Asking too much, where do you draw the line with friends?

Jay D

Recently, I had a friend ask me could he spend a few hours in my apt. Now he also said his sister was with him and just needed it for a while.

The problem I had is that he has in the past suggested using my apartment for bringing a girl over, to do whatever, and I am ****ed if I'd ever allow that for that reason. So in the end I refused the request just saying I needed space. It's not the first time someone has asked me this. Another friend asked me before and I point blank refused him, even though he is a good friend. I just think they've a f*cking cheek and would they not just book a hotel?

Personally I am not quick to request help off people, maybe too much so on some occasions and I just feel there's a certain line, or knowing of what is acceptable and what's not.

I know most people have at some stage gone through this, for whatever request made by their friend. Just wondering, where do you draw the line and what sometimes písses you off?

4zn76tysfajdxp

Jay D wrote: »

Recently, I had a friend ask me could he spend a few hours in my apt. Now he also said his sister was with him and just needed it for a while.

The problem I had is that he has in the past suggested using my apartment for bringing a girl over, to do whatever

So he's planning to ride his sister?

Ficheall

How hot is his sister?

Fr_Dougal

____________________________

^^^^^
There

Nodin

Jay D wrote: »

.............
The problem I had is that he has in the past suggested using my apartment for bringing a girl over, to do whatever, and I am ****ed if I'd ever allow that for that reason. So in the end I refused the request just saying I needed space. It's not the first time someone has asked me this. Another friend asked me before and I point blank refused him, even though he is a good friend......

Why?

nanook

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

____________________________

^^^^^
There

Jay D

Nodin wrote: »

Why?

Clearly I am doubting the fact she is a sister.

dutopia

Their behaviour seems way out of line. If I were you, I'd confront the issue directly and tell your friends you're not comfortable with your place being used in this way. Explain that they would be welcome in an emergency or something, but not as a place to crash whenever they feel like it.

I remember a friend of mine used to crash at my apartment usually one night a week. I didn't mind but after a few weeks my wife wasn't happy about it, so I explained it straight to him. He didn't take offence and understood the situation. Sometimes you just have to tell your friend you're not happy about something, if they take it the wrong way, maybe you weren't as good friends as you realised in the first place.

TheBody

So when are you gonna post pics of the sister op?

El Guapo!

Say no.
Unless they bring one for you too.

Is she a sister in the regular sense or in the black sense, i.e. sista?

El Guapo!

boneyarsebogman wrote: »

Is she a sister in the regular sense or in the black sense, i.e. sista?

Oh no you di'int!!

BrokenArrows

Say yes.

Get the "sister" into the apartment first and then close the door on your friend. haha.

Nodin

Jay D wrote: »

Clearly I am doubting the fact she is a sister.

No, why don't you let them have a shag in your place?

Real Life

ive used friends houses for such things and ive allowed them use mine. i dont see the problem, maybe it changes as you get older though

mauzo

If my friend needed somewhere to shag her boyfriend, I think I'd let them use my apartment.

Someone may as well have sex in it

El Guapo!

mauzo wrote: »

If my friend needed somewhere to shag her boyfriend, I think I'd let them use my apartment.

Someone may as well have sex in it

Just join in.

Jay D

it's interesting to see other people's views on it. To be honest I'm not going to start having it. Like f*ck that. I'm paying a small fortune every month so that I do actually have my own space and I'm just not willing to let it be used for that by other people. Fair enough if on a night out or something but I'm f*cked if I'm vacating my place for a few hours when I'm unbelievably busy with life's goings on as it is. The home is for tuning out, I don't see me as being unreasonable at all.

miamee

Jay D wrote: »

it's interesting to see other people's views on it. To be honest I'm not going to start having it. Like f*ck that. I'm paying a small fortune every month so that I do actually have my own space and I'm just not willing to let it be used for that by other people. Fair enough if on a night out or something but I'm f*cked if I'm vacating my place for a few hours when I'm unbelievably busy with life's goings on as it is. The home is for tuning out, I don't see me as being unreasonable at all.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Presumably this friend of yours still lives at home and so does his 'sister', hence no private space but there are plenty of ways round that if you're determined enough. He doesn't seem like someone who might think to change the bedclothes for ypu after either!
(Bit of an assumption on my part but that's one of the first things I'd be thinking of)

wyndham

1. Set up hidden cameras.

2. Allow friends to use apartment for kinkiness.

3. Profit

Rigol

I suppose if they're desperate and really need a place at that moment it would be nice of you to do so..................in exchange for a quick favor .

mark_jmc

Dean09 wrote: »

Oh no you di'int!!

somebody had to axe the question

Jay D

miamee wrote: »

Jay D wrote: »

it's interesting to see other people's views on it. To be honest I'm not going to start having it. Like f*ck that. I'm paying a small fortune every month so that I do actually have my own space and I'm just not willing to let it be used for that by other people. Fair enough if on a night out or something but I'm f*cked if I'm vacating my place for a few hours when I'm unbelievably busy with life's goings on as it is. The home is for tuning out, I don't see me as being unreasonable at all.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Presumably this friend of yours still lives at home and so does his 'sister', hence no private space but there are plenty of ways round that if you're determined enough. He doesn't seem like someone who might think to change the bedclothes for ypu after either!
(Bit of an assumption on my part but that's one of the first things I'd be thinking of)

This is the thing I suppose even more, they dont live at home with their parents. Ffs we're well past that. (ffs an expression now the more I think of the situation and not your obvious assumption). They really should know better.

oppenheimer1

Jay D wrote: »

This is the thing I suppose even more, they dont live at home with their parents. Ffs we're well past that. (ffs an expression now the more I think of the situation and not your obvious assumption). They really should know better.

If they have their own place, why would they need yours? Is it an affair of some sorts?

Hardonraging

Stop cock blocking dude ... nobody likes that **** !! .. just get in on the action, she's prob game for it .. and if not, ask them to leave..

girlonfire

I wouldn't dream of asking that of a friend. Why do they need your place anyway if they don't live at home?

eth0

Tell them they can use the shed instead

Lapin

Jay D wrote: »

Clearly I am doubting the fact she is a sister.

He can't be that close a friend to you if you don't know what his sister looks like.

Tell him to jump.

hatrickpatrick

I was staying in a hotel in Thailand in Koh Tau, which has the dodgiest electricity supply ever. Long story short, the Air Con would reset every 10 minutes or so, because when the power goes out for a second, the machine resets itself back to its default temperature, which was a lot hotter than we wanted it. Room would literally boil if you didn't keep watching the monitor.

So one night a friend of mine brings a girl back, I'm sharing a room with him and I'm thinking "right, got to get to sleep as quickly as possible so I don't have to listen to this..."

Just as I'm about to bury myself in my duvet he comes over to me, throw me the aircon remote and goes "Here Paddy would you mind staying awake and making sure the aircon stays on for the next while?"
I start saying "I f*cking WOULD mind, you little..." and he interrupts and says "Ah c'mon Paddy wouldja just be sound about it like", short argument later and I'm lying there listening to the pair of them going at it and occasionally hitting the "cold" button on the remote. I won't go into any graphic detail about what I heard in case either of them use Boards but suffice it to say it was the most disturbing half hour of my entire life, ever. And I've sat through the entire Human Centipede, I know what disturbing means. :eek:

I'd call that an ultimate example of taking one for the team

Cee-Jay-Cee

If it wasn't his sister maybe it was a nun?

So you turned down a sister of God in her hour of need, your surely going to hell now. Shame on you!

OneArt

I find that really weird asking if they can have sex in your house. Actually it seems really f*cking rude. What the hell? Go get your own gaff.

B.A._Baracus

Allowing someone else to use your place for sex is madess. But another question .... When should you & when should you not help your 'mates'?

I like to help those close to me with anything. Its a given. But alot of a persons friends tend to be glorified acquaintances.

I dont mind helping with simple small stuff. But actually question to myself "should I?" depending on who it is and whats being asked.


