now way will i ever have kids full stop " are just demonstrating their immaturity at this present moment in their life

seriously - when this realization hits you that kids are a go - its like a lightning strike - pity i never had this motivation when i wore a younger mans trousers

Gongoozler

I guess I'm not a 'woman' so

Better not say anything in here, my understanding of my own wants in my life is skewed according to all ye parents. I'll wait another 5 years, so I might be considered old enough to know my own mind.

Seriously, you've no idea how condescending that is.

I haven't just decided like this morning, that I'm not going to have children, as I'm sure others who've said so haven't. I've spent years thinking about whether or not I want children, and I've concluded that I do not. I don't want to have that responsibility. It is possible for a 20 something year old to make that decision.

Liveforrugby

My dad says that I remind me of him when he was my age and that everything I do, it appears to him, he is doing himself.

dj jarvis

Gongoozler wrote: »

I guess I'm not a 'woman' so

Better not say anything in here, my understanding of my own wants in my life is skewed according to all ye parents. I'll wait another 5 years, so I might be considered old enough to know my own mind.

Seriously, you've no idea how condescending that is.

I haven't just decided like this morning, that I'm not going to have children, as I'm sure others who've said so haven't. I've spent years thinking about whether or not I want children, and I've concluded that I do not. I don't want to have that responsibility. It is possible for a 20 something year old to make that decision.

ah listen calm down - you know you dont have to be offended by EVERYTHING on the internet

you know full well that what i mean is that the older someone gets the more able they are to mask long term decisions - people in their 20's tend not to make those decisions because they have not reached that stage in there lives , ie have not reached full maturity

i know that some younger people can make the decision to have kids and do a fine job of it - FFS why would they not be able ? but most are not because they still have the " kids no way attitude " - this TENDS to change with age


and what also tends to change with age is the decision to have kids after making the rash one NOT to have kids , if this is not true why do women under 30 HAVE to get counselling before a sterilization ???? because they tend to make up their minds BEFORE they have reached a point in their lives when they can fully understand the gravity of it.

if you have made that decision then great for you , well done , but i have found the most people i know who said in their 20's they would never have kids now in their late 30's 99% have kids

as for my woman comment , i found that girls in their early 20's were into clubbing , shopping and their ****ing hair - but once they pass 30 live tend to get more real and ADULT choices come into play -

so in fact it was far from being condescending and more a case of you being a tad touchy and adding 2 + 2 and getting 100

seriously - is it some peoples jobs to get offended at anything and everything or is it just that you might need to grow up some ???

OldNotWIse

Bambi wrote: »

Nonsense, once the child begins to malfunction it can be returned to its parents for maintenance

hahaha I remember minding my godson a few years ago when he was 6 months and he literally screamed the place down. His mum (my best friend) was working in town so I said I'd meet her at her job, take the kid off her for a few hours (do lunch, toy shops etc ) and then bring him back when she finished her shift. I'm ashamed to say he was so bad I ended up bringing him back. He was actually purple in the face from screaming and everything I offered to him was slammed back in a temper I haven't seen in grown men. Food? Drink? Nappy? Fresh air? Hugs? Nope, was in a rage because he wanted mommy and as soon as I brought him back...he stopped :rolleyes:

At least now he's four, we can actually communicate with each other and work out our differences , and he's an absolute joy

Jason Todd

Sometimes I struggle to remember what it was like to have more money in my pocket, I try to remember what I did with all my free time, I wonder what my mates are doing every Friday night when I'm stuck in at home.

Doesn't matter though, I pissed money away on trivial things, I spent way too much time doing pointless things like Xbox and DVD's and I don't miss anything on the nights out as it was the same **** every week in the same pubs with the same people.

All the hassle that comes with kids goes away when my 15 month smiles at me and gives me a hug. There's no other feeling like it.

Cryogen

yes

barry711

I'm too selfish to have kids.

Kids are great until you have to change the ****ty nappies.

anncoates

I decided I never wanted kids when I was a foetus but people probably thought that I wasn't qualified to 'make that kind of decision as a semi-viable life form.

Patronizing bastards.

So now I hang around any thread where kids are discussed to make sure everybody knows that I don't want kids.

IvyTheTerrible

RVP 11 wrote: »

Kids are great until you have to change the ****ty nappies.

Am I the only person that thinks changing nappies is one of the easiest things about having a baby?

OldNotWIse

anncoates wrote: »

I decided I never wanted kids when I was a foetus but people probably thought that I wasn't qualified to 'make that kind of decision as a semi-viable life form.

Patronizing bastards.

So now I hang around any thread where kids are discussed to make sure everybody knows that I don't want kids.

OldNotWIse

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Am I the only person that thinks changing nappies is one of the easiest things about having a baby?

I guess it's "easy" in a "hard to do badly" kind of way, but not in a "its so pleasant" way

Gongoozler

dj jarvis wrote: »

ah listen calm down - you know you dont have to be offended by EVERYTHING on the internet

you know full well that what i mean is that the older someone gets the more able they are to mask long term decisions - people in their 20's tend not to make those decisions because they have not reached that stage in there lives , ie have not reached full maturity

i know that some younger people can make the decision to have kids and do a fine job of it - FFS why would they not be able ? but most are not because they still have the " kids no way attitude " - this TENDS to change with age


and what also tends to change with age is the decision to have kids after making the rash one NOT to have kids , if this is not true why do women under 30 HAVE to get counselling before a sterilization ???? because they tend to make up their minds BEFORE they have reached a point in their lives when they can fully understand the gravity of it.

if you have made that decision then great for you , well done , but i have found the most people i know who said in their 20's they would never have kids now in their late 30's 99% have kids

as for my woman comment , i found that girls in their early 20's were into clubbing , shopping and their ****ing hair - but once they pass 30 live tend to get more real and ADULT choices come into play -

so in fact it was far from being condescending and more a case of you being a tad touchy and adding 2 + 2 and getting 100

seriously - is it some peoples jobs to get offended at anything and everything or is it just that you might need to grow up some ???

