the guy in the red suit.... time for the talk yet?

RoyalMarine

Hi!

Myself and my son's mother have been discussing lately as to a good time to inform him of santa. He's 8 years old now, and he told us he doesn't believe in easter bunny, tooth fairy etc etc as he heard it in school.

I know kids are talking a lot more about it at a younger age than when I was a kid (11 when I found out).

Any advise from parents who have the same issue or who have already told their children?

We want to get one more year out of it as it's so much fun!

BUT I don't want him to be embarrassed to be in school and have the whole "what did you get off santa" and then be laughed at......

kids these days and all that....

Abi

RoyalMarine wrote: »

Hi!

Myself and my son's mother have been discussing lately as to a good time to inform him of santa. He's 8 years old now, and he told us he doesn't believe in easter bunny, tooth fairy etc etc as he heard it in school.

I know kids are talking a lot more about it at a younger age than when I was a kid (11 when I found out).

Any advise from parents who have the same issue or who have already told their children?

We want to get one more year out of it as it's so much fun!

BUT I don't want him to be embarrassed to be in school and have the whole "what did you get off santa" and then be laughed at......

kids these days and all that....

I think if he asks if he's real or not. 8 still seems quite young to me though, so I think you'll get another year out of him at least. I agree with you, if other children in his class tell him he's not real, it's best to tell him so he doesn't get teased.

January

Leave it another two years at least! Let him decide when he doesn't believe any more, he'll let you know, believe me!

RoyalMarine

Thanks for the advise!

January, I want to leave it as long as possible, but my brother went through a horrible ordeal in school over the same matter.

I'd like to protect him as much as possible from having to deal with the less than friendly kids at school.

Rochester

My 13 year old told us she knew since she was about 8/9 - logically how could the big man get to where he has to go all over the world:rolleyes:. She liked watching us pretend though. So we didn't tell her, but she knew.

Abi

RoyalMarine wrote: »

I'd like to protect him as much as possible from having to deal with the less than friendly kids at school.

Kids seem to be meaner than when I was at school. It's almost like they look for any reason to slag each other off. Children these days get to know too much to soon, and unfortunately if you try to retain their innocence in certain matters it can be more damaging to them socially. It's horrible to have to think of it this way. If he's showing serious doubts about it, or he's saying kids in his class are saying it, then it's probably time to tell him. I reckon he's good for now though

old hippy

I found out when I was 7 (this is back in the 70s) and I was relieved, I'd began to wonder about all that kind of stuff

Was the kid who told me being "mean"? More like rational, I guess, it wasn't the end of my childhood innocence, at any rate.

Ickle Magoo

Would you be able to have a general chat with him about santa to try to suss out if he does genuinely believe or not and whether anything actually needs to be stated? Given he's well aware of tooth fairies, easter bunnies, etc then he perhaps already knows but is concerned if he says anything, his present haul will be affected/just enjoys the theatre around it...?

I know myself and from chatting with friends that there is a definite time when realising the likelihood/rationalising visits from santa and that can be quite some time before being willing/wanting to vocalise them with those you suspect of doing the present buying.

All the best.

RoyalMarine

excellent suggestion ickle magoo.

I'll do my best to suss him with a chat about it. Might even be a good time to ask about what he wants this year so I can start the christmas hunt.

How Strange

Op I'd say be careful not to project your fears or your brother's experience into him. Have a general chat with him but he'll let you know when he's figured it out. My brother, now 21, believed until he was 11 or so and I mean really believed. He wasn't bullied or had kids being mean to him.

Wantobe

My eight year old believes in Santa very seriously. Also the tooth fairy, but for some reason not fairies in general. Last week when one of her teeth fell out she left a questionnaire under her pillow for the tooth fairy to fill in. She even drew boxes where she asked the tooth fairy to draw a picture of herself and her home and her pet etc etc. This is the same eight year old that has serious discussions with me about whether God exists. It's fun in our house.:D

Shivers26

8 is very young to not believe. I don't think I would tell him unless you suspected he 'knew' or he asks you.

I have a 13 year old now and he knew from when he was about 10 (possibly 9 but he pretended for that last year) but when we told him we told him that he was not allowed to go around telling other kids. He has lots of younger cousins and I didn't want any of them knowing before time. I also said he wasn't to actively tell the truth to other kids his age. If they were all taking in general terms then he could but not to tell kids that may be believers the truth. He kind of got where I was coming from in that he suddenly realised Christmas had lost a little of its magic without Santa.

Anyway, I'd wait another year at least OP.

lynski

holy cow, 8 is young? my 5 yr old has told me he does not believe, i told him it was a bit early to be talking about it and we will talk nearer to christmas.
as we are atheist i think the whole rationalising has started a bit early. tooth fairy was never taken seriously, the 3 yr old refuses to believe in that at all and i dont do the easter bunny - american hallmark crap.

maryk123

I would be devestated if my kids knew about santa at 8 - kids grow up too early these days.

I would not tell him the truth - once its over and he knows its over the magic is gone- you cant bring it back - ahhhhhhhhh

sbsquarepants

I think there is always a period of a year or two where they know the truth but are afraid to admit it in case the stream of good pressies drys up! maybe thats's whats going on here?
If not, let them go on as long as possible, innocence is an amazing thing - the longer it can be preserved the better!

The Corinthian

maryk123 wrote: »

I would be devestated if my kids knew about santa at 8 - kids grow up too early these days.

