Awkward situations

say_who_now?

Just now.

I was in a hotel conference room full of people at a blood donor clinic. I'd brought my seven year old son along with me but noticed earlier they'd a notice up that no children were allowed in the interview area.

So I left him my second phone and told him to sit tight for a few minutes while I went to be interviewed. A minute later I heard some rather loud sex noises in the background. I looked around just as my son screamed "Daaaaaad!!"...

I'd forgotten I'd some personal videos on the phone and the little shìt was after broadcasting his parents sex life for the whole room to hear, not to mention I've probably scarred him for life!

We got out of there fairly fast!


EDIT: Ahh for God's sake! We're travelling back into town on a fairly packed bus and the little fecker decides to let rip a "silent but deadly"! Honestly, you can't take them anywhere! I think I need to revise my opinion in the "Are they worth the hassle?" thread!

Micky Dolenz

say_who_now? wrote: »

Just now.

I was in a hotel conference room full of people at a blood donor clinic. I'd brought my seven year old son along with me but noticed earlier they'd a notice up that no children were allowed in the interview area.

So I left him my second phone and told him to sit tight for a few minutes while I went to be interviewed. A minute later I heard some rather loud sex noises in the background. I looked around just as my son screamed "Daaaaaad!!"...

I'd forgotten I'd some personal videos on the phone and the little shìt was after broadcasting his parents sex life for the whole room to hear, not to mention I've probably scarred him for life!

We got out of there fairly fast!

Pics or ..... :pac:

say_who_now?

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Pics or ..... :pac:

I'd be more embarrassed Mickey if I'd had my pic taken standing between two c0cks tbh!

Kraftwerk91

gabsdot40 wrote: »

Doodoo wrote: »

I was in a petrol station and the woman on the till recognized a man she hadnt seen in a while..

Woman on till: Hi xxxx
Man: Not to bad
Woman on till: How is your mother keeping?
Man: She died at xmas
Woman on till(red face):Oh God, how is your dad coping?
Man: He died two months ago.....
Woman on till: I am so, so sorry
Cue awkward silence

I nearly pissed myself trying not to laugh.

I did something like this once, asked someone how their mother was to be told she died. the thing is I have no idea how I didn't know the woman had died. Everyone around me knew and had even been to the funeral. My husband even knew.

Another awkward experience was an excruciating half hour spent at my MILs house with my BIL and his estranged wife. They had been separated for about 18 months in which time she had a baby with another guy. The baby was being passed around and cooed over, (fine) and everyone was pretending like there was no enormous elephant in the room. The mad thing was my MIL had invited her in an attempt to play happy families because it was Christmas. SIL was obviously so uncomfortable and seeing BIL holding the 'love child' of his wife and the guy she left him for was just awful.

What do all the initialisms mean? MIL and so forth.

brummytom

Kraftwerk91 wrote: »

What do all the initialisms mean? MIL and so forth.

Mother-in-law and Brother-in-law I'm guessing

Kraftwerk91

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

I was out for dinner recently and saw two men sitting down at a table near by. Turned out it was Bono and a mate. I rushed over and asked Bono's mate to take a pic of me and Bono, to which he duly obliged, to be fair. I thought he looked a bit odd as he wore a funny hat.

It was only when leaving the restaurant, was it pointed out to me that Bono's mate was in fact the Pope, I was morto.

Reminds me of this old classic:

What's the difference between God and Bono?

God doesn't think he's Bono.

LenaClaire

I have two short ones.

First, I was minding a 5 year old neighbour. We had another neighbour that was rather large. We run into her walking to the shop and the kid says "Are you pregnant?! My mom says people get really fat when they are pregnant!" The lady was nice about it but I was mortified.

Second, I was at the shops with my friend and her mother. All three of us did martial arts together. We run into one of the guys from class and he say "hi, I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" really loudly and half the shop turned around to stare at us

MarthaMyDear

say_who_now? wrote: »

Just now.

I was in a hotel conference room full of people at a blood donor clinic. I'd brought my seven year old son along with me but noticed earlier they'd a notice up that no children were allowed in the interview area.

So I left him my second phone and told him to sit tight for a few minutes while I went to be interviewed. A minute later I heard some rather loud sex noises in the background. I looked around just as my son screamed "Daaaaaad!!"...

