Buffalo & Doozerie - The mild musings of two grumpy old men!

Dermot Illogical

It was a requirement to pass the garda bike course where there was a legal stop rather than a yield. It's how the tester knew you had thought about it. At the very least you had to put your foot down to show you had come to a complete stop.
It probably became habit for some, especially those who had no previous biking experience/habits.

CramCycle wrote: »

I remember hearing years ago that it was a requirement for motorbikers, so you would see the garda MB Jockeys (not traffic corp) tap their foot off the ground at lights when stopped.

CramCycle

Dermot Illogical wrote: »

It was a requirement to pass the garda bike course where there was a legal stop rather than a yield. It's how the tester knew you had thought about it. At the very least you had to put your foot down to show you had come to a complete stop.
It probably became habit for some, especially those who had no previous biking experience/habits.

That would make sense, as I knew they did not need it for balance

doozerie

On my commute on a wide stretch of main road this morning a guy on a bike cycled out of a side road on the right to join the lane I was in. He seemed to be ignoring the oncoming car approaching from his right, presumably invoking the "if I don't look at it it can't hurt me" prayer that so many people favour.

I thought he was also going to ignore both me and the cyclist ahead of me as he seemed to be aiming for the same road space we were about to occupy. He didn't ignore us though, instead he waved his arm to usher us past, and the speed and intensity of his movements suggested that we should get out of his way quickly. It was too ridiculous to comment upon so I just shook my head slightly incredulously as I went past him.

Two minutes later and I'm stopped at a traffic light and yer man pulls up alongside me. He started giving out. "What's all this shaking of the head business, eh?", etc. He felt quite strongly about it, clearly.

I asked him why he pulled out in front of a moving car, to practically ride into two cyclists who had right of way, and then thought it fine to crankily usher us out of his way as if we were at fault. "I was BEING GENTLEMANLY", he told me. Jaysus. I suggested that his being completely in the wrong undermined his right to be indignant, but he was having none of it.

The gentleman proceeded to hurl some abuse at me before breaking a red light to cycle between crossing pedestrians. He broke the next 3 lights too (I kept count, because I'm not a gentleman). The definition of "gentlemanly" has changed a lot since my time, the current definition shares a lot of the characteristics of "being a dick".

doozerie

A particular bugbear of mine recently is people on bikes who choose to pass me on the inside while I’m stopped at traffic lights. They see a gap that is barely wide enough to accommodate their poorly controlled wobbly bike and they shoot through it like a rat up a drainpipe. And if they ping off the kerb and/or me they don’t seem to care in the slightest. Moaning is wasted on them though, they are either too obnoxious or too thick to perceive such a manoeuvre as anything other than entirely genius. Even when they undertake as I’m stopped waiting for a crossing/turning car to move out of the way. Yup, pure genius…

I met a better class of rat recently though, of the tooth-filled snarly kind. One “turned up” in my house. It was probably “helped” through the cat flap by one of our cats. ‘Cos cats are dicks. One of the cats then proceeded to terrorise it, while the other cat slept. I got a call from my wife telling me that she discovered the rat squeezed behind the radiator when the hysterical squeals brought her into the room.

By the time I got home from work an exterminator had been and gone. He hadn’t found the rat but had left poison and traps down. He reckoned it had escaped out through the exterior door my wife had left open for that purpose. I gather he said he’d have stomped on it with his large hefty boots if he’d found out, he clearly takes the “terminator” part of his job title seriously. I’ve seen cornered rats in the past though, I’ve seen how desperate they can get and how their fear can make them very dangerous. I’ve felt both sympathy for them, and fear of them, on those occasions, but the bit that lingers in my memory is the fear.

So I was on edge when I entered the house. I had a cursory look around the room, saw nothing, and optimistically chose to accept the theory that it was gone. Everything was fine. Both cats were asleep. Dicks. We had dinner, we chatted, in that room, we got our daughter to bed, all the while I was enjoying the relief of believing the problem had gone away.

Later that night, I noticed one of our cats taking a keen interest in a corner of the room a couple of metres away. But everything was fine, so this was nothing to be concerned about, the cat was just being a dick, again (he was the chief suspect for bringing in the rat, I still hadn’t forgiven him). He got more and more interested. Everything was fine, but just to remove any doubt I had a look in the corner. There was some water there. Which was curious, But it certainly wasn’t rat pee because that would be bad and, of course, that was impossible because everything was fine.

