Are kids really worth all the hassle

dj jarvis

Gongoozler wrote: »

It doesn't make a whole lot of difference that women having children are 30+. If you manage to find any surveys where women who'd decided not to have children then changed their minds in their mid thirties, do throw it up here..

but sure it would be all anecdotal - how would you get stats on that ??
as i have said many times i can only speak for people my age group , and lots of the ones who said they would never have children changed their mind when they past 30 , as for who changed their minds , i dont know , that again could never really be known


i would be interested on the average age of the posters who say they don't want kids and then the average age of the ones who have

maybe the mods could get some sort of poll sorted ???

Daisy M

Well I for one over the years have known many people who have no interest in children and have stated they will never have any, as best as I can recall they are all parents today and they have mostly gone form no interest in children to expecting every one else to be besptted with theirs.
Now I can think of 3 people who are fantastic with children and really enjoy their company but who always said they would not have children and they haven't.

So possibly when some people dismiss the possibility of having children its because they are living in the here and now and not thinking of what life they would like in the future.

Gongoozler

dj jarvis wrote: »

but sure it would be all anecdotal - how would you get stats on that ??
as i have said many times i can only speak for people my age group , and lots of the ones who said they would never have children changed their mind when they past 30 , as for who changed their minds , i dont know , that again could never really be known


i would be interested on the average age of the posters who say they don't want kids and then the average age of the ones who have

maybe the mods could get some sort of poll sorted ???

It would be good to see a decent poll alright.
But speaking from your own experience isn't the best way to judge others always.

Daisy M

I think a poll like this would probably give a more balanced view if it was done in the owlwans 'n' owlfellas forum as a larger number of posters there would have the experience of time.

dj jarvis

Gongoozler wrote: »

It would be good to see a decent poll alright.
But speaking from your own experience isn't the best way to judge others always.

LOL , true but the VERY SAME could also be said for you , could it not ?

i suppose one way of looking at it is this way ,
when you are are a certain age you are not exposed to certain life changes in people,
because i would imagine the vast majority on this thread are pre 30 ( by a long margin i would wager ) they have not have had many family members or friends who have said " no kids " and then changed their minds - they are just too young yet

in a similar vein i would have very little idea what a 21st party is like any more , because i have not gone to one in 20 odd years

my stage of life is mates and family having kids , getting married and christenings - and soon to be confirmations and funerals - because of my age and stage im at in life

but someone younger than me will be doing 21st , college graduations , festivals and gap years

i firmly believe this has a lot to do with younger posters not understanding the mind change - because they have not come across it yet , all their peers are still mostly the same mind set as they are - where as the 30 to 35 year olds are getting married and having kids ( again a generalization )

but a fairly accurate one i would say

floggg

It could equally be argued as you aren't of our generation you may not fully grasp the freedom people now feel to pursue heretofore unconventional living and family arrangements, and how our generation may not place the traditional narrative of grow up, get married and have babies on the same pedestal as yours.


Not trying to be funny there, but there is a big gap between the generations on social issues.

I imagine young women in particular would feel far more freedom than even twenty years ago.

dj jarvis

floggg wrote: »

It could equally be argued as you aren't of our generation you may not fully grasp the freedom people now feel to pursue heretofore unconventional living and family arrangements, and how our generation may not place the traditional narrative of grow up, get married and have babies on the same pedestal as yours.


Not trying to be funny there, but there is a big gap between the generations on social issues.

I imagine young women in particular would feel far more freedom than even twenty years ago.

jesus lad im not that old !!!!:D

and i only had my first kid at 37 , i was doing everything you are and more !!!
FFS im not a cave man - i have the exact freedoms that you have
christ i was djing at the picnic this weekend - does that sound like im a " older " generation than you ?

na , freedom has little i think to do with it , its hard to put into words but if it does happen to you , you will know what i mean , if it does not then you will never understand - with out falling into that old " unless you have them you will never know " crap

so what social issues do you think that you deal with that i dont ?

Daisy M

And I am 39, many people I went to school with have only had their first baby in the last 3 years.

