Too emotional about strangers

MadsL

After a few recent incidents it struck me that over-emotional empathy for strangers "tragedies" drives me nuts. The amount of people who seem incapable of continuing their lives because they "are besides themselves" with gushing empathy for "the poor parents" or "the poor mother" or whatever. I have seen people close to tears about people they do not know.

Am I just emotionally cold or less susceptible to emotional manipulation by news reporting?

juan.kerr

i can feel sorry for these people but when I change the channel I immediately forget.

kneemos

I think the older you get the more empathy you develop.

3ndahalfof6

so it drives your nuts, im guessing it is a win win for you.

MadsL

kneemos wrote: »

I think the older you get the more empathy you develop.

I'm pretty old, and have seen a bit more of life - perhaps it has less impact on me as I get older.

helimachoptor

Someone dying that I don't know doesn't have an impact on me, yes it can be a tragedy however not for me

Zebra3

Grief junkies all over social networks about people they never know and don't really care about, but think it is fashionable to be seen to be in mourning over.

Losers.

celticcrash

MadsL wrote: »

After a few recent incidents it struck me that over-emotional empathy for strangers "tragedies" drives me nuts. The amount of people who seem incapable of continuing their lives because they "are besides themselves" with gushing empathy for "the poor parents" or "the poor mother" or whatever. I have seen people close to tears about people they do not know.

Am I just emotionally cold or less susceptible to emotional manipulation by news reporting?

That makes me so sad, HOW can you be so cold,it just makes me feel like crying. So sad:(

bbam

I think having sympathy/empathy for strangers makes us human.. Now taking it to the point where people can't function isn't right either..

Surely we should care a certain amount about strangers and have sympathy for them if they are in trouble.. If we only had feelings for people we knew well, the world would be a sad lonely place..

Take a simple example of stopping to change a flat tyre for someone by the side of the road.. If I see someone who I think could do with a hand I like to stop and help, I'd hate to think of my wife/children stranded along the road and people just driving bye because they didn't know them...

jaffacakesyum

I think there's a difference between being over-emotional and thinking it's "fashionable" to mourn over every one and every thing in the world, than feeling genuine empathy towards human suffering.

I don't see any problem with falling into the latter category. In fact, I find it admirable. I genuinely get upset about human suffering and tragedies surrounding people I don't know. But I wish I was more empathetic as I must admit - like all of us I'm sure - there are times when I think "oh that's sad" but quickly move on and don't give it a second thought because I'm busy.

squod

Like this post and cure cancer forever.

3ndahalfof6

MadsL wrote: »

After a few recent incidents it struck me that over-emotional empathy for strangers "tragedies" drives me nuts. The amount of people who seem incapable of continuing their lives because they "are besides themselves" with gushing empathy for "the poor parents" or "the poor mother" or whatever. I have seen people close to tears about people they do not know.

Am I just emotionally cold or less susceptible to emotional manipulation by news reporting?

I would be guessing it has not knocked loud enough on your door yet, you (or some people) need to feel the hearth ache of losing someone close to them,

so they can feel the pain of someone else who has lost someone close to them,

when you see someone grieving, it will, or for most people remind them of how they felt in a similar situation,

they grieve with you, while still grieving for their own loss.

flutterflye

The odd one will get to me.
The baby P case is the last one I remember actually crying about.
It's always the babies or children ones that upset me.
As someone said up there though - I can be upset on hearing the news, but then be thinking about dinner or something the next minute, and continue on with my day.
I would really question the persons mental health/drama seeking/attention seeking qualities if they were properly grieving a stranger.

wexie

I don't worry about it too much. The other night, I was watching the news and it said this bus went over a cliff killing three hundred people, and I was "Good Lord!"












"How do you get three hundred people on a bus?"

MadsL

squod wrote: »

Like this post and cure cancer forever.

Not really talking about vacuous facebook ****e, more the workmate who can't stop with the "Ah Jesus, the poor (latest media tragedy.....}" when 150k people die every day.

juan.kerr

squod wrote: »

Like this post and cure cancer forever.

