loosing erection during sex

mnlad

ok fist of all i hope this is suitable for here if not i apologise, well basically things have moved to the sexual side with my bf excellent right:D but im having problem maintaing my erection, im putting it down to nerves but it really shouldnt be as were totally cool with each other, i can get erect no problem then literally 20 seconds into a bj i loose erection, it takes a bit of work but i get hard again then like a circle i loose erection again. Im really paranoid as he can maintain his erection for what seems like hours:eek: next weekend im treating him to weekend away and im afraid its going to ruin things, its kinda worrying as i know when i meet guys before for nsa i had the same issue however on those 2 occasions i was bricking it and constantly looking over my shoulder. i know my mind also doesnt help as im constantly saying to myself hopefully it wont happen tonight.... any you guys had this problem is it mainly my head f@#king with me more so then ED i hope so:(

foggy_lad

mnlad wrote: »

ok fist of all i hope this is suitable for here if not i apologise, well basically things have moved to the sexual side with my bf excellent right:D but im having problem maintaing my erection, im putting it down to nerves but it really shouldnt be as were totally cool with each other, i can get erect no problem then literally 20 seconds into a bj i loose erection, it takes a bit of work but i get hard again then like a circle i loose erection again. Im really paranoid as he can maintain his erection for what seems like hours:eek: next weekend im treating him to weekend away and im afraid its going to ruin things, its kinda worrying as i know when i meet guys before for nsa i had the same issue however on those 2 occasions i was bricking it and constantly looking over my shoulder. i know my mind also doesnt help as im constantly saying to myself hopefully it wont happen tonight.... any you guys had this problem is it mainly my head f@#king with me more so then ED i hope so:(

A lot of erectile dysfunction is caused by nervousness. Try to relax and not put so much emphasis on the sex. If your boyfriend likes/loves you it should be for more than sex.

mnlad

cheers well we have discussed it and it not an issue with him, we have alot more than just sex but its just something that annoys me, but i think i need to chill out about the whole thing more, i am however a paranoid being!!

Conor30

We're not allowed give out medical advice here but sometimes not being able to maintain an erection can be attributed to being overweight or can be a sign of diabetes. I haven't a clue if these are relevant in your case. Get yourself checked out by a doctor, is what my advice would be. Don't worry; it can be sorted.

As for your boyfriend, I'd be open with him about it and hopefully, (if he's worth it) he'll be understanding.

floggg

Can you maintain an erection on your own? If so, it would probably rule out something medical.

Would I be right in guessing this is your first bf, and maybe your still getting used to the whole "gay" thing?

It could well just be the pressure your putting on your self. Or maybe your not fully comfortable with the sex part of it yet.

Id say you need to relax more.

I don't know if you've ever heard of Dan Savage but he's a sex advice columnist who gives some great (and oft times hilarious) advice. Check out his archives, I'm sure he's covered this loads. Here's one letter which would probably help - http://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/02/07/sl-letter-of-the-day-soft-focus&view=comments

Search through the archives and I'm sure there's loads more.

mnlad

cheers for replies guys, yeah this would be my first bf alright so its all very new to me, i dont seem to have any problem maintaining an erection on my own at all, so im thinking its in my mind lets hope so, but i do have a check up coming up soon so perhaps its worth a mention if things dont improve, but again and i know medical advice isnt allowed but i am borderline for diabetes and had thought about getting rechecked recently as i have become very tired and thirsty but ill leave that to the doc to decide, im going to have a read through the column now cheers

Annasopra

I think if it is continously a problem.then consult a doctor.

mnlad

going to ring in morning make appointment nothing loose only gain, also i meant to mention unsure if this ties in im curious too if other guys experience this, but when receiving oral i have little or no feeling, i know i am getting a bj i know someone is there but i have no feeling or sensation from that

oisindoyle

Think the answer to your "problem " lies in the comment you said yourself .
"i dont seem to have any problem maintaining an erection on my own at all, so im thinking its in my mind"

It is all in your mind.

Many many many guys have "peformance anxiety " and it sounds to me that this is the cause of you not maintaining an erection.
For others the they cant "cum" no matter how hard(no pun intended) they try .

If it were a medical problem you wouldnt be able to maintain an erection when you are on your own ,it only seems to occur when you are with a guy .

Whats happening with you is the more you think about it and hope "everything will be ok " they more it happens .

It will in time be a thing of the past ,believe me it will .
Try not to worry about it (easier said than done I know) but manybe next time have a drink or two ,(dont get completely pissed) to calm the nerves and RELAX, enjoy yourself .

Good luck

Hamhide

Seriously your doctor can be your best friend at times.I'd constantly be a nervous wreck without my gp.It might be a probelm upstairs rather then downstairs.I used to be a with a fella who had the same problem.maybe turn on some porn while your doing it.It might prevent your little guy from loosing interest.hope this helps

mnlad

went to doc this morning and all clear no underlying problem that may have been causing it as in diabetes etc.. so its all in my mind ummm time to sit down and have a chat with myself

baby and crumble

mnlad wrote: »

went to doc this morning and all clear no underlying problem that may have been causing it as in diabetes etc.. so its all in my mind ummm time to sit down and have a chat with myself

Tbh I'd recommend having a chat with someone else, someone who knows about this kind of thing. It's not a big deal op but tryin to sort it all out on your own might make it into a bigger one on your head.

1ZRed

Have you looked into kegeling and edging? It builds endurance and better hard ons through better circulation.

Plus, edging is fun as fuck!

Conor30

Hamhide wrote: »

Seriously your doctor can be your best friend at times.I'd constantly be a nervous wreck without my gp.

True, but without a medical card, it can be prohibitively expensive for many people to go to the GP, unless it's absolutely necessary.

Conor30

mnlad wrote: »

went to doc this morning and all clear no underlying problem that may have been causing it as in diabetes etc.. so its all in my mind ummm time to sit down and have a chat with myself

Great to hear it's not diabetes anyway. Lucky you.

Did your GP say he/she'd give you a letter to see a urologist? It might be a good idea?

mnlad

Conor30 wrote: »

Great to hear it's not diabetes anyway. Lucky you.

Did your GP say he/she'd give you a letter to see a urologist? It might be a good idea?

no well basically i have a pretty sparse sex life to date and only recently have become say sexually active with my boyfriend so his advice was to well basically keep at it enjoy it and if after a few more occasions the problem still exists to come back, but i agree i am my own worst enemy im a total worrier and go over things countless times in my head

floggg

mnlad wrote: »

no well basically i have a pretty sparse sex life to date and only recently have become say sexually active with my boyfriend so his advice was to well basically keep at it enjoy it and if after a few more occasions the problem still exists to come back, but i agree i am my own worst enemy im a total worrier and go over things countless times in my head

Again, the Dan Savage advice i linked to above might be a good start. As long as you're stressing it, it's going to be an issue. You just need to relax and not make such a big deal of it. Learn how to get yourself comfortable in these situations and just relax.

mnlad

just to resurrect this thread still having problems and did some reading over on gentleman’s club regarding lads in similar situation, I just can’t figure it out the guys over on other thread got prescribed Cialis and that seems to have helped them overcome it so I think another trip to doc is in order, nothing has improved its still the same, it is really getting to me which is putting me full circle in worrying, when my bf is down there I’m fine it stays up soon as he diverts his attention away from there I loose erection almost immediately, that and no feeling during oral is very odd but not so much a problem as he aint into oral, i appreciate medical advice cant be given but just looking for opinions and rather hopping someone has been in same situation and overcome it:(

Jacobsladder

I love the typo "loose" for "lose", and someone loosing an erection sounds kinda rampant

bikeman1

mnlad wrote: »

just to resurrect this thread still having problems and did some reading over on gentleman’s club regarding lads in similar situation, I just can’t figure it out the guys over on other thread got prescribed Cialis and that seems to have helped them overcome it so I think another trip to doc is in order, nothing has improved its still the same, it is really getting to me which is putting me full circle in worrying, when my bf is down there I’m fine it stays up soon as he diverts his attention away from there I loose erection almost immediately, that and no feeling during oral is very odd but not so much a problem as he aint into oral, i appreciate medical advice cant be given but just looking for opinions and rather hopping someone has been in same situation and overcome it:(

Are you circumcised? In my experience lads who are cut have less feeling/sensation with oral sex than those who aren't. Otherwise you should find oral sex quite pleasurable.

I think you need to relax and be comfortable in your body when with your other half. I was with a guy once who had a similar problem. Over time he got over it and had no problems. Anxiety is the main problem. Have fun!

Jacobsladder

bikeman1 wrote: »

Are you circumcised? In my experience lads who are cut have less feeling/sensation with oral sex than those who aren't. Otherwise you should find oral sex quite pleasurable.

I wonder how you have experience of that?

The only real evidence I am aware of are of men who have been circumcised in later life and who are able to discuss the pleasure before and after. All reports I have read suggest there is no real difference in sexual pleasure, so I wonder what is the basis for your claim

mnlad

bikeman1 wrote: »

Are you circumcised? In my experience lads who are cut have less feeling/sensation with oral sex than those who aren't. Otherwise you should find oral sex quite pleasurable.

I think you need to relax and be comfortable in your body when with your other half. I was with a guy once who had a similar problem. Over time he got over it and had no problems. Anxiety is the main problem. Have fun!

No not circumcised i really hope over time and not a massive time it sorts itelf out, good of excuse as any to keep at it

oisindoyle

mnlad wrote: »

No not circumcised i really hope over time and not a massive time it sorts itelf out, good of excuse as any to keep at it

It will .
As I said earlier ,it sounds like you have performance anxiety ,it is VERY common.The fact that you can pleasure yourself and things stay "hard",kinda proves it.
It can be a vicious circle the more you worry about it the more it happens and the more it happens the more you worry !!!

mnlad

just to bump this once again, well its been 3 months and my main concern and problem is gone no issues there anymore, but...... i now lose erection soon as i penetrate my partner, im not looking medical advice i know its against charter but is this still performance anxiety, i dont get it im perfectly fine to this point i want to do this...

Miike

mnlad wrote: »

just to bump this once again, well its been 3 months and my main concern and problem is gone no issues there anymore, but...... i now lose erection soon as i penetrate my partner, im not looking medical advice i know its against charter but is this still performance anxiety, i dont get it im perfectly fine to this point i want to do this...

I'd bet it's still anxiety. The more you tell your self your okay, the more its on your heard. It's a vitriolic circle, anxiety.

Something that worked for me when I had this problem was a focus exercise it may sound INSANE to begin with but try focusing on having fun during sex rather than the focus on the end result. I know you're gonna say well I do that anyway but it worked a treat for me... mind games eh

mnlad

just to update this thread incase someone else is reading this and having same issue, i eventually went to Doc as it was starting to become an issue between us and was told pretty much that is was performance anxiety and every other test came back normal, however i got a prescription of cialis and it has sorted things right out and ive got my confidence back, it really is a magic pill:D

AndrewJD

mnlad wrote: »

just to update this thread incase someone else is reading this and having same issue, i eventually went to Doc as it was starting to become an issue between us and was told pretty much that is was performance anxiety and every other test came back normal, however i got a prescription of cialis and it has sorted things right out and ive got my confidence back, it really is a magic pill:D

Good to see a success story! In case anyone's wondering, Cialis is a lot like Viagra except it works a lot longer. No pun intended.

mnlad

AndrewJD wrote: »

Good to see a success story! In case anyone's wondering, Cialis is a lot like Viagra except it works a lot longer. No pun intended.

also you need to be aroused for it to work unlike viagra

mnlad

mnlad wrote: »

im constantly saying to myself hopefully it wont happen tonight

It is amazing how many erection problems can be fixed by focusing on this sentence alone.

Alas we can not be sure because there are SO many causes of this kind of issue that one really has to look at ones diet - life style - stress levels - and 100 other things to find out.

But more times than you can imagine the cause of erectile dysfunction is caused by nothing more than the guy focusing on his erection during sex.

Think about it. When you are **** what do you think about.... certainly it is never whether you are hard or not. You think about what is turning you on. Nothing more - nothing less.

Then when you enter into a sexual situation rather than focusing your mind on the erotic thing turning you on you focus your mind on something completely new - whether you are hard or not - and what could be a bigger turn off?

So the advise i give a lot of people suffering from this issue is when having sex work hard on thinking about everything except whether you are hard or not.

And if that does not work try focusing on NOT getting hard. In other words rather than obsessing that you are all soft - try obsessing over not getting hard at all - and try to not get hard. Sometimes this works. So rather than saying "I hope this will not happen tonight" you say "I hope it will".

This is simalar to how doctors sometimes treat sleep disorder - which they do by training people to stop trying to fall asleep but learn how to try and stay awake - because sometimes trying to stay awake while lying in bed is the best way to fall asleep.

And then parallel to that every time you mastrubate try and focus on getting hard. Obsess about it the same way you do while having sex - but while alone - and through this learn to get hard even when obsessing over it.

Both approaches taken in parallel seem to work for people i have worked with.

Odysseus

If it is in your mind as you say, and you have also noted you are a bit anxious. Would it not be an idea to see a professional such as a psychotherapist or a psychologist?

Annasopra

Guys - it is against the charter to give medical advice. Please do not give any medical advice.