One for the road?

Khannie

Our current situation is this: Mid 30's. We have 3 kids; 15, 5 and 2 and a half. The youngest is just about reaching that point where she's more independent / less hassle. She's out of her cot and in playschool and all that jazz. I had always felt that I'd like at least 4 and possibly 5 but I have to say the thoughts of going back to nappies and total dependence is starting to put me off a bit.

On the other hand I'm conscious that I don't want to look back in 10 years with a hole in my heart. I know for absolute certain that if she was surprise pregnant right now I'd be delighted. Still, I have nagging doubts.

I suppose what I'm looking for is someone who was in similar shoes in the past to relate their story. Did you decide against another child under similar circumstances and how do you feel about it now?

January

Khannie wrote: »

Our current situation is this: Mid 30's. We have 3 kids; 15, 5 and 2 and a half. The youngest is just about reaching that point where she's more independent / less hassle. She's out of her cot and in playschool and all that jazz. I had always felt that I'd like at least 4 and possibly 5 but I have to say the thoughts of going back to nappies and total dependence is starting to put me off a bit.

On the other hand I'm conscious that I don't want to look back in 10 years with a hole in my heart. I know for absolute certain that if she was surprise pregnant right now I'd be delighted. Still, I have nagging doubts.

I suppose what I'm looking for is someone who was in similar shoes in the past to relate their story. Did you decide against another child under similar circumstances and how do you feel about it now?

Be honest you just want to deliver another baby yourself

eviltwin

What does your wife/husband think?

I think its natural to want more, having your last child makes you feel old in a way. I had my last child at 32. He's nearly 3 now and I find myself getting broody but not enough to actually have one. It wouldn't be a disaster to have another child but it would be tough, we'd probably struggle and I'm not sure the benefits are worth it and if I'm honest with myself I feel a bit old to be going through all that again. I'm just going to focus on the two I have and make the best life I can for them.

Whenever I feel we are missing out I think of the two I have and the money it will cost to get them to adulthood and I know its the right thing to do. My husband would love more but he never looks at the long term implications

I suppose it depends on how easy it will be to support them, fit them into the space you have, what it means in terms of childcare, how you will be fixed down the road if they are all in college etc

Best of luck whatever you decide to do

Khannie

eviltwin wrote: »

What does your wife/husband think?

She's much the same, but verging towards one more. I am still verging towards one more, but not as much as I was which means the movement is towards not having one more on my end. She's quite concerned that 5 years down the line there will be a hole in her heart where another child should be.

In terms of practicality; Personally I wouldn't worry about the cost of one more when there are 3 in the mix already. We have all the basics and a heap of hand-me-downs and certainly for the first few years they more or less pay for themselves. I remember my boss in my last job, who was from a family of (I think) 7 saying that when his parents had 6 they couldn't afford a 7th but along it came and everyone was grand. That little anecdote always stuck with me. Maybe it's entirely naive but yeah....I'm pretty much "Ah sure one more, what harm?" on the financial front. We're not minted by any means but I don't think it would break us either. Yes the others would get less "stuff" but they would have another sibling which brings its own value.

From a space perspective we would be OK. Similar thinking I suppose. The 5 and 2.5 year old would need to share a room, maybe with bunk beds but that wouldn't be the end of the world at all. I checked with the 5 year old how she'd feel about this and she was delighted. It's not likely to be a problem for another 6 or 7 years and realistically the oldest may have moved out at that point. :eek:

Childcare: my wife's a full time mum. With 3 it's not really feasible to pay for childcare unless you're earning a shed load of cash. She would have been working to pay a childminder so that was that (her choice).

eviltwin wrote: »

Best of luck whatever you decide to do

Thanks.

Khannie

January wrote: »

Be honest you just want to deliver another baby yourself

Ha! I would love to, to be honest. It was a super experience. Very bonding.

eviltwin

Seems like you have it all thought out and it looks like it will be workable so if you both want it then go for it There is nothing worse than looking back at your life and having regrets.

Khannie

eviltwin wrote: »

There is nothing worse than looking back at your life and having regrets.

Yeah, I think you're right. I'm very unlikely to regret another child but I might regret not having one.

Thanks for the input. Sometimes it's good just to write stuff down.

