What is the most ridiculous lie you have gotten away with?

Propane Nightmare

Just the tip.



What about you?

admiralofthefleet

'I do'

Pilotdude5

I'm not a pilot or a dude.

Wacker The Attacker

I'm sterile

BillyMitchel

Saying I was up all night with the runs when in reality I was up all night reading the feeky mcGee thread!!

Best I can remember anyway.

Intensive Care Bear

I told my niece that when the ice cream van plays its music it means its out of ice cream mu ha ha

Kraftwerk91

"I'm hung like Ron Jeremy."

Wacker The Attacker

Kraftwerk91 wrote: »

"I'm hung like Ron Jeremy."

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

nua domhan

Slept in for work and didn't wanna be blacklisted so told them i'd hit the car when they rang to ask where i was!

Fuppin area manager and all came in to check i was alright, got loads of sympathy and tea all afternoon!

oppenheimer1

I once convinced a girl that gullible wasn't a real word.

Senna

Nearly my whole CV;

In my personal time I like to visit the theatre, read classical literature and help deprived children.

da fúck i do

eth0

Senna wrote: »

Nearly my whole CV;

In my personal time I like to visit the theatre, read classical literature and help deprived children.

da fúck i do

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Wacker The Attacker

eth0 wrote: »

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Reading a classic in the theatre on a deprived child

ballsymchugh

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

dodderangler

Denial is a river is Egypt

dave3004

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

All mouths have warm climates !

mauzo

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

If I had a penis I could get in my mouth id do it all the time!!!

Senna

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

Dogs seem to enjoy it?


Not me but a mate used to work as a rep for one of the drinks companies. He travelled from business to business all day so didn't have an office that he had to clock-in at. He'd lay in bed after a session on the beer the night before and when his boss rang him to ask were he was, he hang out the bedroom window (with the noise of the traffic below) and tell the boss he was sitting in traffic in some part of Dublin. He done it a hundred times and never got caught.

marshbaboon

I convinced my parents I was in school for 4 months when I wasn't.

I ****ing hated school...

NegativeCreep

ballsymchugh wrote: »

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

Jealousy. Try it, it's mighty

Kraftwerk91

ballsymchugh wrote: »

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

No need for burds anymore, shweet.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I got a job as assistant site foreman on a large construction site in London with only year 1 of a diploma in civil engineering dine I told them I had a diploma and 2 yrs experience and they never asked for certs or references. Twas the easiest job I ever had.

say_who_now?

"I'm a virgin".

OR:

"No sorry I'm gay...", and the next morning-

"Damn girl, you weren't lying when we bet last night you couldn't turn me! I think you just did!".

Ronin247

Nothing happened........

Dangerous Man

I didn't get away with it but I used to love making up stupid stories and push them as far as I could until someone figured out that they were bullshit.

One of my favourites was that I saw Marc Overmars (the then Barcelona soccer player.) Anyway, I started it off like this:

'Hey, you won't believe who I saw today.'
'Who?'
'Marc Overmars.'
'When?'
'About half-one.'
'Where was this?'
'In the Barn House.' (Local shithole of a bar.)
'Fuck off.'
'Seriously - he was there. I know what you're thinking but seriously - it actually was him. I couldn't understand it myself at first.'
'Why would he be in the Barn House? What's he even doing in Ireland?'
'I don't know but it was him. I wasn't sure at first but I had a good look and it was definitely him.'
'What was he doing then?'
'Having a pint of Carlsberg. He was actually wearing his own jersey.'
'Ah here...'
'Full kit actually - he started a fight.'
'Idiot.'

castletownman

Me: I love to travel myself.
Random Girl: Where's the best place you visited?
Me: Hawaii's nice. A buddy of mine lives in Seattle, that's a good spot. But the best place I have to say, the moon. Hi, Neil Armstrong.

Nailed it!

ArtSmart

Telling Bertie 'shure it'll be grand'.

superblu

Filled some bird with a ferocious load of sh1te in a bar in town about being a real foodie and how I loved going to various restaurants in town. I actually could not believe my own ears when I told her that chorizo and squid with an Italian Pinot grigio would be my desert island meal. I had just read the lucinda o Sullivan restaurant review in the Sunday independent magazine before heading out and recycled the whole article pretty much verbatim. It was a pretty novel approach to getting my rock and roll but highly recommended. She had a few years on me mind you.

minidazzler

Convinced a bunch of girls from Tipp that I had recently inherited a lordship and manor down in Skibbereen while at a festival. They believed every word of it, myself and my friends played off each other and they never actually learned the truth.

Convinced a different group of girls at the same festival that I converted to Islam to please the family of a girl I married so she could stay in the country to become a doctor. I had a whole spiel about how she was one of my best friends and that while nothing sexual was ever between us, I'd do anything yada yada yada. They believed it all, even though I had a few inconsistencies. The weird part is they were sober at the time, (well as sober as you can be at a festival).

1ZRed

When I was younger I made my cousin believe I was a Pokemon but I just hadn't evolved yet. The gobshite believed me for yearrrs!

Dangerous Man

I convinced a bouncer I was half-Chinese.

I convinced another bouncer that I couldn't speak English despite the fact that I can only speak English.

