acceptable bedtime for a 10 year old ?

shooter57

HI folks , I have a 10 year old daughter ,also 5 year old and six year old . I used to send them all to bed together . All out of routine since the summer !! So, I'm trying to re-think our whole routine . I want to let my 10 yr old stay up a little later than the other two as she is a bit older . They all have to be up at 7am to leave the house at 8.20 . She is good at getting up but we are only a week into school!

She is coming home from school and telling me "mam , such and such is allowed go to bed whenever she likes " and "mary is allowed have her phone /d.s. in bed" . I'm fairly strict that when mine go to bed , it's to sleep . No games . phones ,t.v . except on weekends . I will allow her to have her lamp on to read a book , this makes her sleepy so I think this is ok ? or should I not be letting her depend on reading in bed to make her sleep ?
So I want to start giving her the benefit of the doubt and treating her like a ten year old . what would you guys advise ?

HeyThereDeliah

I would have the two younger ones in bed for 7pm and she could stay up until 8pm. Weekend nights if nothing planned then I would let them stay up later.
Phones in bed would be a big no same with tv but reading for fifteen minutes max is not a bad thing.

cynder

My 5 and 7 year old go to bed at 9 up at 8. The 12 year old goes to bed at 10.30.

At the end if the day it's your choice, just because this one goes to bed later and this one goes to bed earlier doesn't mean that you should do what they do.

Do what suits your child...

uriah

Can I just say to parents that many children are often tired in school - especially in the afternoon. I have even seen younger children (infant classes) who nod off in the afternoon. Children who are tired find it difficult to concentrate.

Bedtime should become gradually later as a child grows older, but, in my opinion, most children go to bed far too late. Allowing children to stay up late is doing them no favours - quite the opposite.

Allowing them to have the light on to read for a short period after they go to bed makes reading a 'treat' and can encourage a positive attitude to reading'

echo beach

shooter57 wrote: »

She is coming home from school and telling me "mam , such and such is allowed go to bed whenever she likes " and "mary is allowed have her phone /d.s. in bed"

You have to tell her that you have no interest in what happens in other houses, what Mary does is her mother's responsibility, not yours.
The next thing will be 'Mary is allowed to go to discos/watch over 18 films/drink alcohol/get a tattoo/have her boyfriend stay over.' It comes sooner than you think but if you have already made it clear that this cuts no ice with you it will be a lot easier to ignore then. If you are seen to copy other parents, or rather her version of what other parents do, you are walking into trouble.

Talk to her, give a little but have a line (e.g no TV) she knows you won't cross. Parents have to lead by example. If you follow the herd then she will find it harder to resist the dreaded 'peer-pressure'.

Piliger

shooter57 wrote: »

HI folks , I have a 10 year old daughter ,also 5 year old and six year old . I used to send them all to bed together . All out of routine since the summer !! So, I'm trying to re-think our whole routine . I want to let my 10 yr old stay up a little later than the other two as she is a bit older . They all have to be up at 7am to leave the house at 8.20 . She is good at getting up but we are only a week into school!

She needs a good 10 hours SLEEP ..... not just bed times. And it is important they have different bed times. This established a structure that will help them understand they are the younger and the older and also as they grow the younger ones will know there are limits.

She is coming home from school and telling me "mam , such and such is allowed go to bed whenever she likes " and "mary is allowed have her phone /d.s. in bed" . I'm fairly strict that when mine go to bed , it's to sleep . No games . phones ,t.v . except on weekends . I will allow her to have her lamp on to read a book , this makes her sleepy so I think this is ok ? or should I not be letting her depend on reading in bed to make her sleep ?
So I want to start giving her the benefit of the doubt and treating her like a ten year old . what would you guys advise ?

Father of a 20yo here. You MUST hold the line as long as you can. What they say about their friends must be ignored ........ because you are the parent.

They will always always cherry pick the friend with the LATEST bed time and that will be a child with utterly irresponsible and indifferent parents. It's your job to be strong enough to say NO and tell her that straight out. She is coming to that age period when they will be pushing harder and harder against boundaries and it is inevitable some will weaken. But in my experience the longer you hold out the better it will be for her.
Don't be afraid to temper the rigid bed time rules with exceptions though. This makes for better acceptance that there is a reason behind the rules. A Friday night can be a little later.

mamakitten

My 6yr old goes between 7.30pm and 8pm during school time, 8-8.30pm at weekends/holidays. My just-turned-11yr old goes at 8.30pm schooltime and 9pm weekends/hols and the 13yr old goes at 9pm schooltime and maybe 10pm weekends/hols.

