Relationship/ jealous?

dreamvisions

Hey hows it going, going to dive straight into it. My girlfriend is working away, she gets lifts some times off this lad in work. Great she don't have to wait on a bus. However she is starting to go out for drinks with work colleagues, and the chap from work is enviably there. Fair enough , she's allowed to have fun. A day later after work she tells me she's going to the pictures with her mate, 5 or so hours later it seems she went to the beach with her female co worker and the chap whom has been giving her lifts from work. This is a Long distance relationship, and these new events are starting to get to me. Am just wondering if i should say somthing to her, but not sure if that will start problems, I know i would not go to the beach with a female co worker just out of respect for my girlfriend. Just to note at the start of this relationship i had a female friend whom i did go out with among other friends, she went ape so i stoped !

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to Ri.

Toast4532

Your girlfriend went ape about you going out with friends, and one particular female was a part of this group of friends? Have I got that right?

If I am understanding correctly then your girlfriend is doing to you what you did to her, but she is either 1) oblivious to it or 2) she has double standards.

I'd say it's double standards.

Speak to her and tell her how you feel, also point out how she felt and acted about going out with your friends, and point out that she is doing exactly that to you right now.

If she over reacts, I'd say she's looking for attention and if she is an attention seeker, dump her, you don't need that hassle of someone like that.

dreamvisions

You got it in one, Got invited to a bday , and due to the nature of it being a long distance relationship she could not come with. She went ape at me saying that this girl likes me and likes everything thing i do on fb. which is what this chaps doing.

I talked to her about her having double standards, She just said now you know how i felt. I just feel if your making friends with people of the opposite sex while in a relationship, and going out drinking and to the beach with them it gets messy. Plus I have never met this person. So i don't know if hes trying to wean his way in. And i generally don't trust guys who hang out with girls and bring them for lifts! Plus over the last week her habits have totally changed! I dont mind her getting a lift now and then or going out for drinks now and then. But going the beach a day after they went out just sounded alarms. Cheers for the reply

NeonCookies

Hi OP,

I think you're overreacting a bit. I'm presuming the reason you know about this guy giving her lifts is because she told you? If she told you about him, I highly doubt there's anything untoward going on.

I can't really see what the problem is here. You mention the lifts and going for drinks, but in both cases you say "great she don't have to wait on a bus" and "she's allowed to have fun", so there seems to be no problem with this. And you said she went to the beach with a female coworker and this guy...seems to me to just be friends hanging out, hardly a date or something?

I don't think there's anything to worry about based on what you've said here, OP! Long distance must be hard in terms of worrying/jealousy etc. but you have to trust her for it to work. If you don't trust her, well then that's something the two of you really have to work on if it's going to last. That goes both ways too now, she can't go ape at you for hanging out with another female!

Chips Lovell

Honestly, I think you're both in the wrong. There's nothing wrong with getting a lift from someone of the opposite sex or going to the beach with them. They weren't even there alone, but with another girl. And by the same token, there's nothing wrong with going to a party in a group of people that includes a female friend.

dreamvisions

Howdy thanks for taking the time to reply.

I do feel I am over reacting some. We have been going out a year, and she has been working about 6 months of that. She did tell me about the lifts, and i am fine with that. But am not sure I trust a guy who drives a Honda civic and drives girls down to the beach, as stereo typical as it sounds. If she told me she was going with them to the beach I might have been ok with it. Not that i can tell her what she can do. Its not a date at all this is true, but i have never met this chap so my thoughts automatically turn to the negative. She has gone out with male friends in the past , and i been fine..just these lifts and drives i can not phantom why a guy is hanging around with two girls!

dreamvisions

Thanks for the reply , opinion appreciated. Nothing wrong with it, I have no issues about her getting a lift, I just find it slightly odd that she is all of a sudden she going the beach, am assuming he offered, not sure of his intentions and also a little disappointed she went. Just find it strange for a male driving girls to the beach. In turn i dont like the idea of him driving her home. I do know she is the one who has to tell him to get the boat if he does try it on. all the same i am up tight about it.