1ZRed

castletownman wrote: »

Me: I love to travel myself.
Random Girl: Where's the best place you visited?
Me: Hawaii's nice. A buddy of mine lives in Seattle, that's a good spot. But the best place I have to say, the moon. Hi, Neil Armstrong.

Nailed it!

Someone else was sitting down and having dinner while watching E4, not just me

Neadine

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

More to the point, how the hell do people figure out they can do these things in the first place????

Profiler

In the days before the interweb and wikioogle I convinced a number of people that Michael Carruth controversially beat me in the run up to Barcelona 1992.... I've never been inside a boxing ring.

1ZRed

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Jealousy. Try it, it's mighty

Not someone else that can do this! There was a thread going around "things you can't do but everyone else seems to be able to" well feck sake, I'm starting to think I should post there with this!

TwoBirds

Not sure if it qualifies as a 'lie' exactly, but I was a secret smoker for about a year while living at home and my parents never knew. I used to leave the house every time I wanted to smoke, head into the field behind our back garden and crouch down behind the hedge. I'd been travelling in Europe (pre-smoker era) and when my mam asked me why I kept going into the fields for ten minute periods every day, I just told her that my travels had given me a real affinity for the outdoors. She never questioned it. :rolleyes:

M5

"Of course i can afford that 500,000 mortgage"

Pottler

I've a mate who was chatting up a bird and blagged her that he was a Vet(the animal kind, not the Nam kind). She piped up that "OMG, so am I". How fecked was he!:D

token101

Told a girl in the UK that I made the Ireland team for amateur wrestling and I wanted to join WWE when the Olympics were over.

Pherekydes

Me: I bought the winning ticket to last week's lottery, but it got lost in the wash.

Lottery: Ah ok, here's your winnings.

Kraftwerk91

Pottler wrote: »

I've a mate who was chatting up a bird and blagged her that he was a Vet(the animal kind, not the Nam kind). She piped up that "OMG, so am I". How fecked was he!:D

He could have just said, "Yes, I fought in Iraq. You?"

Xavi6

When I did my J1 in Chicago a few years back, myself and the four lads I was with told all the local girls we met that we were the next great Irish boyband 'Ocean' and we were there to record our debut album.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

GalwayGirl00

1210m5g wrote: »

I told my niece that when the ice cream van plays its music it means its out of ice cream mu ha ha

Brilliant!!! Evil, but brilliant:P

working fool

An ex found a pair of panties I'm my car
I told her they were mine and to call my bluff she suggested to dress me up as a girl
Worked out well till it actually happened and I looked better than her
She got jealous and left anyway .

summerskin

Me and three mates phoned ahead to a popular nightclub in Manchester which always had huge queues (and lots of very hot and easy girls who were hoping to pick up a footballer as a conquest) and I pretended to be the agent of four Australian golfers that were over for the British Open the following week. I gave the names as Shane, Wayne, Duane and Bruce, saying that they preferred not to give their real names as they wanted to avoid the paparazzi as two were married.

Sure enough we were put on the guest list, walked to the front of the queue, admitted to the VIP area and were given a bottle of champagne each as we had photos taken(only the "single" golfers were in the pics) for the club to put on their hall of fame. And we all got lucky too. One of the lads got doubly lucky, even. The handsome bastard.



Following that I decided to try it again but on a bigger scale, and called the production company of the movie "Love Actually" saying that I was representing the New Zealand movie director Jane Campion(we picked her as we were pretty sure that no security staff would have a clue what she looked like) and that as she would be in London at the time of the premier could they arrange tickets for her.

We went as far as setting up a friend of ours in New York to leave an answer phone message pretending to be the agency, and asked them to leave details with "our New York office" as she was there for the next few days working on a new project with Kevin Spacey.

Sure enough, 8 hours later we were told that they had indeed left a message and that Jane's name was down on the list, along with a plus 3 for her guests. We hired a limo, got there about 45 minutes early in case we were knocked back and also wanted to avoid any undue attention. My wife's friend, who was about ten years younger than Campion, put on a kiwi accent for the whole evening.

We phoned through as instructed ten minutes before our limo arrived at Leicester Square (we only lived 2 miles away so that part was easy), had the limo doors opened, walked down the red carpet, into the theatre, not a question asked.

Then we got wankered on free booze before and after the movie. Happy days. We used the "Campion trick" a further three times, albeit for smaller events, until we got rumbled.

splendid101

It's not the most ridiculous lie, but I was out on Paddy's Day and told two hot Ukrainian girls that my name was Patrick and it was my birthday.

Mr Benevolent

I can't reveal the lies I told as it would reveal who I really am. And that wouldn't be good. Not illegal, but controversial.

DipStick McSwindler

This post has been deleted.

summerskin

Confab wrote: »

I can't reveal the lies I told as it would reveal who I really am. And that wouldn't be good. Not illegal, but controversial.

Lies.

Mr Benevolent

summerskin wrote: »

Lies.

And?

summerskin

Confab wrote: »

And?

What's the point in posting on a thread about outlandish lies, drawing attention to yourself and then not sharing the story?

it's as bad as those people on facebook who write crap like "OMG had worst news ever! Help me! Really need a friend right now" and when someone asks about it they say "can't talk about it on FB". Attention seeking at it's finest/lowest.