How many people here know someone who committed suicide?

Kenno90

I think the vast majority of people know someone who tried and/or succeeded.

An old girlfriend lost one of her friends and a neighbour killed himself. I didn't know the girl but I knew the neighbour.

He was well liked and was known all around the town, he had two small children. His funeral was honestly one of the saddest days of my life

Kenno90

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Neighbour killed herself 6 years ago and took her children with her in the process.

My god that's terrible , was it on the news or anything like that.

Edit* On second thought don't post any links , its disrespectful

Lelantos

3 schoolfriends many years ago, all within the space of a couple of months. And only last week a man who i would talk to for an hour or so when he called in to me. Split from his partner & no access to his children & he spiralled into depression

Noxin

I know two.

One last year that was a real shocker. When you spoke with this chap or were out for a brew with him you would never have imagined it. Happy crazy nutter who just liked to enjoy himself and did so... or so we thought...
Just goes to show you that it can be near impossible tell what is going on in someones head.

Other was many moons a go. She was a very hot and lovely person who had a lot going for her. Studying law.. very intelligent, young, like I said, very attractive and lots of fun. Again, never would have imagined it.

Neither were my extremely close friends, as in those who I hang out with every week so it makes me wonder if the signs were visible to those who were that close to them.

Agricola

Two lads I went to school with committed suicide. We started secondary together. One of them went onto college with me. I only saw him now and again but I clearly remember one of those times being in the run up to Christmas exams. I met him in the library and we were talking about holdays. I thought it odd that he didnt seem to be looking forward to them and then he said he would probably stay in his flat over Christmas, didnt really want to go home. Didnt see him again after that and 6 months later I got a call from another old school friend to say he was gone. Could'nt believe it.

kerry4sam

will.i.am wrote: »

Well I know of a few in my home town in the past couple of years and earlier this year a cousin of mine that I went to school with from play school up until 3rd year. We were different people and never really clicked and he went down the the wrong path. I feel sorry for his family tough I say his mother and grandmother for the first time last week and by speaking to them for just a few minutes I knew there were different people. I then started think of all the people I met at my first year in college and almost everyone of them had being effected by a suicide.
So, how many people out there has affected by a suicide?

I have lost a few friends to suicide and I know 'of' more but would have known them well.

I've studied the area of suicide and reasoning for and lead up behaviours etc after a really close friend committed suicide years ago and seriously don't think even attempted-suicide is understood by society or that even some of those who should be aware of reasons for same are educated enough in the area. I am not up-to-date with stats in the area but jeez, it just seems to be happening more and more of late.

nikkibikki

2 uncles, opposite sides of family. 18 years ago and 5 years ago. My Dads family have been hit with many tragedies over the years and his brother being uparalysed in an accident, confined to a wheelchair and subsequently taking his own life was one of them. Worst phone call he ever had to make wad to me in Oz just over 12 years later with the news that my Mam's brother had taken his own life. It never leaves the loved ones left behind. Heartbroken over both uncles and will be always.

To anyone contemplating anything like this, please don't. Please reach out to ur friends/family/ counsellors for help. It is not a sign of weakness but of strength to seek help. A good friend of mine suffers from anxiety and depression and I keep telling her how well she's doing and how proud she should b of herself as she is getting help and dealing with her issues.

There's a few more that I wouldn't have known as well. A teenage neighbour when we were younger, 15 years old. Devastated the place. His whole school practically turned up to his funeral n some of his close friends went mad as lots never even spoke to him when he was alive. Nice guy, quiet but very witty! Another was my good friends ex whom she was still friendly with. He had visited her d weekend before n was in great form she said. A few more young and old local guys too. Depression is an illness as deadly as cancer.

books4sale

gsxr1 wrote: »

Young lad who worked with me. Only 17 and he was found swinging from the ceiling . I wish I copped on that he was so depressed . Was stairing me in the face but I choose to ignore it.
I cant forget him after 6 years.

Its a bad selfish act which leaves nothing but lifelong pain for parents, family and friends.

Nasty stuff.

