Boys, Men and crying

Azwaldo55

eviltwin wrote: »

and then people wonder why so many of our men take their own lives. any wonder with that mentality?

Men carry responsibility on their shoulders. It is a heavy weight.
When James Connally was awaiting the firing squad he was visited in his cells by his wife and their children.
He gave out to them for "unmanning" him.
If he faced the firing squad blubbing like a baby he endangered his blood sacrifice.
Heroes have to meet their end without a tear.

Howshocowpownw

Howshocowpownw wrote: »

As the man, you would have to stay strong for the rest of the family.

I see your issue and the source of your error then. You see tears as being synonymous with weakness as if one precludes the other.

It is not so. They are in no way mutually exclusive. Nor - I notice - have you offered a single reason to even begin to suspect they are.

Also why do you have to do this "As the man" exactly? What has being male got to do with it? Are you perhaps applying archaic notions of gender roles to a modern society?

jackofalltrades

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

A man does not cry when his father or mother die.
A man does not cry if his girlfriend or wife leaves him or dies.
A man does not cry if he loses his job and is struggling to find work.
A man does not cry when he is dying of an illness.
A man does not cry when he feels frustrated by work or fails an exam or fails to get a promotion.
A man does not cry when there is a romantic movie on the television.
A man does not cry when having sex no matter how beautiful the love making may be.

Clearly men should be living short, unhappy lives according to you.

Men carry responsibility on their shoulders. It is a heavy weight.

And women don't? What about all the child carers out there?

RainyDay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1di6XyLGE-w

Perhaps we should be encouraging our politicians to cry publicly more often, like this Japanese gent caught for misusing €20k worth of expenses

Jhcx

I've never been in a position where people have judged me. And that still won't stop me. I've cried in front of friends ex's and anyone. And will keep going to release the anger inside.

Funnily enough I don't cry at funerals but will over a piece of music. humans we work in mysterious ways

Precious flower

Coming from a woman, any man who cries in my opinion is a real man. A man who is afraid to express or show emotion of any kind is not a real man. I've never seen my own father cry, ever which is why I respect men who can show their emotions in public. He's not a man to show his emotions. I suppose he was from a different era when that was not encouraged. He is good at showing anger though! He has that emotion down! :pac:

I love my dad and everything but his lack of emotion had a knock on effect for me in that I would, until very recently, never dream of crying in public. I didn't cry at my own Grandmother's funeral. In private I did, but not during the funeral in front of people, and neither did my father. He's not the type to show emotion easily. I thought it showed weakness to cry. Thankfully I've come to realise it's nothing to be ashamed about.

Men who cry and show emotion are real men. So men cry!!

playedalive

My dog of 13 years had to be put to sleep yesterday and I was crying inconsolably in the vet room when the dog passed. I'm 23. I think there's nothing wrong with crying, but my all rugby secondary school would have crucified me calling me gay, etc. That would be insulting as I actually am gay and putting it down to a certain sexuality is really bad. I also suffer with depression and I think years of bottling up emotions has had a negative effect on me. So I'll cry and talk it out.

_Redzer_

I guess I'm someone who bottles things up as well. I find it extraordinarily difficult to cry, I could force myself and it'd be futile, I'm just not very expressive or emotive, but a couple of weeks ago a very close friend of mine died under some fairly tragic circumstances. Again, I just couldn't cry, but during the funeral his sister said something that just set something off in me and I was in pieces and it all came out -which I needed tbh.
Felt no shame or hit to my masculinity over it as thinking that is just nonsense and I just needed to let it out.

High time men can be free to be emotive if we want. Some guys are more sensitive than others and the thinking that you have to toughen up is most damaging to those types of guys as they have to bottle their emotions more, which is extremely unhealthy.

fits

My Dad often cried, with pride, sadness, happiness. He was the best man I ever knew.

gormdubhgorm

There were tears of happiness welling up when Cluxton hit that point against Kerry back in 2011. Does that count?