Moonbeam

I have always wanted kids and will have my 3rd soon but I can see both sides.
You are tied down,I had to give up work due to the cost of childcare,nappies are horrific,I don't get to have a shower or go to the loo with out one of them following me,I rarely get to leave the house with out them,if I did get a job that paid well enough I could not take a job that involves travelling,my kids are good sleepers but if they wake up I have to get up,lie ins are a distant memory and my figure will prob never be the same again.
On the other side every milestone they reach bring me happiness,knowing that I am the only person in the world that can make things better for them when they go wrong for them,their hugs and kisses. I could not exchange one for the other:)
I had mine in my mid/late 20s.

Dyr

Moonbeam wrote: »

knowing that I am the only person in the world that can make things better for them when they go wrong for them

A few people have come with lines like this in this thread, and while yiz might mean well, it sounds pretty disturbing to me.

Moonbeam

It is when all you hear in "mammmmmy maaaammmmy" and the thing that is wrong is that you are not picking them up or right beside them when they decide you should be!!

CathyMoran

Moonbeam wrote: »

It is when all you hear in "mammmmmy maaaammmmy" and the thing that is wrong is that you are not picking them up or right beside them when they decide you should be!!

It is great when you can make them smile (or if thay have had a small fall) can make them happy by giving them a hug and kisses. I have never been happier than when I am with my son and daughter but I should also state that I have always wanted to be a parent.

Paddy Samurai

floggg wrote: »

So, are they really worth all the crap that goes with them?

Is there any parents here with buyer's remorse (or a strong grievance with the condom company)?

I used to give out about people getting childrens allowance etc.Now that I have two kids of my own I could'nt live without out it.I read somewhere that the average kid costs their parents,around 7-8 thousand euro per year for each year of their life.
Even people that don't have kids .need other people to have have kids for them.
Why?..................
Because kids are the future,Kids will run the future economies that allow pensioners to collect pensions.They will staff the factories, businesses ,hospitals, care homes that will look after the people that don't have kids.
Also as much as two teenagers piss me off with their surly ,we owe you nothing,I hate you dad bullsh1t.
I love them to bits,;)
If the little feckers ever put me in a care home,I will suicide bomb that condom factory.

dj jarvis

it can be so individual i suppose ,

but i know sure as the sun will be up in the morning that when i was 18 , 25 even 30 i would never have been ready to bring up children,
i was doing everything and more that a bloke that age should be doing.

back then i would have been " kids - eh no thanks " , i knew i could be a good parent but did not want it, and was not ready.

so i do understand the " younger " posters getting fairly adamant that they don't want them - period , but life has a funny habit of changing radically and then you have kids and life before them is truly a memory , as the previous poster said , staying in bed is a distant memory and yes i have not had a quiet dump in ages once the kids are up :eek:

but have to say again i would not change a thing - hardest and most rewarding event of my life to date

and i find this change does come with age in most cases - let face it - a good proportion of under 25's must be un planned , how many of them plan it at that young age ? but funnily enough the amount of people who plan a child rises with the age of the couple

Daisy M

Bambi wrote: »

A few people have come with lines like this in this thread, and while yiz might mean well, it sounds pretty disturbing to me.

Why would you find this disturbing? To a child their parent/s are their world they are the ones whom they depend on for everything, they have not had the experience of developing relationships out side of the ones their parents nuture. I can remember thinking the sun moon and stars shone from my parents heads also my grandmothers who lived with us, even though I had aunts who doted on me there was no comparrisment the same is true for my children. Strange that you find a that aspect of a parent and child relationship disturbing.

Daisy M

Moonbeam wrote: »

I have always wanted kids and will have my 3rd soon but I can see both sides.
You are tied down,I had to give up work due to the cost of childcare,nappies are horrific,I don't get to have a shower or go to the loo with out one of them following me,I rarely get to leave the house with out them,if I did get a job that paid well enough I could not take a job that involves travelling,my kids are good sleepers but if they wake up I have to get up,lie ins are a distant memory and my figure will prob never be the same again.
On the other side every milestone they reach bring me happiness,knowing that I am the only person in the world that can make things better for them when they go wrong for them,their hugs and kisses. I could not exchange one for the other:)
I had mine in my mid/late 20s.

I met a friend today who recently had a baby after a long gap between this little one and her other children and she says that she is savouring this little one a little more because she realises how quickly it goes something she didnt know first time around. My youngest is nearly 10 and I know exactly what she means. It does seem for a while as though your life will always completely revolve around the children without even a toilet break but this stage passes quickly, too quickly because when it goes a lot of the innocence goes too. I can honestly say it is lovely to have some more freedom but the years go by too fast.
As for lie ins my husband and I took it on turns at the weekend so we always had one day a week to lie in and that is all anyone who works and has a busy life can expect.