I once saved a lad trying to leap of a bridge . Over a woman. He went on to be quite successful in life. But does not know me..

Shows how little you know about suicide, its victims and the underlying problems. As you admit 'I wish I copped on'

If you had problems you might understand, you wouldn't be on here making stupid comments.

As for saving the lad from the bridge, you effing hero, big yourself up there, the world revolves around you doesn't it?

anncoates

Two: one close friend and one family member.

They left unimaginable pain behind them but It's wrong and insensitive to voice any anger towards them for "being selfish".

It's only heartbreaking that they felt that was the only option they had and assigning blame is not going to bring them back although god knows I wish with all my heart there was a way to bring them back.

I've known 2 people who've committed suicide.
Devastated both families.

Seren_

My aunt killed herself 8 years ago. She'd been suffering from mental illness for a long time and had attempted before so it wasn't hugely shocking (as horrible as it is to say that). It was really sad, especially as she had a teenage daughter. She was such a lovely person.

I don't think anyone can possibly understand what's going through a suicidal person's mind unless you've been there yourself. There is no worse feeling in the world than thinking you're a horrible, worthless person. Sometimes it seems like things can never get better, so suicide is the only thing to stop the pain. When you get to that stage (or at least when I was suicidal), other people don't even come into it. I just didn't care about life, I though things would be a million times better for them if they didn't have to deal with someone like me.

However, as countless doctors/therapists etc have told me, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things can and do get better, they really do.

IvyTheTerrible

My brother killed himself three years ago. Also a girl I went to school with.

My brother's death was completely unexpected. Normally he was the life and soul of the party. Now we noticed he was a bit down for a few months before hand, but really suicide would never have crossed our mind.

The speculation is very annoying. People coming up with all sorts of ideas of why he did it, no one can know why except himself (he only left the vaguest of notes).

MidlandsM

Biggins wrote: »

Sadly I do.

+1 , its a tough world.

enda1

No one thankfully.

Pj!

A couple of friends.

A friend had attempted it a long time ago. Had married. Was retired. Seemed happy out. He obviously put a bit of planning into the act but never even left a note.

Another local man (older generation) I would have known for years done it recently. Had a few drinks with him one weekend. Had a good chat, bit of a laugh. He was dead about 36hrs later.
Really took me by surprise. He was just such a big strong man. Well respected.


Sad. Very sad.
Of course it's all over for the individual but it can really ruin the lives of close ones.

Some suicides are selfish. No question.

supermouse

My uncle committed suicide in 2010. Left behind a large family, youngest child was just 16. A successful businessman, well respected in the community. We have no idea why and will never know.

His family have fallen to shreds since.

Heartbreaking.

kerry4sam

enda1 wrote: »

No one thankfully.

I hope it remains that way for you too.

castletownman

One of my team-mates hanged himself six years ago this week actually. We were due to play championship that day but it was understandably cancelled. Whether it's an indictment to the club I don't know, but there never seems to be any form of a memorial service for him (although I'm not sure if his family requested that there wouldn't). One of my close friends from school drove his car into the sea must have been four years ago now. That is still the most shocking day of my life

Two months ago a fella who was a regular in my local just randomly hanged himself on the Sunday morning, after leaving the pub at the start of a session saying he had to fix his tv aerial down the road. This lad had a history of not being all there (he was a massive Liverpool fan and was known to "start" on people who cheered for the other team when they were on the telly). I wouldn't be lying when I say I never got on with him. Thing is, his friends have portrayed him as some kind of martyr and I have to donate money to some form of charity in his honour every weekend I'm in the pub since. I know they're only raising awareness of depression etc. but it just seems that, without being disrespectful to his family, he's become a lot more popular after ending his life.

Chorcai

I can't even imagine how dark a place someone must be in order to take your own life, let alone the grief that a family will endure afterwards. I am so so lucky that I know no one close to me has taken their own life.

This country should be ashamed of itself as a socity in the way we deal with suicide and mental health issues.