There was a small double-glazed unit resting on the ground in the corner, wrapped in an old curtain so that it didn’t scratch the floor. I lifted it up and held it out of the way while I examined the corner. It was the glazed unit I’d removed from the back door to fit a new glazed unit cut to take the cat flap, which was to prove to be all sorts of ironic. The water which wasn’t rat pee seemed to be sharing space with something that wasn’t rat poo. Everything was fine, I told myself as I put the unit back down and stepped away.

So when I actually crouched down and peered into the tiny space between the curtain and the glazed unit itself, clearly the rat-shaped object squeezed in there looking back out at me was not a rat. It certainly wasn’t a big rat, One that was cornered. And one that would surely go through anything fleshy in order to escape. It may have been bullet shaped, with teeth, but it wasn’t a rat. My fleeing from the room, cartoon-like, was therefore purely precautionary. The cat watched me, amused and smug I’m sure of it, the utter dick.

I still remember the time I encountered a rat in my parents’ kitchen late at night, when I was a teen. I found myself following the same routine as my father did back then. I tuned out the inner voice that suggested just getting my family out and setting the house alight, and instead I “man’ed up”. Standard procedure stuff, I put on stout shoes, tucked my trouser legs inside my socks, grabbed a hurley from under the stairs… I don’t play hurling though, so there were no hurleys to be found. I contemplated getting a knife but ruled that one out on the basis that the way my luck was going the rat would just pull out a gun if I approached with a blade.

I grabbed the nearest thing resembling a weapon. A golf umbrella. (I don’t even play golf, if I did at least I could have grabbed a pair of offensively patterned golf trousers and scared the rat away with those, but no). So it was me and my umbrella. If the rat got violent I was going to Mary Poppins the sh1t out of it!

Rats don’t listen. Who knew. You can open the double exterior doors all the way out, and invite it to travel the 3 metres or so to get to the outside world, but would it listen? Course not. The cat just watched on and smirked. The other cat slept soundly. Dicks.

I tried to ignore the inner voice that kept reminding me that only moments before I’d been handling the curtain-wrapped glazed unit, trying to keep myself well away from a corner that might have contained a rat, and all the while actually holding the rat closer and closer to my body. That voice was not helpful.

I poked at the curtain with the umbrella in the hope that the rat would get fed up and just head straight towards the fresh air that it was surely aware of by now. My mind kept on resurrecting memories form many years ago of a cornered rat jumping for a neighbour’s face . That neighbour had a shotgun. I didn’t. Those memories were not helpful either.

Neither was the non-sleeping cat, who just sat there looking slightly appalled at how boring this was proving to be.

I ended up lying on a countertop above the glazed unit, leaning over and slowly, oh so slowly, unwrapping the curtain. Not for the first time I considered just going to bed and leaving the dick of a cat to sort out his own mess, but the prospect of coming down next morning to not knowing where the rat now was, whether it was alive or dead, and whether it was philosophical about the whole thing or extremely pissed off, made me persist. Nothing was ever unwrapped with such care and attention. Or with such tightly clenched bowels.

The last side of curtain finally fell to the ground. But the now expiosed rat stayed where it was. It looked much bigger this close up but I was getting indignant now. Here was me doing my best to help it and it wasn’t cooperating. The feckin’ nerve! I crankily poked at it with the umbrella. You always mentally prepare yourself for things that you know can move fast, in my case no matter how prepared I feel I am I usually find I’m not. And so, as the rat shot across the floor I manfully smothered a squeal of shock. Jaysus those things can move, it’s like compressing the power of a Kittel into a tiny form, and adding teeth, diseases, and a nasty disposition.

The bored cat sprang to life and chased it. “Chase it out the door”, I almost shouted, momentarily forgetting that cats are dicks and where delicate situations are concerned love nothing more than to lob in a few spanners. So the cat turned the rat towards a dead end. The rat couldn’t go round or over it. So it started screeching. Which does wonders for already frayed nerves. Mine, that is. The cat just looked annoyed, but not annoyed enough to do anything useful. DICK! The other cat briefly raised a sleepy head, and went back to sleep.

