Parents abandoning their kids

NegativeCreep

enda1 wrote: »

This is not directed at the OP cause I don't know the exact circumstances, but in the following hypothetical situations, I see no problem with the male's actions:

If a man is to meet a woman for a one night stand and she falls pregnant, he should have no qualms in not recognising the child as his, nor in paying anything (emotional or physical) towards it.

If a man is to be in a relationship which breaks up for whatever reason and there was no plan to have a child, then likewise.

So I believe (and expect to be in the vast minority here) that the male should not always be vilified for not recognising a child and playing no part in their life.

I agree to a certain extent. If they don't want the kid then it's probably best if they don't stay around.

eviltwin

I was with my boyfriend 3 months when we found out I was pregnant, total meltdowns ensued but not once did he ever waiver in his responsibilities. He was with me for every single scan, doctors appointment etc. Its only now I am older that I can really appreciate how lucky I was that he was such a decent guy, we were so young and it could so easily have gone the other way.

We both know guys who did, some young some not so young and we just don't get it at all. It was by no means easy for us having a baby so young but through all the **** life throws your way having this constant in your life is pretty amazing. No one is saying you have to be in a relationship with the mother or even be the kind of dad who takes your child every week but just keep some level of contact there.

I often wonder when guys like this get older and their children are adults do they ever look back and regret it or does that lack of interest stay around forever?

4zn76tysfajdxp

1ZRed, do that thing to me, please.

PucaMama

enda1 wrote: »

This is not directed at the OP cause I don't know the exact circumstances, but in the following hypothetical situations, I see no problem with the male's actions:

If a man is to meet a woman for a one night stand and she falls pregnant, he should have no qualms in not recognising the child as his, nor in paying anything (emotional or physical) towards it.

If a man is to be in a relationship which breaks up for whatever reason and there was no plan to have a child, then likewise.

So I believe (and expect to be in the vast minority here) that the male should not always be vilified for not recognising a child and playing no part in their life.

so if a man and a woman are in a relationship, and have a child that was unplanned, then only the woman should pay??

you think only a woman is responsible if she gets pregnant on a one night stand?

sure :rolleyes:

edit: i never new my biological "father"

JuliusCaesar

enda1 wrote: »

in the following hypothetical situations, I see no problem with the male's actions:

If a man is to meet a woman for a one night stand and she falls pregnant, he should have no qualms in not recognising the child as his, nor in paying anything (emotional or physical) towards it.

If a man is to be in a relationship which breaks up for whatever reason and there was no plan to have a child, then likewise.

In those situations, the man should take responsibility for contraception to ensure that no baby results. Women don't "fall pregnant" by themselves. If you really don't want a child, make sure it doesn't happen!

Take responsibility for your actions, like a man.

Lisha

enda1 wrote: »

This is not directed at the OP cause I don't know the exact circumstances, but in the following hypothetical situations, I see no problem with the male's actions:

If a man is to meet a woman for a one night stand and she falls pregnant, he should have no qualms in not recognising the child as his, nor in paying anything (emotional or physical) towards it.

If a man is to be in a relationship which breaks up for whatever reason and there was no plan to have a child, then likewise.

So I believe (and expect to be in the vast minority here) that the male should not always be vilified for not recognising a child and playing no part in their life.

People PLease practise safe sex at all times but especially if with randomers.
People need to remember that a child could be best out come from unsafe sex, your bits falling off could be the worst

AH response; FFS grow up and stick something on the end of it

Lisha

To Hairy Princess, its really sad for your daughter has missed out on her Dad's presence in her life. But to be honest you have tried with the pics and all and it must have been gutting to hear that he blocked your number.
She is very lucky to have you as a mother and it's sad but sounds like she'e better off without him.
Best of luck to you both

Duckjob

hairyprincess wrote: »

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Last week I sent a picture and requested a delivery report on the phone, which I hadn't done for the previous pictures. I never got a report so I decided to ring his voicemail to see was his number still active. It appears he has blocked my number. It has been nine years since he has seen his daughter.