For what it's worth, there is always someone there for you, they might not be a family member but there is someone.

ruthloss

TURRICAN wrote: »

That's one thing gets on my nerves is people speculating etc.
Doesn't matter , it's too late.
Why didn't they try see if they could be a better person to him /her in the first place, then they probably wouldn't have had to speculate.

Alot of Irish mentality needs to change.

I agree with your sentiments to a certain extent., however, as far as I know, no one had any idea he intended to take his own life, I'm certain if they did, they would have done all they could for him.

As to speculation, that's only human, everyone wonders 'why'., not least his poor family.

Andy-Pandy

An old school friend earlier this year, coincidentally on the same day as a good friend of a group of my friend's. It's an awful thing to imagine being in such a dark place, in particular when whatever is going on in their head is usually all in there own head, and has no basis in reality. By this i mean that they had everything going for them and where loved by many people. Its devastating for everyone

ahnowbrowncow

bluewolf wrote: »

I always boggle at the mentality of people who condemn it as selfish because "how will their families feel". This person is so depressed, so much in pain, and so much on the edge they want to overcome that innate instinct to hang on to their lives, and all you're concerned about is how you feel. That is selfish.

No, I don't know someone who did, but I did talk someone out of it a long time ago.

I also didn't do it by complaining "but how will I feel?"

It depends on the case, not every suicide is selfish but you're just as wrong saying every suicide isn't selfish. I know one person who had a wife and kids and lost his job, a few days later he killed himself.

How is that not selfish, who knows what was going through his head or what was going on in his life but he made his wife's and children's lives a lot tougher, leaving them with a large mortgage, no means of income and no husband or father.

And people who commit suicide just to get back at someone. They deliberately kill themselves to make someone else feel really guilty for the rest of their lives, that's incredibly selfish.

bbam

I know of about ten in our locality, some I knew well, others I didn't know

I hate to hear people saying "what were they thinking off" or "they were just thinking of themselves" or "I can't understand why they did it".

What isn't understood is that these people are at their lowest mental strength and not thinking rationally so many of us just don't and can't understand it. To me it seems like the last desperate act of someone who just can't see any other solution to their situation, try to imagine it folks, things are so bad, dark and desperate that taking your own life seems like an improvement.
Please don't criticise these people, try to understand them and learn to look out for the signs of troubled souls.

Owryan

Hersheys wrote: »

I've lost a few people to suicide.

I've also attempted suicide. Don't judge. When you're at rock bottom it seems like the only way out.

I'm in counselling now & not suicidal but I'm still losing people to suicide.

Sucks.

Same for me, i know too many people who choose the suicide option yet it didnt stop me taking an overdose

out the other side and doing well but the really scary thing is, every now and again the urge to end it all will grip me and tho i know i wont act on it the fact i still feel the urge is frightening, and this is after 2 years of counselling and help.

Not a bit surprised so many people cant save themselves esp when they dont seek help, wanting to commit suicide is a scarily powerful feeling .

Dave!

Couple of friends of friends is all. One of them was following a fight with his girlfriend... Goes home and hangs himself. He was about 22. Devastating.

Thankfully my family hasn't been touched by it directly, I can only imagine what it would be like. Everyone's lives would be destroyed along with the victim.

Tabnabs

A guy I was in school with, the sister of another guy I went to school with and the brother of a friend. It's a horrible, evil situation.

cruiser178

In the last 22 years iv'e known 8 people personally who have committed suicide. The youngest was 16, the oldest was 38 which was only 3 weeks ago, so sad.

cyrusdvirus

4.
One classmate the week before the leaving.

One schoolmate who was also the brother of a colleague.. That funeral was about the hardest i've ever been at, as the same family had also lost their father and mother.. the priest opened the service with the words "this is the third time I've stood here and looked down at (Brother and 2 sisters) in the front pew of my church"... there was a collective intake of breath at that, as people realised just HOW much this family had been through.

And two exes. One killed herself in the UK, one at her mothers place in Raheny.

In both cases we had split up a while beforehand and lost contact, but it still dwells in the back of my mind, if things had gone differently, would they still be here....

tmc86

I knew 2 people who took their own lives.

