Mother pushing child who's not good at sports, advice?

tinner777

ok, maybe i'm not..

my oldest, 8, is not good at sports, it's just not him, he has no skills or awareness, we made him attend ga etc and he was just bullied by better players, younger and older. I'm the same, but i made up for my lack in skills with violence, which my boy does not have in him.

However, he's excelling at school, reading and spelling, top of his class.

My other half is unable to grasp that he's no good at sports and that's it my fault for not pushing him harder at sports.

please help me explaining this to his mum

eviltwin

Maybe he's just not going to be the sporty type or maybe you need to find something other than Gaa? He might be better suited to something other than team sports like running, swimming etc

Please Kill Me

I don't see the problem. So he's no good at sports. So what? If he's enjoying other extra curricular activities, why not encourage him with them? I was never any good at sports, so you know what I did? Never did sports!! There's more to life.

Tonyandthewhale

She's blaming you? That's mental. Even if it was your fault that he's no good at sports or not interested in sports, what's the problem? He doesn't need to be.

Definitely don't 'push harder,' a certain amount of pressure can be helpful when you're competing at an elite level in sports and you're trying to push yourself to give your all and every bit of (positive) motivation helps. Pressure is not useful when it comes to playing under 10's GAA or whatever when you'd really much rather be reading a book.
It's important that you encourage him to continue to excel academia and while you can't teach him that giving up is always the best option when faced with having to do something you don't like, make sure he understands that being good at sports or participating in sports is just a potentially fun and healthy thing to do and not something that he HAS to do in order for you and your OH to be proud of him.

Having said that, I think all children should be encourage to live active lifestyles (I don't think I need to go into explaining the benefits there). When I was a lad I was introduced to GAA and hated it and the same for basketball and soccer (beyond the very informal playground level) and basically any sports where I had to catch anything or throw anything or do stuff like that. I'm uncoordinated like that and I'm not in the least bit competitive.

However, in my teenage years I got into medium and then long-distance running, road biking, hiking, mountain biking and more recently rock climbing. Apart from the occasional road biking race I don't compete in any of them, it's just active recreation really but I get all the same benefits as regards health and self-esteem etc that I'd get from playing GAA or the like.

Maybe your son might be more interested in a non-team sport or a 'sport' where the emphasis isn't really on competition (such as rock climbing).

myflipflops

Encouraging your child to be active and get exercise is very important but that does not necessarily mean putting him into competitive, team sports.

I have coached kids from 6-10 years old and in my experience, the single most important thing for kids at that age is that they ENJOY it. I could tell within 20 minutes of the first sessions which kids had been put into camps/teams rather than wanting to go.

If your child is not enjoying GAA then get him out. The bad experience may put him off sports/exercise/activity longer term. Remember, a healthy lifestyle will help him in school and study as he will have more energy.

'Tonyandthewhale' is spot on in suggesting a non-team or non competitive activity. Personally (and I am bias) I recommend a good athletics club with a kids program. Our goal for kids that age is to get them trying out every event and activity in the least competitive environment we can provide while also encouraging kids to test their boundaries and improve.

Tonyandthewhale wrote: »

Having said that, I think all children should be encourage to live active lifestyles.

Maybe your son might be more interested in a non-team sport or a 'sport' where the emphasis isn't really on competition (such as rock climbing).

silverharp

funny its normally the dopey dad that wants his son to do the sports he could never master. the child's mother needs to be put straight, there are loads of sports out there and if he doesnt like team sports, something like Judo for instance would be a great alternative or the other ideas mentioned above. The only attitude that makes sense is to find activities that a kid likes or you know they have the potential to be good at.

tinner777

thanks for all the helpful replies

Mossess

Get the lad into an athletics club. He doesn't have to run fast, there is long jump, hurdles, you name it, at that age most of the clubs (well, the good ones in Limerick) are all about enjoying the fun of sport instead of focusing on winning, that'll come later, and hopefully i a sport that he enjoys.

Mr.Wemmick

Let your wife take him to his sports and let her see for herself how unhappy he is. She'll soon stop pushing you to push him into doing something he doesn't want to.

Sports is all about fun and if he is not enjoying it, he is doing the wrong sport.

My son does boys gymnastics and he loves it.. he is not brilliant at it by any means but getting better all the time. He really gets stuck in as the teachers are just fab at getting the kids involved and making sure they succeed. Tennis is another good one to do as it is not about competing just learning the basics and having some fun.

Lucyfur

My son isn't good at sports(football running, typical team sports), doesn't like sports and breaks out in a cold sweat if they are mentioned:p

He's quite academic, loves reading and anything computer related. He goes to a computer club and I push him with reading, and really encourage his love for computers.

We walk to and from school, he loves swimming and surfing. He plays outside, loves cycling and going on his scooter, so I'm not one bit worried about him fitness.

It doesn't bother me or my OH (who's football crazy) that he's not sporty. We don't push him at all and neither do school. There's no point, it just ends in tears and it's unfair on everyone. It's even come to the point where if PE in school is a game of football, he'll go get a book or do extra maths or something.

BostonB

One of mine had no interest till about 8 and now wants to play. I've heard from other Dads some of their sons got an interest when they got older. Another of mine has no interest. But he likes the social side of it. Everyone's different. I loved football as a kid but I had more opportunity for continuous knockabout's than mine do these days. The urge to kick a ball is in my DNA. Lot more distractions for kids these days though.

EZ24GET

Might be a problem with the mom not the child? Does she want to join with the other moms maybe? He might like cycling or something where he feels he's the only one will be disappointed. I wasn't very good at some things - felt I was letting the team down, and they felt that way too. I think perhaps he would be better without a team to please in adition to his \ mother .

John Mason

why dont try and involve him in Scouts. It's non competative but there are loads of excerise and activities, and you get the added bonus of packing them off for numerous weekends throughout the year

January

OP I've changed the title of your post as it was a bit OTT.

Tordelback

I was that child in a former life, the eldest in a very sport-focused family, and I could not abide team sports, a nearly endless number of which I seemed to be obliged to play. If you'd asked me then I'd have said I hated all sport, and as a consequence I avoided physical activity and dodged PE and school sports whenever I could.

It was only later that I discovered that there are other types of sport, which still have both the fitness and social sides: Judo, climbing, dinghy sailing, orienteering (especially good for the bookish kid), canoeing, swimming, it goes on. There's a sport out there for everyone, just have to find the one you like.

A2LUE42

It's still good to be involved in a social activity with other kids of the same age. Could be anything from Chess to Kickboxing, or any of the other activities that have been named above.

What kind of things is he actually interested in?
What does he play when at home, or with his friends?

Momento Mori

Sounds like a very intelligent kid to me. It's just not in his nature to play sports.

Try taking him to other activities that he might enjoy, or better yet, ask him what activities he'd like to do.
At 8 I sure knew what sports and hobbies I wanted to do.

deelite

My son had no interest in sports and the main problem for me was the Momsters at the school gate " oh he should be in this club that club any club". I felt like a failure, the mother who didn't push or encouraged him to join a club.

So I did push him into joining a club, bought the kit etc, and watched from the sidelines as he stood in goal chatting to lads on the other team about tv shows, pokeman, etc - letting goal after goal in. So I gave up.

He is now 15 in junior Cert year and we hardly see him anymore due to his large circle of non sporty friends, they play music, write songs, on the quiz team at school, etc all very non competitive boys.

The momsters are still on the scene asking about grinds and pushing their sons to be more and more competitive - the sons have the same circle of friends since the age of 8 and they have never moved out of their mothers comfort zone.