I'm not on the Facebook, so can I thank the post instead?

celticcrash

Multi media has desensitized us. By the time we are adults, we will have witnessed thousands of beatings and killings.
In this time we have pity for people, theres a sence we are above kooking down and giving our pity. At the same time we flip over the channel and we take our pity away.
Empaty is more of a connection with the person who is suffering. We dont give empathy we feel it, its not something that we can turn on and off like pity.
If you did not watch TV or listen to the news than a person would have more genuine empathy.

MadsL

3ndahalfof6 wrote: »

I would be guessing it has not knocked loud enough on your door yet, you (or some people) need to feel the hearth ache of losing someone close to them, so they can feel the pain of someone else who has lost someone close to them, when you see someone grieving, it will, or for most people remind them of how they felt in a similar situation, they grieve with you, while still grieving for their own loss.

Sorry, utter nonsense.

Firstly I have lost someone I was close to and secondly to say that you have to have lost someone to empathise with someone you know is nonsense.

Grieving for strangers I'd class as being mentally unhealthy.

Richard Hillman

As said before Grief Junkies is the term. These people subconsciously love bad news as it stimulates their minds. They flick between news channels to hear about the latest tragic story. For me personally when there is a story like the one about the young girl being abducted, i would watch the news for a few mins then turn over because I its a very sad story and i dont like to occupy myself with sad stories. There are people out there that would watch the full wall to wall coverage of it on Sky News then flick over the BBC news for more of it. Its an addiction.

kneemos

MadsL wrote: »

Sorry, utter nonsense.

Firstly I have lost someone I was close to and secondly to say that you have to have lost someone to empathise with someone you know is nonsense.

Grieving for strangers I'd class as being mentally unhealthy.

Grieving is different from empathy.If you actually stop and think about a tragady it would be normal to feel empathy,for example that girl that was shot in Pakistan.If someone just dies I agree maybe not so much.It is actually healthy to feel some empathy.

3ndahalfof6

MadsL wrote: »

Sorry, utter nonsense.

Firstly I have lost someone I was close to and secondly to say that you have to have lost someone to empathise with someone you know is nonsense.

Grieving for strangers I'd class as being mentally unhealthy.

I was speaking about grieving with people who are grieving, not about who they are grieving for, (but this might not of being the question you asked)

so I would not be grieving for the person I do not know, but for the pain of the people who were left behind (in a manner of speaking), while it might seem I was grieving for the deceased,

you are right in your thinking, but I feel you need to be able to separate the people who grieve (who are very sad) and the people who grieve for the people that are grieving,

while they might of not known the person who died, they know the person who has had a big loss to their life,

their grieving is for them and with them.

kiffer

So hearing that a child was murdered doesn't upset you all that much but people being sad about it upsets you enough to drive you nuts?

MadsL

3ndahalfof6 wrote: »

I was speaking about grieving with people who are grieving, not about who they are grieving for, (but this might not of being the question you asked)

so I would not be grieving for the person I do not know, but for the pain of the people who were left behind (in a manner of speaking), while it might seem I was grieving for the deceased,

you are right in your thinking, but I feel you need to be able to separate the people who grieve (who are very sad) and the people who grieve for the people that are grieving,

while they might of not known the person who died, they know the person who has had a big loss to their life,

their grieving is for them and with them.

I'm not talking about people who grieve with people they know. I'm talking about people who grieve (for want of a better term) for people they don't know.


Grief Vampires is probably a good term for them.

MadsL

kiffer wrote: »

So hearing that a child was murdered doesn't upset you all that much but people being sad about it upsets you enough to drive you nuts?

Hearing a single child was murdered (in circumstances the news pick up on) is awful, then my life moves on in recognition that I'm thankful it wasn't someone close to me or my own child.

