Embarrasing Moments In Shops

handlemaster

I was in Thailand a number of years ago. Anyhow I was eating very well the food was great. Then I got constipated for 6/ 7 days. Went into a pharmacy to get some laxatives. The girl behind the counter didn't speak english so after hand signals etc didn't work. She asked another girl to come over and speak with me. She got the message. She asked me in broken english how long it was ? I told her 6/7 days ... she replied wide eyed " such a long time" turns around to her collegues and explains what I was looking for etc .... they all starting laughing.

It said 6hrs on the package of tablets that it would work. I tell you it was exactly 6hrs I woke up in the morning and filled the bowl. Such a relief !!

handlemaster

thror wrote: »

Not me but,

Two female friends of mine were out clothes shopping when we were in college and had been getting a bit giddy throughout the day after having a couple of pints with their lunch.

Girl A, let's call her Mary goes in to try something on in the changing rooms, Girl B, let's call her Dolly follows her in a few minutes later to see how she's getting on.

Dolly opens up the cubicle door which Mary left ajar and sees her bent over in her knickers picking something up off the floor. Given the giddy mood they are both in, Dolly decides it would be fun to shout "HOWYA NOW?!?!" at the top of her voice and gives Mary an almighty stingy slap on the arse. Mary spins around...

and it's not Mary at all, it's some random middle aged woman standing there in her bra and knickers having just been screamed at and slapped on the arse by a complete stranger.

Dolly and Mary (as soon as she hears what had happened) skedaddle.

Loved that one.. first laugh of the day

handlemaster

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Similar, few of us out for a meal, the brother in law who hadn't being getting any for a while asked the waitress for stiffy toffee pudding instead of the usual variety,

strange one this.... how does that conversation go..... so you haven't been getting much off my sister lately....

GarIT

I was in work and a middle aged man walked in with a virus on his laptop and nothing signicicant about it. I was having a look at the laptop to see what was wrong and I noticed a girl I was texting sitting in a chair in front of the counter beside the man. I started talking to her and it turns out the man with the laptop was her step dad, so I talked to both of them for a bit (slightly flirting with her) and said id sort the laptop and call them when its ready, when I told them the cost the step dad actually said "I'll let you take her into the store room if you fix it for free". The only thing I could think of saying was "I couldn't do that" and there was an awkward silence before he left while she was already halfway out the door.

nibtrix

handlemaster wrote: »

strange one this.... how does that conversation go..... so you haven't been getting much off my sister lately....

Could be the spouses' brother, as opposed to your sister's husband...

ViveLaVie

Was in Dublin late enough one week night and badly needed to pee. The only nearby place with a bathroom was McDonald's. Now the McD's where I live charges 20 cent per customer who needs to use the toilet so they won't have non-customers like myself making it too busy. I needed to pee so badly I thought I would wet myself if I waited any longer but sadly I had no change on me at all. I ran into the busy place and tried to push open the entrance to the toilets but it seemed to be locked. So I ran over to security and pleaded and begged that he would let me in. ''Please I will only be two secs I am bursting really really need to pee so bad please please please''. He let this go on for a bit and then smiling told me to ask the guy standing next to the door. Repeat my little show while he grins away and in the middle of my efforts I notice a little old lady strolling up to the door and pushing it open. At this the two security guards laughed and I legged it in, morto. The door had been open all along, I just hadn't pushed hard enough, and had needlessly begged two security guards to let me pee in front of everyone in a busy McD's. The shame.

JohnMarston

Huge basketful of shopping. All scanned and i've bagged it efficiently. Looked in my wallet and realised i had nowhere near enough cash.