If men feel they want to cry they should cry.
But I think most men are not as emotionally sensitive as women so it is less likely to happen.

It would be funny if men learnt the trick some women have of crying on command when they want to put on a show. That would really mess with peoples heads!

knucklehead6

I had a little cry at the weekend.

I'm 38 years old, was hugely tired, had had a stressful week, blew it with a lady friend that I've been chasing for a few months, have a few financial worries (nothing that won't be sorted in 2 paychecks but just another thing weighing me down at the time) and i had just shouted at one of my dogs when all she wanted to do was play....

So I sat down and had a little cry. Have to say I felt a hell of a lot better afterwards. i just needed the emotional release.

Anyone wants to hold that against me, that's their problem.

Wibbs

If a man wants to cry then cool, if a man doesn't then equally cool. So long as he is expressing his nature and neither bottling things up or crying because it's seen to be the done thing. No need to swing the pendulum the other way where the idea is "only real men cry".

I've cried at various times in my life, but it wouldn't really be a regular thing for me. It's just not in my nature and I ain't gonna force it either way. I'm not gonna force the stiff upper lip, nor am I gonna force the sensitive man angle just to fit in depending on who I'm around.

hallo dare

Like many a man I done the usual male thing and bottled everything up until 2 years ago I went in a serious downward spiral after I was involved in an accident.

I don't know if it was the due to the inability to go about my daily routine after that due to my injuries, but as I was unable to do anything I had some (if not too much) time to think throughout the days. This ran into a serious bout of depression and dark days. I have spent days crying (for reasons unknown to me), but thankfully I have a very supportive Family, Wife and Kids, plus excellent Friends.

Basically I went through Therapy and I am still on medication to this day, but it's as simple as this.........If you are a male,talk,share and cry if needs be. Life is to short to suffer in silence. I cried both at home and at Therapy, and for me it was the best release.

knucklehead6

Wibbs wrote: »

If a man wants to cry then cool, if a man doesn't then equally cool. So long as he is expressing his nature and neither bottling things up or crying because it's seen to be the done thing. No need to swing the pendulum the other way where the idea is "only real men cry".

I've cried at various times in my life, but it wouldn't really be a regular thing for me. It's just not in my nature and I ain't gonna force it either way. I'm not gonna force the stiff upper lip, nor am I gonna force the sensitive man angle just to fit in depending on who I'm around.

I'd be the same. The last time i cried ( and not the little tear in the eye, the proper cry) was 5 years ago when my uncle died. My then girlfriend was in hospital at the time after suffering a brain aneurysm, and again, things just got on top of me. My uncle passing away hammered home the fact that my own parents aren't getting any younger and that eventually that day will come for them too.

By my nature I hold things in, fold them up and then take them out to deal with them in my own time.....but occasionally I get hit with a LOT of things.... too many to fold up.

D'Agger

knucklehead6 wrote: »

So I sat down and had a little cry. Have to say I felt a hell of a lot better afterwards. i just needed the emotional release.

Glad to hear it knucklehead! Hope you're in better spirits continuing into the week

DazMarz

Back a few months ago, I had a big event go my way. I don't want to get into details, but let me just say it was something that I had poured my heart, soul, body and mind into. I went for this, I went for it more than I've gone for anything in my entire life. It took over every aspect of my life. I'd be out the door at 6:30 in the morning, wouldn't be coming home until after 10 at night, due to it.

It was exhausting, both physically and mentally. But it was rewarding. There were times when I nearly lost it due to hiccups along the way. Times I nearly lost it with friends, family and colleagues. But I didn't I kept the faith, kept going and even when some people said to me that I couldn't do it, I kept going.

I got my rewards. It worked out, so much better than I had ever in my wildest dreams thought. I had conquered every obstacle, every niggling little doubt, every fear... I had beaten them all and I had gotten what I wanted. I grabbed the sonofabitch with both hands and I didn't let go of it.