This thread is not about male bashing. I don't hate my ex for what he is doing. I feel pity for him. He will some day have to face the wrath of his daughter, and he will have to live with his conscience. Me being angry at him isn't going to make a blind bit of difference.

But, I decided to post this here as AH is predominately young men; I want to appeal to them not to reject their children, future or otherwise. It's not just you that you have to think about. You are doing untold lasting damage to your own child. So if any of you have kids that you don't see for whatever reason, make it your business to pick up the phone and be a parent to your child (this goes for the mammies too! I'm not solely picking on men!). Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

Fair play to you for trying to keep in communication with him, although it doesn't sound like he's interested.

I would say however, I think (hope) that "fathers" like that are a minority.

I don't know any dead-beat dads. I do unfortunately know of 1 dad who, despite desperately wanting to be part of his kids' lives, has been virtually cut off from them by a spiteful ex-partner. Not only that but the bitter cvnt even lies to her kids to try to turn them against him. ("He doesn't want to see you") etc. F**king disgusting.

enda1

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

In those situations, the man should take responsibility for contraception to ensure that no baby results. Women don't "fall pregnant" by themselves. If you really don't want a child, make sure it doesn't happen!

Take responsibility for your actions, like a man.

No. The woman should take responsibility to ensure no pregnancy occurs. The man should do what's asked of him to aid this and also to protect himself and herself from any other potential byproduct of intercourse, but it is the woman who can get pregnant so it is her who should take responsibility for what happens to her body.

Also no need for the sexist comments "like a man".

Solair

While the UK's Child Support Agency comes in for a lot of bad press, I have to say the idea of the state chasing after absentee fathers and at the very least making them financially responsible is definitely not a bad one!

It creates a sense of responsibility and also reduces the burden on the mother and on the state.

We could do with a dose of it over here.

mackeire

this may sound a bit stupid but if he has your number blocked, could you not ring him or send the pictures from someone elses phone?

bbam

I'll have to say that there is a distorted view in Ireland that no matter what children should be with or at least in contact with their birth parents.

This is not always the case and in many instances the pain and suffering of rejection and abandonment is a better option than being parented by bad people. All too often we see children abused and damaged by bad parents, being raised by one parent, adoptive or foster parents would be much better.

Rachelmhr

My OH has a daughter (not with me) and the relationship broke down with the mother just before the birth. He was still there for her and set up a direct debit to give his child support to the mother on a weekly basis.
One day he got a call from the bank to say the direct debit was rejected - she cancelled it! Blocked his number, moved from her home. He was not accquainted with her family so he could not even ask them where she was! Everyone can say what they want to justify her reasons for doing so - but it looks to me that she was just so bitter that the relationship ended that she had to be so cruel!

That was 4 years ago... he hasnt seen his child since and I dont think he will ever get to see her again. It tears him up inside and I find it very hard to comfort him about it. So IMO men arent to blame 100% of the time. Women can be just as bad.....

Lollipops23

I'm not sure why, but to me it's even worse when a mother walks away from her kids.

That's not to say it's not also terrible when a man ignores his responsibilities as a father, and it happens far too often.

OP, fair play to you for trying to facilitate a relationship between you ex and your little girl. I'd say it's time to cut your losses there though, he's clearly not interested in her welfare. I'm sure she has more than enough parent in you though, you sound like a great mam

PucaMama

enda1 wrote: »

No. The woman should take responsibility to ensure no pregnancy occurs. The man should do what's asked of him to aid this and also to protect himself and herself from any other potential byproduct of intercourse, but it is the woman who can get pregnant so it is her who should take responsibility for what happens to her body.

Also no need for the sexist comments "like a man".