Luckily enough, there was an atm nearby so i said i'd be back in a flash. Dashed to the atm with a speed that would make Usain Bolt look twice. Paid for it and left, avoiding the stares of the 5 people behind me

charlietheminxx

I LOVE this thread. Has had me laughing all day

One of mine wasn't strictly in a shop, but on a bus. I was chatting to my friend before I got off, and meant to say "enjoy yourself tonight" to her because she was heading out and "thanks" to the bus driver. Course I somehow got all confused and muttered "thanks" to her, and shouted "ENJOY YOURSELF TONIGHT!" in a sing songy voice to the bus driver.

naughtysmurf

handlemaster wrote: »

strange one this.... how does that conversation go..... so you haven't been getting much off my sister lately....

I'm married to his sister He was single at the time, the conversation was between him and the waitress

whatlliwear

A few years ago my mother went shopping with one of the grand-daughters. She usually buys them something after all the shopping so she told the little one that she had no change.. Not telling her that she'd get her something at the end... Anyway after buying a few bits in Penney's my mother paid with loose change and the little one screams "Nana i thought you said you had no money!!" ha ha ha. Everyone around them started to laugh. It was so funny...

stop animal cruelty

Happened to an ex friend of mine,

She went into our local shop to buy milk or something (she was only about 9 or 10 at the time) anyway she needed to go to the toliet but said she'd go to the shop first quickly (only across the road).

Anyway got her milk, was next in the que, and this time she was bursting!:rolleyes: walked up to the till.....couldn't hold it in anymore....pissed right there on the spot, to make it worse she was wearing shorts having a long piss streaming down her legs a local man standing behind goes "l think this one needs a mop!" :pac::pac:

think l pissed myself when she told me :L

james142

the groutch wrote: »

what was that ad for?

Bad Santa

I've read a few prices wrong and then not been able to afford whatever the real price was.

Some quick waffle about having left your wallet in your Ferrari and how you'll be right back usually suffices before really heading off to the nearest alleyway to crawl inside a bin and cry.

Canard

I was in River Island a while ago with two of my friends, one guy and one girl. The girl friend decides to look at clothes and me and my friend got bored so we started playing tag in the shop (real mature, I know :pac:).

In an effort to avoid him I ran into an old woman and kind of kicked her. She wasn't pleased. :pac:

I also once was on the phone to a takeaway and accidentally said 9 inch penis instead of pizza!

My friend's little sister once asked for a diarrhea coke instead of diet, and another guy's nana once asked for some "n*gger brown paint".

paul4green

Was working on the tills in Penney's Nutgrove one summer, a few years ago, when an elderly lady, elegantly dressed arrived at my till. She begins to empty her items from one of the purple circular carrier bags onto the counter.

At this stage, my face is going pure red as she unloads the biggest load of sexy underwear I've ever scanned through in one go!, corsets, fish net leggings, thongs, thassled knickers and sexy bra's!. The girl serving next to me was in histerics at this stage and actually had to duck below the counter to cover her laughter.

All processed and packaged into her bag, it came to ~60e, just as she's about to leave, she spots the small items that are on sale at the counter -VASELINE to which she says " I'll take 2 of them ".

GAS

Dublin Chick

Last went I went to the Esso and my spare knickers (YES every NORMAL woman carries a pair) went flying across the counter at the teller when I went to pay and he had to hand them back to me in front of a large queue.....OF COURSE they were not the sexy kind but they were clean at least!

Dublin Chick

Years ago I worked in a DIY store (not of the sexual nature but like sold paint and home improvement stuff). A colleague of mine was in the paint section and knocked a 250ml of red gloss off a top shelf and it bounced off the ground, the lid popped off and red gloss went all over this lady.....now this store was in a particularly nasty town and there were some let's say undesirables on the aisle. She was absolutely covered in red gloss paint and one of them shouted "Ah yer ones in her period"

stop animal cruelty

ah the poor woman :L

admiralofthefleet

Dublin Chick wrote: »

Last went I went to the Esso and my spare knickers (YES every NORMAL woman carries a pair) went flying across the counter at the teller when I went to pay and he had to hand them back to me in front of a large queue.....OF COURSE they were not the sexy kind but they were clean at least!

as long as the werent 'neapolitan' youd be grand

jamesbondings

I like most blokes hate shopping, so like all men was forced around the shops on Xmas with their missus.