On the day when it all happened, I arrived home. I poured myself a drink. I sat down. And I burst into tears. Tears of pure, unbridled, absolute joy and happiness. I never felt such an outburst of emotion as I did that day (the fact that I'm single and have no kids may contribute to that!). But, honestly, this beat all. Sure, I had support and I had great people helping me.

But... I did this. I went for it. I did it... and there's not one person in the world who will tell me that I was not entitled to sob my lungs up with happiness after the months and months of slog, work, toil, sweat and blood I put into it. Sometimes hard work does not pay off. This time it did.

Sometimes, I still get a bit misty eyed thinking about it. It was awesome. Whatever happens from here on out, those few months (tracing back to September of 2013) were the best, hardest and most brilliant of my life.

gormdubhgorm

Precious flower wrote: »

Coming from a woman, any man who cries in my opinion is a real man. A man who is afraid to express or show emotion of any kind is not a real man. I've never seen my own father cry, ever which is why I respect men who can show their emotions in public. He's not a man to show his emotions. I suppose he was from a different era when that was not encouraged. He is good at showing anger though! He has that emotion down! :pac:

I love my dad and everything but his lack of emotion had a knock on effect for me in that I would, until very recently, never dream of crying in public. I didn't cry at my own Grandmother's funeral. In private I did, but not during the funeral in front of people, and neither did my father. He's not the type to show emotion easily. I thought it showed weakness to cry. Thankfully I've come to realise it's nothing to be ashamed about.

Men who cry and show emotion are real men. So men cry!!

You must love Oscar Pistorius during his trial so!;)

Panthro

DazMaz, your bloody post nearly made me misty eyed!:D
Fair play to ya chief on your success.

Call Me Jimmy

Is there much difference biologically between laughter and crying? Genuine laughter I mean, not office 'hahas'. For me they seem closely related and maybe if someone said 'I don't laugh, I don't see the point' many would suggest a visit to the GP because it's such a normal part of being human. And the science behind how laughter is good for the body (from popular science at least) it seems logical that the act of crying (not worrying or getting stressed) would have similar effects, everyone usually feels physically better after a proper cry.

Liam McPoyle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RAhxhIHdpM

The above made me cry and I have no issues or problems admitting it.

SpaceTime

On the guys crying thing, I think we're getting over it bit by bit.

I found it somewhat worse in the US to be honest. Guys are all trying to be ridiculously macho or stoic all the time.

Irish guys are a bit more in touch with their feelings, not much, but it's getting there.

Like, I've found guys here have been actually quite quick to give you a hug when something traumatic happens. Where as in the US, I found they'd be more likely to kinda chest bump you and whack you on the back (attempting to break your ribs or something) and make sure that nobody thought that there was any possibility whatsoever that they might be 'gay'. Or worse, they just pretend like it didn't happen or get aggressive about how you should 'man up'.

I still think there's a big cloud of homophobia hanging over not only gay/bi men, but over straight guys too. We've built a society where you can't show any emotion or you're being called a wuss, if you're too friendly with your best mate or whatever you've people jumping to a conclusion that you're gay and so on.

I'm kinda hoping the LGBT community being more open, respected and accepted will have a knock on positive impact for everyone else too by smashing that nonsense.

You'd get a bit sick of having conversations with other guys about football scores or in the US (In my experience anyway) guns, sports and cars! It's pretty dull conversation after a while.

Nothing wrong with a bit of friendship, emotion and passion in life! It's short enough without going around freaking out about what other people might think of ya!

takamichinoku

From a very young, I was strongly encouraged to bottle up my feelings, wasn't exclusively crying there was just a lot of unintentional but heavy negative reinforcement for most emotional expressions. For years, I actually beat myself up a good bit for not being able to cry, lots of bad things happened and I knew it was a natural response, would help me process things; there were so many incidents where I knew I hit a level of upsettedness that should trigger tears, but for whatever reason the tears wouldn't flow.