Nymeria

dj jarvis wrote: »

LOL , true but the VERY SAME could also be said for you , could it not ?

i suppose one way of looking at it is this way ,
when you are are a certain age you are not exposed to certain life changes in people,
because i would imagine the vast majority on this thread are pre 30 ( by a long margin i would wager ) they have not have had many family members or friends who have said " no kids " and then changed their minds - they are just too young yet

in a similar vein i would have very little idea what a 21st party is like any more , because i have not gone to one in 20 odd years

my stage of life is mates and family having kids , getting married and christenings - and soon to be confirmations and funerals - because of my age and stage im at in life

but someone younger than me will be doing 21st , college graduations , festivals and gap years

i firmly believe this has a lot to do with younger posters not understanding the mind change - because they have not come across it yet , all their peers are still mostly the same mind set as they are - where as the 30 to 35 year olds are getting married and having kids ( again a generalization )but a fairly accurate one i would say

While I understand the point you are trying to make, I still feel like you are lumping all under 30's in the 'don't know their own minds' category. This may be true of some of them, even most when it comes to trivial things, however I am in that age category (28) and am fully aware this is something that I will not allow to change.

There are some people who say 'ugh kids, no way!' when what they really mean is no kids right now. Possibly if you probed them further they would say they are open to the idea in 5 or 10 years time, once they have achieved certain things, met the right partner etc etc. I am not one of those people. If I met an amazing guy tomorrow and he wanted children, then he simply would not be the right man for me.

I'm sure I still have plenty of maturing and emotional developing to go in the next 10 to 20 years of my life, but I know in my heart that having children will not be on the menu. It is just not something I EVER want in my life, hard to explain to others, but like some other posters have pointed out, its not something I have just randomly picked out of the air. I could give so many reasons ( money, time, freedom etc.), but actually I know that if I really wanted children, I would make it work despite those things. So really, they aren't my reasons, but rather the reasons I give to other people to try and explain what they don't seem to understand. For me the biggest reason, the only reason is the fundamental not wanting.

A previous serious relationship pretty much ended because he wanted to eventually get married and have children. His words were 'not right now but someday'...he thought that if I had a few years I would come round to the idea. I had to explain that this was not something I am willing to compromise on.

I suppose a litmus test would be the question of 'what if you found out your were pregnant tomorrow?'. I absolutely know that in that situation I would have an abortion, no regrets. However some people who may not have previously considered having a baby would accept it and continue with the pregnancy.

I think there is a world of difference between 'no kids, not ready' and 'no kids, not ever'.

dj jarvis

Nymeria wrote: »

While I understand the point you are trying to make, I still feel like you are lumping all under 30's in the 'don't know their own minds' category. This may be true of some of them, even most when it comes to trivial things, however I am in that age category (28) and am fully aware this is something that I will not allow to change.

There are some people who say 'ugh kids, no way!' when what they really mean is no kids right now. Possibly if you probed them further they would say they are open to the idea in 5 or 10 years time, once they have achieved certain things, met the right partner etc etc. I am not one of those people. If I met an amazing guy tomorrow and he wanted children, then he simply would not be the right man for me.

I'm sure I still have plenty of maturing and emotional developing to go in the next 10 to 20 years of my life, but I know in my heart that having children will not be on the menu. It is just not something I EVER want in my life, hard to explain to others, but like some other posters have pointed out, its not something I have just randomly picked out of the air. I could give so many reasons ( money, time, freedom etc.), but actually I know that if I really wanted children, I would make it work despite those things. So really, they aren't my reasons, but rather the reasons I give to other people to try and explain what they don't seem to understand. For me the biggest reason, the only reason is the fundamental not wanting.

A previous serious relationship pretty much ended because he wanted to eventually get married and have children. His words were 'not right now but someday'...he thought that if I had a few years I would come round to the idea. I had to explain that this was not something I am willing to compromise on.

I suppose a litmus test would be the question of 'what if you found out your were pregnant tomorrow?'. I absolutely know that in that situation I would have an abortion, no regrets. However some people who may not have previously considered having a baby would accept it and continue with the pregnancy.