The truth is that no-one gets to hear about the child that was murdered in the time that this thread has been open because of the way the media works. I don't know that child's name - none of us every will.

People wandering around in a grief daze because a 5 year old in some other country is abducted puzzles me, and when they will not shut up about it, yes..it upsets me. Not because I don't care, but because they have been manipulated into overcaring.

Boombastic

MadsL wrote: »

I'm not talking about people who grieve with people they know. I'm talking about people who grieve (for want of a better term) for people they don't know.


Grief Vampires is probably a good term for them.

Most of it on facebook etc is just attention seeking

Da Shins Kelly

It's one thing to be emotional to the point of not being able to function (although I can't say I've ever seen anyone like that) and feeling genuine empathy. I've read about tragedies or heard about them on the news and I do often feel genuinely sad for the people involved. I actually just read an article about a house fire in Essex where a mother and four children perished, with the father and one other child being the only survivors, in a suspected arson attack. Stories like that do make me sad. Am I going to bawl my eyes out for the rest of the evening? No. But I do think it's an awful thing to have happened. Likewise, I'd like to think that if I saw someone in a spot of bother, that I'd help them out and they would do the same for me. Being able to put yourself in someone else's position and feeling empathy and sympathy for them is part of being human.

Zebra3

It all started with Princess Dead in 1997, the first huge celebrity death with rolling 24 hour news coverage.

People who never mentioned her before in their lives saying how awful it was and rushing out to buy twenty copies of that crap Elton John song to show how much they cared.

My name is URL

Yeah I've seen a load of posts from people on Facebook over the last few weeks in which they say things along the lines of 'I literally can't stop crying over this' etc. I can only assume that they're talking absolute rubbish. Either that or they've been living a pretty cocooned life up until now.

Seriously, feeling upset and being empathetic about things is fine. But 'literally can't stop crying over'..? Those people need to turn off the fecking news.

MadsL

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

It's one thing to be emotional to the point of not being able to function (although I can't say I've ever seen anyone like that) and feeling genuine empathy. I've read about tragedies or heard about them on the news and I do often feel genuinely sad for the people involved. I actually just read an article about a house fire in Essex where a mother and four children perished, with the father and one other child being the only survivors, in a suspected arson attack. Stories like that do make me sad. Am I going to bawl my eyes out for the rest of the evening? No. But I do think it's an awful thing to have happened. Likewise, I'd like to think that if I saw someone in a spot of bother, that I'd help them out and they would do the same for me. Being able to put yourself in someone else's position and feeling empathy and sympathy for them is part of being human.

It is. But having a sense of perspective about it is also healthy. I've worked with a few people however who would be spending a good portion of the morning the next day trying to engage in conversation with "how awful" that was and the "The poor father, what must he be going through" comments.

I'm sorry, but that wallowing in someone else grief that you do not even fcking know has me reaching for my gun to put them out of their misery. Grrr.

Madam_X

My name is URL wrote: »

Yeah I've seen a load of posts from people on Facebook over the last few weeks in which they say things along the lines of 'I literally can't stop crying over this' etc. I can only assume that they're talking absolute rubbish. Either that or they've been living a pretty cocooned life up until now.

Seriously, feeling upset and being empathetic about things is fine. But 'literally can't stop crying over'..? Those people need to turn off the fecking news.

You're obviously not a mother... :rolleyes:
Unlike you, mothers have far more empathy than anyone else - it's a scientific fact. That is why they get so upset over misery porn and it is also why they enjoy indulging in same. Endlessly.

3ndahalfof6

MadsL wrote: »

I'm not talking about people who grieve with people they know. I'm talking about people who grieve (for want of a better term) for people they don't know.


Grief Vampires is probably a good term for them.

Well I have not seen any grief vamps yet, (maybe I just believe someone is saddened by the events that have occurred) I do know how you feel on the subject and understand there might be people out there who react like that,

but also my thinking would be there is a reason for them to go into a stupor of sadness, some sort of connection to a loss they might of had in the past,

nothing is clear cut, while there might be some who fake a sadness just to get emotion from others, I would like to think they are in the very low percentage.

jessiejam

I think its all to do with what you have or haven't been through in your own life.
I know that I would be very sad and upset about a family member of a friend once I knew them that is, before my own mother died.