I was feeling sorry for the rat now. Acknowledging my utter stupidity to myself I prodded at the rat to direct it towards the open doors again. It ran for them. YESSSSS! Then the cat ran at it from the side and the rat veered back into the room and behind a sideboard. NOOOOOOO!! Ffffffffffffffcuk! Ffffffffcukin cat! D. I. C. K.

The next hour was taken up by my poking the umbrella under and being the sideboard. The rat would run out, along the top of the skirting board (which is all of about 10mm wide - it’s serioualy creepy and disturbing how agile rats are), heading in the direction of the open doors. And the cat would chase it back under the sideboard again. My murderous intentions were well and truly extending towards the cat at this stage.

I tried to negotiate with the cat, if we worked together we could get the rat outside and himself and the rat could work out their (numerous) issues together without me getting in the way. But, of course, cats are as amenable to negotiation as they are to being herded, I was on my own here.

It was after 2am by the time the rat made a final desperate effort to escape. It made it to the open doors. Time stood still as it seemed to hesitate in the open doorway, trying to decide whether to veer left into the garden, or right to go further into the house. Every fibre of my being was yelling GETTDAFUKKK! The cat was looking worried, as if his fun was about to end.

The rat took the garden option. While I threw myself at the doors, to close them, lock them, counter-lock them, and board them up permanently, the cat raced outside after the rat. What a dick. I watched from inside as the now squealing rat jumped at the cat’s face each time the cat made to go for it. It was both fascinating and horrible. The speed of both was impressive. I’m not sure which was worse though, the obvious terror of the rat or the obvious ruthless calculation of the cat. I briefly considered going out to get the cat away from the rat (yes, I am utterly stupid). After a few minutes though the rat escaped through a fence into a neighbour’s garden, leaving a very crestfallen cat behind. I locked the cat flap and left him out there. ‘Cos he is a dick.

It was a relief to come down the next morning knowing that the problem and danger were gone. I took some satisfaction as seeing the cat’s pleading face outside the cat flap too, desperate to get back into the comfort of the house. Ha, he has learned his lesson, I thought to myself.

The relief lasted into the day after that again in fact. I was still enjoying it that evening as I heard the cat flap go, and turned around to see the dick of a cat, his face exclaiming excitedly “Look, I FOUND OUR FRIEND!”, a big rat hanging from his jaws.

As a parent I’ve learned the importance, absolute necessity even, of not immediately reacting to any situation with “For fcuk SAKE!”, no matter how appropriate that reaction is. So I opted to not chase after the cat like a lunatic. The cat himself had that disappointed look in his eye, the look that said “If you give out to me I’ll leave it in your shoe” and he was eyeing up various nooks and crannies in which to hide.

I found myself inviting him to take his friend out into the garden to play. This is what my life has become, trying to calmly reason with a dick of a ruthless killer. In the end he got offended and took his “prize” out anyway as clearly I didn’t deserve it.

He patted it round the garden briefly, got bored, and left it. It was still there a few hours later so it was certainly dead. It was gone the next morning, saving me the unpleasant task of getting rid of it. And life returned to normal again. Just us and the cats. Who are still dicks.

brocbrocach

doozerie wrote: »

it’s like compressing the power of a Kittel into a tiny form, and adding teeth, diseases, and a nasty disposition.

Harsh on the boy Cavendish

stecleary

brocbrocach wrote: »

Harsh on the boy Cavendish

Now, Now, He's had his teeth fixed

doozerie

While stopped directly behind a stationary bus this morning, someone on a bike rolled into the back of my bike. I’m small, maybe he just didn’t see me or my rear light. But a bus is hard to not see, would he have hit the bus if I wasn’t there I wonder?

Anyway, I picked a bad time to ask how he didn’t see me as his feet were apparently so fascinating as to be the sole focus of his attention. I guess that answered my question.

magicbastarder

doozerie wrote: »

his feet were apparently so fascinating as to be the sole focus of his attention.

i see what you did there.

Weepsie

In the last few days I've had passings with all the people who make me want to grumble.

The two people in cars who decided that I am not oncoming traffic in the priority lane and nearly turned into me, I hate you.