Am I alone? :P

hatrickpatrick

Another one from Thailand, (toilet story this time) - we were staying in Laos, the hotel we were in only had double rooms and there were 9 of us, and somehow I managed to talk my way into getting the double room to myself

Sounds good right? Nice big room, no arguing about when to turn the light off, no being woken up by early birds in the morning, general relaxation... Right?

BIG mistake.

The room immediately became the room I was repeatedly asked to vacate so people could mess around with girls in, the only exception being that if I brought a girl back myself I got dibs on the room.

So the first night we were there one of the lads (who will remain nameless, we'll call him "John" for the sake of this conversation) brings a girl back (also nameless, "Mary" for now). I'm half asleep on the bed, they ask can they use the room so I start waking myself up.
John asks if he can use my toilet first, which he does. He's in there for ages. I mean ages. Couple of nasty sounds emanate from it. Then he leaves, and "Mary" asks if she can also use it.

Mary goes in, I hear the toilet flushing, followed by a scream which can only be likened to the wailing of the damned, then the sound of loudly splashing water. Mary runs out of the toilet like a rocket. I jump out of bed and have a look, basically John had used ALL of my toilet paper and blocked the toilet, and when Mary tried to flush it after him it had finally bubbled over. Unfortunately he was clearly also suffering the effects of the infested drinking water over there, if you catch my drift. The stuff is seeping over the edge of the bowl and rapidly snaking its way across the floor.

I'll spare you the gory details of what happened next and simply say that I spent the rest of the night sitting on the stairs playing with my phone, and the room service spent a good 45 minutes fumigating the room.

Funniest part is, at breakfast the next morning I started to raise this incident with John, and before I can get going he responds with "Oh yeah sorry about that, yeah 'Mary' isn't too well at the moment, think she might have eaten something in McDonald's....."

It's one thing to befoul your mate's bedroom with your sh!te, it's another thing to try and blame the girl you brought back, particularly when she's not even there to defend herself.

Seriously, take responsibility for your own mess, dammit!

Wompa1

Are you that guy that never shuts the f**k up about when they were in Thailand or when they were in Australia etc.?

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime

OP, tell him no. if he persists, tell him fvck off.

I myself am the only one amunsgt myself and 3 friends who drives and owns a motor vehicle.

I am a busy person, live by myself far far away from my friends by myself ( + 1 other but neither here nor there )

The other day i was in work. My phone beeped once to say i had received a text message, then again 2 mins later to say i had received a facebook message.

Both from the same person and both said this "(name) I require you urgently"

rang him, "Whats up ?"

Friend: "hey, will you give me a lift from clondalkin to Newbridge"
ME: "NO"
Friend: "ah go on, dont be a prick"
Me: "go fvck yourself" *hang up*

saw him days later and he brought it up again "thanks for the lift asshole"

I swiftly replied with "fvck you, i was in work doing something with my life you inconsiderate asshole. im not running around like a gimp for you cos you want to see some tart that you wont make the effort for, as i said, **** off"

as you can imagine he was shocked. But fvck it, who cares ? just because we worked for what we have (Cars, apartments) means we have to let friends use them for whatever they please just because their friends ?

i have what i have because i earned it, i'm not letting anyone other bollox exploit that.

and also i'm busy and dont need this kinda crap nudging in on my day when im trying to get things done.

since that incident, this "Friend" has never asked me for a favor since and it sent the point across to the other 2 (they never ask anyway so their cool)


/rant


tl;dr = OP, tell them no and then go away and stand your ground and dont take sh/te

BillyMitchel

After a night out or what ever I'd have no problem asking but random times of the day I'd either charge, look for a four baller or just tell them to fock off!

OP do you feel like they are taking advantage or maybe you live in a 10 bedroomed mansion?

retalivity

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Another one from Thailand

OK.

we were staying in Laos

amazing.

really? wow....

Merch

dutopia wrote: »

Their behaviour seems way out of line. If I were you, I'd confront the issue directly and tell your friends you're not comfortable with your place being used in this way. Explain that they would be welcome in an emergency or something, but not as a place to crash whenever they feel like it.

