Zapp Brannigan

Cookie_Monster

Hey, freakshow! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting!



You, ensign. What's your name?
Hugh Man, sir.
Hugh Man? Now that's a name you can trust. Run down to the central battle computer and enter these codes. Chop, chop!
Kif: Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's...
You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Laika1986

This thread is crap, I'm gonna go make my own thread with blackjack and hookers

a fat guy

Kif Kroker: Captain, may I have a word with you?

Captain Zapp Brannigan: No.

Kif Kroker: It's an emergency, sir.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.




Captain Zapp Brannigan: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot the one thing: rock crushes scissors.

[Suddenly thoughtful]

Captain Zapp Brannigan: But paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.

hal9000

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [huge spaceship appears] What the hell is that thing?

Kif Kroker: It appears to be the mothership.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Then what did we just blow up?

Kif Kroker: [looks on map] The Hubble Telescope.

Thwip!

We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?
Kif, I'm asking you a question.


Captain Zapp Brannigan: I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is?
Kif Kroker: Being your assistant.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Wrong. Being *your* assistant.

Zapp Brannigan: The Spiderians, though weak and gilrly in combat, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way. The lazy bugs actually wove this tapestry celebrating my victory as I was killing them.

George Takei: You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You mean the mass migration of Star Wars fans?
Nichelle Nichols: No, that was the Star Wars trek.

Witcher

Kif: Sir, they're headed straight for us.

Zapp: A well calculated
move... straight out of Sun Tzu's
ancient text The Art of War or my
own master work; Zapp Brannigan's
Big Book of War. But the one thing
their captain doesn't realise, and
never will is tha...

Kif: Sir, they've docked with us and
have come aboard.

Zapp: Then I have risked
all and lost. Kiff old man, I'll be in the
escape pod. If that wicker chair I like
survives the slaughter have it sent to
my PO box.

---

Zapp: Take her to the brig!
Fry: Er, we don't have a brig.
Zapp: Then take her to the laundry-room
which from now on will be refered to as the
brig!
Zapp: Ah, back into my old uniform
Kif: What should i do with your civilian
clothes sir?
Zapp: Take them to the laundry-brig

Marsden

Easy there soldier, you spooked felicity.
There, there boy.