When you look at the amount of posters on here who knew someone who has taken their own life it shows how bad of a problem it is in Ireland.

The good old Irish way, bottle everything up, god forbid you should talk to someone about your problems. Same goes for sex, sexual abuse etc.

If we can't see it, it's not there. We need to shake that mindset.

TeddyTedson

It might be better to ask how many people don't know someone who killed themselves.

With the long dark nights ahead and worsening of the economic issues I suspect someone reading this thread will know someone who kills themselves by the end of the year. The sad reality of it.

Madam_X

Nobody close to me, but acquaintances.

For those who see it as selfish, who have never suffered depression: think of the saddest/most heartbroken you've ever been and how you longed for the pain to end and to be able to just curl up, go to sleep and wake up with all the hurt gone. Now multiply that several times over - and throw debilitating, hopeless, mind-distorting depression into the mix. People end their lives because the pain becomes too overwhelming and suffocating at a certain point - everyone can only be pushed so far.
That's not to say it's not one of the most dreadful things that can happen to their loved ones, but they don't mean to hurt them, they just literally cannot go on...

Think of physical pain that's too great to tolerate and the patient begging for an overdose of morphine (and this being allowed in some places) or of being trapped a few floors up in a burning building and just jumping out because there is nowhere else to turn. The same applies to suicide. Emotional pain can be just as unbearable.

bluewolf

bluewolf wrote: »

I always boggle at the mentality of people who condemn it as selfish because "how will their families feel". This person is so depressed, so much in pain, and so much on the edge they want to overcome that innate instinct to hang on to their lives, and all you're concerned about is how you feel. That is selfish.

Again, whatever about what their "motives" are, the act is still selfish. People can have incorrect "reasons" or "logic" for doing anything, it doesn't mean those reasons are accurate. I don't need to imagine what people feel like when they get to that point, I can just reminisce. The 3 people who off the top of my head I know had proper suicide attempts all agree it's a selfish thing to do. It seems to generally be people trying to be understanding who take offence to it being called a selfish act.

Madam_X

Well yeh if you were to be reductive about it, it is selfish - in that it destroys those left behind, but that also implies that the person who does it doesn't give a sh1t about those left behind, which nobody can prove is true. And no doubt usually isn't.

It's not a case of "trying to be understanding" - it's a case of empathising, seeing the bigger picture, recognising not everything is black and white.

KKkitty

I know of a handful. One young man was one of the worst. Like a few already said there was no signs there to indicate this young man would do it. He seemed so full of life and positive and he went to a shed near his house and hung himself. He had lost his dad when he was young and never got over it. I slit my wrists and tried to overdose on painkillers on two separate occasions. I felt like a failure on both occasions and thought everyone would be better off without me around.

Placebo Effect

I've read all this thread, so sad.

Tim the Enchanter

I knew 4 people, 3 shot themselves and 1 hung himself. I was the last person to see the lad that hung himself alive. He never said anything to me, just went home, went up to his attic and strung himself up. It was hard seeing his family, they had so many questions, but he never gave the slightest indication he was going to do anything.

Bannasidhe

Madam_X wrote: »

Well yeh if you were to be reductive about it, it is selfish - in that it destroys those left behind, but that also implies that the person who does it doesn't give a sh1t about those left behind, which nobody can prove is true. And no doubt usually isn't.

It's not a case of "trying to be understanding" - it's a case of empathising, seeing the bigger picture, recognising not everything is black and white.

I agree. Different people have different reasons.


Now that I think about it, I've known a few people who took their own lives over the years. Some of them I do feel were being selfish, others were acts of desperation, some were people who had given up on life a long time ago.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, the one's I think were selfish it's more how they chose to kill themselves - they were 3 middle aged men (one was my cousin, one was married to my cousin and one was my sister's best friend's husband) all three were very controlling of their wives and children, all 3 were heavy drinkers, all three were separated and all three phoned one of their children(late teenage to young adults) to meet them in a certain place at a certain time.
In every case the 'child' phoned was supportive of their mothers decision to divorce. Inquests revealed the time of death (all 3 hanged themselves) for each of them was around ten minutes before they had arranged to meet their children. These men decided they would have their children find their bodies. One left a note saying it was all his wife's fault. That to me is selfish. Shades of 'stay with me or I'll kill myself and then you'll be sorry.'