If anyone has any direct experiences I'd be glad to hear them.

liliq

My gut would agree with what you wrote in your last thread. I can't imagine ever regretting having a child, I can imagine regretting not having one... but I only have 1 so far, so not exactly relevant!

Moonbeam

I would go for it before I was too old to enjoy the baby and have no regrets.
I love kids and am an only child but nearly all my cousins come from families of 4 and 5 and to me 4 was always the ideal and still is.
I am due a 3rd soon and I can not see the expenses being huge ,there is little that you need for 3 that you don't for 2 (except the 7 seater car)and the same for 4 and 3.

eviltwin

I would be more inclined to think about the long term costs. I have a teenager and she is so expensive, just the cost of education alone is a lot. We're saving for her college fees at the moment and can just about cover them. Thankfully her brother is 12 yrs younger so we have a bit of breathing space with him. But two or three going to college around the same time would be impossible and that's what puts me off.

Also I would need to buy a bigger car and I just haven't got the funds

Khannie

I have no intention of fully funding my kids through college tbh. I worked when I was in college and left college in debt (because I took out a loan so I wouldn't have to work during my final year). It took me a few years to get over that, but I'm grand. Better for it even.

You have a similar gap to us eviltwin. We got by with a normal car with 3 because the youngfella was too old for a booster by the time the 3rd came along. He was a bit squashed in the middle of the two seats but I wasn't paying for a new car unless I *needed* to and we don't drive much where all 5 of us are in the car at the same time (he sits in the front if one parent isn't in the car). Not encouraging you to go for more....just letting you know that with that convenient age gap you can get by with a normal car.

eviltwin

Khannie wrote: »

I have no intention of fully funding my kids through college tbh. I worked when I was in college and left college in debt (because I took out a loan so I wouldn't have to work during my final year). It took me a few years to get over that, but I'm grand. Better for it even.

You have a similar gap to us eviltwin. We got by with a normal car with 3 because the youngfella was too old for a booster by the time the 3rd came along. He was a bit squashed in the middle of the two seats but I wasn't paying for a new car unless I *needed* to and we don't drive much where all 5 of us are in the car at the same time (he sits in the front if one parent isn't in the car). Not encouraging you to go for more....just letting you know that with that convenient age gap you can get by with a normal car.

Neither do I but I want the money there as a fall back just in case she can't get work or needs to go away to college.

I could probably make it work if I needed to - I'd have no choice the fact that I find reasons not to have more says my heart is not really in it.

cynder

I know where your coming from my girl turns 13 soon, I have a 7 n 5 year old, all the kids are at school, hubbys mad for another, I however have a life now, I go out walking, Im kickboxing, I'm joining a local mountaineering club, ( want to climb Kilimanjaro before I hit 40, I ran ( walked) the flora mini marathon, I have a great time with my kids, my eldest does a lot of things with me, my boys go play hurling, soccer and football. Another baby would stop a lot of that. If I did get pregnant by accident I would be happy, but I'm not planning on another, I can wait till my grandkids. I'm only 32 yet I have so much of a life now ( I'm a stay at home mom) when the kids are at school I can focus on me. I don't have to worry about nappies or bottles anymore, the kids can do a lot of things with me, no more buggies, holidays are fab. A baby would spoil or that. Yet if one popped up tomorrow I would be really happy, all cuteness and cuddles. I would forget about all the stuff I love now. I would have to give up my kickboxing, lose my figure again but it would be worth it.

My 13 year old told me not to get pregnant again she would kill me. If it's by accident thats fine but I'm not allowed to try for one... In 5 years she is a college I'm going to have a quiet house but I'll pass that hurdle when it comes, still I'll only be 37. I can have another baby then :eek:


Do whats right for you and your family...

Poor hubby keeps giving me puppy dog eyes whenever a baby comes on tv... His really broody.

I have a 7 seater and never use the 2 back seats. we rarely in the car altogether. It's great when one can sit in the front.

Daisy M

I had always thought we would have 4 or 5 children after having our third child we were both very happy with our lot but I always felt like I should have another and that I was doing something "wrong" by not having another or that I wouldn't have the "ideal" family I had envisioned. Meanwhile my siblings were all having more children leading me to question what was wrong with us when we weren't doing the same!!
Events took over and I was diagnoised with a long term illness which I would have to take medication for, so if I wanted another it was now or never and we choose never, I finally accepted that for us things were perfect as they were, my husband had accepted this when the youngest was a couple of months old.
I was fearful that as I became older I would regret this but not a bit our youngest is 9 and I am back working part time and enjoying this new phase of my life.