Anyway we were in debenhams in blanch and she kept picking up random stuff saying "oohhh mam will love this etc". I went looking in another isle for a few moments (all the shelves were shoulder height) when i glanced over to her having a full blown on conversation to herself while another lady roughly my height stood behind her looking on the shelve behind her. I knew the lady behind was confused as she kept looking around for whoever this weirdo could be talking to. When the girlfriend turned around to the lady saying "what do you think?" she nearly died of embarrassment. She apologized profusely and i nearly wet myself i was laughing so hard......

(yes i left my girlfriend talking to a random-er for about 5 mins no exaggeration)

Since then i have been chained to the trolley!

Dublin Chick

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

as long as the werent 'neapolitan' youd be grand

I actually do not know what that means....:(

admiralofthefleet

Dublin Chick wrote: »

I actually do not know what that means....:(

ill tell you when your older

Ihatecuddles-old

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

ill tell you when your older

I think I get it

Czarcasm

Dublin Chick wrote: »

I actually do not know what that means....:(

Neapolitan ice cream is pink, white and yellow.

It's a bit like the doctor telling the man's wife he needed a sperm, stool and urine sample from her husband... so she handed him her husband's underpants.


*shudder*

Dublin Chick

WTF peeps, they were CLEAN under garments.....even if they were not...WTF!

Ihatecuddles-old

Dublin Chick wrote: »

WTF peeps, they were CLEAN under garments.....even if they were not...WTF!

Don't know which is worse, peeps or under garments !

Czarcasm

Dublin Chick wrote: »

WTF peeps, they were CLEAN under garments.....even if they were not...WTF!

It's AH, wedgies are standard for new people.

I thought you were new, but I see you've been here longer than I have. I'm leaving now as I don't carry a pair of emergency jocks with me and I've avoided the inaugural wedgie so far!

Witchie

I think I may have posted this before but when my youngest son was about 3 years old I over heard him talking to his older brother about his "balls". I told him he should call them testicles instead.

Fast forward a few weeks and I take my sons out for a Chinese dinner and as I like to foster independence in my kids I would get them to order for themselves and much to my mortification my youngest asks the waitress for "chicken testicles". Bless.

About a year after that I was taking my kids to visit my aunt in Holland for their holidays and we were sitting in Belfast Airport having breakfast when the same little son lets rip with the loudest burp ever and everyone just stops and looks. Mortifying!

Am sure I have more but cant think of them at the mo.

CatInABox

Last year I went into my local Supervalu, doing a quick shop, so I had a heavily laden basket held in my right hand and, thinking ahead to the morning, I picked up two cartons of soya milk with my left hand. I knew I didn't pick them up right as soon as I lifted, so I put them back down on the shelf.

The only problem was that I managed to put one of the carton only half on the shelf, and when I went to catch the carton, I used my left hand, which was still holding on to the other carton. In effect, I pretty much threw a carton of soya milk at the floor of Supervalu.

Whatever way it landed, the entire carton disintegrated, I mean the carton was unrecognisable afterwards, and I wasn't much better off myself. I was covered in soya milk, head to toe, my socks and shoes made squishy noises when I walked, and I had droplets of soya milk everywhere, all over my coat, some got in my eye, my hair was wet in places, and my face was very rapidly going through every shade of red possible.

Decided there and then to cut my losses, stormed to the cash registers, mumbled out "There's been a spillage at the fridge" as I squished my way past a worker, and then had to stand in the queue for at least five minutes, stinking of soya milk. I looked back the way I came and there was incriminating soya milk footprints the length of the shop, leading directly to me.

An old women then asked me was I okay, obviously sensing my distress, or more likely wondering why I stank of Soya milk. I just smiled and replied "I'm just super now", what else could I say?