Anyways, during my years in uni I started making some new friends who were a lot more emotionally expressive than any of the ones I had back at home. A lot of their expressiveness gradually rubbed off on me, I was pretty surprised to learn how unaware I was of which things were upsetting me and which things just seemed like things which should upset me (if that makes any sense)... honestly think I had no clue what I wanted from life at all until I started getting better with that stuff.
Took until a few days after my dad died before I properly bawled my eyes out over something and it was one of the most relieving experiences of my life, have cried absolutely loads in the two years since and I'm all the better for it. Always very privately though, I know there's a few people who'd be totally okay with it if I was in a very bad place but I can't see myself doing it still


So yeah, not sure what any of the point of that above was... I think it's a lot more acceptable now but you still need to get yourself in the right environment for it to feel completely okay because a lot of people are still weird about it. It's actually scary how badly I withdraw when too many of my network the wrong kind of people (unfortunately including my whole family, as great as they are in other regards it's just way too hard for me) and I'm not great at meeting the right kinds.
Bothers me a good bit that anyone I'm at all close with would feel like they couldn't cry around me, can't imagine I give off as supportive of vibes as I'd like though.

Wibbs

SpaceTime wrote: »

I found it somewhat worse in the US to be honest. Guys are all trying to be ridiculously macho or stoic all the time.

Yep and it gets all a bit weird, nigh on overcompensating. I have noticed on American based sites with guys talking the words in brackets (no homo), if any opinion gets close to admiring other men. "Oh he has real style(no homo)" kinda thing. Eh WTF? That makes them look "worse". Like people who are afraid of heights, but it's more about the idea that they in a moment of madness may jump. If you're sorted about your preferences you'd hardly need to add a qualifier surely, yet many US guys seem to feel the need to. Like I said WTF is up with that? Are they that freaked out/threatened that they need to constantly qualify? I mean you're either a gay chappie or you're not. Whatever floats your boat. It's hardly in need of explanation or denial. Not so long ago it was gay guys denying their preference and for good reason and now apparently straight guys are? I just don't get it myself.

diveout

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep and it gets all a bit weird, nigh on overcompensating. I have noticed on American based sites with guys talking the words in brackets (no homo), if any opinion gets close to admiring other men. "Oh he has real style(no homo)" kinda thing. Eh WTF? That makes them look "worse". Like people who are afraid of heights, but it's more about the idea that they in a moment of madness may jump. If you're sorted about your preferences you'd hardly need to add a qualifier surely, yet many US guys seem to feel the need to. Like I said WTF is up with that? Are they that freaked out/threatened that they need to constantly qualify? I mean you're either a gay chappie or you're not. Whatever floats your boat. It's hardly in need of explanation or denial. Not so long ago it was gay guys denying their preference and for good reason and now apparently straight guys are? I just don't get it myself.

American masculinity is defined by constantly proving you are NOT a woman.

I also know of high school aged boys who PRETEND to be gay to exempt themselves from the pressures of your standard American hetero male machismo. The fit in better with the gay sensitive cliques even though they are not gay. Yeah ridiculous but that is how strong the social pressure is.

gerrybbadd

I've always felt this need to bottle it up, and never cry regardless of what may have happened. Not healthy...

Then, when watching the Royle Family, where Nana died, it all came flooding out. Last time I cried was recent enough, when we had to give back a dog we had adopted because he was an escape artist. We had him for 2 weeks, and really had bonded, and by God, there were some tears afterwards.

3 weeks ago, almost broke down when my son was born, but being in a hospital, surrounded by people prevented me from becoming more than just misty eyed. That damn macho stigma stuck in my brain again prevented me!

berrygood

knucklehead6 wrote: »

I had a little cry at the weekend.

I'm 38 years old, was hugely tired, had had a stressful week, blew it with a lady friend that I've been chasing for a few months, have a few financial worries (nothing that won't be sorted in 2 paychecks but just another thing weighing me down at the time) and i had just shouted at one of my dogs when all she wanted to do was play....