Others just couldn't cope, the first person I knew who committed suicide was the father of a kid I played with growing up, the family were neighbours of ours and people did wonder how a man who was the manager of a small DIY/paint shop could afford to send 5 kids to private schools (this was the 1970s when few people had that kind of income). He was a lovely man, but his wife was one of those Hyacinth Bucket types. Turned out he was defrauding his employers for years to pay the school fees and an audit was about to expose him. My Dad found him in the river.

Another had been doing coke with her mate when he OD'd. She just couldn't live with the guilt. She drove her car into the river on the anniversary of his death.

Two were young Gay people from very fundamentalist Christian backgrounds. They couldn't reconcile what they had been taught with their sexual orientation. In both cases their families refused to claim the bodies of these 'sinners'.

A guy who grew up on the same street as me went down a wrong path in his late teens. Junkie, pimp, HIV positive, countless convictions. He committed suicide on this 50th birthday. Left a note for his family saying he was sorry he had f**ked up his life and caused them so much shame and pain.

I knew many men through work in the 1980s who had AIDS and decided to die with dignity at a time of their own choosing. I fully supported their decisions.

GAAman

Funny this thread is created today, it is the 5 year anniversary of a very close friend of mine. Still hurts like all hell.

mrsdewinter

This thread makes harrowing reading. I'm sitting in a cafe, with tears in my eyes as I read the various stories.

Teyla Emmagan

My friend Jude, when we were in college. She was 21. Beautiful, smart, funny and stylish. An absolute and horrific waste of such a young and promising life.

Placebo Effect

mrsdewinter wrote: »

This thread makes harrowing reading. I'm sitting in a cafe, with tears in my eyes as I read the various stories.

I'm the same, didn't want to say it but I'm in tears, really wish I didn't open this thread.

JRant

As a teenager my neighbour who was a year older than me came home from his girlfriends Debs and hanged himself. Chap seemed so full of life and gave off no signs of depression. To this day I can still remember his sisters screams when they found him. My dad and I ran next door to see what was going on as he lived with his sisters and mother and thought they were being attacked. I still have nightmares remembering my dad trying to hold his body up while I tried to cut him down.

Faith+1

My cousin just over 9 years ago. Got into a drug debt and hung himself in the shed. Worst thing about the whole situation was my Aunt (His mother) found him there. Terrible time it was

mayotom

will.i.am wrote: »

Well I know of a few in my home town in the past couple of years and earlier this year a cousin of mine that I went to school with from play school up until 3rd year. We were different people and never really clicked and he went down the the wrong path. I feel sorry for his family tough I say his mother and grandmother for the first time last week and by speaking to them for just a few minutes I knew there were different people. I then started think of all the people I met at my first year in college and almost everyone of them had being effected by a suicide.
So, how many people out there has affected by a suicide?

I could name at least 8

starlings

books4sale wrote: »

Shows how little you know about suicide, its victims and the underlying problems. As you admit 'I wish I copped on'

If you had problems you might understand, you wouldn't be on here making stupid comments.

As for saving the lad from the bridge, you effing hero, big yourself up there, the world revolves around you doesn't it?

I think this is uncalled for. In talking that man down, gsxr1 did something most people wish they could have done -when it's too late. It's also reasonable to wish we had understood suicidal intentions, as in the other case gsxr1 mentioned - when it's too late.

Madam_X

Bannasidhe wrote: »

I agree. Different people have different reasons.


Now that I think about it, I've known a few people who took their own lives over the years. Some of them I do feel were being selfish, others were acts of desperation, some were people who had given up on life a long time ago.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, the one's I think were selfish it's more how they chose to kill themselves - they were 3 middle aged men (one was my cousin, one was married to my cousin and one was my sister's best friend's husband) all three were very controlling of their wives and children, all 3 were heavy drinkers, all three were separated and all three phoned one of their children(late teenage to young adults) to meet them in a certain place at a certain time.
In every case the 'child' phoned was supportive of their mothers decision to divorce. Inquests revealed the time of death (all 3 hanged themselves) for each of them was around ten minutes before they had arranged to meet their children. These men decided they would have their children find their bodies. One left a note saying it was all his wife's fault. That to me is selfish. Shades of 'stay with me or I'll kill myself and then you'll be sorry.'

Others just couldn't cope, the first person I knew who committed suicide was the father of a kid I played with growing up, the family were neighbours of ours and people did wonder how a man who was the manager of a small DIY/paint shop could afford to send 5 kids to private schools (this was the 1970s when few people had that kind of income). He was a lovely man, but his wife was one of those Hyacinth Bucket types. Turned out he was defrauding his employers for years to pay the school fees and an audit was about to expose him. My Dad found him in the river.

Another had been doing coke with her mate when he OD'd. She just couldn't live with the guilt. She drove her car into the river on the anniversary of his death.

Two were young Gay people from very fundamentalist Christian backgrounds. They couldn't reconcile what they had been taught with their sexual orientation. In both cases their families refused to claim the bodies of these 'sinners'.

A guy who grew up on the same street as me went down a wrong path in his late teens. Junkie, pimp, HIV positive, countless convictions. He committed suicide on this 50th birthday. Left a note for his family saying he was sorry he had f**ked up his life and caused them so much shame and pain.

I knew many men through work in the 1980s who had AIDS and decided to die with dignity at a time of their own choosing. I fully supported their decisions.

Wow, what a post, Bannasidhe...

Faith+1 wrote: »

My cousin just over 9 years ago. Got into a drug debt and hung himself in the shed. Worst thing about the whole situation was my Aunt (His mother) found him there. Terrible time it was

My dad's best pal's stepson - same circumstances. His mum and stepdad were being harassed by the dealers too and part of what drove him over the edge was the guilt of this. As his mother says though, she'd go through it all again and worse, just to have him back...

Dalken

strokeslover wrote: »

I lost a cousin to suicide, absolutely no idea as they seemed as cheerful as ever in the days before. It just shows you don't know what thought are running through peoples heads or how they are really feeling inside. So sad.

Same as that, family friend lost to suicide. Young man in his final year of college, seemed so peaceful, calm, even cheery in the days leading up to his death. He had just made up his mind and had made peace with what he was going to do... seems eerie in a way I think.

Nomonlyadics

Two I knew from school, one I was more friends with as I was in primary school with him the other he was just in my year in high school. One I knew from the Reserves . A lot in this town altogether.

jarvis

My mother committed suicide when I was 2 so obviously I don't remember, my brother did it when I was 7, he was 17.
I think I know about 8 people from my area who have done it. It fairly messes you up and because I was so young I wasn't really capable of dealing with it.
I did catch up however, I went through a really tough time coming to terms with it in my early twenties. I can talk about it now where I couldn't before and I can see why people says its selfish etc and I do still think this on certain days. I might still be kinda messed up about it as I change my mind on my feelings about them nearly every day.
I'm really happy with my life at the moment and I am fairly laid back, no matter what's happening I'm always of the opinion that it could be worse. I miss them of course, but I wouldn't change anything as it has made me who I am and the hand I've been dealt has been ok.
I'd be interested in hearing the opinions of other survivors to see what they think in terms of the selfish argumen.

I know I'm waffling a bit here but another thing it has done for me is Im glad I don't have to go through losing my parents etc as I've lost both already (father was not suicide) but I really really fear the day my wife loses one of her parents, she's 33 and has never lost anyone and I can't imagine how it will effect her

Japer

realies wrote: »

I,Figures show 525 people took their own lives in Ireland in 2011, an increase of 7 per cent on the previous year.

I know some people who committed suicide in Ireland who would not be on any official list of people who committed suicide....it was an "accident" etc but close friends etc knew of the persons intentions. Very sad.