Written in Public Toilets....

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Toilet Poetry

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bas*ard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.



Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shi*
But only farted

Here I sit
What a caper
I have to shi*
But I'm out of paper


You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shi* my pants!


Some people come here to take a shi*,
I came here to leave one.
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shi* and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullsh** on the walls...


Here I sit, I'm at a loss
trying to sh*t out taco sauce.
When it comes, I hope and pray,
I don't blow my ass away

(Seen above a urinal)
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!


(Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine)
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."

smacl

On the inside door of the cubicle

Play toilet tennis, look left!

On the left wall

look right!

On the right wall

look left!

Eggy Baby!

Will post up a picture if possible later of graffiti I saw in a school toilet. It was a picture of a security camera with "They watch us pee" written beside it

Dr.Rieux

A condom machine in Bolton Street had this written on it,

Insert baby for refund

dvae

an old one

(cleaners notice)

our aim is to keep these
toilets clean.

your aim can
help too.

johnayo

Here I am, broken hearted,
Spent my penny and only farted.

PeteEd

Written on the toilet roll dispenser in Queens University

BA Hons Dispenser

dexter647

ROS123

Years ago in a toilet in a local CYMS

if in this jacks there is no paper
Then behind the door there is a scraper
If the scraper can not be found
Then slide your ar*e along the ground.

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Thomas828

On the wall next to a condom vending machine:
These condoms are recycled from old car tyres. There are 365 in a Goodyear.

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padma

eye level at a urinal - what you looking up here for?- afraid of what you got

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Randy Anders

Written in a club toilet cubicle:

''I fucked your ma''

to which some replied in a different colour pen: ''Go home da, you're locked''

Luca Brasi

A few samples from around these islands


1. Toilet in Cork.

If you can piss this high apply immediately to the Cork Fire Department

2. Liverpool.

go on, phone in sick

3. Manchester.

I like the girls who do
I like the girls who dont
I hate the girls who say they will but then they say they wont
but the girls that I like most of all
and you must agree I am right
are the girls who say that they never do
but look as if they might.

4. Glasgow.

1690, a scumbags victory

SpaceCowb0y

Haha That one from Manchester is mint!!

Ellis Dee

One I saw years ago in a public toilet in Dublin:

Some come here to read and write,
but I come here to have a shite.
Pull the chain and in a jiffy
your shite is floating in the Liffey.

And above the urinal in a pub in Emo, Co. Laois:

Please do not drop cigarette ends in the urinal as they become soggy and difficult to light.

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one in Blackpool


One would think with all this wit
That Shakespeare had been here to sh*t

Underground

Saw a beautifully simple one in DIT Aungier Street today:
"Don't force it."

Bootup

In a ladies......

If you love your man have some class
Don't write his name where you wipe your ass!

gammygils

The ****house poet when he dies

And goes up to the heavenly skies

He'll find in his honour A Monument Of ****

To commemorate His Lowly Wit!



Some come here to read & write

Some come here to wonder

But I come here to piss & ****e

And fart like fcukin thunder!!


In this jacks the same oul' caper

Plenty of ****e & fcuk all paper



In this jack there is no paper
Behind the bog you'll find a scraper
If the scraper can not be found
Then wipe your arse off the ground

Bootup

You can bend it,
you can shake it,
you can pound it on the walls,
but you will put it away
before the last drop falls

Defiler Of The Coffin

Notice in pub toilet: 'Please do not throw cigarette butts in the urinals, we don't piss in your ash-trays'

gammygils

Written on Toilet Door

Please do not throw Match Sticks into the latrine

Because it has been discovered that the AIDS Virus can pole-vault!!

Bootup

On the inside of a toilet door: Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout
the entire performance.

Bootup

A sign I saw at a swimming pool once: We don't swim in your toilet, so please
don't pee in our pool!


Another sign seen at a swimming pool: Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no
P in it. Please keep it that way.

JohnnyBananas

Written in a toilet cubicle back in 2001.
Left Wall: Look right.
Right Wall: Toilet tennis has been cancelled due to foot and mouth.

(Not toilet graffiti but written on a wall in the loyalist Shankill Road in Belfast:
“We’ll never forget you, Jimmy Sands”)

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toilet graffiti
My mother made me a whore. (to which someone else added) If I give her the yarn, will she make me one too?

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In the toilet's at a Burger King restaurant

It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into sh*t.
It only takes Burger King 10 minutes.

ART6

In an Islamic toilet in Karachi "No use standing on the seat. The crabs in here can jump six feet!"