So I sat down and had a little cry. Have to say I felt a hell of a lot better afterwards. i just needed the emotional release.

Anyone wants to hold that against me, that's their problem.

It is a great emotional release in fairness. I find it helpful in situations in life where I'm completely impotent in that situation and I know there is nothing I can say or do that will rectify the issue. I'd find myself raging internally at my inability to do anything and usually find if I just have a cry that gets rid of the excess emotions and I can deal with whatever I need to deal with/accept what is and what I can't change. I find it quite healing.

I hate crying in front of people though so I reserve it for when I'm alone.

the_syco

berrygood wrote: »

I hate crying in front of people though so I reserve it for when I'm alone.

This. Some movies I prefer watching on my own if I know I'll be a bit teary eyed over a particular scene. Not crying as such, but just misty eyed. Have a few mates who I don't mind getting misty eyed in front of, as their my mates, and are mature, but some people that I know... would probably bring it up at a later time, and for that reason I wouldn't watch certain shows or movies in their company.

Varkov

I can only remember three times in the last 10 years of my adult life that I've cried.

- When my dear dog was put down after 12 loyal, loving years. Cryed tears for her as much as myself.

- The moment I saw my son for the first time in the delivery room. The happiest I've ever felt, it was automatic.

- Telling my friend that I was afraid I would never see my son again, hours after breaking up with my ex. Again, automatic tears, I had never felt so crushed or alone.


I think I would have been in a lot different shape after each of these events if I had not allowed these emotions to flow out of me. And I can't see how it would help anyone's mental health to not allow themselves this freedom.

SpaceTime

I actually think it's fairly dangerous to basically force guys by social pressure to repress emotions.

I'm sure it leads to severe mental problems for some people.

I also think that it can lead to people expressing emotional frustration through violent outbursts instead of normally.

I sometimes wonder if that's part of the issue in the US with the school shootings - angst ridden emotionally repressed males with access to deadly weapons.

There's nothing wrong with expressing emotions. I moved around as a teen and in my early 20s. I lived in France and Spain as a teenager and guys definitely aren't that emotionally repressed. You'll get crying and if needed you'll get a mate's arm around your shoulder too. I felt totally stressed in the US when I spent time there tho mostly because they're all on edge about being so macho.

Try dealing with American guys as a somewhat Frenchified teenage guy with an Irish accent!

I was used to arriving in school standing around drinking strong coffee, shaking hands with the guys and air kissing all my female friends every morning!

French guys take that really far though. It's increasingly common to air kiss your best mates cheeks too. That'd probably get you beaten to within an inch of your life in the states.

Irish and British guys are definitely more European these days when it comes to that kind of thing.

Wibbs

diveout wrote: »

American masculinity is defined by constantly proving you are NOT a woman.

I also know of high school aged boys who PRETEND to be gay to exempt themselves from the pressures of your standard American hetero male machismo. The fit in better with the gay sensitive cliques even though they are not gay. Yeah ridiculous but that is how strong the social pressure is.

:eek: Get the fu.. no way. Madness.

SpaceTime wrote: »

I actually think it's fairly dangerous to basically force guys by social pressure to repress emotions.

Sure ST but for me swinging the pendulum the other way where a bloke is somehow not right because he doesn't naturally express emotions is a bit of a danger too.

I'm sure it leads to severe mental problems for some people.

I also think that it can lead to people expressing emotional frustration through violent outbursts instead of normally.

I sometimes wonder if that's part of the issue in the US with the school shootings - angst ridden emotionally repressed males with access to deadly weapons.