I'd forgotten I'd some personal videos on the phone and the little shìt was after broadcasting his parents sex life for the whole room to hear, not to mention I've probably scarred him for life!

We got out of there fairly fast!

No recession in that house

mauzo

Me and my then boyfriend were in my house, he was leaving and I was going to walk him to the bus stop.

Went in to tell my dad Id be back in a little while, opened the door...hes sitting with his back to me on his laptop....I looked at the screen and slowly backed out the door

He stands up all flustered and I tell him ill be back soon, ran out the front door!

Next morning at the kitchen table I said to my mum, jesus wait til I tell you what I caught dad at last night! I walked in to tell him I was going to the bus stop and he was watching bloody porn!

She says, yeah well last week he found your dildo when he was opening your window. He came down and asked me what it was, I said I dont know I dont bloody have one!!!! He found it behind your curtain on the windowsill.

Mortified isnt the word!

Ehrmantraut

I've had more than my fair share. I was visiting a young relative in hospital one day and I was in and out of the place at least three times, once to buy some food and two trips to the toilet for urination purposes. Anyway, I later realised that I'd been walking around the corridors of the children's ward with my fly conspicuously undone.

A childhood one involved a quarrel between my parents after one of them finally confirmed Santa's non-existence. One of them screams "Why don't you tell him where babies come from?" I decide to interject - piping up with tremendous pride "I already know! From women's bums!" Of course, I was too young to realise my mistake but I now know why the fighting was replaced by silence.

My driving instructor saying "I like you". (Apparently he meant to say "I like your steering".)

My granny shítting on my shoe.

wonderfullife

Should know better by now as im not a whippersnapper (29) but was seeing a girl recently, neither of us had free gafs so thought an abandoned house down a laneway near my house was in order......drove down there....all good til see the headlights of a car. Guards. Tremendous. Got the clothes back on fast, red face, torch shone into the car. He asks what we're doing down there as there have been reports of drug use around and she pipes up "we got lost". My heart sank when the Guard said ok i need to take your names & address, gave my address which the Guard knew was 100 metres down the road......."and ye got lost, sure i can see your house from here?"

Had to own up and say "i'm really sorry Guard my mam is home with me at the moment just wanted a bit of peace and quiet...".

montyrebel

Ehrmantraut wrote: »

I've had more than my fair share. I was visiting a young relative in hospital one day and I was in and out of the place at least three times, once to buy some food and two trips to the toilet for urination purposes. Anyway, I later realised that I'd been walking around the corridors of the children's ward with my fly conspicuously undone.

A childhood one involved a quarrel between my parents after one of them finally confirmed Santa's non-existence. One of them screams "Why don't you tell him where babies come from?" I decide to interject - piping up with tremendous pride "I already know! From women's bums!" Of course, I was too young to realise my mistake but I now know why the fighting was replaced by silence.

My driving instructor saying "I like you". (Apparently he meant to say "I like your steering".)

My granny shítting on my shoe.

Sorry what :eek:

fasttalkerchat

mauzo wrote: »

Me and my then boyfriend were in my house, he was leaving and I was going to walk him to the bus stop.

Went in to tell my dad Id be back in a little while, opened the door...hes sitting with his back to me on his laptop....I looked at the screen and slowly backed out the door

He stands up all flustered and I tell him ill be back soon, ran out the front door!

Next morning at the kitchen table I said to my mum, jesus wait til I tell you what I caught dad at last night! I walked in to tell him I was going to the bus stop and he was watching bloody porn!

She says, yeah well last week he found your dildo when he was opening your window. He came down and asked me what it was, I said I dont know I dont bloody have one!!!! He found it behind your curtain on the windowsill.

Mortified isnt the word!

Has a dildo and likes anal! Your inbox must be full right now.

You're probably getting a lot of messages too

up for anything

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

My granny asked me could she borrow it. Ermmmmm no.

The youth of today! So buttoned up and repressed.

spankysue

spankysue wrote: »

With that, I bolted up the stairs, half with embarassment, half to contain my laughter..... had to tell her the next morning over breakfast what it was, she looked so innocent when she asked me what the bunny ears were for

I will see your dildo in a drawer and raise it a drawer full I am afraid. Early on in my relationship with the girls... as if breaking to their parents that we were in a "truple" was not bad enough but we were at a point where we were starting to get past that... one of the mothers was sent to one of their bedrooms to get something from the top drawer of a chest of drawers.