Knit wit

I hunt my 10 year old up the stairs at 8 ..by the time he's washed and changed etc it's 8.30 but he's sound asleep by 9 most evenings. He does get up at 7 every day ... Even on weekends!

SusieBlue

I honestly think the earlier, the better at that age. My nephew is 8 and he often stays up till 1am on school nights (my sister fails when it comes to saying no) playing the playstation. He has little to no concentration, no appetite, bursts into tears at the drop of a hat and is the grumpiest child I've ever met in my life. Moral of the story is that he can be a little brat and my sister has no perseverance so he always ends up staying up late. I dread the teenage years and he isn't even my kid.

Not enough sleep is detrimental to the health but too much (at least in kids) isn't a bad thing at all. I think 7:30pm -8pm is perfectly reasonable, with maybe lengthening that to 8:30pm -9pm at weekends. I see no harm in reading a book in bed before sleep time at all, I think its a really good habit actually Good luck with the new routine!

cynder

I uses to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I was a sensitive child.


No harm in that. You can't change sensitive child, you have to accept that's who they are.


As for no appetite I was the same, they tried to force feed me, it was just me, every child is different.


As for concentration seems like he can concentrate when doing something he enjoys.


ok 1 am is a bit much, wonder if he takes after you? But I doubt it's everynight. None of my family know my kids routine because they don't visit every day/ night.


Brat ?

Roesy

cynder wrote: »

I uses to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I was a sensitive child.


No harm in that. You can't change sensitive child, you have to accept that's who they are.


As for no appetite I was the same, they tried to force feed me, it was just me, every child is different.


As for concentration seems like he can concentrate when doing something he enjoys.


ok 1 am is a bit much, wonder if he takes after you? But I doubt it's everynight. None of my family know my kids routine because they don't visit every day/ night.


Brat ?

I agree with you about the appetite thing but saying that he can concentrate on things he enjoys based on the fact that he plays his console is a bit of a leap. What is the concentration like in other areas? Does he have other things that he enjoys besides playstation? Also, comparing an 8 year staying up until 1am with a presumably adult poster and saying maybe they take after him/her is not exactly a fair comparison. I have seen the effects of children regularly staying up too late on school nights and it is not good. Obviously situations will arise in every family when kids will end up staying up too late at one stage or another.

OP, I would definitely stagger the bed times and allow the ten year old a little more time than the others. As for reading in bed, I don't see any issue there as long as the lights go out at a reasonable time.

SusieBlue

cynder wrote: »

I uses to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I was a sensitive child.


No harm in that. You can't change sensitive child, you have to accept that's who they are.


As for no appetite I was the same, they tried to force feed me, it was just me, every child is different.


As for concentration seems like he can concentrate when doing something he enjoys.


ok 1 am is a bit much, wonder if he takes after you? But I doubt it's everynight. None of my family know my kids routine because they don't visit every day/ night.


Brat ?

Not that I feel I should justify myself, but I'll humour you.

1) If someone bursting into tears because you asked them if they'd like a glass of water and they aren't thirsty is a reasonable reaction, and just means that they're sensitive, then I take it back. Simply asking him a question when he isn't in the mood to talk has him in floods for hours.

2) He isn't force fed, ever.

3) I was up late because my boyfriend works nights and had no key. :pac:
My nephew lived with me till 12 months ago. I know his routine as well as his mother.

4) Maybe brat was a bit harsh. He's a lovely kid when he wants to be, I love him with all my heart. Sometimes he acts like a brat, such as when he snaps his €50 playstation games in two when he loses, or throws his homework in the bin. No harm in saying he's a brat when sometimes, he is.

littlebug

my two (10 and nearly 8) are up the stairs sometime between 8.30 and 9pm and asleep between 9 and 9.30 usually. If they seem tired it's earlier and weekends/ holidays it's later. 8 year old seems to need less sleep than 10 year old as he could be awake and up before 7 while she could sleep on til 8am.
oh and no games or tv etc in the room but lamp on and book for a while is fine.

Moonbeam

In school hen we were 12 lights out was 21:30, think it is a reasonable time on a school night.

lukesmom

Our 10 year old son is in bed by 9pm schoolnights with half an hour x box in his room.