I'm sure repression can lead to problems, but if you take it from the other direction as a thought experiment. Male emotions were more repressed pre the say 1960's and yet there were fewer men with mental issues, fewer suicides and very very few lone men going nuts with shooting sprees in the US. In the latter case there was even greater access to guns. In the 1920's in the US you could buy a Thompson machine gun by mail order and if you wanted to kill as many people as possible in a building a Tommy gun makes a semi auto rifle look like a peashooter. IMH while male emotional repression and macho culture may be a part of it there's a lot more going on, because at the very height of male emotional repression and macho culture there were fewer men with problems. I don't buy the "oh so many went undiagnosed" explanation either. Yes that was somewhat the case and many suicides went unreported but disaffection and mental illness has grown outside of that. In any event shooting sprees by damaged men are hard to hide in the stats.

Irish and British guys are definitely more European these days when it comes to that kind of thing.

Which I would agree is healthier. Funny enough historically the French weren't always like that. French travelers in Tudor England used to note and be freaked out by the local male custom of greeting friends by kisses on the lips.

vibe666

diveout wrote: »

American masculinity is defined by constantly proving you are NOT a woman.

i defer to Betty White on that one.

_Kaiser_

I can't remember the last time I cried (not being macho or anything like that, I just don't actually cry).

I do see myself as a bit of an old-fashioned guy though and growing up my family wasn't particularly close so no doubt that's part of it. That said I have loved/maintained long term relationships and so on so it's not like I'm a block of ice either.

I just don't seem to get upset/sad to the point of tears flowing.

Tigger

sometimes cry alone
sometimes i lift 30 stones
i am always me

(haiku bitchers)

stateofflux

SpaceTime wrote: »

I actually think it's fairly dangerous to basically force guys by social pressure to repress emotions.

I'm sure it leads to severe mental problems for some people.

I think this stigma is one of the biggest contributors for male suicide both in Ireland and the rest of the world.

., Society has made it complete anathema for men to discuss their emotions with others, especially a male friend.

SpaceTime

stateofflux wrote: »

I think this stigma is one of the biggest contributors for male suicide both in Ireland and the rest of the world.

., Society has made it complete anathema for men to discuss their emotions with others, especially a male friend.

Some societies more than others.

Ireland's definitely improving but there are still a lot of Irish lads (some women too though) who are only conversational to the point of mumbling a gruff 'how's it going?' 'Grand... Yourself?' 'Grand'.

It's changing though far more rappelling m rapidly than it is in the states. I think in some places in the US it's actually getting worse not better as culture gets even more macho.

Ireland also still has a few people with a 'pull yourself together!' type attitude too. Or, if someone's got a major emotional problem they'll try to bring them on a mad night out and get them very drunk rather than talking to them.

Nidgeweasel

Sport for me. Winning not losing. Although I shed a tear before having been beat. Funerals usually, the music especially.

The last thing that tested me up was the Donal Walsh documentary when his mum was talking about him dying. Horrendous.

Minderbinder

Yeah the music at funerals can be very poignant. Even if you didn't know the person very well it can still be overwhelming.

I tend to cry after I have an argument with the gf when we patch things up. Going quickly from an emotional low to an emotional high always makes me cry (or vice versa though I can't remember that happening)

Have never cried during a film. I tend not to get emotionally involved.

Soft Falling Rain

Both of my brothers broke down during the speeches of their respective weddings. Both always lived the macho persona or liked to at least.

That taught me all I needed to know about men and cryinh: if it comes it comes, most couldn't give a fcuk.

iptba

Women mocking "male tears" is a not uncommon trope on the internet now. Here's an example I found annoying:

44 Amazing Uses For Male Tears

They’re one of the most bountiful, versatile resources in the world.
posted on Oct. 20, 2014, at 8:42 p.m.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/tracyclayton/call-the-waaahmbulance?utm_term=1limtrf#18mu4bt

AndreaCollins

iptba wrote: »

Women mocking male tears is a not uncommon trope on the internet now. Here's an example I found annoying:

Speaking from an evolutionary psychology standpoint, women like things like confidence because we are programmed to find a guy like that attractive. This is what her ancestors found attractive - one of the traits that a successful guy who could protect her had was confidence and this is hard wired into the heads of women. To procreate with a weak man was a big no no because it could end in being killed if he couldn't protect her or the kids. Perhaps this is why some women seem to have a real lack of empathy for guys who may appear weak and cry and we see links like the above.