Took me a while to go back into that shop, and the worst thing of it all was that even after some amount of time had passed, the fridge area still had a faint smell of soya milk. It had only been done up a few weeks before all this too.

nocoverart

I've been reading through a lot of this thread and some of the posts are very funny, but unfortunately a lot of them are IMO made up. No less than OP himself! very creative people you boardies are though.

endacl

Patchy~ wrote: »

and another guy's nana once asked for some "n*gger brown paint".

Like this guy?

Lady Chatterton

One night, I went to our local 24 hours filling station, when I was paying for my petrol at the hatch I asked the guy for a packet of Always.

Him: Which ones do you want?
Me: It doesn't really matter, whichever ones you lay your hand to first

He leaves the hatch and walks through the shop and I'm really confused.... that is until he returns with a packet of sanitary towels and I realise my mistake I had asked him for Always instead of Airwaves (Chewing Gum).

I was so embarrassed I reckoned it would be better to take them rather than trying to explain to him that I had mixed Always and Airwaves up :D

endacl

A friend was in a local record shop when we were teenagers in the late 80's.
He was browsing for a while, and came out holding a copy of Michael Bolton's 'Soul Provider'. He wasn't into MB. Didn't know any MB tunes. When we asked him why he paid good money for such a steaming pile of......., he told us that he got uncomfortable with the way the assistant was looking at him. As if he was about to nick something. So he bought the album to demonstrate that he wasn't 'up to no good'. That same summer he bought a fountain pen and a bicycle repair kit for the same reason. He didn't even have a bike...

Where To

endacl wrote: »

A friend was in a local record shop when we were teenagers in the late 80's.
He was browsing for a while, and came out holding a copy of Michael Bolton's 'Soul Provider'. He wasn't into MB. Didn't know any MB tunes. When we asked him why he paid good money for such a steaming pile of......., he told us that he got uncomfortable with the way the assistant was looking at him. As if he was about to nick something. So he bought the album to demonstrate that he wasn't 'up to no good'. That same summer he bought a fountain pen and a bicycle repair kit for the same reason. He didn't even have a bike...

Was he literate at least?

endacl

Where To wrote: »

Was he literate at least?

I wouldn't swear to it. He's an estate agent now.

admiralofthefleet

nocoverart wrote: »

I've been reading through a lot of this thread and some of the posts are very funny, but unfortunately a lot of them are IMO made up. No less than OP himself! very creative people you boardies are though.

ill get the father in law to open an account tomorrow

Lady Chatterton

I'd forgotten about this one -

MrsD007 wrote: »

I was shopping in Dunnes with my six year old daughter this evening. As we were going through the aisles she was telling me all about her day and this continued on until we reached the checkout.

Her: Did you like my stories Mammy?
Me: Yes 'X', I loved your stories
Her: Were they funny Mammy?
Me: Yes 'X', they were funny! You're a funny girl .... sometimes I wonder where you came from [and I hugged her]

Her: Mammy, You're very silly, I came from your [I'm waiting for belly] bottom. Josh [boy at school] told me that I came from your bottom. Now, Josh didn't come from your bottom, just me. Josh came from ....

All the customers in the queue and the checkout lady were bursting their sides laughing. She was thrilled with their reaction and now she thinks she is a comedian :D

dave98

A few years ago, it reached the time for me and the lads to buy our first condoms. We said we would buy a 12pk between us. We were so nervous. 3 of us headed into boots and spotted the condom section. We decided on a box. the other 2 lads waited outside while I paid. Must have walked the shop 3 times with nerves before I reached the counter. I finally paid - didnt even wait for a bag and walked out as fast as I could to the door when the security tag went off. The security guard called me back in and the holds the box up as he calls the cashier who shouts accross "sorry love forgot to remove the tag". I was so mortified I didnt want to wait so I said to the security guard keep them. My friends were laughing their heads off. The guard gave them back to me with the tag still on and laughed at us.
That wasntthe end though! After that we went into golden discs, walking out of that shop and the tag on the condom box set off thealarm there! mortified, hate buying them to this day!!