The top drawer in another bedroom however contained a.... pletorah.... of fun devices and utilities if I can put it that way....

Thankfully the mother in question took it well. She came down the stairs and said matter of factly - "So - seems I forgot you said SECOND door on the left then." and just left us all squirming as we contemplated the implications of what she had just said - while thankfully the father in question sat there happily oblivious.

fasttalkerchat

Deleted User wrote: »

I will see your dildo in a drawer and raise it a drawer full I am afraid. Early on in my relationship with the girls... as if breaking to their parents that we were in a "truple" was not bad enough but we were at a point where we were starting to get past that... one of the mothers was sent to one of their bedrooms to get something from the top drawer of a chest of drawers.

The top drawer in another bedroom however contained a.... pletorah.... of fun devices and utilities if I can put it that way....

Thankfully the mother in question took it well. She came down the stairs and said matter of factly - "So - seems I forgot you said SECOND door on the left then." and just left us all squirming as we contemplated the implications of what she had just said - while thankfully the father in question sat there happily oblivious.

I'm so confused right now! You and 2 other girls live together and are all lesbians... err, together?
I thought that only happened in American Pie.

fasttalkerchat

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

I'm so confused right now! You and 2 other girls live together and are all lesbians... err, together?
I thought that only happened in American Pie.

No, I am a guy.

I have not seen American Pie.

fasttalkerchat

Deleted User wrote: »

No, I am a guy.
.

That does not help my confused predicament in any way. I think this is why my granny told me never to visit dublin.

Basically its a threesome relationship? Is that a religious thing or just they were both up for it?

The latter. Not religious. Fully paid up members of Atheist Ireland actually.

mauzo

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

Has a dildo and likes anal! Your inbox must be full right now.

You're probably getting a lot of messages too

I laughed

Cork Lass

A good few years ago I was queuing up to pay for my petrol in the shop at the local petrol station. My daughter was about 3 or 4 at the time and was looking around the shop. She walked up to me with a packet of "Always" and asked if we could buy them. I don't get embarrassed easily so just said no and asked her to put them back from where she got them. She begged and pleaded with me and I kept refusing much to the amusement of the other shoppers. Then she very calmly stood in front of me and told me that she just wanted to bring them home and pour water on them - the bloody power of advertising.

ongarboy

Years ago I rented a place sharing with 2 other lads (who I didn't know prior to moving in). Both sound enough lads. Once a few months later, I had gone back to my hometown at the weekend but came back to the house a lot earlier on the Sunday than usual. I had just opened the front door and saw up the stairs for a split second one of my housemates running into his bedroom wearing a woman's dress and shoes before he shut the door quickly!!

I didn't know how to react to that. It was awkward as hell as I was completely stunned and obviously unaware that he was into dressing up like that. I felt for him though as he obviously thought he had the house to himself that afternoon, hence his opportunity to dress up and I gave him an unpleasant surprise. I thought long and hard about saying something to him at a later stage just to say, I'm cool with it but wasn't sure if that would make it worse for him or not so I never said anything. It did create a little tension for a few weeks after (he never brought it up either and kind of laid low during that time before eventually moving out. I suspect it may have been over what I witnessed as he was gone one weekend when I came back (no farewells etc).

I do feel sorry for guys that have those urges as it must be a lonely situation for them (especially if they have or feel they have no-one to confide in about it).

jessiejam

Was at my uncle's (through marraige) funeral back in 05. My aunt was chatting to us afterwards and asked me how my mother was. My mother had died 2 years earlier.
Her daughter (my cousin) explained that she was no longer with us, when my aunt went on. So is she working today...

Eh.......

God love her she has dementia now... thinking back that was probably the start of it!

conorhal

IceFjoem wrote: »

About a year ago I was in Zara in town having a look around, I think I was waiting for a friend to arrive so I was just kind of browsing. It was pretty quiet in the shop, maybe only 4 other customers.

Anyway, I walked over to a shelving unit with a few bottles of aftershave on it. I took one off a shelf that was a bit above head height (I'm about 6ft). I had a good look at the bottle, it was a bulky glass thing, and of course had a sniff (as you do). Just as I was putting it back up onto the shelf, out of nowhere a toddler runs over to look at the shelf of bottles and kind of pushes his way in between me and the shelf.