RDM_83 again

AndreaCollins wrote: »

Speaking from an evolutionary psychology standpoint, women like things like confidence because we are programmed to find a guy like that attractive. This is what her ancestors found attractive - one of the traits that a successful guy who could protect her had was confidence and this is hard wired into the heads of women. To procreate with a weak man was a big no no because it could end in being killed if he couldn't protect her or the kids. Perhaps this is why some women seem to have a real lack of empathy for guys who may appear weak and cry and we see links like the above.

Yeah guys biologically cry less than women withbigger tear ducts and more resistance to pain*

But male crying has been acceptable among many extremely macho cultures, look at the tails of weeping Knights, you literally can't find a better example of a male protector figure but they are often described weeping/crying

Pat Mustard

AndreaCollins wrote: »

Speaking from an evolutionary psychology standpoint, women like things like confidence because we are programmed to find a guy like that attractive. This is what her ancestors found attractive - one of the traits that a successful guy who could protect her had was confidence and this is hard wired into the heads of women. To procreate with a weak man was a big no no because it could end in being killed if he couldn't protect her or the kids. Perhaps this is why some women seem to have a real lack of empathy for guys who may appear weak and cry and we see links like the above.

Mod:

You were already warned about trolling today. You have ignored that warning.

Please do not post in this thread again.

Any more trolling and you will be banned from the forum.

iptba

This covers two issues, which may or may not be separate:

“I had so many norms I had to break with,” Mr. Kuhnke said. “When males are confronting male weakness, they get aggressive. And when women confront it, it’s disgust.” When the film screened in Serbia and Croatia, Mr. Kuhnke said, Tomas’s actions, especially during one scene where he is hysterically crying — based, he and Mr. Ostlund said, on YouTube clips of the “worst man cry ever” — were greeted with raucous laughter, at least at first.

“But later on, people would get drunk and come to me and say, whispering: ‘I have been there, too, and I hate that feeling. And that’s why I laughed,’ ” Mr. Kuhnke recalled. “It was almost like a shield.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/19/movies/ruben-ostlands-force-majeure-a-look-at-fear-and-masculinity.html?hpw&rref=movies&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&version=HpHedThumbWell&module=well-region&region=bottom-well&WT.nav=bottom-well&_r=0

I hope "man cry" doesn't catch on as a phrase - I really don't like it.

Here's the background:

Selected as Sweden’s official entry for the foreign language Oscar and set in a ski resort in the French Alps, “Force Majeure” explores the fallout when a panicked father abandons his family as an avalanche approaches. His initial denial about this display of cowardice morphs into humiliation and emotional collapse, to the dismay of his two children and distaste of his wife, all of which Mr. Ostlund tracks with a darkly comic eye.

“The male superhero is the most reproduced character on film,” Mr. Ostlund, 40, said by Skype recently from his home in Goteborg, Sweden. When asked if he happened to be divorced himself, he replied, “Yes, of course.”

As with his previous film “Play,” based on bullying incidents in Sweden, Mr. Ostlund drew inspiration for “Force Majeure” from real life. While vacationing in Colombia, a friend of his was shopping with his girlfriend when a gunman burst into a store. Mr. Ostlund’s friend deserted his companion to throw himself behind a counter, a reaction that she kept rehashing long after they returned home. When she asked why he didn’t stay with her, he replied that he was no action hero.

“The thing was, they really had a hard time getting over it,” Mr. Ostlund said. “We are living in an honor culture. We say we don’t have expectations of a man’s role, but it’s obvious what was expected of him.”

LoganRice

You should cry whenever something upsetting or happy has happened to you and there is no fear of doing so