toilet training boy @ 3years 3 months

candyflossgirl

Hi I have read some posts about this but my problem isn't covered so i am posting a new thread.

My son is 3 years 3 months and basically now refuses to wear pants, asks for nappies all the time. It's now at the stage where at every nappy change I offer the pants instead of nappies but don't make a big deal out of it and allow him to have the nappy if he insists.

He can use the toilet both sitting and standing, for both 1s and 2s. He knows fully when he needs to go, and I know this because he asks "do I have a nappy on" and announces when he's doing either 1s or 2s. He also tells me when it's time to change his nappy if I haven't detected it already.
All along we have been positive and encouraging, he was involved in choosing the potty and we brought him to buy his "big boys pants" which he enjoyed and all that seemed to go well.

However, since March his granny has died, we've moved house and we've been away on holidays and we are also expecting another baby. Is it possible that it's just all too much for him to take?!!

Before moving house, early in the summer, he had a bit of trouble with passing water which also resulted in him being constipated, we had to go to the children's hospital and it was sorted and the staff there said it's common enough in boys toilet training and nothing to worry about but we relaxed the encouragement for a bit after that because that whole experience upset him. But since then, and after moving house, and while on holidays, he had several days in a row where he managed really well wearing pants and using the loo both at home and out at shops, restaurants etc. He had one or two small accidents but seemed to easily overcome them and it seemed to be going really well.

At this stage I don't know what else I can do and I don't want to badger him because I know the pitfalls of that. He and I had a calm & friendly chat about it the other day and I suggested a star chart, (which we use successfully for his little jobs around the house) and he said he'd like a spiderman toy as his prize but the next day he refused to put on pants again despite the promise of the star.

I have asked advice from family and friends who just say "boys are just lazy", and I just can't believe that, he is not lazy at other stuff. Will he do it in his own good time? Should I stop encouraging him? It just seems out of character for him because he's usually so proud of his achievements. I had hoped he'd be out of nappies before the baby arrives but now I don't really care about that and just want it all to work out and will do whatever's best for him.

Any suggestions? Insights?

monkeysnapper

I don't think you need any advice , I think your dealing with it ok, I'd just stop mentioning it. Myself and my wife used to just make a game out of going to the toilet ourselves and hoped little girl would follow suit and she did. Was so so easy.

We had a star chart but wasn't in the least interested in it. But I heard from somebody that for a boy you should put a cork in the toilet and get daddy to hit the cork with his pee, ggggreat fun, and hope little man has a go

Hope that helps

Big Bag of Chips

I think you are doing it right in that you are not making a big issue out of it. He's still reasonably young, and as you mentioned a lot has gone on, so maybe he just likes the comfort of being 'babied' a little bit. I always aim for 15! If they're not walking/talking/toilet trained by 15, then I'll worry!

One suggestion I might have is you could 'run out' of nappies at one of the changing times. And tell him that you will be going to the shop to get more, or daddy is bringing them home, whatever, and tell him you'll put his pants on until then...

candyflossgirl

monkeysnapper wrote: »

for a boy you should put a cork in the toilet and get daddy to hit the cork with his pee, ggggreat fun, and hope little man has a go

Hope that helps

Good idea I will give that a shot thanks!

candyflossgirl

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

One suggestion I might have is you could 'run out' of nappies at one of the changing times. And tell him that you will be going to the shop to get more, or daddy is bringing them home, whatever, and tell him you'll put his pants on until then...

Thanks, might try that too

stargazer 68

candyflossgirl wrote: »

Good idea I will give that a shot thanks!

Or a table tennis ball with a smiley face on it!

angeldaisy

one thought did pop into my mind when I was reading this. It might be down to control - sometimes when children are going through periods of change or upheaval it can lead them to feeling like they have no say or control in their lives.
Some may decide to control food - so periods of not eating certain foods or at certain times, others may control bodily functions.
I would suggest that you find something else that he could have total control over for a certain time frame, for example could you give him a day where he chooses exactly what he wants to do, eat, watch etc...

Try this and then try to ease back on the nappies - the 'running out' excuse is good as is saying you can't afford them. Be prepared for accidents but don't go back to them during the day, use the pull up pants at night but don't let him wear the nappies during the day.

January

Aw poor little mite's been through a lot!

Does he know about the new baby? He's probably just trying to be your baby for a little while longer.

I like the suggestion of the running out of nappies!

iguana

I saw a thing on tv once (one of those nanny programmes) where the 'nappy fairy' came and took all the nappies away in exchange for a gift. The child was told about it in advance, sold it as a right of passage type event and by the 'nappy fairy night' was very eager to put all the remaining nappies in a box so they would be swapped for something exciting by morning. It seemed to work well on the show (though obviously we can't know for sure as the producers will have had it edited to reflect the story they want to tell) but it might be an idea to make him want to give up the nappies and feel like being trained is an exciting step.

candyflossgirl

January wrote: »

Aw poor little mite's been through a lot!

Does he know about the new baby? He's probably just trying to be your baby for a little while longer.

I like the suggestion of the running out of nappies!

Yes he knows about baby and is full of chat about becoming a big brother and we're trying to focus on that, but I have also just twigged that this refusal started up when he started playschool in September [doh!] which is just another in a long list of things he's had to cope with this year. He's getting on grand at playschool and looks forward to it so maybe he just can't handle the toilet thing at the moment. I think we will lay off the encouragement for a few weeks and then implement some of the suggestions people have given here and see what happens.

candyflossgirl

iguana wrote: »

I saw a thing on tv once (one of those nanny programmes) where the 'nappy fairy' came and took all the nappies away in exchange for a gift. The child was told about it in advance, sold it as a right of passage type event and by the 'nappy fairy night' was very eager to put all the remaining nappies in a box so they would be swapped for something exciting by morning. It seemed to work well on the show (though obviously we can't know for sure as the producers will have had it edited to reflect the story they want to tell) but it might be an idea to make him want to give up the nappies and feel like being trained is an exciting step.

I don't usually like to use these kind of makey-up fairies and stuff (I hate lying to him even though I know it's not a "bad" lie) but this could just appeal to him in a big way. As I said above I think we will lay off for a few weeks and then maybe try it. Thanks!

Hannibal Smith

I've heard that big family changes can being changes in their behaviour where they regress to baby behaviour. I know it happens when a new sibling arrives so I'm not surprised a death in the family can so the same. Sorry for your loss BTW.

But I'd definitely try the running out of nappies ideas. And plenty of kisses and hugs!