The person on a bike who think that sticking your hand out for a milisecond at the very last moment is a good way of indicating and nearly getting yourself squished, you need to cop on.

The group of people on bikes whom I passed a number of times that then kept regrouping in twos and threes in front of me at lights only to proceed at an absolute snail's pace, learn to wait in line.

The person whom started beeping me when I was using the road lane rather than cycle lane as it was clear and I had to turn right up ahead. Learn patience.

Then there's the absolute chancers in their cars who I've seen plough on through red lights the last few days. RLJing is something that people on bikes are constantly accused of. It's a serious problem with cars now and I don't understand how more people are not injured and how it's not highlighted more.

Also the drivers of the cars in the bus lane on the Drumcondra road, proper d!cks

Fian

Weepsie wrote: »

Then there's the absolute chancers in their cars who I've seen plough on through red lights the last few days. RLJing is something that people on bikes are constantly accused of. It's a serious problem with cars now and I don't understand how more people are not injured and how it's not highlighted more.

I have really noticed this alot recently. I had to brake twice this morning for cars who were breaking reds. For one of those junctions it is pretty standard - crossing over the canal there is always at least one car trying to turn right into town who brakes the lights. this time it was three cars all of whom entered the junction after my light was green. Not particularly dangerous, but not dangerous only because speeds there are slow and because most people familiar with the junction expect it. In fairness it is easy to see how frustrating it is to try to turn right there, there are always cars left waiting for the next cycle of the lights. A feeder light would probably be a good idea, either that or just ban right turns there altogether.

That and lots of beeping/frustration etc. Maybe it is Christmas time stress, with people trying to get presents and get organised it is a busy time of year, but for me approaching christmas always puts me in a good mood. That is probably explained by my unfairly abdicating all responsibility to actually organise things to my wife.

cdaly_

Fian wrote: »

That is probably explained by my unfairly abdicating all responsibility to actually organise things to my wife.

Unfairly? Was it not in the contract?

"Till death do us part and you get to organise xmas"...

Fian

cdaly_ wrote: »

Unfairly? Was it not in the contract?

"Till death do us part and you get to organise xmas"...

not expressly, but arguably it was an implied term.

buffalo

Could all the ****wads on the canal with massive headlights (that you need to see the unlit sections) please point them down when approaching people? The ground is the important part, not my squinty blinded bedazzled face.

stecleary

buffalo wrote: »

Could all the ****wads on the canal with massive headlights (that you need to see the unlit sections) please point them down when approaching people? The ground is the important part, not my squinty blinded bedazzled face.

Dublin Bikes!!!! Horrible flash on them, all out of focus and seem to be extra wobbly along the canal :mad:

Chips Lovell

buffalo wrote: »

Could all the ****wads on the canal with massive headlights (that you need to see the unlit sections) please point them down when approaching people? The ground is the important part, not my squinty blinded bedazzled face.

In my view, there are two circumstances in which citizens should be permitted to take the law in their own hands.

In the case of people who use high powered lights, either undipped or on strobe setting, it ought to be permissible for anyone to drag them from their bike and beat them to within an inch of their lives.

The second exception should be for people who put up their Christmas tree before December 1. Their neighbours should be allowed burn them out.

Alek

I point my (medium power) strobe light horizontally. It is there not for illuminating the road, it is to be seen in a mirror of the vehicle turning left in front of me.

buffalo

I perhaps should have been more specific. There's a stretch of towpath on the Royal Canal from Phibsboro to Ashtown which is unlit, and people have a genuine need for higher powered lights to see what's in front of them.

However, the afore-mentioned wanknuts are not familiar with the need to switch from full to dipped headlights on rural roads when there is oncoming traffic, and the similar approach which should be used when meeting oncoming traffic on the towpath.

I can already see myself as an old man, thrusting my walking stick between their spokes. *shakes fist at stupid kids*

CramCycle

Jep Gambardella wrote: »

In my view, there are two circumstances in which citizens should be permitted to take the law in their own hands.

In the case of people who use high powered lights, either undipped or on strobe setting, it ought to be permissible for anyone to drag them from their bike and beat them to within an inch of their lives.

+1 overtook a guy with a strobe front light the other day and I wasn't able to see behind me when I was checking around. Cant believe it was safe for anyone.