Now that was real grief.

I think you get exposed to a lot of bad things as you age and it does toughen you up somewhat, I suppose it helps you cope better with real grief when it does happen.

Some people thrive on others grief.. very sad indeed.. work with a girl like that, fukin psycho.

Boombastic

Zebra3 wrote: »

It all started with Princess Dead in 1997, the first huge celebrity death with rolling 24 hour news coverage.

People who never mentioned her before in their lives saying how awful it was and rushing out to buy twenty copies of that crap Elton John song to show how much they cared.

Sandals in the bin?

MadsL

Sorry. Not buying into the "you can't know X until you have suffered X" nonsense.

I've never been hit by a flying anvil, however my other life experiences tell me it would hurt.

I also refuse to buy into the "mothers are special" thing - I've met some cold bitches who are mothers.

squod

juan.kerr wrote: »

I'm not on the Facebook, so can I thank the post instead?

No

Madam_X

MadsL wrote: »

I also refuse to buy into the "mothers are special" thing - I've met some cold bitches who are mothers.

I was only messing btw.

What I don't get is threads about human misery (unless there is more of a discussion angle) on any social media platform, where people just line up to talk about how awful it is and how terrible they feel; and worse, describe what they would do to the perpetrators. We KNOW it's horrific, we KNOW it's upsetting; reams and reams of stating the obvious... I don't understand what the purpose is - plus, I think a misery-off is in poor taste.
I would be affected and upset all right at these horrible stories of suffering, but I don't see the point in me *telling the world* how upset I am. It's not a contest. Plus, the reams of "(S)he was so beautiful" - what gets said in place of that when the person is ugly?

MadsL

Madam_X wrote: »

Plus, the reams of "(S)he was so beautiful" - what gets said in place of that when the person is ugly?

"She was such a sweet child."
By people who didn't know her.

mackg

MadsL wrote: »

It is. But having a sense of perspective about it is also healthy. I've worked with a few people however who would be spending a good portion of the morning the next day trying to engage in conversation with "how awful" that was and the "The poor father, what must he be going through" comments.

I'm sorry, but that wallowing in someone else grief that you do not even fcking know has me reaching for my gun to put them out of their misery. Grrr.

I think this is pretty common. While I don't know of anyone that gets too caught up in it I do think that the blanket media coverage of these things leads them to be the subject of a lot of small talk.

Madam_X

Oh and "I have kids myself - if any monster touched a hair on their head, I'd harm them/kill them"... well obviously you'd defend your children/react zealously - most normal parents would! Do you want a medal for protecting your children, i.e. doing what you want/are supposed to do?!

Da Shins Kelly

MadsL wrote: »

It is. But having a sense of perspective about it is also healthy. I've worked with a few people however who would be spending a good portion of the morning the next day trying to engage in conversation with "how awful" that was and the "The poor father, what must he be going through" comments.

I'm sorry, but that wallowing in someone else grief that you do not even fcking know has me reaching for my gun to put them out of their misery. Grrr.

I think conversations like that are more like gossip than anything else, to be honest.

3ndahalfof6

MadsL wrote: »

Sorry. Not buying into the "you can't know X until you have suffered X" nonsense.

I've never been hit by a flying anvil, however my other life experiences tell me it would hurt.

I also refuse to buy into the "mothers are special" thing - I've met some cold bitches who are mothers.

I understand what you are saying, and I agree you can not know X, till X happens to you,

you have never been hit by a flying anvil, but your life experiences tell you it would hurt?

so you have been hit by an anvil, or something of similar devastation, I would be more worried about how the anvil started to fly,

nobody would be telling you how to spend your hard earned,

but I would be thinking the mothers who are special (while all mothers are special, they give life, this would be a conversation for another time ) there are mothers who give their unconditional love to the kids left behind by the bitches you mention, (who might have never of been lucky enough to be in a position) to fulfill the course of nature.