I don't think so. I figured it out at eight and distinctly remember challenging my extremely flummoxed mother in a shop, in public about it, demanding to know the truth.

I wasn't alone at that age either, and coming up to Christmas, there were numerous debates amongst the 8-year-olds, with some having cottoned on, while others were expanding ever more incredible theories on how Santa was able to cover every house in the World in one night - when I think about it, it reminds me of arguments I've had, as an adult, with religious people.

Personally, I would let them figure it out on their own (or through their peers). If they ask, ask them why and help them conclude on their own that it makes no sense. Finally, confirm this and compliment them on having figured it out.

maddragon

OMG- you mean he's not real. First my house insurance renewal bill came in the post this morning and now this. I'm absolutely gutted.

opinion guy

I found out aged 9 from another kid and I can tell you the sense that my parents had been lying to me stayed with me a long time.

My 2 cents - people shouldn't lie to their kids in the first place - but if they must - best to tell them the truth yourself before someone else does.

charlemont

My mother believed right up till she was sixteen, Yes,That's not a mistake, 16 !! Simpleton......

She's still innocent....


She was furious when I told her in front of her friend that I didn't believe in Santa, She was moaning about me losing my innocence....

ElleEm

opinion guy wrote: »

I found out aged 9 from another kid and I can tell you the sense that my parents had been lying to me stayed with me a long time.

My 2 cents - people shouldn't lie to their kids in the first place - but if they must - best to tell them the truth yourself before someone else does.

You will probably get slated for that post but I totally agree.
Kids don't need lies to enjoy Christmas!!!

opinion guy

charlemont wrote: »

She was furious when I told her in front of her friend that I didn't believe in Santa, She was moaning about me losing my innocence....

hahah you were aged.....29 maybe ?? :pac:

fishy fishy

RoyalMarine wrote: »

Hi!

Myself and my son's mother have been discussing lately as to a good time to inform him of santa. He's 8 years old now, and he told us he doesn't believe in easter bunny, tooth fairy etc etc as he heard it in school.

I know kids are talking a lot more about it at a younger age than when I was a kid (11 when I found out).

Any advise from parents who have the same issue or who have already told their children?

We want to get one more year out of it as it's so much fun!

BUT I don't want him to be embarrassed to be in school and have the whole "what did you get off santa" and then be laughed at......

kids these days and all that....

why would you tell him - leave him to find out for himself - listen the child is 8 . He's going to have to deal with reality for about the next 70 years. Leave the child to make his own mind up - stop looking at other kids and what they are doing. And don't ruin your own kids next couple of years of believing because you are worried about what happens in school. Why would you even think to tell your child - you should be encouraging him. If he believes then it's true. I can guarantee you, there might be one or two that might think different in his class but the majority are waiting for santa.

lukesmom

Our son told us he didn't believe last year he was 9. My heart broke but that's life

opinion guy

fishy fishy wrote: »

why would you tell him - leave him to find out for himself - listen the child is 8 . He's going to have to deal with reality for about the next 70 years. Leave the child to make his own mind up - stop looking at other kids and what they are doing. And don't ruin your own kids next couple of years of believing because you are worried about what happens in school. Why would you even think to tell your child - you should be encouraging him. If he believes then it's true. I can guarantee you, there might be one or two that might think different in his class but the majority are waiting for santa.

This is why:

opinion guy wrote: »

I found out aged 9 from another kid and I can tell you the sense that my parents had been lying to me stayed with me a long time.

Also what is the problem with reality ? Reality is only disillusioning if you have filled their head full of illusions in the first place

BostonB

In our 8yrs old class theres a kid who tells them all theres no Santa because their culture/faith doesn't have it and their parents have told him to tell everyone which I think is a bit mean. I told mine to believe what he prefers to believe in. I think he'll prefer/choose to believe in Santa, as he knows I'd make him earn any presents through good behaviour and chores. I'm more concerned is he pass ideas of now Santa to his younger siblings, who are much younger. But I have been trying to get the idea across that not everyone/culture does things the same way.

The Corinthian

lukesmom wrote: »

Our son told us he didn't believe last year he was 9. My heart broke but that's life

I'd look on the bright side and see it as a sign that my son has a higher IQ than his peers.

BostonB

opinion guy wrote: »

This is why:



Also what is the problem with reality ? Reality is only disillusioning if you have filled their head full of illusions in the first place

Suspension of disbelief
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suspension_of_disbelief

opinion guy

BostonB wrote: »

Suspension of disbelief
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suspension_of_disbelief

Eh...your point ?

BostonB

There is room in the world to suspend disbelief for a while. Do you stop your kids from watching all fictional media, books, etc.

All Santa is a carrot to encourage good behaviour.

fishy fishy

opinion guy wrote: »

This is why:



Also what is the problem with reality ? Reality is only disillusioning if you have filled their head full of illusions in the first place

as opposed to "my parents came up to me and told me there was no man in the red suit - ruined my sense of childhood for years after"

Listen, every kid on earth goes through this - at least let him find out for himself instead of ruining it for him. Stop worrying about other kids and what they are doing. Don't ruin it for your own kid through worrying about others. Believe me its not going to do any permanent damage when he finds out. Do you hold it agains your own parents, or was your life ruined when you found out? Leave the child to his childhood.

opinion guy

BostonB wrote: »

There is room in the world to suspend disbelief for a while. Do you stop your kids from watching all fictional media, books, etc.

What kids ?
I'm speaking from my own experience of it.