I think there is a world of difference between 'no kids, not ready' and 'no kids, not ever'.

i agree 100% - you are correct , but i dont feel i lumping the under 30's with any label , i have said that im sure some people do mean it when they say never , but i have to take into account that a lot more who have said no way , even if in their hearts they really meant someday , have ended up having children , and it does tend to be when they get older

there are really no hard and fast rules on this - obviously
but one constant i can see is that the further you get from your mid 20's the more LIKELY you are to have children , i suppose the real question is this then down to maturity or social situation like job and the like

for me and many i know, it looked to be maturity that triggered the want of kids , as most worked and had the means to support a child but did not because they were too young , and again many saying previously they would not do it but now have children

this is just my take on it from anecdotal evidence , but i do think it's more the norm than not

** edit - i will replace maturity with the phrase "a time in your life" as i can see that might come across as condescending or preachy but not meant that way at all **

OldNotWIse

Daisy M wrote: »

And I am 39, many people I went to school with have only had their first baby in the last 3 years.

Good to hear about people having babies later in life. I think there is so much pressure to have them younger, especially when you marry/settle down. I really want children (preferably 3 but I would delightedly settle for one if I was so blessed) but 3 years of college ahead so in reality, it's going to be around 6 years...that would make me 35, and of course the hospital will refer to me as a"geriatric pregnancy" :eek: lol

Mr Benevolent

I suppose a litmus test would be the question of 'what if you found out your were pregnant tomorrow?'. I absolutely know that in that situation I would have an abortion, no regrets

I now have an image of you running around holding your stomach and shrieking "KILL IT ! KILL WITH FIRE!"

When/if you get into that situation I'd bet heavily that your reaction will be completely different to what you imagined. I don't care if you have an abortion, but saying you'd have one with 'no hesitation, no regrets' is frankly absurd.

floggg

dj jarvis wrote: »

floggg wrote: »

It could equally be argued as you aren't of our generation you may not fully grasp the freedom people now feel to pursue heretofore unconventional living and family arrangements, and how our generation may not place the traditional narrative of grow up, get married and have babies on the same pedestal as yours.


Not trying to be funny there, but there is a big gap between the generations on social issues.

I imagine young women in particular would feel far more freedom than even twenty years ago.

jesus lad im not that old !!!!:D

and i only had my first kid at 37 , i was doing everything you are and more !!!
FFS im not a cave man - i have the exact freedoms that you have
christ i was djing at the picnic this weekend - does that sound like im a " older " generation than you ?

na , freedom has little i think to do with it , its hard to put into words but if it does happen to you , you will know what i mean , if it does not then you will never understand - with out falling into that old " unless you have them you will never know " crap

so what social issues do you think that you deal with that i dont ?

I'm guessing you are in your mid forties judging by the last time you were at a 21st.

If so, a 20 year gap is pretty huge with regars to social issues and attitudes. For example when you were my age homosexuality had only recently been decriminalised. The idea of somebody like me being allowed to have a family at all would be an alien concept. Now I will hopefully soon be allowed to start one with a future husband as two proud fathers! Assuming I choose to do so.

People in their early 20s now are the first generation growing up in a secular Ireland, rather than the traditional catholic Ireland. They have no perception of an Ireland without divorce, condoms, the Internet or sex and the city.

The idea for example of a charachter like Samantha in sex and the city (independent, sexually liberated, no interest in marriage or kids*) would probably have been shocking in the 80's or even early 90's. Women were generally portrayed as needing a man and a baby to complete them.

Now there are loads of strong childless single females, on tv, in politics, in industry etc showing that women don't need any of that to be complete.

So yes, I do think our generation would have different attitudes to it then yours. And I think the next generation will be even more liberal than mine.

* she's probably ruined this point by going off, getting married and having 12 kids in the films.

pickarooney

Paddy Samurai wrote: »

I used to give out about people getting childrens allowance etc.Now that I have two kids of my own I could'nt live without out it.I read somewhere that the average kid costs their parents,around 7-8 thousand euro per year for each year of their life.

These kind of figures mystify me. Is there some huge charge at some stage which distorts the average or are they counting things like buying new cars and houses to fit them into? I'll be damned if I'm spending 15 grand a year on mine. Maybe a tenth of that.