soap1978

Was in america on a ski trip with a load of lads went in to big supermarket to get drink for the bus home,was first in cue,girls takes the drink off me and asked PAPER OR PLASTIC which i respond by saying i will have a paper bag
The line busted them selfs lauging even the till girl,i went very very red

damagegt

The Royal Scam wrote: »

I posted this before in the "whats the most retarded thing..." thread before

was aged about 10 and in nutgrove sc and checking a new fancy cycling cap (like the ones sean kelly used to wear ) they had, it was real slick and low profile.
I struggled to put that b@stard on for 10 mins until the shop owner came over and told me it was a saddle cover

you sir, have been upgraded to first in my "greatest boards posts" beating the silvio berlusconi pasta related jokes.

endacl

dave98 wrote: »

A few years ago, it reached the time for me and the lads to buy our first condoms. We said we would buy a 12pk between us. We were so nervous. 3 of us headed into boots and spotted the condom section. We decided on a box. the other 2 lads waited outside while I paid. Must have walked the shop 3 times with nerves before I reached the counter. I finally paid - didnt even wait for a bag and walked out as fast as I could to the door when the security tag went off. The security guard called me back in and the holds the box up as he calls the cashier who shouts accross "sorry love forgot to remove the tag". I was so mortified I didnt want to wait so I said to the security guard keep them. My friends were laughing their heads off. The guard gave them back to me with the tag still on and laughed at us.
That wasntthe end though! After that we went into golden discs, walking out of that shop and the tag on the condom box set off thealarm there! mortified, hate buying them to this day!!

Should have gone to buy them in a music shop in the first place. If ye chickened out ye could have chipped on for a Michael Bolton album to cover your nefarious motives.

Stheno

I got stuck trying to get out of a dress in a dressing room, it halted at my bosoms and refused to move.

Ten minutes later I extricated myself.

endacl

Stheno wrote: »

I got stuck trying to get out of a dress in a dressing room, it halted at my bosoms and refused to move.

Ten minutes later I extricated myself.

Halted under on the way up, or above on they way down?

Question motivated by engineering interest, I hasten to add!

Where To

Stheno wrote: »

I got stuck trying to get out of a dress in a dressing room, it halted at my bosoms and refused to move.

Ten minutes later I extricated myself.

That's nice, but did you get out of the dress?

handbagmad

Stheno wrote: »

I got stuck trying to get out of a dress in a dressing room, it halted at my bosoms and refused to move.

Ten minutes later I extricated myself.

something similar happened to me a few years back. I was trying on a fitted top. I got it on alright but it was like a straight jacket on me. Went to take it off...que panic stations.
bloody thing wouldn't move and the more stressed I got the worse. I had to call my sister to come into the cubicle and try to get the thing off. Eventually had to rip it:(
:PLost a bit of weight since then

Stheno

Where To wrote: »

That's nice, but did you get out of the dress?

Eventually with no one assisting me.

Then I had a boob reduction.

Never happened again

350125GO!

soap1978 wrote: »

Was in america on a ski trip with a load of lads went in to big supermarket to get drink for the bus home,was first in cue,girls takes the drink off me and asked PAPER OR PLASTIC which i respond by saying i will have a paper bag
The line busted them selfs lauging even the till girl,i went very very red

I don't get it?

Witchie

Whether he was paying with cash or card.

Plankton1

Was working on a till at a very busy time. Staff member next to me asked what I was going to get for lunch at the same time as I was about to call the next person in the Q.
So I turned to face the Q, looked the first person in the eye and shouted at the top of my lungs "chicken roll!" instead of "Next!"

Another time, when I was a teenager, we were bag packing as a fundraiser. I went to put a woman's box of tampons into a plastic bag when i somehow dropped it and the box opened, tampons spilling everywhere, I nearly died scrabbling round on the ground to pick them up.

AngryHippie

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

as long as the werent 'neapolitan' youd be grand

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=neapolitan

This is right on the top of the list of things I didn't need to know. And wish I could un-read and un-know.

Down with that sort of thing:eek: