Festivities

Richy06

In life, when young, sometimes you fight battles and waste energy on things which, in hindsight, you will end up regretting that you ever even bothered in the first place.

This is one of those occasions.

I'm guessing you're pretty young and beginning to question things and not accept stuff at face value. Sure, most holidays have become industries in and of themselves and there is a tonne of money poured into advertising to us shi*e we don't need but which we must have. That doesn't mean you have to treat every one of those occasions as such. As opposed to lashing out so broadly, take a more considered approach to it.
There's been loads of good suggestions thus far - Kris Kringle for Christmas etc etc.
For something like Valentine's, discuss it with your girlfriend. Compromise. It doesn't have to leave a huge hole in your pocket.

There's ways and means around this without just stone facing the whole lot of it and isolating yourself in the long run. Which is exactly what will happen.
I used to feel the same, to a certain degree. I hated the crassness and the 'I WANT' attitude inherent with these holidays and celebrations. But I learned to kind of rail against them in my own way and I do things a little differently. The choice is yours as to how you participate and the extent to which you allow yourself to be influenced by the commercial entities that drive these holidays.

But we thrive on social contact. It helps us grow and stops us becoming bitter, sad, lonely individuals later on - which is exactly the road you're starting on if you approach it as you are. You can't just inform your girlfriend of your decision without discussing it with her, especially if you want to keep her. Same with the family.

If it's a case of money, though, and you just don't want to admit it....then cop on and buy yizzer bleedin' loved ones a card and a small, thoughtful gift!

I dunno if you've mentioned it, either OP, but what about you? Does the moratorium on gift giving extend to your family & loved ones giving you gifts on birthday/Christmas et al?

Frank Boggins

Richy06 we trive on social contact , we being?

Richy06

Human beings.

jellygems

Taltos wrote: »

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Thanks
Taltos

by use of the letters nrg bit harsh

Esoteric_

Not wanting to buy into commercialism and being 'expected' to spend time with people you wouldn't normally spend time with is fair enough, but you sound like you're having a teenage tantrum to be honest, especially with your post about 'what if I said I was part of X religion?'

I don't like the commercialism of holidays, but I still buy my loved ones presents because I enjoy seeing the smile on their face. I don't buy flowers and chocolates, I put thought and effort into gifts that I know they do not expect but will love and appreciate. It's the thought that counts about the holidays, not the gift itself.

As for playing operation or whatever else with your granny and not doing it any other time of the year - that makes you sound really selfish actually. I play cards with my grandmother and visit her for dinner over Christmas. I don't particularly enjoy it because I don't like hearing her bitch about my extended family, and I hate card games, but it brings her joy so I do it. I don't just do it at Christmas, though. I do it at least once a fortnight because I know that a few hours out of my day, while causing me some boredom, brightens up her day and makes her extremely happy.

Instead of focusing on money, gifts and things you don't like, why not focus on the fact that by making an effort (not necessarily spending money), you are making people close to you happy. Surely making your loved ones know that they're appreciated and loved is a good thing?

If you don't want to buy Christmas gifts, make them. My best friend has an extremely strange body shape because of her height (she's 4'6) and weight, and finds it difficult to find flattering clothes that are her style. So, when it comes to Christmas, her birthday or just whenever the hell I feel like it, I grab out my sewing machine, buy some fabric (fabric shops are not like flower shops, they will not be booming and making a fortune at Christmas!) and make her a nice top. Costs me about a fiver in material and a few hours of my time, but it shows her just how much I love and appreciate her because I put a lot of thought into what she would like and appreciate.

It's not about money. It's about respect and showing your love and care to people.

If my boyfriend told me that he didn't want to ever buy me a gift again, I'd accept it. However, I'd only accept it on the basis that he either made or did something to show that he appreciated me because while money means very little to me when it comes to gifts, I'd sure as hell be annoyed if somebody close to me chose not to even acknowledge me on a day such as my birthday, especially if I go to an effort to make them happy on their birthday.

I'd really re-think what you're doing and how you're going about things, if I were you. Not liking commercialism and expectations is one thing, acting selfish around the people you love is another thing all together.

LegacyUser

I think I felt the same way as the OP for years about stuff like this, all pomp and social convention, going about these sorts of occasions in the manner they've always be conducted. It's basically an exercise in institution propogation but after complaining about it to myself and a few others I realised the problem wasn't with the other people or the tradition, it was with me.

It was a simple case of me not being myself on these sorts of occasions (which I had been guilty of around family for just about every sunday lunch since childhood). Nowadays I generally don't do anything I don't want to do and not only do I enjoy this kind of thing more but the people around me do as well.

Essentially events like christmas, birthdays, valentines are about building relationships with the people around you. It's so easy to get caught up in yourself and the day to day it's healthy to have a time designated to others. They're worthless if you're not yourself because you're not sharing yourself and your time with the people around you.

To OP: If you make a firm decision not to participate in these sorts of conformities/events/whatever you want to call them, you'd definitely have to make the time at other stages to give them some attention and show them you care. In my opinion (by which I mean myself) I'd be worried I'd procrastinate and not get around to it. However, if you could do that then there's really nothing wrong with giving up the formal occasions.

Maybe the way I'm looking at this is way off the mark from OP but I figured I'd share anyway.