:rolleyes:

Grimebox

Did you try calling from a different number? Maybe he has a new number altogether and isn't blocking you

iguana

PucaMama wrote: »

you think only a woman is responsible if she gets pregnant on a one night stand?

A woman who has an unplanned pregnancy has a number of options. She can keep the baby, she can travel to abort or, if unmarried, she can place the child up for adoption. A man has no options as the woman makes the decision for him. Some of that is biology, ie a man can never choose whether or not to abort. But when it comes to law, ie adoption, it's rectifiable inequality. If a woman can have a child and legally sever all ties then it's not fair that a man can't do the same.

Few people criticise women for placing a child up for adoption, even if the father doesn't want the child to be adopted or if he or his family adopt the child. She is then free to live her life without obligations or rights to that child. But any man who chooses that path is seen as a complete scumbag. It is a double standard and I think that men who father a child they don't want should have a right to hand their parental responsibility over to the mother and walk away if that's what they really want. But they will have to accept that they will in return not have the right to demand access years down the line if they have a change of heart. Their parental rights are forever terminated.

cassid

Does his family have any interest in the baby ? even if he has no interest perhaps a grandmother or grandfather might.

Fair play to you for trying to keep communication open, it can be very hard if there has been a difficult separation. My folks spilt up and they spent years playing us ( the children) against each other. As a mother myself looking back I think they pair of them needed some serious counselling. In fairness they have made better grand parents than parents, better late than never.

yayaitsme

mishkalucy wrote: »

[/B]

I hope you don't take offence but what a c0ck.
His daughter is just as important as his "new" family.

No offence taken believe me, I've called him worse but its his loss at the end of the day.

pickarooney wrote: »

I think this is the worst thing a parent can do (besides maybe selling your child into prostitution). It's straight up saying that the new kids (and wife) are more important. It must destroy a child to know that.

I have never told my daughter that he feels this way, I just keep saying I'm sure he loves her but maybe some other time. He has walked right passed her in town and blanked her. Thankfully she had no clue what he looked like.

Morag

Sometimes the best thing a Dad can do is walk away until the child is old enough that he can have an independent relationship with them. There are women out there who do not know how to compromise and use the child as a weapon and let the father see the child based on their whims or needs.

Not every case of an absent father is due to him not giving a damn.

anmhi02

My ex husband hasn't bothered to see or call his son for the last year. My son now has gone from missing his dad to hating him. No amount of talking to him trying to explain that cause of his "illness" ie alcoholism, that my ex can't help it. I refuse to bad mouth my ex to our son even though at times I really want to let rip. Three months into our married life, my ex was forced by one of his siblings to tell me that he already had a son. He refused to tell me anymore about his other son so I done my own investigation work, found and met with the mother of his other son. On meeting her I found out he not only had 1 but 2 sons with her that he basically abandoned and has never been in touch with since. Since my son and her sons are step brothers, we have stayed in touch with each other with the hope of getting my son to meet his stepbrothers one day when he is old enough. My ex didn't want our son having anything to do with his other stepbrothers but that's not his decision. Basically some men, and women, don't deserve children. My ex is missing out on a wonderful, funny, confident, happy child through his own decision. To be honest my son is so much happier now since he has gone AWOL. Should he ever decide to see his son again, I really don't know how my son will react or even if he will want to see him.

cloud493

I wouldn't accept 'alcoholism is an illness' as an excuse to be honest. Nothing matters more than the child, specially drinking.

anmhi02

cloud493 wrote: »

I wouldn't accept 'alcoholism is an illness' as an excuse to be honest. Nothing matters more than the child, specially drinking.

Fully agree but it's a kind way of explaining to a 9 year old, for now anyway.

Cat Melodeon

enda1 wrote: »

No. The woman should take responsibility to ensure no pregnancy occurs. The man should do what's asked of him to aid this and also to protect himself and herself from any other potential byproduct of intercourse, but it is the woman who can get pregnant so it is her who should take responsibility for what happens to her body.

Also no need for the sexist comments "like a man".

No, where there is consensual sex, there is equal responsibility for prevention of pregnancies. Both parties are involved, both supply the necessary materials for conception, both are ultimately responsible. Saying only women should bear responsibility basically excuses men if contraception fails or is somehow forgotten. Whenever a man has sex with a woman he should understand the potential consequences and risks and take the necessary precautions. What reason could you have for placing all of the onus on women? Sex is an act between partners, regardless of how casually acquainted they may be and both bear equal responsibility for the outcome of their sexual encounters. Do you think men are incapable of treating women as equals?

mackg

Rachelmhr wrote: »

My OH has a daughter (not with me) and the relationship broke down with the mother just before the birth. He was still there for her and set up a direct debit to give his child support to the mother on a weekly basis.
One day he got a call from the bank to say the direct debit was rejected - she cancelled it! Blocked his number, moved from her home. He was not accquainted with her family so he could not even ask them where she was! Everyone can say what they want to justify her reasons for doing so - but it looks to me that she was just so bitter that the relationship ended that she had to be so cruel!

That was 4 years ago... he hasnt seen his child since and I dont think he will ever get to see her again. It tears him up inside and I find it very hard to comfort him about it. So IMO men arent to blame 100% of the time. Women can be just as bad.....

Every case is different and I know of at least one mother who did something similar because she felt she had to for fear of something happening to the child while in the care of the father.

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I'm not sure why, but to me it's even worse when a mother walks away from her kids.

That's not to say it's not also terrible when a man ignores his responsibilities as a father, and it happens far too often.

I wouldn't agree with this, less common maybe but that doesn't make it any better.

NegativeCreep

cloud493 wrote: »

I wouldn't accept 'alcoholism is an illness' as an excuse to be honest. Nothing matters more than the child, specially drinking.

I would accept alcoholism as a valid excuse. Nothing matters more to a "normal" person than their child. But alcoholism is a mental disorder and forces the person to prioritise drink over their children.

However I wouldn't accept it in this mans case. He just sounds like a prick tbf.

enda1

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

No, where there is consensual sex, there is equal responsibility for prevention of pregnancies. Both parties are involved, both supply the necessary materials for conception, both are ultimately responsible. Saying only women should bear responsibility basically excuses men if contraception fails or is somehow forgotten. Whenever a man has sex with a woman he should understand the potential consequences and risks and take the necessary precautions. What reason could you have for placing all of the onus on women? Sex is an act between partners, regardless of how casually acquainted they may be and both bear equal responsibility for the outcome of their sexual encounters. Do you think men are incapable of treating women as equals?

As I've already explained, I completely disagree. The woman knows she could become pregnant. The man knows he can not become pregnant. A the pregnancy happens to the woman, it is ultimately her responsibility. Men and women are simply not the same and this is one of the manifestations of the difference.

Men and women are not equal to answer you last question? There is no need to bring capability into it.

As a person, if I have sex with another person carrying an STI, who makes me plainly aware of their case, it is not their fault if I catch it as long as they take the precautions I ask of them, after all it's my body and I went consensually into this situation knowing the possible outcome.

Varied

No way in hell would I abandon my child. I'd fight tooth and nail to get to see him/her an equal amount if me and the mother weren't together.

cloud493

Nope. Your kid is more important than booze. People need to get a grip and stop thinking about themselves.

MagicSean

hairyprincess wrote: »

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Last week I sent a picture and requested a delivery report on the phone, which I hadn't done for the previous pictures. I never got a report so I decided to ring his voicemail to see was his number still active. It appears he has blocked my number. It has been nine years since he has seen his daughter.

This thread is not about male bashing. I don't hate my ex for what he is doing. I feel pity for him. He will some day have to face the wrath of his daughter, and he will have to live with his conscience. Me being angry at him isn't going to make a blind bit of difference.

But, I decided to post this here as AH is predominately young men; I want to appeal to them not to reject their children, future or otherwise. It's not just you that you have to think about. You are doing untold lasting damage to your own child. So if any of you have kids that you don't see for whatever reason, make it your business to pick up the phone and be a parent to your child (this goes for the mammies too! I'm not solely picking on men!). Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

Why would you want this man to have anything to do with your child? Being a father is much more than being a sperm donor and your child deserves more than that.

anmhi02

Varied wrote: »

No way in hell would I abandon my child. I'd fight tooth and nail to get to see him/her an equal amount if me and the mother weren't together.

Cause that's what a real man does....anything less is just a weak excuse of a person.

1ZRed

Scott Ashy Veranda wrote: »

1ZRed, do that thing to me, please.

Oh, the thing you really like ah?

Gonna cost you this time though!

Morag

anmhi02 wrote: »

Cause that's what a real man does....anything less is just a weak excuse of a person.

That's bull shít utter sexist bull.

So men who are victims of domestic violence (emotional, mental, financial abuse) and/or who were in relationships with women with serious issues,
who end up so devastated that they give up on the court system which
is very biased are not 'real' men?

That sort of nasty narrowminded shíte is part of the reason men don't come forward and look for help and support.

Varied

anmhi02 wrote: »

Cause that's what a real man does....anything less is just a weak excuse of a person.

No it isn't, I think a man should have as much of a right to have nothing to do with the child.

NegativeCreep

cloud493 wrote: »

Nope. Your kid is more important than booze. People need to get a grip and stop thinking about themselves.

No, I agree with you, your child is more important than booze obviously. It's just that alcoholism changes your perception of right and wrong.
Wrong: everything that stands in the way of you and drink.
Right: Drink.
That's what goes through an alcoholics mind.

cloud493

Hence the 'get a grip' Christ, I'm not forgiving my dad for doing what he did to me, or for leaving my sister without my dad, cos 'his perspective changed' absolute ****e.

I think it's really decent of you hairyprincess to keep the door open, but honestly, it's down to him now. You've done your bit.

anmhi02

cloud493 wrote: »

Hence the 'get a grip' Christ, I'm not forgiving my dad for doing what he did to me, or for leaving my sister without my dad, cos 'his perspective changed' absolute ****e.

I think it's really decent of you hairyprincess to keep the door open, but honestly, it's down to him now. You've done your bit.

Again agree, there's only so much you can do. In the end it's up to him. It's a shame that the poor child has to go through so many feelings of disappointment, abandonment and usually ultimately anger.

bluecode

I have two boys and I am the main childminder in my family because my wife earns more money than me although I do earn decent enough money at times. But my job means I'm around during the week quite a lot.

Our relationship is fine, but I seriously could not imagine a situation where I would not be a part of their lives. It would kill me. They are everything for me. I simply cannot understand how you could walk away from that.

Even if I had, had an illegitimate child. I could not bear the idea that someone who is part of me would be raised without any input from me.

But that's just me. So many people don't see it that way. I cannot understand it.

hairyprincess

Thanks folks for your words of support.

Usually I go along with life and living and I'm grand about it and then at times it rears it's head and it really ticks me off. My daughter says she hates him. Not because he's not a father to her, but because he left me. God love her.

What really pisses me off is that this sperm donor, as some referred to him as, and let's face it that's all he has been; is going to have such an effect on my daughters life. It amazes me and frustrates me in equal measure that someone, through their non actions is going have such an impact on her.

Someone mentioned about a mother lying to her children, telling them that their dad doesn't want to see them. That is disgusting. It is killing me, the notion that one day I will have to tell my daughter that her father simply did not want to see her. Can you just imagine how heart breaking would that be to hear that? That your own father did not want you in his life. That's why I can't understand how a man (or woman) can turn around and completely ignore his (or her) own flesh and blood. It is unfathomable. There are no excuses. I don't know how that woman can look her children in the eye and say that.

As a mother I would move heaven and earth for my children. Or as I described to a counsellor, I feel like a tigress protecting her young, even though there are days I could feed them to the tigers!!

There's a lot of people who will say that he is the one missing out. Yes he is. But so are the abandoned kids. They will always feel a missing piece from their life. As for the notion of having a dad who will let the child down, not turn up for visits, not return calls etc., yes I think that would be worse. My daughter has no expectations of him so she's not being let down, or worrying every time he is supposed to show up that he won't.

I know there are men, young and old who have children that they have turned a blind eye to. It's not just the immature seventeen year old who didn't protect himself. Lift the phone now, life is short. Tomorrow may never come.

hairyprincess

enda1 wrote: »

This is not directed at the OP cause I don't know the exact circumstances, but in the following hypothetical situations, I see no problem with the male's actions:

If a man is to meet a woman for a one night stand and she falls pregnant, he should have no qualms in not recognising the child as his, nor in paying anything (emotional or physical) towards it.

If a man is to be in a relationship which breaks up for whatever reason and there was no plan to have a child, then likewise.

So I believe (and expect to be in the vast minority here) that the male should not always be vilified for not recognising a child and playing no part in their life.

Seriously?

There are no words. It saddens me hugely that there are people in this world who think like this

girl in the striped socks

hairyprincess wrote: »

Thanks folks for your words of support.

Usually I go along with life and living and I'm grand about it and then at times it rears it's head and it really ticks me off. My daughter says she hates him. Not because he's not a father to her, but because he left me. God love her.

What really pisses me off is that this sperm donor, as some referred to him as, and let's face it that's all he has been; is going to have such an effect on my daughters life. It amazes me and frustrates me in equal measure that someone, through their non actions is going have such an impact on her.

Someone mentioned about a mother lying to her children, telling them that their dad doesn't want to see them. That is disgusting. It is killing me, the notion that one day I will have to tell my daughter that her father simply did not want to see her. Can you just imagine how heart breaking would that be to hear that? That your own father did not want you in his life. That's why I can't understand how a man (or woman) can turn around and completely ignore his (or her) own flesh and blood. It is unfathomable. There are no excuses. I don't know how that woman can look her children in the eye and say that.

As a mother I would move heaven and earth for my children. Or as I described to a counsellor, I feel like a tigress protecting her young, even though there are days I could feed them to the tigers!!

There's a lot of people who will say that he is the one missing out. Yes he is. But so are the abandoned kids. They will always feel a missing piece from their life. As for the notion of having a dad who will let the child down, not turn up for visits, not return calls etc., yes I think that would be worse. My daughter has no expectations of him so she's not being let down, or worrying every time he is supposed to show up that he won't.

I know there are men, young and old who have children that they have turned a blind eye to. It's not just the immature seventeen year old who didn't protect himself. Lift the phone now, life is short. Tomorrow may never come.

Your daughter would be better off if he was dead. At least then it wouldn't feel like rejection but just something that happens in the course of life.
I can't understand why anyone would want to reject & disown their own blood. Relationships break down for any amount of reasons. But it is never, ever acceptable to cut all ties to the child simply because it doesn't suit them to recognise their own flesh & blood.
If he ever does have a son would he not be concerned that one day his two biological children could end up together at the end of some night all because he wasn't man enough to recognise his daughter?

Sala

OP I don't think there is an easy answer to this. It will be terrible for your daughter to know her father didn't want to know her. But that is not your fault, and when she is an adult anyway she will recognise that.

He is missing out, but sadly he will never grow up or on the other hand realise she is "important" to him this when he is old and sad and alone. If you do a good job, which you seem to be, she will be confident enough to deal with this and approach it when it comes.

Slightly off topic, but I never understand how such men find new partners. You always hear stories but I really don't get how women can be attracted to men who have abandoned their own child. A deadbeat dad who doesn't want to see and took no responsibility for his own child is pretty much an all round deadbeat human being in my opinion.

Teyla Emmagan

Sala wrote: »

Slightly off topic, but I never understand how such men find new partners. You always hear stories but I really don't get how women can be attracted to men who have abandoned their own child. A deadbeat dad who doesn't want to see and took no responsibility for his own child is pretty much an all round deadbeat human being in my opinion.

I couldn't agree with you more. Even if he was the last man on earth I wouldn't want to be with a guy knowing he had kids out there that he was doing nothing to nurture/support. I wouldn't touch someone like that with a bargepole.

wonderfullife

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Your daughter would be better off if he was dead. At least then it wouldn't feel like rejection but just something that happens in the course of life.
I can't understand why anyone would want to reject & disown their own blood. Relationships break down for any amount of reasons. But it is never, ever acceptable to cut all ties to the child simply because it doesn't suit them to recognise their own flesh & blood.
If he ever does have a son would he not be concerned that one day his two biological children could end up together at the end of some night all because he wasn't man enough to recognise his daughter?

No, sorry, it is never better off that someone is dead. That is the type of thing the age generation of 14-18 seem to say nowadays or maybe it's just the way the world has gone. But no, the girl is very much better off with both parents being alive. As in my case, sometimes what appears a straightforward example of uncaring parent neglect is anything but that.

All that matters here is that this girl has a loving mother who is doing a great job of things with the help of family and friends (i hope) and a good heart to try get the father involved. Invoking the idea of death being better is to ignore completely that the mother at some point felt close enough to this man to have his child, so no nobody is better off dead.

That is the type of b0llix advice people listened to in the 1950s saying someone is dead rather than risk a sense of abandonment. And in the long run it's just going to ruin the mother-daughter relationship when she eventually discovers her dad is alive and she has been lied to all along. No sir, life is better than death and this young girl will be just fine with her mam.

enda1

hairyprincess wrote: »

Seriously?

There are no words. It saddens me hugely that there are people in this world who think like this

And it saddens me greatly to think that just cause a woman wants to go through with an unplanned pregnancy after a non relationship, she feels I would have to play a part in her selfish, self centred choice.

cloud493

enda1 wrote: »

And it saddens me greatly to think that just cause a woman wants to go through with an unplanned pregnancy after a non relationship, she feels I would have to play a part in her selfish, self centred choice.

Are you for real? That's absolutely riddiculous.

Lollipops23

enda1 wrote: »

And it saddens me greatly to think that just cause a woman wants to go through with an unplanned pregnancy after a non relationship, she feels I would have to play a part in her selfish, self centred choice.

I can't pretend to understand how someone might feel in that situation, so I sure as hell won't judge them for it.

Part of being a sexually active person is being mature enough to deal with the possible consequences. This is true for both sides. As far as I'm concerned, both parties should be doing whatever it takes to be careful, but guess what? Accidents happen. That's life.

paperclip2

enda1 wrote: »

And it saddens me greatly to think that just cause a woman wants to go through with an unplanned pregnancy after a non relationship, she feels I would have to play a part in her selfish, self centred choice.

Enda1 it seems you are saying that you don't want to be a father but its someone elses responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen?

Logic = Fail

HairyPrincess you've done your best by your daughter and that's all you can do.
Its heartbreaking for you now but at the end of the day its his loss.
Take care

The joy of sex.
I would never abandon any child that wanted me as a father, even if it weren't mine.

Having said that, if the child hated me and didn't want to know me because the mother was using the child as a tool to hate me then i could understand some men staying clear (not saying this is you OP), but i do know of guys who don't see their children that often because the mother is a devious bitch and a cheater.

Toby Take a Bow

I know a woman (in her early 60s) who moved to the opposite side of the country after she separated from her husband. Not as horrible story as yours OP as she always kept 'in touch', but she's constantly bemused as to why her son doesn't really have any time for her.