The second exception should be for people who put up their Christmas tree before December 1. Their neighbours should be allowed burn them out.

I always used to be the weekend before Christmas, this year, 30th November, and I'd do it again.

Weepsie

Had a new and extra special moron this morning. I was travelling down Botantic Road towards Phibsboro. The light was green for my lane and the lane beside it. A car then came up prospect avenue, decided it didn't want to wait in the queue of people, took the lane to turn left towards Glasnevin and swerved right around the traffic island and into my lane.

I probably have it on camera too

buffalo

In one side and out the other, but missed the tube!

magicbastarder

there's no image showing there for me.

magicbastarder

on sunday mornings, my wife goes horse riding in NCD. so what i usually do is throw the bike in the boot, drive her out, and then get about an hour and three quarters out around oldtown/garristown/the naul, etc.
cept this morning, as i was pulling the bike out of the boot, realised i'd forgotten my poxing cycling shoes. and it looks like a lovely morning for it too.

Chuchote

buffalo wrote: »

I perhaps should have been more specific. There's a stretch of towpath on the Royal Canal from Phibsboro to Ashtown which is unlit, and people have a genuine need for higher powered lights to see what's in front of them.

What would you and others recommend as a good light to illuminate a dark country lane, and not blind oncoming cyclists?

CramCycle

Chuchote wrote: »

What would you and others recommend as a good light to illuminate a dark country lane, and not blind oncoming cyclists?

Depends on Budget. The edelux is great even at slower speeds than it was meant to be used at, with a stop light which is still pretty decent for unlit areas. I found the mid range cateye volts to be good. Both have to be set up correctly.

Basically look for shaped beams, while I appreciate that people seem more aware of the need to be lit up, I am increasingly getting annoyed by overpowered strobe lights or high beams pointed upwards and leaving the world behind and around in a veil of darkness that I cannot see into.

Chuchote

CramCycle wrote: »

Depends on Budget. The edelux is great even at slower speeds than it was meant to be used at, with a stop light which is still pretty decent for unlit areas. I found the mid range cateye volts to be good. Both have to be set up correctly.

Basically look for shaped beams, while I appreciate that people seem more aware of the need to be lit up, I am increasingly getting annoyed by overpowered strobe lights or high beams pointed upwards and leaving the world behind and around in a veil of darkness that I cannot see into.

What do you mean by a stop light, please, and shaped beams?

nomdeboardie

magicbastarder wrote: »

on sunday mornings, my wife goes horse riding in NCD. so what i usually do is throw the bike in the boot, drive her out, and then get about an hour and three quarters out around oldtown/garristown/the naul, etc.
cept this morning, as i was pulling the bike out of the boot, realised i'd forgotten my poxing cycling shoes. and it looks like a lovely morning for it too.

Primitive Toeclips&Straps FTW

CramCycle

Chuchote wrote: »

What do you mean by a stop light, please, and shaped beams?

The edelux runs off a dynamo. It holds a charge so that when you stop at lights or for a break it still stays lit for a few minutes. I remember that when I first got one that it stayed lit for far longer than claimed, which is great.
Shaped beams refer to the fact that they are not just singular spot beams or spread light in every direction beams. For examples the edelux beam shape throws light onto the road in a large spread for quite a bit while lighting up the side of the road with a weaker but nonetheless useful beam pattern. If set right it gives more light on the road and does not blind oncoming traffic than a regular torch.
Obviously with a battery powered light, a stop light is a mute point.

buffalo

Chuchote wrote: »

What would you and others recommend as a good light to illuminate a dark country lane, and not blind oncoming cyclists?

Something which can be moved to focus on a point which isn't at eye level.

Chuchote

buffalo wrote: »

Something which can be moved to focus on a point which isn't at eye level.

Well, yeah, lots of lights can be pointed down, but will they illuminate the road before you if there aren't streetlights?

buffalo

Chuchote wrote: »

Well, yeah, lots of lights can be pointed down, but will they illuminate the road before you if there aren't streetlights?

I don't know where you cycle, but in most places the road is below eye level.

I suggest you read my posts above again to more fully understand the point I was trying to make. You appear to (either deliberately or unconsciously) have snipped the part which explains what I believe is good practice.