MadsL

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

I think conversations like that are more like gossip than anything else, to be honest.

And why don't people who engage in it understand they are sick ones.

Look at it rationally, hundreds of people die each day, yet these people select one death to obsess over. Isn't that sick?

MadsL

3ndahalfof6 wrote: »

I understand what you are saying, and I agree you can not know X, till X happens to you,

you have never been hit by a flying anvil, but your life experiences tell you it would hurt?

so you have been hit by an anvil, or something of similar devastation, I would be more worried about how the anvil started to fly,

nobody would be telling you how to spend your hard earned,

but I would be thinking the mothers who are special (while all mothers are special, they give life, this would be a conversation for another time ) there are mothers who give their unconditional love to the kids left behind by the bitches you mention, (who might have never of been lucky enough to be in a position) to fulfill the course of nature.

Sorry, this post makes no sense at all.

Red Pepper

MadsL wrote: »

Grief Vampires is probably a good term for them.

You'll find these people always watch Sky News. I don't respect anyone that watches Sky News.

Madam_X

MadsL wrote: »

"She was such a sweet child."
By people who didn't know her.

To be fair, I don't see anything wrong with people adding a line about how pretty/sweet they looked after writing something else, but some people think it's the only thing that matters.

Da Shins Kelly

MadsL wrote: »

And why don't people who engage in it understand they are sick ones.

Look at it rationally, hundreds of people die each day, yet these people select one death to obsess over. Isn't that sick?

Well, you're asking the wrong person here. I don't know why they feel the need to obsess over it. Though, I find 'obsess' a bit strong, I think the media do most of the obsessing while most people just watch the news and so are then, naturally enough, going to discuss whatever big news story is making headlines. Someone passing a remark saying "it's awful" or "it's terribly sad" isn't obsessing, it's just passing comment. Nothing wrong with that, I don't think. The media does shove stuff down people's throats in every way - be it politics, entertainment or news. If people are finding themselves very invested in it, then they probably do need to take a step back, turn off the television and put away the news paper. I can't say I know anyone like this though.

3ndahalfof6

MadsL wrote: »

And why don't people who engage in it understand they are sick ones.

Look at it rationally, hundreds of people die each day, yet these people select one death to obsess over. Isn't that sick?

I would rather obsess over someone dying than obsess about how I could make someone die.

MadsL

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

Well, you're asking the wrong person here. I don't know why they feel the need to obsess over it. Though, I find 'obsess' a bit strong, I think the media do most of the obsessing while most people just watch the news and so are then, naturally enough, going to discuss whatever big news story is making headlines. Someone passing a remark saying "it's awful" or "it's terribly sad" isn't obsessing, it's just passing comment. Nothing wrong with that, I don't think. The media does shove stuff down people's throats in every way - be it politics, entertainment or news. If people are finding themselves very invested in it, then they probably do need to take a step back, turn off the television and put away the news paper. I can't say I know anyone like this though.

You (or anyone else) don't get the clueless bint on about it all the time in work, and giving the latest updates?

They have a way of greeting each other.

"Jesus, isn't it awful, didja see the news?"
"God, I know, the poor mother, what mst she be going through"
"Ah, I know - the poor dear"
"God. I know"

20 mins later
"Jesus, isn't it awful, didja see the news?"

3ndahalfof6

MadsL wrote: »

Sorry, this post makes no sense at all.

no boder, it is probably why we differ so much in our thinking, keep safe, I hope you never have to meet X.

MadsL

3ndahalfof6 wrote: »

I would rather obsess over someone dying than obsess about how I could make someone die.

Wait.

What????

blow69

3ndahalfof6 wrote: »

I would rather obsess over someone dying than obsess about how I could make someone die.

Seriously, what?