IvyTheTerrible

pickarooney wrote: »

These kind of figures mystify me. Is there some huge charge at some stage which distorts the average or are they counting things like buying new cars and houses to fit them into? I'll be damned if I'm spending 15 grand a year on mine. Maybe a tenth of that.

I know my baby is only six months, but we have spent next to nothing since he was born. Maybe school fees or something are being factored into this?

hoodwinked

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I know my baby is only six months, but we have spent next to nothing since he was born. Maybe school fees or something are being factored into this?

Give it two years! :pac:


went to smyths to pick up something small for a birthday present for someone last week, my child leaves with the spongebob play-set.

gerbo

Yes

seamus

hoodwinked wrote: »

went to smyths to pick up something small for a birthday present for someone last week, my child leaves with the spongebob play-set.

Seriously, so many parents need to grow a backbone.
Any of that "I want" messing when I was growing up was given very short shrift. At best you might get a chocolate bar if you'd been good, but just randomly getting toys because you happened to be in a toy shop? No way in hell.

IvyTheTerrible

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I know my baby is only six months, but we have spent next to nothing since he was born. Maybe school fees or something are being factored into this?

Wait till hes a teenage Ivy, they rob ye:) Cost a fortune then.

:D
But worth every penny in the end

I think Id like another baby... maybe- ish...

hoodwinked

seamus wrote: »

Seriously, so many parents need to grow a backbone.
Any of that "I want" messing when I was growing up was given very short shrift. At best you might get a chocolate bar if you'd been good, but just randomly getting toys because you happened to be in a toy shop? No way in hell.

ok wow i was making a joke based on the cost of a six month old vs a 3 year old!

for the record : she did get the playset but as a belated birthday present from a relative who gave me money to get her "a toy or something".

Cyclepath

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I know my baby is only six months, but we have spent next to nothing since he was born. Maybe school fees or something are being factored into this?

Well, just to give you a flavour, I've two boys in secondary school. They've only just come to live with me as their mother has certain issues (but that's an entire other story...)

I've just spent a total of €580 on schoolbooks, stationery and art supplies, €490 on uniforms, shoes, PE Gear etc, and then there's the €15 per week for bus fares, €45 per week pocket money, and the fact that the weekly shopping bill has increased by €120...

Kids are expensive and they get more expensive as they get older. They want new bikes now!

Firing Squad

Haha have to laugh at OP, not because it's a silly post but because i was where he was 12 years ago. I would'nt swap it for the world now. It's only when you have your own you can understand.

IvyTheTerrible

Firing Squad wrote: »

Haha have to laugh at OP, not because it's a silly post but because i was where he was 12 years ago. I would'nt swap it for the world now. It's only when you have your own you can understand.

Oh no no no not that old chestnut. Do you really think only parents can understand what it's like to have children?

IvyTheTerrible

Cyclepath wrote: »

Well, just to give you a flavour, I've two boys in secondary school. They've only just come to live with me as their mother has certain issues (but that's an entire other story...)

I've just spent a total of €580 on schoolbooks, stationery and art supplies, €490 on uniforms, shoes, PE Gear etc, and then there's the €15 per week for bus fares, €45 per week pocket money, and the fact that the weekly shopping bill has increased by €120...

Kids are expensive and they get more expensive as they get older. They want new bikes now!

I better start saving, so!

Daisy M

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Oh no no no not that old chestnut. Do you really think only parents can understand what it's like to have children?

I believe that only people who have hands on experience of raising children can understand whats its like. I am now raising a teenager and 4 years ago I had no idea of how much things would change, not saying that it is any worse or better been a parent of a teenager just that its different and you learn as you go.

aristotle25

As a new father to a now 4 week old son I can say it is and will be worth it.

Nothing compares to having a child, a person in your life for the rest of your life that you help develop and live their own life. We are probably hardwired at DNA level to feel good about having children but it has been the single greatest thing that has happend to me so far!

I could certainly live a happy life too without a child but its like the icing on the cake for me.

And I think it is only when you experience a child growing from a tiny fetal hearbeat at 6 weeks old right up to birth and life that you will know what it is like. You can of course guess what it is like to have that extra responsibility, extra cost and so on. But you cant guess the rest of it, I couldnt anyways.

OldNotWIse

Cyclepath wrote: »

Well, just to give you a flavour, I've two boys in secondary school. They've only just come to live with me as their mother has certain issues (but that's an entire other story...)