I remember a friend of mine used to crash at my apartment usually one night a week. I didn't mind but after a few weeks my wife wasn't happy about it, so I explained it straight to him. He didn't take offence and understood the situation. Sometimes you just have to tell your friend you're not happy about something, if they take it the wrong way, maybe you weren't as good friends as you realised in the first place.

why? did he not live near or was he shaggin some one in your spare room? Understandable the wife is not happy about it, have had other halves that didnt want to share with anyone else if moving in together.

Real Life wrote: »

ive used friends houses for such things and ive allowed them use mine. i dont see the problem, maybe it changes as you get older though

I think so, have had people do the same when younger too, if Im not getting laid, no one is!

Jay D wrote: »

it's interesting to see other people's views on it. To be honest I'm not going to start having it. Like f*ck that. I'm paying a small fortune every month so that I do actually have my own space and I'm just not willing to let it be used for that by other people. Fair enough if on a night out or something but I'm f*cked if I'm vacating my place for a few hours when I'm unbelievably busy with life's goings on as it is. The home is for tuning out, I don't see me as being unreasonable at all.

Did he want to use your bed too or was it a spare room/couch? what was wrong with his own place? other half? Plus you might catch something itchy

DonkeyStyle \o/

Jay D wrote: »

Fair enough if on a night out or something but I'm f*cked if I'm vacating my place for a few hours when I'm unbelievably busy with life's goings on as it is.

Hours? What are they doing, shooting a porno? Pff, tell them to fuck off.

dave3004

I'd gladly offer my apt up as a sex lair for my friends....but if I am jealous ..... Then I wouldn't.

Jay D

Happy days. So we're almost 50/50 on this, although I do reckon the ones against the idea have a slightly better argument

eth0

OneArt wrote: »

I find that really weird asking if they can have sex in your house. Actually it seems really f*cking rude. What the hell? Go get your own gaff.

You must not be used to much, nothing wrong with it as long as they open the window when they're finished. You'd be a mean spirited lad to deprive your friend a place to go for a shag

Paddy Cow

Why can't they just go to a hotel?

eth0

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Why can't they just go to a hotel?

Prostitution would be cheaper

B.A._Baracus

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Why can't they just go to a hotel?

They'd rather use their mate (op in this example) than pay 50-100 euro on a room.

CuriousG

I don't know how people think that's ok, all jokes aside, if my friend asked that of me, I'd tell them where to go.

Madam_X

I don't see a problem with it - hardly dreadful IMO. Maybe it would depend on the individual case though. If I wasn't there it'd make no odds to me. The "sister" thing is hilarious.

Gmol

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Allowing someone else to use your place for sex is madess. But another question .... When should you & when should you not help your 'mates'?

I like to help those close to me with anything. Its a given. But alot of a persons friends tend to be glorified acquaintances.

I dont mind helping with simple small stuff. But actually question to myself "should I?" depending on who it is and whats being asked.


Am I alone? :P

He's behind you

enfant terrible

Around a fiver, but asking for a fiver back seems really cheap.

cruais

Jay D wrote: »

Recently, I had a friend ask me could he spend a few hours in my apt. Now he also said his sister was with him and just needed it for a while.

The problem I had is that he has in the past suggested using my apartment for bringing a girl over, to do whatever, and I am ****ed if I'd ever allow that for that reason. So in the end I refused the request just saying I needed space. It's not the first time someone has asked me this. Another friend asked me before and I point blank refused him, even though he is a good friend. I just think they've a f*cking cheek and would they not just book a hotel?

Personally I am not quick to request help off people, maybe too much so on some occasions and I just feel there's a certain line, or knowing of what is acceptable and what's not.

I know most people have at some stage gone through this, for whatever request made by their friend. Just wondering, where do you draw the line and what sometimes písses you off?

Leaving the sister aside.... Your a cock blocker

cartell_best

live and let live, love and let love and let us live to love what we've lived and love what we've lived.