I just glanced down for a second, but it was however the very second that I was releasing my grip on the bottle. Thinking I was placing it gently back on the shelf, I missed the shelf by about an inch and the bottle fell and cracked the kid in the head with a thud!

The kid started absolutely wailing and ran over to his mother a couple of meters away (who hadn't seen it happen). I turned to the mother to explain what had happened, but couldn't really get a word in as the mother was so concerned looking for signs of injury on the child. Still in shock from what had happened, I moreless mumbled something about a bottle accidentally falling and that I was really really sorry. The mother pretty much ignored me and just gave me a furious scowl! (The whole time me thinking the Gardaí are gonna be called, cause she still has pretty much no idea what I did to the kid!)

She started leaving and I basically tried to keep my head down and moved towards the other end of the shop. The child was still screaming though and the security guard and manager approached the woman to see what the commotion was all about. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I'll never as long as I live forget seeing that woman pointing from across the shop at me (proper "she's a witch" style) with the most furious look on her face, and the two staff members turning to look at me as if I was the scum of the Earth.

One of the most ferociously awkward moments I've ever experienced.

It probably make me a bad person, but I can't be the only one that read this and thought, heavy bottles of perfume are often outragously expensive and I'd imagine that most stores operate a 'you break it, you bought it' policy....so what a relief that the bottle landed on that little sh1ts head...

castletownman

Ever turn the tables around and put another person in an awkward situation? I remember once I couldn't find a way home after a night out for love nor money so started chatting up a girl at last orders that I had no intention of actually scoring, all for the sake of copping a sleep on her couch. Went back to hers anyway, she went to get drink or something from the kitchen and by the time she came back I was "fast asleep" on the couch. Poor girl musta been heartbroken.

Even wrote a little ditty that describes the situation:

Twas the night before New Year's
And the weather grew mean
Twas three in the morning
And I was stranded in Skibbereen!

The tavern grew empty
The gas lights grew dim
The horse-drawn carriages
Were all but snowed in

Last call was approaching
And my fortunes looked bleak
Then I turned to my left
And stifled a shriek!

She had a peach-fuzz beard
And weighed sixteen stone
She gobbled up hot wings
And swallowed the bones

I muffled a scream
And threw up in my mouth
I asked, "Where do you live?"
And she said, "One block south."

I swallowed my pride
And six shots of Whiskey
And prayed to the gods
That she wasn't too frisky

Back in her cave
She prepared us a snack
Neath her mighty hooves
The floorboards did crack

But when she returned
She found a sound sleeper
And thus she became
The sexless innkeeper

mauzo

castletownman wrote: »

Even wrote a little ditty that describes the situation:


I swallowed my pride
And six shots of Whiskey
And prayed to the gods
That she wasn't too frisky

Back in her cave
She prepared us a snack
Neath her mighty hooves
The floorboards did crack

But when she returned
She found a sound sleeper
And thus she became
The sexless innkeeper

That is absolutely brilliant.

say_who_now?

castletownman wrote: »

Ever turn the tables around and put another person in an awkward situation? I remember once I couldn't find a way home after a night out for love nor money so started chatting up a girl at last orders that I had no intention of actually scoring, all for the sake of copping a sleep on her couch. Went back to hers anyway, she went to get drink or something from the kitchen and by the time she came back I was "fast asleep" on the couch. Poor girl musta been heartbroken.

Even wrote a little ditty that describes the situation:

Twas the night before New Year's
And the weather grew mean
Twas three in the morning
And I was stranded in Skibbereen!

The tavern grew empty
The gas lights grew dim
The horse-drawn carriages
Were all but snowed in

Last call was approaching
And my fortunes looked bleak
Then I turned to my left
And stifled a shriek!

She had a peach-fuzz beard
And weighed sixteen stone
She gobbled up hot wings
And swallowed the bones

I muffled a scream
And threw up in my mouth
I asked, "Where do you live?"
And she said, "One block south."

I swallowed my pride
And six shots of Whiskey
And prayed to the gods
That she wasn't too frisky

Back in her cave
She prepared us a snack
Neath her mighty hooves
The floorboards did crack

But when she returned
She found a sound sleeper
And thus she became
The sexless innkeeper

POTD surely!

NegativeCreep

If that's true, it's the best story I've ever heard

Kev.OC

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news folks, but I remember coming across that "little ditty" at least 2 or 3 years ago.