I've just spent a total of €580 on schoolbooks, stationery and art supplies, €490 on uniforms, shoes, PE Gear etc, and then there's the €15 per week for bus fares, €45 per week pocket money, and the fact that the weekly shopping bill has increased by €120...

Kids are expensive and they get more expensive as they get older. They want new bikes now!

Have I been living under a rock?

pickarooney

Wow, over a grand a year just on clothes and schoolbooks? What the hell are they eating that costs €120 in food for just two of them?

This suggests that the costs go from around 0 to 10 grand a year over time with an average in the middle?

Daisy M

Honestly it gets so expensive as they get older, its unbelievable. I spent well in excess of 1000e to get 3 back to school and 2 are still in national school, I still have other bits to get. This year my older fella is doing junior cert so will need to get past exam papers and pay for mocks and junior cert.

Activities cost approx 25e a week, no expensive things like dance classes its all community based sports like basket ball who charge a nominal fee but x it by 3 and it adds up not to mention if they have a match and go on the bus which can cost up to 5e.

As for pocket money I take it the 45e is for the 2 boys, sounds a lot but its not. Phone credit would prob be 20e a month to get free texts. If my lad goes to a youth disco it is 7e to get in obviously he likes to have money for a mineral and chips afterwards usually 12e gone same if he goes to the cinema.
He usually brings lunch but one the odd time two days a week we give him 2e to buy it.
They never stop snacking, grow out of clothes and shoes like there is no tomorrow and always seem to be invited to birthday parties. It is a never ending cycle of handing out money. To those who say having children makes you less ambitious, wrong it makes you more ambitious because you want to provide for your children.

anncoates

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Have I been living under a rock?

Yeah, we went to decimal money in the early 70s.

Mr Benevolent

seamus wrote: »

Seriously, so many parents need to grow a backbone.
Any of that "I want" messing when I was growing up was given very short shrift. At best you might get a chocolate bar if you'd been good, but just randomly getting toys because you happened to be in a toy shop? No way in hell.

Context, Seamus, context... I assume you don't have a kid, right?

Daisy M

pickarooney wrote: »

Wow, over a grand a year just on clothes and schoolbooks? What the hell are they eating that costs €120 in food for just two of them?

This suggests that the costs go from around 0 to 10 grand a year over time with an average in the middle?

I think it escalates rapidly once they start school, I was just looking at my last post and thinking I am going to look back at these costs in a few short years, when all going well college will be on the horizon, and think pft sure that was nothing! However new parents don't be afraid or worried by the numbers springing up at you some how or other you manage and other fees like creches will be a thing of the past or maybe if one of you stayed at home with the children you will (like me) be able to return to work.

You know what though, if we didnt have children I doubt we would feel any better off our money would probably go on more expensive purchases, my tastes would be a little finer and I would at the end of the day have nothing to show for it, to us nothing compares to our children.

bbam

Confab wrote: »

Context, Seamus, context... I assume you don't have a kid, right?

I have two and I agree with Seamus !
Without being blunt or rude kids need to know that they can't have everything they want.. IMHO lazy parenting causes alot of bad behaviour in children. Particularly during the boom years many lazy parents just threw money and crap stuff at their children thinking that was good parenting, rather than spending time with their kids, playing along with them and reading them a book.

I have to say it does annoy me a bit to see parents on whinging about the cost of having children... I mean seriously, did you think it was going to make no difference to your shopping or weekly budget to have two/three kids who would grow up and need to be provided for..
There is one man who's 5 children go to our school, he's forever moaning on about the cost of everything for his kids... maybe he should have kept his damn knob in his trousers more often, nobody asked him to have 5 kids!!

Daisy M

bbam wrote: »

I have two and I agree with Seamus !
Without being blunt or rude kids need to know that they can't have everything they want.. IMHO lazy parenting causes alot of bad behaviour in children. Particularly during the boom years many lazy parents just threw money and crap stuff at their children thinking that was good parenting, rather than spending time with their kids, playing along with them and reading them a book.

I have to say it does annoy me a bit to see parents on whinging about the cost of having children... I mean seriously, did you think it was going to make no difference to your shopping or weekly budget to have two/three kids who would grow up and need to be provided for..
There is one man who's 5 children go to our school, he's forever moaning on about the cost of everything for his kids... maybe he should have kept his damn knob in his trousers more often, nobody asked him to have 5 kids!!