I'm calm, and I don't get offended by things on the internet. I was simply pointing out that you can't know whether or not a person has made up their mind, based on their age.

I do get that there's probably many people around early 20's that go 'no way!' to children and basically any sort of responsibility because they can't imagine ever wanting to settle down, they're so busy 'having a laugh' etc. But I think once you enter into your late twenties people tend to consider things much more seriously.

Fair enough if you weren't trying to be condescending, but I wasn't being touchy. If you look back over the thread, you can see that most responses to people saying they've made up their minds have been to say they don't know what they're talking about and saying they'll change their minds. Imagine something that you knew you were sure about, and everyone comes along and says 'ah no sure you're not old enough yet, you'll change your mind when you're older'.

dj jarvis

Gongoozler wrote: »

I'm calm, and I don't get offended by things on the internet. I was simply pointing out that you can't know whether or not a person has made up their mind, based on their age.

I do get that there's probably many people around early 20's that go 'no way!' to children and basically any sort of responsibility because they can't imagine ever wanting to settle down, they're so busy 'having a laugh' etc. But I think once you enter into your late twenties people tend to consider things much more seriously.

Fair enough if you weren't trying to be condescending, but I wasn't being touchy. If you look back over the thread, you can see that most responses to people saying they've made up their minds have been to say they don't know what they're talking about and saying they'll change their minds. Imagine something that you knew you were sure about, and everyone comes along and says 'ah no sure you're not old enough yet, you'll change your mind when you're older'.

but that was the point i was making , from reading the thread it just looked like anyone who was sub 30 was "no way " but in reality , by the time they are 35 ish they will probably have kids - its just the way the world works

i think its a case of sub 30's thinking they know better and some might but the majority will end up having them -they just cant see it now

and truly i was not being condescending in anyway - just i find in life - when your 20 you think you know everything and then get to 30 and realize you knew **** all - same goes for 40 , and im sure the same will hit me at 50

you never know till you get there !!!

all i can say is never say never - and if your going to have kids , make sure you have energy - money and are clinically deaf

shopaholic01

dj jarvis wrote: »

but that was the point i was making , from reading the thread it just looked like anyone who was sub 30 was "no way " but in reality , by the time they are 35 ish they will probably have kids - its just the way the world works

i think its a case of sub 30's thinking they know better and some might but the majority will end up having them -they just cant see it now

and truly i was not being condescending in anyway - just i find in life - when your 20 you think you know everything and then get to 30 and realize you knew **** all - same goes for 40 , and im sure the same will hit me at 50

you never know till you get there !!!

all i can say is never say never - and if your going to have kids , make sure you have energy - money and are clinically deaf

I'm in my late 30's and I definitely don't want children and never did. So, I was correct in my teens, twenties and after 35. Yes, some people will change their minds, more won't.

Gongoozler

dj jarvis wrote: »

but that was the point i was making , from reading the thread it just looked like anyone who was sub 30 was "no way " but in reality , by the time they are 35 ish they will probably have kids - its just the way the world works

i think its a case of sub 30's thinking they know better and some might but the majority will end up having them -they just cant see it now

and truly i was not being condescending in anyway - just i find in life - when your 20 you think you know everything and then get to 30 and realize you knew **** all - same goes for 40 , and im sure the same will hit me at 50

you never know till you get there !!!

all i can say is never say never - and if your going to have kids , make sure you have energy - money and are clinically deaf

I'd like to see some stats on that, but ok, if you believe the majority will change their minds...

dj jarvis

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I'm in my late 30's and I definitely don't want children and never did. So, I was correct in my teens, twenties and after 35. Yes, some people will change their minds, more won't.

but i have said in my 2 posts that some will stick to the decision they made in their 20's - but in reality most do end up with children
this is just my observation in my group of friends and relations and work mates

some of the most unlikely people become parents , and great ones

look i can only speak in generalizations - but its a higher percentage that do than dont , the figures speak volumes - we have the highest birth rate in Europe,
someone is having a lot of babies

dj jarvis

Gongoozler wrote: »

I'd like to see some stats on that, but ok, if you believe the majority will change their minds...

the majority of women having children in Ireland at the moment at 30 +

dont have time to look for the stats at the mo , kids are doing my head in at the moment , but will get back to it after i drug them for bed :eek:

Daisy M

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I'm in my late 30's and I definitely don't want children and never did. So, I was correct in my teens, twenties and after 35. Yes, some people will change their minds, more won't.

I think more will than won't but I wonder how many of those people have had their minds changed for them? Possibly by partners who have always wanted children or said they did not but changed their minds when they got older or maybe by family and friends who made them feel as though they were missing out or they themselves felt they were now on the outside of family and friends who were all parents.

Gongoozler

dj jarvis wrote: »

the majority of women having children in Ireland at the moment at 30 +

dont have time to look for the stats at the mo , kids are doing my head in at the moment , but will get back to it after i drug them for bed :eek:

It doesn't make a whole lot of difference that women having children are 30+. If you manage to find any surveys where women who'd decided not to have children then changed their minds in their mid thirties, do throw it up here..