rainbowtrout

dreamvisions wrote: »

Thanks for the reply , opinion appreciated. Nothing wrong with it, I have no issues about her getting a lift, I just find it slightly odd that she is all of a sudden she going the beach, am assuming he offered, not sure of his intentions and also a little disappointed she went. Just find it strange for a male driving girls to the beach. In turn i dont like the idea of him driving her home. I do know she is the one who has to tell him to get the boat if he does try it on. all the same i am up tight about it.

Why is all this so strange for you? If she's living/working near the beach it's not so unusual to go there. Three of them went to the beach, not two. It may not be in walking distance so the easiest way to get there is by car. Your girlfriend doesn't have a car, this guy does. Easiest form of transport. And once they were there how did you expect her to get home??

I think you are seriously over reacting. She's made some friends while working away. One of them happens to be male. She hasn't hidden any of this stuff from you. Do you expect her to speak only to females and not socialise while she is away?

dreamvisions

Thanks for the reply. I know what your saying, in regards to transport and beach and rational thinking. But just the last week changes in normal habits have changed i.e calls,texts, video calls and the fact she is not texting me back, the change in pattern is cause for concern. I dont tell her whom she can see and who she cant, its not my place. I know i am over reacting just a bit. Just wanted to know the best way of dealing with it.

Katgurl

OP there is nothing to suggest your girlfriend has done anything untoward or intends to do so.

I work in various offices abroad and often organise lifts from co-workers. I fail to see what him driving a civic has to do with anything. As for driving girls to the beach - perhaps his car is the handiest.

You mentioned she's away, is it a foreign country? If so, beach trips could be fairly standard. I'm just back from a hot country, some girls from the office invited me to a beach weekend. When it came to the weekend it turned out one of the boys was coming too and we all had to share a one-bed apartment. I was not AT ALL happy, I would have much preferred to shell out for a hotel room of my own but I didn't want to be difficult. I phoned my bf and told him, he was fine with it and I must say I found that very attractive. jealousy is very unattractive not to mention unfair - your girlfriend might be lonely and doing her best to make friends, you shouldn't add to her stress. You either trust her or you don't, it's really that simple. If she's going to stray then shes going to stray, ditto if she's going to be faithful - getting lifts to the office won't make any difference.

Edit - Just noticed the part about you not hanging out with your female mate anymore. What the hell??? Is there more to this, as in she's your ex or something? If its just because she's female then you should never have agreed to something so ridiculous and you should take a long hard look at your relationship. Where is the trust?

Idle Passerby

A long distance relationship will be extremely hard to maintain if the both of you are getting jealous over little things like having friends of the opposite sex. Shouldn't you be happy she's made friends and isn't sitting on her own every evening being bored? If the two of you cant give each other the benefit of the doubt and have some trust theres no point trying to keep up the distance relationship.

dreamvisions

Thanks alot for the response. I shall put my trust in her, would be much better than being a paranoid android. For i would really hate to lose her over something that is mainly in my own head .

dreamvisions

Tbh its taken way too much time and stress to be jealous. Am going to take it for what its is , instead of me making up my own mind about it. Just I found it strange , she has got male friends , but dont know why this was different. my friend is not my ex at all. My girlfriend got very jealous about it, so i told her i would not see her again! but i think its down to our reactions due to this long distances relationship. Really appreciate your reply , and yes i posted in the wrong place the first time, they redirected it here. Sorry about that.

Janet1986

To be honest, i would be a bit concerned.

Offering her lifts and hanging around her. Nothing has happend between them so far (hoefully) but it could.

Next time you see her ask her what she thinks of this guy? You will know by her reaction.

decmanning

OP, you said your girlfriend went ape when you had a female friend, well then she should practice what she preaches and not be so hypocritical by spending so much time with this man