As for college, we will be funding our children through it hopefully they will get a part time job but they will be living away and will never be able to fund it themselves. Personally we see it as our duty to put them through college so as to give them the best start in life.

Best of luck whatever you decide!!

branners69

Someone told me before you will always regret the ones you don't have, not the ones you have!

Then again we ended up with 4 under 4, and may go again as the wife is only 32 so don't ask me. The more the merrier as far as I am concerned and worry about the other stuff later down the road! Life is too short!

eviltwin

branners69 wrote: »

Someone told me before you will always regret the ones you don't have, not the ones you have!

Then again we ended up with 4 under 4, and may go again as the wife is only 32 so don't ask me. The more the merrier as far as I am concerned and worry about the other stuff later down the road! Life is too short!

I hate that phrase You might not regret the kids you have but it doesn't mean its going to be an easy journey along the way. In my early years I would have loved more kids sooner, it didn't work out that way and at the time it was hard to deal with but in hindsight I feel glad we had such a big gap, it gave us a chance to do things we probably wouldn't have been able to do with a bigger family.

HeyThereDeliah

I think once you have your first you are always thinking of having more and that is something that goes through your mind at diffent times.
We al go through broody phases and then talk about the reality of having one more but it's one of those things when it's possible you don't want it and when it's impossible you crave for it. If I could I would have one more for sure. I love babies.

branners69

eviltwin wrote: »

..... it gave us a chance to do things we probably wouldn't have been able to do with a bigger family.

Like what??

eviltwin

branners69 wrote: »

Like what??

Travel a lot, I was able to get a family member to child mind which meant I could work ( I wasn't in a position to pay for creches and the family member would not have minded two), I was able to go to college, buy my own home, a car etc

cbyrd

Khannie wrote: »

Yeah, I think you're right. I'm very unlikely to regret another child but I might regret not having one.

Thanks for the input. Sometimes it's good just to write stuff down.

If anyone has any direct experiences I'd be glad to hear them.

go for it.. you never regret having one.. we've 4 and are definitely done.. was still unsure after the 3rd.. wouldn't give any of them back most of the time .. if you were finished for sure it wouldn't even be a question
Good luck

Khannie

cbyrd wrote: »

go for it.. you never regret having one.. we've 4 and are definitely done.. was still unsure after the 3rd.. wouldn't give any of them back most of the time .. if you were finished for sure it wouldn't even be a question
Good luck

Sold!

cynder

Khannie wrote: »

cbyrd wrote: »

go for it.. you never regret having one.. we've 4 and are definitely done.. was still unsure after the 3rd.. wouldn't give any of them back most of the time .. if you were finished for sure it wouldn't even be a question
Good luck

Sold!

New little baby khannie in 2013...

Good luck......

Moonbeam

eviltwin wrote: »

Travel a lot, I was able to get a family member to child mind which meant I could work ( I wasn't in a position to pay for creches and the family member would not have minded two), I was able to go to college, buy my own home, a car etc

Alot of people would have the college,houses and cars before having kids but the option to have a normal job really does go out the window after 2 or 3 close together.

Daisy M

Khannie wrote: »

Sold!

I think if you can be swayed that easily you really do want another one!
Best of luck.

meisha

I say go for it...I had one and now cant have anymore id love to be in your situation,take the chance while you can!!

guppy

I find these sort of posts funny. I have 2 kids, 18 and 5(and a half!) and I have no more interest in having another than I do having my toenails removed!

I think if you're unsure, but edging towards having another, your choice is obvious - have another (if your partner is willing, of course!). You won't regret it at all.

On the other hand, I'd hate to become pregnant again, and I do everything in my power (bar celebisy -sp?) to not get pregnant again (my husband feels the same btw!).

If you know, you know. I hope all goes fantastically for you both whatever happens.

CJhaughey

My inlaws were in the same situation, they had 14, 11 and 9 and thought they'd like to go again.
They got twins.:D

Khannie

CJhaughey wrote: »

My inlaws were in the same situation, they had 14, 11 and 9 and thought they'd like to go again.
They got twins.:D

Weirdly, I would prefer that. I've always had a grá for twins.