Just in case you took me up wrong I am not moaning, just stating facts for people who hadn't realised the full costs.

I must admit I wonder that too when I hear parents moaning however the costs of sending children back to certain schools is a bit prohibitive with crested uniforms and a high turn over of new books.

Aclose relative of mine always moans about the school runs I don't get what she thought was going to happen!!

bbam

pickarooney wrote: »

What the hell are they eating that costs €120 in food for just two of them?
QUOTE]
Thats a good question?
€120 extra in shopping just because they are back at school? They must eat like kings!!

Malari

Like the OP, when i was very young I always sort of assumed I'd be having kids at some stage. But as I got into my 20s and older I got more and more certain I don't want any ever. It's not the day-to-day hassle or anything like that, I just don't have the desire. I've never even wondered.

I don't think that you get many parents with regrets though. If I was absolutely forced to have a child I'd probably love it! I choose not to though

OldNotWIse

anncoates wrote: »

Yeah, we went to decimal money in the early 70s.

Excuse you?

Mr_Spaceman

Christ on a bike - the cost of having children scares the fcuk out of me. I couldn't even afford a pint after stacking it all up.

Which is, I guess, just as well I'm still wild and untameable at 43. Mid-life crisis notwithstanding.

eth0

cynder wrote: »

Depends I'm 32 my eldest is 13, we do kickboxing together, shopping, 15a movies, mini marathons, we will be doing canoeing and Rock climbing together, next year we plan to go mountaineering and maybe before she turns 20 and I turn 40 climb Kilimanjaro. We will also be able to go to the pub together now and then.

We went to alton towers and had a blast on the rollercoasters...

My 2 sons are 7 and 5 and I have great fun kicking a football around with them, playing fuseball or the Xbox with them, And Jumping in puddles, not too often you can do that and look sane...

Depends what you call fun, acting like a kid with your own kid is great fun.

You're one of the lucky ones for sure. Most people I know with kids aren't that much craic at all

jay92

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I actually fear this. Well not so much having kids, just that same life everyone seems to end up having. Working long hours to support family. Living in the same house doing the same ****ty 9-5 job with the same girlfriend for the rest of your life.
I'm probably being very insulting but it's just the way I personally feel about it.
Being stuck in on weekends looking after the kids. Jesus, I just could never imagine it.

I should be saying hopefully one day I'll want all that **** but I don't want it. Ever.

Perhaps it will all result in me dying alone as a miserable old bollocks with a whole lot of crazy.

You summed up everything I wanted to say

Another thing is. If my girlfirend told me that she was pregnant I have it in my head that I'd leave without telling anybody, different country whatever.

Horrible I know..

Biggins

I have NOT read any of the previous posts yet.

I've kept out of this thread so far for a number of reasons, mainly due to limited time.
I will just say this and people can pick it apart.

I'm a dad of four kids.

For me NOW they are worth it.
I'm at a mental stage where I can gain enjoyment out of sharing time with them and participating in their lives.
I have help create life four times and now I gain pleasure in caring for them and teaching them in what small way I can.

Had the OP question been asked earlier in my life, my answer I suspect would be much different to my current outlook.

I have reached a stage where I now think they are worth it for there is many things I have gained at my stage of mental development.
I won't bore ye all with what I think I have gained in total but summed up, I can best out it as a passing on of knowledge about the better things in life and how to avoid some worse ones.
That and the reflection back of love that that flow from my wife and I, to our children.

I watched my four children this evening outside front of our home.
They were healthy, full of life, happy, laughing and running about free without many a heavy care we adults now have to deal with.
I saw them and I thought to myself "life don't get any better than that" - seeing them content in turn made me more content.

Earlier in my life I don't think I (others might be different so I don't speak for them) would have as much been as appreciative of children and their lives interjecting into mine.
Right now at my stage of life, yes, they are worth the hassle. Earlier I might have said "No" thus was a different mental state I was in.
Besides love and company (short version) they make my life complete and I have no regrets for a second.

Da Shins Kelly

I do not like the idea of having to be responsible for anyone except myself, which is why children are definitely not on the horizon for me. That said, I'm relatively young, so maybe when or if I make it to my 30s that will all change.