On topic, I've a **** memory, so ye'll have to give me some time to remember any awkward situations I've been in.

fasttalkerchat

Yea its from a film http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1523038/quotes

say_who_now?

Kev.OC wrote: »

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news folks, but I remember coming across that "little ditty" at least 2 or 3 years ago.
On topic, I've a **** memory, so ye'll have to give me some time to remember any awkward situations I've been in.

AWKWARD!! :pac:


PS: That's some "shìt memory" you've got to have remembered a ditty from three years ago!

rannerap

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

Yea its from a film http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1523038/quotes

how I met your mother is a tv show. not a film

brummytom

Sarannewrap wrote: »

how I met your mother is a tv show. not a film

Also, it's incredibly shít.

I was just at a session. Worth mentioning I'm half-cut and half-stoned.

I was playing away like a kid in a toyshop and some old bloke came up behind. He started doing some scary dance which involved circling/rubbing his nipples an awful lot, then grabbing his balls. I was sitting at around ball-height. It was awkward...

fasttalkerchat

Sarannewrap wrote: »

how I met your mother is a tv show. not a film

Indeed it is. I knew it sounded familiar!

Smidge

brummytom wrote: »

Also, it's incredibly shít.

I was just at a session. Worth mentioning I'm half-cut and half-stoned.

I was playing away like a kid in a toyshop and some old bloke came up behind. He started doing some scary dance which involved circling/rubbing his nipples an awful lot, then grabbing his balls. I was sitting at around ball-height. It was awkward...

Party for one??????

say_who_now?

brummytom wrote: »

Sarannewrap wrote: »

how I met your mother is a tv show. not a film

Also, it's incredibly shít.

I was just at a session. Worth mentioning I'm half-cut and half-stoned.

I was playing away like a kid in a toyshop and some old bloke came up behind. He started doing some scary dance which involved circling/rubbing his nipples an awful lot, then grabbing his balls. I was sitting at around ball-height. It was awkward...

Same episode, clown thrusting in homer's face! :pac:

Gummy Panda

mauzo wrote: »

Me and my then boyfriend were in my house, he was leaving and I was going to walk him to the bus stop.

Went in to tell my dad Id be back in a little while, opened the door...hes sitting with his back to me on his laptop....I looked at the screen and slowly backed out the door

He stands up all flustered and I tell him ill be back soon, ran out the front door!

Next morning at the kitchen table I said to my mum, jesus wait til I tell you what I caught dad at last night! I walked in to tell him I was going to the bus stop and he was watching bloody porn!

She says, yeah well last week he found your dildo when he was opening your window. He came down and asked me what it was, I said I dont know I dont bloody have one!!!! He found it behind your curtain on the windowsill.

Mortified isnt the word!

Lazy mare

just use your hand :mad:

say_who_now?

Just met a girl I hadn't seen in a while here in the pub when I went in for breakfast, exchanged the usual hello's and then she invited me to sit down with her for the breakfast as she had just ordered too.

So we're chatting away and she's telling me how herself and the boyfriend are getting married next year, etc, all good news, and then I goes "and a baby on the way too, that's great sure!"...

"Eh?" she says... "Oh. Are you not... "

*me making a pregnant belly motion*

"No, I'm just fat!"

Thankfully she knew I didn't mean it in a bad way!

That was all OK then, til the waitress brought down our breakfasts- hers a few slices of brown bread, mine a full feckin' Irish! :pac:

tmc86

I used to work in a petrol station and at the time I drove a classic red mini. A lot of people would ask about it as it was parked directly by the window hatch and I'd end up chatting with them about it.

One day a midget (not sure if this is PC?) came in to pay for his petrol and he asked "Is that your mini outside?"

So i started chatting to him about it and he said he was interested in classics too. Since it was the weekend of the West Cork rally I asked was he going down to it as they have some great classics competing.

I then said, "the mini is one of my favourite cars to watch race. I also love the midgets..."

Cue akward silence and then me trying to blow over it by asking, "Do you know the MG Midgets, they're great little cars"

Wanted the ground to swallow me up.

Thumby

My OH's 14 yr old caught us doing the deed the other week. I still can't look the child in the face. Oh and some couple were having screamers of a row in the q beside me in the bank yesterday. Wasn't too awkward until my own 12 year old asked me what i was laughing at! Not sure which situation was more mortifying.