At weekends 11pm

SerialComplaint

My 8-year-old started with Cubs on Thursday night. It all went very well, but I'm just a bit worried about timing. The meeting runs from 7.30 to 9pm. By the time we get home, get washed/changed and get a bit of supper and calm down time, it will be near enough to 10pm, which is quite late for a school night for me.

lukesmom

SerialComplaint wrote: »

My 8-year-old started with Cubs on Thursday night. It all went very well, but I'm just a bit worried about timing. The meeting runs from 7.30 to 9pm. By the time we get home, get washed/changed and get a bit of supper and calm down time, it will be near enough to 10pm, which is quite late for a school night for me.

Only one night a week, won't do him any harm.

Lucyfur

My almost 10 year old is in by by 8pm on school nights and between 8.30 and 9pm on weekends. He can read for up to an hour on school nights and a little bit longer at the weekends. Consoles/computers etc go off at 7pm.

luap_42

I read this thread with interest. One of my sisters allows both of her sons to stay up until whenever they like, once it is not a school night (Friday/Saturday and holidays). The younger guy has often stayed up playing consoles, watching TV until 3-6am and then does not get out of bed until 5-7pm the next day. He is now 16. He has been allowed to do this since he was 13. Her reasoning is that some people need extra sleep and just can't get up. I remember that this was her when she was a teenager, but my parents would not allow her to sleep late or stay up late, as it is against their beliefs of how one should live. She seems quite capable of getting up early now if she has to, but still sleeps very late if there is nothing planned. She seems to have convinced herself that getting up is NOT related to going to bed, and that the same is true of her youngest son. She tells herself (and us) that he takes after her and needs extra sleep. She simultaneously reasons that he doesn't need to go to bed at any particular time, since he doesn't have school the next day. I think she has got him into a bad habit, and that he is slightly depressed. I don't think she should have allowed the up-all-night, sleep-all-day to become a habit while he was less than 16. I cannot see any positive reason for allowing a child younger than 16 to act like this. All this does is set an unhealthy precedent for the rest of his life. The modern opinion that children know what is best for themselves has children in a mess today. Allowing children too much choice over everything is laziness on behalf of parents who should be laying down limits regarding childrens lives including bedtimes and getting up times. Children should not be allowed choices until they are of an age to comprehend what the choices are and make a coherent decision. Certain legal decisions are illegal for children under a certain age regardless of what any parent thinks. Other non-legal choices should not be given to children by sensible parents until a certain age has passed. This is fundamental to the education and discipline of children. Yet many parents today do not impose sensible restrictions on their children. Allowing them violent 18+ console games when they are pre- of early teens. Allowing them to stay up far too late. Treating them with expensive presents for every birthdays and social occassion when the child has done NOTHING to deserve any treat. The first fundamental mistake almost all modern parents make is to allow children too much choice of food. This will backlash very quickly, most likely when at a public restaurant and they all start to cause public disorder. The amount of "problem" children in restaurants these days in comparison to a few decades ago is just plain ridiculous and caused by allowing children too much choice. Hungry children WILL eat whatever is served up to them. Three children all demanding different meals every mealtime? Nip that one in the bud and stamp it out. There should be zero tolerance in matters of food unless the child is old enough to cook their own meals within reason. The second mistake is treating children. Treating is either to make parents feel good about themselves, or to shut the child up. If the child has no experience of treats, then they will not be upset when they don't get them, and will be far happier generally. Bedtimes, consoles, TV etc can all be considered treats/priviliges. Children will take, take, take, that is what they are designed to do. Parents are designed to give, give, give. If parents made their lives easier and gave less choice to their children, they will end up taking less of their time, energy, income for longer, because it only gets worse as they get older.

Shane Fitz

^^^^ You were doing so good, even had my nodding in agreement with you.
And then you went and ruined it " keep them hungry all the time" are you serious??

Orion

luap_42 wrote: »

I read this thread with interest.

And did you enjoy that rant? Please keep posts on topic - the digressions in your post went way off topic.

luap_42 wrote: »

Keep them hungry all the time and they WILL eat whatever is served up to them.

You may want to choose your words more carefully also. I actually understand what you're saying here (at least I hope I do) but your wording is concerning.

luap_42

@Shane Fitz, Orion: Both correct. Badly written sentence. Edited.

Teyla Emmagan

Moonbeam wrote: »

In school hen we were 12 lights out was 21:30, think it is a reasonable time on a school night.

In school we had lights out at 9 from 12-15 and then lights out at 10 from 15-16. You would see the day pupils coming in yawning their heads after being up till 12 though. Probably seems archaic now, but it worked well for us.